C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense.

Erlang would be Hinduism - It's another strange language that doesn't look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it's built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on Friday night.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism - A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified
as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism : It's simple, nonrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don't REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist...

Wat ur religion?

www.devbattles.com/en/sand/post-1254

That was epic.
Humanism is my religion though.

Wow really cool,

Raychux23:


Java Fundamentalist Christianity

PHP Cafeteria Christianity

C++ Islam

C# Mormonism

I hope to be multi-religious.
Judaism, Fundamentalist Christianity, Cafeteria Christianity, Islam, Voodoo, Neo-paganism and Humanism.
What would JavaScript be then?

ROFL

What would JavaScript be then?

Javascript wud b a self acclaimed righteousman that bliv he doesn't hv 2 fight wit any other religion 4 superiority but cn embrace all religion mst especially if they bliv in a all knowledge deity(the internet).
He also bliv in togetherness n communing wit one anoda is d purpose of life.

Raychux23:
What would JavaScript be then?

Javascript wud b a self acclaimed righteousman that bliv he doesn't hv 2 fight wit any other religion 4 superiority but cn embrace all religion mst especially if they bliv in a all knowledge deity(the internet).
He also bliv in togetherness n communing wit one anoda is d purpose of life.

That's my religion.

What about Assembly?

By the way, Humanism all the way!

Mrval20:
What about Assembly?

By the way, Humanism all the way!

I see you my brother

Darn lol I like Java and C++ . But I also like Perl and Python.

meeeeeen so PERL na voodoo? All those arcane languages and incarntations used by merlin and them witchmaster fit come from that language o..... Ok na....ehmmm mak i go buy some books on PERL..

Abi i fit use am construct an app wey fit call your name, your papas name, your papa papa papas name, and them ancestors to the 100th generation....

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa ROFL..

Mrval20:
What about Assembly?
By the way, Humanism all the way!

Assembly would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Raychux23:


Assembly would be Taoism - It is so different from
other languages that many people don't
understand how can anyone use it to produce
anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the
true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond
the grasp of most mortals.

Wow, epic!

Cafeteria Christianity... new to the religion tho

Good job @op... really funny.

ccJavanian #frontpageworthy

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it's almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

HTML - Some people still see it as a religion while a majority sees it as a lifestyle. Simply put, all religion people can be seen casually dress (say a jean and a shirt) but alot of some die hard, older religious people still hold strong to their traditional attire and see these casual dressers as amateurs if being casual is their only form of dressing.

Machine code would be man's first religion. This was the first way man interact with a deity(computer). The practice of this religion or calling as best appropriate to you, can be likes to the early prophets of old with long beard. They were able to interact with a deity and only them knw till date, the only language to communicate with him one on one.

That list is not complete. Its missing HTML and JavaScript the King and Queen of the Internet?

I think they fall into Pentecostal... come as you are.

NumberOne2:
That list is not complete. Its missing HTML and JavaScript the King and Queen of the Internet?

I think they fall into Pentecostal... come as you are.

NumberOne2 I later add those in between the body of the trend, jst search properly, or stil

Javascript wud b a self acclaimed righteousman that bliv he doesn't hv 2 fight wit any other religion 4 superiority but cn embrace all religion mst especially if they bliv in a all knowledge deity(the internet).
He also bliv in togetherness n communing wit one anoda is d purpose of life.

HTML - Some people still see it as a religion while a majority sees it as a lifestyle. Simply put, all religion people can be seen casually dress (say a jean and a shirt) but alot of some die hard, older religious people still hold strong to their traditional attire and see these casual dressers as amateurs if being casual is their only form of dressing.

Although ur Pentecostal notion ws cool "Come as u are"

I believe in Islam and I am a full member of cafeteria Christianity. I am always a self acclaimed righteous man (js) with the hope of making the later my one and only religion in world web only if its new temple (node.js) can stand the test of time.

wolexme:
I believe in Islam and I am a full member of cafeteria Christianity. I am always a self acclaimed righteous man (js) with the hope of making the later my one and only religion in world web only if its new temple (node.js) can stand the test of time.

Interesting. Sounds like a poem

I believe atheist is Humanism

right? #TeamPhyton

that perl religion though.. .. .. very creepy

Mormonism all d way

Lalasticlala, mynd44



For programmers fun

Java Fundamentalist Christianity

PHP Christianity

C++ Islam

hope to add Python Humanism soon . kool post

Got anything against fp? haskell,scala,clojure?

how did i miss this wonderful piece.

King troll dhtml18, you needed here

Lol

Mehn after a lon, boring, broke-ass easter, this made my day, thanks OP

Perl made me laff the hardest, though i like perl

Raychux23:
COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was
once a time when it ruled over a vast region
and was important, but nowadays