Hello,

Please I've got a story for review. Kindly go through and add your comments and criticism .

Thank you.

All rights reserved

No part of this write-up should be published, posted or used on another platform without the express consent of the author

My neighbour's generator ( Part 1)

This must be a very heavy rain because the noise of the downpour as it hits the roofs of the neighbouring houses is deafening. How come I can't even feel the cooling effect of the rain. I'm still sweating like Christmas goat. In fact, my shirt is so soaked that if I wring it out, the liquid that will come out of it will be sufficient as the daily water intake for a family of four suppose it was potable water.

Let me look through the window to check what's happening sef. Has the world changed such that when it rains it brings heat instead of cold because they say change is the only constant thing in the world.Wait a minute, before I do that I need to remove this shirt and trousers before I turn into a dried stock fish (Panla) out of perspiration-induced-dehydration. NEPA or PHCN or whatever they call themselves has decided to leave their duty post to fend for themselves elsewhere. They only come to play with the power switches when they are on break at their other places of work. So, as at the time of this "personal press release" light no dey for man pikin to even put fan on. Na wah o.

(Peeps through the window) Chineke mee! No be rain o. Everywhere is as dry as the Sahara. So it's the generator of my neighbour making this thunderous noise. Although I brought some of my stuff earlier in
the day, I just finally moved into this house some hours ago, because the former place is too remote from civilisation. I thought I had escaped the bad roads, the horrible traffic jam, the intermittent noise that emanates from the small "I better pass my neighbour" generators of the neighbours in my previous apartment. The PHCN or electricity people ( as we don't even know what their name is now) only have 20 minutes break per day at their places of primary assignment in my previous area (Their secondary office is the NEPA/PHCN office). That's when they come to switch the power on and they switch it off when their break is over. So the generators in my previous community should be on ideally for 23hours 40minutes per day but I think my neighbours in that area do not have enough money to buy fuel to power their generators for 23hours 40 minutes daily. You can easily tell from the quality of their houses that they do not have that kind of money to spend on fuel. Thank God they just reduced pump price to N87, a 10% decrease in price notwithstanding that the global crude price reduced by 40%. We are only enjoying a tithe reduction because we are a very religious nation and whatever we do must have something to do with one religion or the other. So, our government followed the biblical injunction of paying a tithe (10%) this time around. Maybe this would encourage my former neighbours to operate a 23hour generator run. It might also be that their generators are too small to be safe outside at night as someone can just mistakenly use it as a hand luggage during the nocturnal house to house flight. So, they'd rather switch it off and keep it safe in their rooms while they are sleeping. Could it be that my former neighbours don't stay at home all the time as my new neighbours supposedly do? Could it be this? Could it be that? Whatever!


Enough of the past, let's face the present now. This generator must be massive. In fact it's got a house to itself from what I can see over the fence behind my window. Meanwhile, some people are homeless on the street. They could do with that generator house. The noise is thunderous . The only difference is that thunder is temporary but this is as constant as the absence of light (or power as the oyinbo people they call am) in my country. It's 3:22AM and I've not closed my eyes since 12midnight. Although I went to bed by 11PM when the generator had been on for about 6hours I suppose. So I only slept for 1hour and I think this is because I was very tired. (Were you almost confused there? Remember your secondary school mathematics? It's a word problem, go figure!) After the one-hour-fatigue-induced-sleep, I've been awake for 3hours 22minutes and still counting. I con dey think say abi make I turn am to "night vigil". "Guy, abeg, stop that thing, if na normal night vigil, you dey go?" That was my flesh speaking to my spirit. No wonder, Jesus said the flesh is weak.

Back to the issue, the owners of this generators ( whoever they are) are probably in their rooms sleeping but I'm here typing because they are sleeping. They probably have their air conditioner (AC) or fan on. They might even be under their duvet ( you no say e get the level wey AC go reach for Africa person go go abroad just to go and buy duvet to cover himself - it is called "levels" ). I'm here almost naked in my room because of the heat. They are probably in their pyjamas but I'm here in my boxers (Heat never do you something na im you still dey wear pyjamas). Don't get me wrong o, I'm not blaming them o, awon ko lo ko ba mi o (they weren't the ones that implicated me - best translation I can give). At least they cannot come and die. They have to chop the life of their head a little though I'm a direct victim of the consequences of their enjoyment.

Ok, me sef, shey na my fault say I move comot for where dey very far to come near civilisation? Abi na my fault say I no get money to buy fuel for generator to at least get fresh air (did I just say fresh?, sorry I meant ....,,,,, you know what I meant) from my old ceiling fan. Abi, I no con understand wetin dey happen again sef.

"Stop hiding there! I found you. You're the culprit, you're the one causing people to suffer. Causing the rich not to enjoy their wealth and the poor not to be able to endure their poverty. Aw! Mr Government, you can not provide basic amenities yet you have the effrontery to request and even coerce people to pay tax. We do not see (we only hear) what the tax money is used for. There's no stable electricity, we live as if this is the 18th century. In fact that century was even better because anytime I heard this type of noise in those days, I knew for certain it was a very heavy rain ( Ask me if I was alive then. Have you ever heard of this word R-E-I-N-C-A-R-N-A-T-I-O-N). All our slogans start with the word "NO". No light, No water, No road, No house, No job, No food, No clean air to breathe, No security, No nothing like the Americans will say. I'm sure if we investigate what the passwords of most citizens of my country are on social media such as Facebook and Twitter we'll discover it is "NoPassWord". We can't even say this is what has been perfected in this country of ours and that we are only waiting for other stuffs. Yet some individuals in governmental positions are gulping money that's enough to fix at least one of the menaces for the whole nation. I even heard recently that majority of the owners of the houses in the most expensive estate in London are citizens of my country. Yet, water, one of the most basic resources for human survival, is not available to citizens of their country. There's no potable water for people in our country to drink. Everybody is drinking sachet water. Do you guys have conscience at all?

It's 3:54AM, still No light, No silence and obviously No sleep! Work dey tomorrow o!

My neighbour's generator Part 2.

It's sometimes advisable to steer away from work once in a while and lie low at home without your neighbours' awareness. The essence of this is to know what goes on at home when you're away from home. It might be that your neighbours are always gossiping about you beside your window while you're at work. They might even be peeping into your room through your window to see what new gadget(s) you've acquired. So, if you play this game you'd know who your friends are and who your "frienemies" are.

I called in sick at work because I was extremely tired and I did not sleep over the night. This day will actually be deducted from my annual leave as there's no free lunch in Freetown. I was wondering how a generator would keep working 23hours daily without "kaputing". It was my stay at home on this day that revealed the trick behind the magic. I observed one was switched off at a point in time and another was switched on almost immediately. I could decipher that from the difference in the intensity of the sounds, I meant noise, generated. The generators are actually two (they might even be three sef). One for the night and the other for the day. The machines are on a shift duty (if you don work for factory before or you are a nurse you will understand this perfectly). So, the only constant thing is fuel consumption and obviously the noise pollution which is the one that affects me directly. Where do they get that kind money to buy sufficient fuel for generators supposedly for 365 days in a year. Maybe they are a business mogul, abi them dey do yahoo yahoo, abi dem dey work for oil company? abi dem be polithievecians?.
It must be last one because those ones no dey count money before spending it. Their money is the same as you get when you get a good herbalist to execute money rituals for you. Recently, I heard a contract worth N50million was awarded for N800million. Let me type it in words so you don't think it's a typo - Eight hundred million naira . So the profit is N750 million. Don't ask me whose account that will go to.

Sorry, I was talking about my neighbour before polithievecians-
digression. But which ever way, why are they always at home? Maybe they run a factory inside the house. But this place is a residential area, how can a company (a factory at that) be situated in a residential area? What am I even saying sef? In a country where $2billion dollars developed wings and flew away and no one could stop it from flying, is there anything too hard to happen? It's almost like the saying in the Holy Bible that "is there anything too hard for God?". Could it be that they are not always at home but they want some appliances in their house not to lack power supply 24/7. Maybe, they produce ice block for sale and therefore their freezers have to be constantly on to ensure continuity of business. It could also be that they are not always at home but they employ someone (e.g a Mai Guard) to ensure constant power supply to their home. Why am I even bothering myself about this?

Our elders say "Ohun to ndun ni, ni i po l'oro eni" (it is whatever troubles you that forms a major part of your conversations). You may not believe it readers, this is my second night in this house and I could not sleep between 12midnight and 5AM. My Spirit is seriously considering turning this whole thing to a prayer vigil but you guys know as e be now. This flesh would prefer enjoyment to discipline. But come to think of it, will I be having a vigil everyday? That's not really feasible. I need to think of short term and long term solutions as I was taught at school.

My neighbour's generator - part 3 - possible solutions

How do I confront this issue now because I don't think I can cope any longer. How can I be keeping vigil every night and become useless to myself during the daytime when e no be say I dey do night duty for factory. Even when I was in the university I was never a party to TDB reading. Are you wondering what TDB means? You must have studied abroad if you don't know and you attended a university. Maybe you attended a university in Cotonou as against one in Nigeria. At least abroad na abroad. For the benefit of my readers who didn't have the privilege to attend a higher institution of learning, TDB reading means Till-Day-Break Reading. In those days in my university, around 10PM, whenever exams were approaching, you'd see students fully kitted for battle as if they are going to fight a spiritual warfare against the mosquitoes that attend a church vigil in Badia area of Lagos. Some will be with torches and others with their rechargeable lamps just like some of our law enforcement agencies (name withheld). They would go to the university library to "sleep", sorry! I meant study. Meet them in the morning and ask them what they studied overnight, majority of them are not able to say. The truth is that majority of them go there to woo potential lovers either in words or in action. I once saw a boy and a girl engaged in a serious kissing session along the staircase of the library. The kissing was far more than casual. They were almost going into real action while standing there. They couldn't be bothered about passers by. Phones with cameras were not common then (I did not even have a mobile phone then). I'm sure if such phones were available someone would have captured the rare moment and put them on YouTube because such an open display of affection was not really socially acceptable but it is gradually becoming a norm nowadays. Other student go to sleep all in the name of being tagged " serious student". We call them, " igi iwe, eso odo" ( I.e a tree that's made up of study, but the fruit is zero mark - literal translation ). I tried it once, although I didn't go to the library. I did my stuff in my room. I was slipping out of real life into dreamland every 15minutes. When I eventually became fully awake, I discovered I couldn't remember any of the stuff I had supposedly read. From that day I concluded it's a waste of time and energy reading at night. I know some of you would beg to differ. As for me, I'm not naturally nocturnal. There's a reason why our ancestors worked by day and slept at night. Don't ask me for the reason, ask most animals and even plants why they sleep at night.

As I was saying, something has to be done. Should I go back to my former apartment as my tenancy agreement has not expired there? Hmm! That will be tantamount to returning to Egypt. Similar to what happened to the Israelites on their way to the Promise Land. When they encountered a little problem in the wilderness, they wanted to go back to Egypt where they were slaves that were being tortured by taskmasters. They suffered a lot for having that backward mentality. I think somewhere in the bible it is written that "woe to them that go back to Egypt" (paraphrased). Although I don't remember the exact part of the bible that says that, the very sound of the word "woe" is enough warning. Our people say a word is enough for the wise. I don't think I want to thread that path of going back. In fact, considering the incessant bad-road-induced traffic jam in that area. I don't think I want to return there. So let's rule out the option of going back.

Point number 2 is confronting my neighbour. Yes! I mean it is very inconsiderate of them to put on their noisy generator(s) for almost 23hours daily without regards for how this affects their neighbours. In a more sane country, this is not acceptable. You cannot put others in distress because you want to enjoy yourself. You would report such people to the police or even sue them. Maybe I should report to the police. Did I just say that? Am I stupid? Am I referring to the same police in my country? Maybe I'm hallucinating. After, one encounter with them, I've promised myself and even prayed ( because it's not by power nor by might) not to have any encounter with them. Let me quickly chip in my experience with the police in my country.

A friend of mine had a houseboy who was doing practically nothing at home. He was just lazing about. So, I discussed a commercial transportation business idea with my friend and he suggested his houseboy could be of help. The plan was that I'll buy a motorcycle (popularly known as Okada in my country) and the boy would use it for commercial purposes during the day and remit some money to my account weekly. He could return to his houseboy job in the evening as he was practically doing nothing at home. I invested some money and the business kicked off. No sooner had it started than my friend travelled to the UK. The first week passed but I didn't get any money from the houseboy. I called him and he said he could not fill out the deposit slip at the bank because he was unlettered (stupid excuse if I must say). I advised him that members of staff of the bank could help him out with that if he asked. He went and paid in some money the following week and that was all he did up till today. The money he paid was not even up to 5% of the total investment. I called him the following week but his phone was switched off. There was no other way of reaching him. Meanwhile, my friend had gone to the United Kingdom (UK). I called my friend. He was a bit troubled and contacted his neighbours but they said they did not know the boy's whereabouts. I decided to wait for my friend to return from the UK before taking further actions. In the meantime, the boy just called me out of the blues one evening. He apologised and said he had to leave that area urgently and he gave my bike to someone in the community. As I was asking him why he would do such without my consent and why he didn't just leave the bike at my friends house, the bad signal of mobile telephone network (if you like read meaning to the first letters of the last three words-you're on your own) in my country struck and I lost him. Maybe he was the one that even terminated the call. I tried calling him but could not be connected to his line. I've never been able to reach him up till now. I told my friend and he asked me to wait until he returns home. When he returned home, I went to him and we made enquires in the neighbourhood but no one knew the boy's whereabouts and who he said he gave the bike to. We decided to report to the police. We went to the police station. After about 25minutes of wait, I narrated the issue to an officer who said, " why are you just coming now since this happened 2months ago?". Then I said I was waiting for my friend to return as I reckoned he might be able to get the person in his neighbourhood to whom my bike was illegally bequeathed. Then, the officer turned to my friend and said "So, you travelled abroad?" My friend replied in the positive. " Where did you travel to?" Said the officer. My friend said the United Kingdom. Then the officer said , "Where is your passport?, I'd like to see it". At this moment I was boiling within me but I dared not express the anger because I understand that accidental discharge is a norm in my country. Even if I was going to rage, not in the police territory. You know as they say, "you're more disadvantaged in your enemies' territory". I don't understand what the international passport has got to do with a missing bike. My friend said it was at home and the policeman asked him to go and bring it. Then, we were like this has got nothing to do with a case of theft (or absconding with someone else's property) that we've come to report. Though, we said it with caution and courtesy (remember we were in their territory ). Around that time a woman came in with another case and was talking over us. Another policeman joined and his colleague gave him an idea of what we came for . Then, the "newly arrived" policeman said " you guys think you can deceive us. You've killed someone and came to report that he's missing with your bike. Go and bring your passport to show us that you travelled". I looked at my friend. Meanwhile they've started chatting with woman as it appeared her case would yield some illegal income for them to use for their daily alcohol bouts and nocturnal shenanigans with women who are not their wives. I just left the place with my friend and told him on our way that I will let go of the bike. And I promised myself never to have anything to do with the police in my country.

Oops! That was a long one! Well, it's worth it. At least you now understand why I will not report my new neighbours to the police. I will just go and confront them. It's late now. I'll do it tomorrow morning.

do that first thing tomorrow morning, lolz.

prisiliveth:
do that first thing tomorrow morning, lolz.

Sure, first thing tomorrow morning is right about now

My neighbour's generator - part 4 - the confrontation.

Knock! Knock! Knock! That was me at my neighbours door 7 O'clock in the morning. I decided to go before they would leave home if they actually ever leave their house. The house has no gate but there was a main door. I waited patiently for about 3minutes after knocking so I won't appear as aggressive. While waiting, I checked out the door, it's looked imported. The quality no be small thing o. In fact, the door has a "knocker" ( or whatever it is called - you know that thing that is attached to a door so that you don't need to use your knuckles to hit the door whenever you announcing your presence). I've never had that on any of the doors of the houses I've lived in since I was born. I know one day e go better. I will build my house. In fact, I won't put a "knocker", I won't even put a bell. I will put a very powerful face recognition device such that when a visitor is approaching my door, it will capture the person's face and match it with a name in a database that I would have prepared beforehand. It will then pick the persons name and make an announcement in my entire house that Mr So and So is at the door. I will also do it such that it will be linked to various intercom telephones in my house. There would be a small speaker outside close to the door. So, with that, before the visitor even lifts their hands to knock at the door, they just hear me or someone else in my household, say my wife or child welcoming them via a voice message. What if the person is not in my database? What if no one is at home? what if we're all sleeping? what if ............,,,? These were the thoughts going through my brain when I heard the word "Yes?". Oops! The door has been opened. When I raised my head, I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen physically in my life (excluding the ones on electronic media). She should be in her late 20s. So, she's still marriageable. As a sharp guy my brain started analysis. All the seven outlets and inlets on my head started working at maximum potential. I no see any ring for her hand. I was like, chai! So this kind beauty dey for this environment. Ah, abi make I "divorce" my girlfriend and come and try my luck here and if my lucky star shines, I will become mario (I.e taking permanent residence or possession ). Then, I heard the word "Yes?" again. It was then I discovered 30seconds had passed after the first "Yes?" and I had not said anything. I was busy fantasising. I summoned courage and said "Good Morning" with one of the best accents I had kept in my hippocampus for special occasions as this. She responded with pidgin, "wetin I fit do for you?". I was a bit disappointed because the grammar did not correlate with the beauty before me. However, I continued with my phonetics.
" I am new in this area" I carefully avoided saying my name. " in fact, I live behind your house. I moved in a couple of days ago".
The look on her face was like, "what's the essence of this story - please go straight to the point".
I continued without being intimidated by that. " I just want to say that I've not been able to sleep both at night and during the day since I arrived because the noise emitted by your generator is just too much. I was just thinking you could do something about it at least in the interest of living peacefully with your neighbours". Then, I ended with a smile, trying not to show how painful this has been to me. Then there was silence for about 20 seconds, then a smile, then all of a sudden , she burst out laughing scornfully and she laughed her way back inside leaving the door open. As she was going she called a name, which I vaguely heard. I think she said "Jack". I no con sure again. Abi na dog she dey call for me? I'm scared of dogs o. I've been bitten by a dog once and as the saying goes, "Once bitten , twice shy". She didn't even say a word to me. However, whatever happens, I'm a man. I will wait and see what will come out of this. Suddenly, a man well built physically came rushing at me. He was sweating like someone who had been on the treadmill for 2hours. I reckoned he must have been doing some exercise before he was summoned by her majesty. He probably was busy working in the supposed factory in the building. Maybe it's even a bread factory because the heat usually in that place is enough to change one's skin colour from sub -Sahara -African to European without leaving the accent untouched. His chest was wide enough to support a newly born quintuplets. I began to think , "Should I run or wait?". The male ego in me says "Face it, you're a man". The man came and said with a voice like that of a tout at the motor park " Wetin you say happen?".
I continued with my phonetics, "I thought I narrated it to the lady that came out earlier on. Did she not tell you?".
The guy responded, "Mr man wetin happen, if you no wan talk make you carry your craze comot here".
Craze ke! I swallowed my saliva and narrated the story again from beginning to the end. The expression on the man's face was that of anger while he was listening. When I finished, he just said, " Mr man , abeg carry your craze comot here". Then I said with a bit of anger which was infinitesimal compared to that in the man's voice and demeanour "You cannot make others uncomfortable because of your own comfort".
The man, Jack or whatever dog name he was called, then said " Mr man, vamoose here before I slap you".
Then my anger increased a bit and I said
"You dare not". Still with my special-occasion accent. The next thing I heard was "Tawai!". Then, I woke up touching my cheek. Alas! It was a dream. I could hear the noise of the generator. I checked the time. It was 12midnight. I had only slept for 45minutes. I could feel a slight pain on one side of my cheeks. Coincidentally, it was the same side where I received the slap in the dream. I'm sweating. The generator is still roaring. 12 O'clock! Chai! Hope this will not be the beginning of another vigil tonight. Come to think of it, I was just contemplating going to confront my neighbours tomorrow morning and I already received a slap supposedly from them in my dream. I think this is a warning. Maybe God is warning me against this action. Maybe something worse than slap will erupt if
I go there in the morning. Dreams come true o. More so, I'm an African man and I take things like this serious. I've heard of people who were stabbed in the dream by a masquerade and when they woke up they began to feel pains in that part of their body where they were attacked in the dream. This led to having a wound and eventually led to death. I think this is a big warning. The worse might happen if I confront these people. I have to think of another solution. Maybe I should get an earplug.

My Neighbour's Generator - Part 5 - Abi make I go buy ear plug.

Cock-a-doodle-doo! That was the noise that woke me up. That must have been one of the free range roosters in my new neighbourhood. It must be 5 O'clock now but how come the day is so bright. Let me check the clock on my phone. Chai! It's 9:46AM. I thought legend has it that cock crows when the day is just breaking around 5AM or 6AM. In fact, there was a soap opera in my country titled "Cock Crow At Dawn". Well, everything in this world is changing. In fact, nowadays cocks crow at dusk. I've heard cock crowed around 9PM on several occasions when they are supposed to be sleeping. Maybe global-warming-cum-climate-change-induced mutation has struck the chickens and this has affected their behavioural expressions. So it's not advisable for one to wait for cock to crow at dawn before rising up. The chickens were probably not able to sleep throughout the night as well due to the anthropogenic disturbances emanating from the generators in the neighbourhood. Thank God, I'm not going to work today.

Come to think of it, how did I sleep so deep that I woke up this late. It's like I'm getting used to the noise. God forbids bad thing. The last time I remembered being awake was 3:15 AM when I was playing a game on my phone as I was keeping my mandatory daily vigil. I think tiredness must have got the better of me around 3:30AM. What about the heat? Could it not have prevented me from sleeping this deep? Maybe the power was restored for some time while I was sleeping. Let me quickly confirm this (Walks up to the refrigerator and opens it). Oops! The fridge is slightly cold, the power must have been restored for about 20 - 30minutes as usual. However, with the level of cold I'm feeling in this fridge, I think the power was restored for 1hour. So, I ignorantly enjoyed the fan for 1hour supposedly. My fan is usually switched on while sleeping because I cannot afford to miss the "recycled air" that will be generated by the fan whenever the power is restored. Although I know it's risky to leave appliances on when there's a power outage because there could be a power surge if the power is restored while I'm sleeping which could lead to a fire incidence. Life itself is a risk. So, I cannae be bothered like the Scottish people usually say. No wonder I slept so deep. Also, there is a cool breeze that comes from nowhere around 6AM everyday. It is such a cool and repressing breeze that will make one want to sleep the more. It's also a dangerous one because anyone who is not willing to be late to wherever he is going to in the morning in the city where I live must leave their beds by 6AM at the latest. So, if you're overcome by the repressing effect of the breeze you're on your own. I think it's a combination of this dawn-announcing breeze and the one-hour bout of "recycled air" from my old ceiling fan that made me sleep till this time.

Today na today! I must get an ear plug today. I'm not able to cope anymore with this noise. Let me quickly get myself ready. Aw! The tap is not running. I missed pumping water from the bore hole when the power was restored and I reckon my co-users of this bore hole also slept off. That means I have go get water from the well. At least, it's not as bad as not having any water at all for my morning corporeal cleansing.

I have always noticed a shop that sells scientific laboratory stuffs on my way to work. I see them display safety wears as well. However, I never thought I would have anything to do with them in my life. Although, I studied sciences at school, my job has got nothing to do with science. In this country, you have to pick up whatever job is available irrespective of its pertinence or non-pertinence to your field of study. You know as the saying goes " when the desirable is not available, you make the available desirable". If one does not do that, the person's case na sorry. I reckon this shop will have an ear plug or ear muff for sale. Let me quickly dress up and rush down there before the sun comes out with full force.

" Good afternoon Sir, How may I help you?". That was the salesperson at the scientific shop. He looks like someone who is well read. Though, I know looks can be deceptive. His grammar also seems to be good with a clean accent. However, I refuse to be carried away by that. It was this same good grammar I was speaking in my dream when I received one hot slap. Moreover, the more grammar you speak in shops in my country, the more expensive the shop owners will sell their stuff to you. What I hear is that the rich pay more but here in my country the educated pay more. Hmm! I will speak pidgin English. "Ehn, Ehn, my brother, na that thing wey dem dey use block ear to prevent noise I dey look for". The young man then asked, " Do you mean an ear plug or ear muff?".
"My friend, abeg leave that grammar, just bring the thing out, I know wetin I dey look for. I dey use am for work before, e con spoil, so I just wan replace am (that was obviously a lie. It's just a bid to prevent being ripped off by the seller because if you tell them you've been using the stuff before, they'll assume you know the price and sell it cheaper than they normally would to you. Though some cheeky ones will still quote an exorbitant price to test the validity of your claims)".
"Sir, please, do you want the big one or the small one?" The man was still speaking his grammar but I have made up my mind to speak Pidgin English throughout this transaction.
"Mr Man, you wan sell abi you no wan sell?" Now I was becoming angry. Not that the man has said anything bad but you know in this country it's a norm to become angry at the slightest provocation. The whole situation in the country has made people to come to a state of anomie. Most people at their breaking points. So, transfer of aggression takes a ripple course.
I think the man sensed my anger and decided to just bring out his wares.
"Alright, let me go get the ones I have". He scampered into a room.
While he was there, I began to scan through the shop. I saw stuff that I handled several years ago when I was in secondary school. A pile of carefully folded laboratory coats were in one corner. Another corner had the glass wares ; conical flasks, burrettes, test tubes e.t.c.
"Here you go Sir". The man came out with about 20items after 3minutes.
Now I became confused.
"Which ones are these?" I said.
"I thought you said you had one you were using before, Sir"
"Yes, ..." Not wanting to expose my ignorance, I added "but the one wey I dey use better pass all these ones you brought".
The man smiled and said "How many decibels of noise is being generated where you were using it?"
I vaguely remembered that the measuring units of noise is decibel and that 30decibels is the threshold allowable in my state. I just digressed a bit and said, "Mr Man, abeg give me something wey go reduce the noise wey go enter my ear to 30decibels".
At this juncture, I think the man himself was confused as to whether I knew what I was talking about or not. Another customer walked in and was walking towards the corner where the glasswares are. He quickly recognised her presence by saying "Welcome Ma".
Then looking at me he said, "Oga, abeg choose whichever you wan buy, I wan go check that woman. Make you just holla me when you don make your choice". Then he dashed down the aisle to meet the woman.

I was shocked he could speak pidgin very well. Did I just say that? Who would not be able to speak pidgin English in my country so long as they attended public primary school. Even some of those who did not attend any school learn pidgin informally and they can communicate effectively with it. Ideally, I wouldn't have accepted that gesture of leaving me to attend to another customer but I just considered the fact that this is a shop that sells things that people rarely use. So they can not afford to miss any opportunity of a sale.

I took that time to read through the labels on the items and their descriptions. After about 5minutes, I chose an ear plug which I think will be cheap. The man was still busy with the lady showing her a big round bottom flask. I beckoned at him and he came. We talked about the price, I paid and left the shop.

It's around, 2:30PM when I arrived at the bus station where I would get a commercial bus home. I had the "newly bought" ear plug on so I could test it against the noise in the city. It looks like an earphone so people would think it is one. Do I even care what people think? It seems to be working though. I had my Samsung Galaxy phone in my hand so I could see if it rings as the ear plug might prevent me from hearing when it rings and I don't like the shock-effect a vibrating phone impacts on the body when it's in that mode. So I don't put my phone on vibration mode. It's either ringing or silent. The sun was scorching. It's a major bus station where you could get a bus to almost any where in this city. In fact, there are some inter city buses there as well. The crowd at the bus stop was large and they are all looking desperate like the Israelite before the Red Sea waiting for Moses to conjure dry land out of the sea or a bridge over the sea. Na wah o!
"Gbosa!" That was the sound I heard in my inner ear notwithstanding that I had the earplug on. That was actually a dirty slap I received from someone. I think the person specifically targeted my semi-circular canals because I lost balance immediately their palm landed on my cheek. The palm felt like it was made of leather. The way the palms of peasant farmers are in my village. I doubled up. My eyes were seeing twinkle little stars. One part of the ear plug came off my ear. The I heard the person say something that sounded like "O ro pe o le gba mi leti ko lo free "(Do you think you can slap me and go scot free?). As I managed to open my eyes to see who the assailant was, another person from another end grabbed my phone from me and both of them ran either way. Everything happened within a split second. There was a momentary silence as if the whole place turned to a grave yard. Every other person was just there looking like they were watching a movie. After, I regained my balance and garnered enough strength to talk with one of my palms on the side of my cheek that was slapped, I just said " I think I've just been robbed".
Then, comments were just flying from every nook and cranny.
"Bros, wetin you do them ?" asked a young lady
"Eeyah" another woman with a baby behind her tied with a wrapper and a sash.
"Chai, them don show this man" another person said.
"Bros, you know them before?" Asked another woman whom I managed to reply saying " I don't know them, I think they are thieves"
"Chai" screamed someone from the crowd
"Sorry o, bros!"
Another concerned citizen said "Oga, make you quickly go retrieve the phone line before them go use your number commit crime".
That made slight sense to me though my brain had not properly settled to think it through.

I left the scene hurriedly because the pity party was growing and as a friend of mine usually says "I don't want to be pitied because I'm not in a pit" . Moreover, I could feel I needed to pass water. As I left, I remembered the dream I had the previous night and the slap I received from my neighbour in the dream. Could this be the fulfilment of the dream. It was my neighbour that slapped me in the dream but a total stranger slapped me in real life barely 24hours after the dream. Truly, dreams come to pass.

Hello Mod,

Please why is the first word in the body of my last post being changed to "Rooster". I actually typed the name of the male version of a hen. Could you please modify.

Thanks.

My Neighbour's Generator - part 6 Service Provider's Office

I walked into a nearby restaurant. The security man at the door said "Welcome Sir".
I just rushed in without uttering a word, found a seat in one corner and settled into it. Thoughts about the robbery incidence flashed through my mind as I sat down. Although, my eyes were open, I was lost in thoughts on the seat.
A young lady came and said "Sir, can I take you order?". When I raised my head, the look on her face was that of bewilderment. This suggested to me she had asked that question more than once before she got my attention.
"Sorry!, please hold on. I'll come to the counter to place my order when I'm ready". I said.
The urge to use the restroom became very strong. I scampered into the restroom with caution. You know if one does not walk carefully when he is pressed, one might lose continence and release the weapons of mass destruction in an inappropriate place. A friend of mine was so pressed one day on his way home from work. Immediately he alighted from a commercial bus at his designated bus stop, he started running home. When he got to the entrance of his house, as he was fumbling with the bunch of keys he had in order to get the appropriate key for his main entrance door, he released the exhibit in his pant. Apparently, his children were home and the door was not locked. He walked into the living room and got his normal greetings from his children but his 2year old daughter added a rejoinder, "Daddy, I can smell something like poo as you entered". My friend just walked in without saying a word.

I went into the rest room with the intention of passing water but I had to carry out the secondary toilet assignment as well. Good riddance to bad rubbish. At least, my tummy will be free to receive food if I am compelled to buy food while waiting in the restaurant.

I went back to my seat. I began to think of how to get another phone. Suddenly, I remembered the advice of one member of the "pity party" that I should retrieve the line as quickly as possible. It was 3:15PM. Most offices in my city close by 4PM while a few close by 5PM. Shops are usually open till 6PM when night begins to fall or even late depending on their location and the type of goods they sell. "I need to get a new phone and retrieve my line today", I said to myself. I rushed out of the restaurant and tried to locate a phone shop.

I found a phone shop and I quickly bought a very cheap "Chinko" phone. Any phone made in China without a big name like Iphone, Samsung, Nokia e.t.c. is called a "Chinko Phone" in my country. Although, we know that even those from the big names are made in China nowadays. Just look behind your phone and you'd confirm this. In fact, In recent times, almost everything is made in China. No wonder the country has one of the best economies in the world.

It's 3:30PM. I wasn't sure of where the nearest office of my phone service provider is. Neither was I sure of their closing hour but I reckoned it can't be earlier than 4PM. I asked the man who sold the phone to me and he gave me the direction to their nearest outlet.

By the time I walked into the nearest outlet of My Telephone Network provider it was 3:55PM. The agent made me welcome by saying "Good afternoon Sir!".
"How may I help you?" he added.
"I'd like to retrieve my SIM. I've just lost it"
"I'm sorry to hear about that, Sir. I believe you still remember your number. Let me quickly tell you what else we would require. You need to provide a police report, a photographic ID, your three most frequently dialled numbers, the last time you recharged the SIM, the last amount recharged, the last number you dialled on the SIM, voter's re..."
"Young man", I interjected " please don't make life difficult for me this afternoon. I have just been robbed and I'm still recovering from the shock. Now you're telling me to go and get my WAEC certificate, the results of the last exams I did, my birth certificate, the name of the hospital where I was born and all what nots. Please spare me and get the SIM replaced for me as quickly as possible because I don't want my SIM to be used for any mischievous activity"
" I didn't talk about WAEC certificates Sir"
He didn't get the hyperbole. Maybe he got it but he's trying to pick on my words.
"Did you not request for a police report? How much do you think it costs to get a police report in this country?"
"I don't know Sir because I've never done one but I reckon it should be free"
" O, I see! You've never done one but you can sit back in your chair and compel people to go and do one. Ok. Let me educate you. It's not free. It's cost more than a new SIM pack. So what would you rather get? A police report or a new SIM?"
"Sir, we need a police report to replace a lost SIM for security purposes"
"I think I need to speak with your boss"
"Speaking with my boss will not solve the problem because they will tell you the same thing"
"I insist"
Meanwhile, a middle aged woman was walking towards us. She had a name tag on her chest which indicates she is a supervisor in that outlet. I guessed she heard when I said I needed to speak with his boss.
"How may I help, Sir?" She said
"This man is just making life difficult for your customers here" I said.
"I'm sorry to hear that Sir. Could you please come to my office so I can see how to resolve this for you"
I was happy she rubbed my ego. I followed her to her office. She offered me a seat and took an excuse to go get some information about my query from her colleague. She came back after 2minutes with a notepad with some stuff she had scribbled.
"I understand you were robbed today of your phone and you'd like to retrieve your line"
"Absolutely"
"First of all, let me say that I'm sorry to hear about the robbery incident. Hope you were not harmed"
"Not at all"
"From what I gathered from my colleague , he has aquatinted you with what we require to retrieve the line for you but you objected to getting a police report. Is that correct, Sir"
"Absolutely, who would not object to such ?"
"Sir, it's so we can ensure that the phone line is actually yours and also to discourage criminals from fraudulently claiming someone else's SIM"
"Is there no way out of this aside from going to the police station because I've vowed never to have anything to do with the police of this country"
"I'm afraid, we need to have the police report, Sir".
"I'm not happy about it and I'll like to register a complaint after this whole thing is resolved because this will cost me some money. As you are aware, in this country even if that was supposed to be free, the police will ensure you pay for it. They advertise "bail is free" everywhere but I've never heard of anyone who went there and was bailed free of charge."
The woman appeared not to be interested in my ranting and raving. I could not be bothered about her interest or not. So, I continued.
"The other day, two guys had a quarrel in my area which led to them to breaking the windscreen of a car and they both ran away. Nobody knew who they were. The owner of the car became aware around 7PM and went to report to the police. They came 1hour after and began to arrest every young man that looked 16years and above and is not dressed in suit. Rumour had it that about 11 young men were arrested that evening none of whom was guilty of the offence. However, each of them was bailed after their folks coughed out N10,000. They are like what the bible called a roaring lion looking for whom to devour. That's the place you want me to go to and get a report from. There is God o!"
The woman tried to suppress a smile upon hearing my last sentence.
"So, I believe I'm not paying you guys any money", I continued.
"I'm sorry but you'll need to pay N600, I thought my collea......."
"There you go again. This is inhuman. I've just lost something and all you can think of is to rip me of my money again"
"Sir, I was just going to say my colleague should have explained to you that......"
"That what?" I cut in.
"The money is actually to recharge your new SIM. It's not going into our account"
"Whose account is it going into?"
"It's going into your call credit account"
"Ok, I see! But why is it that expensive. Why can it not be just N100"
"That's the stipulated amount Sir"
"You guys usually find ways of ripping people off via various ways. Now you're trying to compel me to reload my phone when I do not want to. This is an expense I did not plan for. The same way you guys send unsolicited advertisement and games to people's phone and when people ignorantly play such games you charge them. What I don't understand is that notwithstanding the number of customers you guys have it appears you don't make enough profit until you look for mischievous ways of taking money from people. Yet we all blame the Government for everything when some private organisations are more mean than the government in the name of contributing to the economy of the nation".
At this point the look on the face of the woman was that of anger concealed with a fake smile she had to put on by virtue of her present position. I really could not be bothered.

I continued but I was a bit mild "Madam, I'm not having a go at you but it's disheartening to see the rich rip off the poor. Now this is not limited to your network alone. You'd see mobile telephone companies cajoling people to be involved in a quiz to win a car or even an aeroplane. There are about 170million people in this country and there are about 4 main phone companies. This gives each of you about 42.5million customers provided everybody uses a phone. Even if it is 10% of your customers that are involved in these daily quizzes that cost a unit of our currency. This means you're getting 4.25million units of our currency everyday from these quizzes alone. Yet we never hear of people who win the cars or whatever gifts you advertise. I'm sure your organization registered with the companies house as a mobile telephone service provider and not a gambling outfit. Don't tell me you're trying to give back to the society. There are better ways of doing this if that's what you actually intended to do."

By this time, the woman could not conceal her anger cum frustration anymore. It was all written over her face.

I quickly curtailed my mouth and said "What if my line is a post paid line do I still need to pay this N600?"
"Sir, this applies to all types of lines"
I looked at the wall clock in the woman's office. It was 5:45PM. I realised I had spent too much time there.

I paid the money and she sorted the line out for me. I left after thanking everyone that attended to me.

My neighbour's generator - Part 7 Found my own generator

Forgot to say all the while that this new house is my aunt's. She travelled out of the country and will be there for a while. So I temporarily inherited the house. I just discovered she has a generator as well. Who would not have a generator in one of the oil rich but the most infrastructurally impoverished countries with a perpetual power problem ( I intentionally put that alliteration to make the thing sweet for mouth). Don't mind me jare. The woman did not do proper handover to me before leaving. In fact, it was when she got to her destination she called to advise me of the approval of my unsolicited temporary residency in her apartment. I no dey blame the woman o. Na when she hear wetin I dey go through for my former place of abode with respect to moving around that she gave me an electronic tenancy contract via a phone call. My mum who happens to be her sister was the witness to the contract. She also did her part electronically via a phone call. You know say na computer age we dey and even the banks are going cashless. So, it's good for us to go paperless as well. Thank God say I no dey pay "shingbain".

Thank God I've found this generator now. Na to come revenge now. Let me check fuel sef. O! Thank God! There's a little fuel that will suffice for 2hours I think. Oya, let's go there. On your marks, get set, GO!. Chai! What was that noise! Ooops! This is even worse than my neighbours generator. Abi I no do am well. Let me put it off and check everything first. Everything seems ok. Ok, I'll put it on again. Same thing? Chai! Abeg, make I leave am like that (at least for this evening). After all it's only for 2hours. I will call my technician to come check it tomorrow. Although, my revenge is nothing compared to what I have suffered from my neighbour in the last few days, I have this satisfaction that emanates from revenge. I'll pray for forgiveness later because in the bible, God says we should not revenge.

Oya, now! Let me put on fan and close the windows (though I know closing the window does not totally prevent the noise from penetrating). Abeg I go sleep small at least for the next 2hours. It's high time I put on this ear plug again.

Come to think of it, If my phone rings how I go take hear. O, sorry! I forgot I just got a Chinko phone as my Samsung Galaxy was stolen at "slap point" a couple of days ago. As the saying goes in my country, " car is to theft at gun point as phone is to theft at slap point". This is the type of slap that resets your brain to the default configuration. I pray you never receive such a slap. Hmm! if you ever do, then the cliche that says "na when soldier slap you, you go know say police is your friend" will make more sense to you. As I was saying, I just got a Chinko phone, so I needn't bother about hearing if my phone rings while I have an ear plug on. Because from what I heard, the noise of this generator is nothing compared to the ringing volume of Chinko phones. I even heard that the vibration of these phones affect the foundation of buildings therefore the owners don't even put it on vibration mode. They'd rather put it in silent mode.

What if someone knocks at the door during this 2hours of enjoyment. Abeg, I don't want to receive any visitor. I want to enjoy the offer while it lasts. Thank God for ear plug, I won't even hear sef.

enjoy urself jare,but no dream bad dream oooo

prisiliveth:
enjoy urself jare,but no dream bad dream oooo

Thank you. Mods abeg help move this ministry forward so I could have some feedback on the write-up from people. Thanks

More o

drewsman:
More o

Thanks. Sure. I dey come.

My Neighbour's Generator - Part 8. - Technician's visit.

As someone who does not like using my comfort to cause others discomfort I need to fix the noise of this generator as soon as possible but I don't trust any technician especially those one is patronising for the first time. They are fond of using their expertise to extort money from one. They'll just mention a parlance in their field which an everyday man will not understand and charge you based on the remoteness of your knowledge of the stuff they mentioned. In fact, the most surprising aspect of this issue is that I heard doctors, who deal with human lives, unfortunately do the same.

I will call Mike, my age-long generator technician. I just hope he'll be free because the guy is a hot cake. He's got customers all over this state. In fact recently he told me he has customers in a neighbouring country. Maybe my country has infected that country with "NEPA-Effect" due to their proximity.

(Dials Mike's number)

"Hello Sir"
"Engineer"
"Good evening Sir"
"Good evening, hope you're not too busy"
"Ah, that one is not possible o. As you know I'm always very busy. Especially as I have started going to school now"
One of the problems of Mike is that he will always over-explain the answer to any question you ask him. He is a typical example of someone who is verbose. I've known him since he was very young because we attended the same church. His family is a friend of ours. So he is like my brother. In fact he doesn't really charge me as much as he charges other customers for his services. Sometimes, when I ask him what my bill is, he just smiles and says " just give me transport fare, Sir. Talking about his loquaciousness, whenever he came to our house then and you asked him a simple question like "how's your mum?". His response will be something like "She's at home. She's cooking and in fact, she just finished attending to a visitor that came from Lokoja". A friend of mine calls that TMI (too much information) and my grandmother calls it tokpodunko (meaning - a parrot). Well, he is a big boy now and has improved a bit but as our people say madness can not be totally cured, once in a while the supposedly healed victim will carries out some mild madness stunts.
"Engineer, please can you come to my house anytime tomorrow to check my generator. I think it needs servicing."
" Ok Sir, if it's just servicing I can come by 4PM tomorrow as its should not take time but if it's something else I might have to postpone the visit to next week"
"Ah ! Next week?! Abeg o, it's just servicing. Please come tomorrow as I'm in all day"
"Alright Sir, I'll be there tomorrow by 4PM. All other things being equal."
"Thank you"

Mike came the next day and I told him to service the engine highlighting that it's making much noise. He put it on and heard the noise, it was deafening. He "dissected" the engine. He said the crank shaft is worn out. Because It's no longer firm, the unevenness results in the noise being generated. Maybe it's the same issue my neighbours generator is having. How I wish they will get a good engineer/technician like Mike to tell them this and possibly fix it for them. At least that will reduce the dose of noise my ear is being forcefully fed with everyday. Should I recommend Mike to them? What if they are not even interested in fixing it as the noise does not apparently affect them. Their windows are usually shut as they have totally replaced the natural breeze in their room with the refined breeze from their air conditioners. Do I even have the gumption to approach them after the brain resetting slap I received from them in my dream. As the saying goes " to be forewarned in to be forearmed"

Mike said he needed to file the crankshaft to make it even and the noise problem will be fixed. He observed the capacitor is faulty but he said it's still manageable as I told him I've not got much money to do that now.

As he was working, I was chatting with him. I asked about one of his dad's apprentices named Bada. His dad does the same work as Mike. In fact, he made his three sons his apprentices at a very early age and they are all very good at their jobs. However in their early days, Mike was the least experienced by virtue of his age. So in my house, we used to call Mikes elder brother "Engineer", Mike was termed " Engine" while Bada, the boy who came to join them later was termed " Eng" because he had not got enough experience to become Engine talk less of Engineer. Mike said Bada was impatient, he left them without proper graduation. He didn't really know much. He felt he could make quick money since he can fix one or two stuffs in a generator. However, he was doing wishy washy jobs and his customers (who apparently wanted cheap labour ) were complaining. Mike went ahead to say that sometimes,he happened to be the one that will fix Bada's jobs as they live in the same area. The customers after they are no longer able to bear the inferior quality of the job Bada does will now invite Mike to check their Engines and eventually pay the money they were avoiding. In fact sometimes, they pay more because there might have been certain parts of the engine damaged that would need replacement.

Mike told me he is running a part time programme in Mechanical Engineering at a University. So he has not really got as much time he used to have for work. I was glad to hear about his new academic pursuit. This will actually make him a balanced Engineer in the near future because he has the practical experience and he is adding theory to it. There are many graduate Mechanical Engineers in my country who do not know the difference between a bolt and a nut. This is because, all they were taught in school is theory. They never had the opportunity of handling or working with or even seeing what they are being taught. Even, their lecturers had the same experience. In fact, I came across a Computer Science graduate some years ago who could not use a computer. We had our national service in the same state after graduation. I, who did not study anything related to computing, happened to be the one showing him parts of a computer and how to use one. Don't ask me how on earth that is possible because I don't know but it's the reality. It's one of those strange things you can explain in this life that happens in my country. Call it the eight wonder of the world. In fact, in this country it is advisable to learn a craft before or during your tertiary education as all what you learnt in the university might be theoretical nonsense by the time you graduate. This is because, it might not be relevant at all, you might have forgotten or it might be obsolete as the world is changing every second nowadays. Also , another advantage of this is that you can have something you're doing while looking for a job. I also tried something like that while in the university thanks to a 2 month ASUU ( Academic Staff of Universities Union) strike. I was home for one month after which I went to a tailor and registered my interest in their trade. He accepted me after getting a reference from a tailor friend of his who happens to be a member of the church I attended then. After five weeks the strike was called off. However, I had learnt how to cut and sew a simple pair of trousers then. In fact, within that five week period I had sewn a pair of trousers for my little cousin and two shorts for myself. After I left the shop and went to the university I never returned to tailoring up till now. I don't think I even remember anything about the stuff anymore. All I'm thinking about now is how to make money.

As Mike was fixing the generator. He observed something needed to be replaced so he went out to buy it. No sooner had he gone than my neighbour who had been watching and possibly eavesdropping on our conversation ( because he was fixing the machine outside in the courtyard ) approached me and said "Mummy (referring to my aunt) has recently serviced the generator. Hope it's not that the you are servicing it again". I answered in the affirmative. Then she said "Aw, if I had known I would have told you before you called the technician ". I told her I appreciated her concern as she feels I'm incurring unnecessary expenditure.

When Mike came I told him. He said he can see it's true that the generator was serviced recently )he was being sarcastic ). He said that's why there so much soot on the surface of the piston.

Mike fixed the generator and left. Of course not without collecting his usual "transport fare".

Nice story here, i Wonder why there are only few readers and comments

Aww, more ls am loving it already

davidica:
Nice story here, i Wonder why there are only few readers and comments

Thanks for your comment and concern

do4luv14:
Aww, more ls am loving it already

Thank you

Chachangi:


Thanks for your comment and concern

uwlcm, i also share Your views and hatred towards Nigeria Police, wetin dem don do for me ehn, i no fit type ahm

Base on logistics,don't be discourage by d few comment, keep d update flowing

Nice one bro, I read everything word to word.

This is beautiful. Kip it coming

Someone should please inform the mods. Oga Seun, a nairalander is AWOL. His moniker is Chachangi, he needs to finish his story. Please inform constable lala to put an apb out on him. Thank you

I'm laughing at the title......sounds like comedy is going down.

Now i will read

why is these story on hold?

Nice, lemme now goan finish reading it...

prisiliveth:
why is these story on hold?

Sorry, writer has been busy with other stuff but will try and update soon.

Thanks for your interest in the work.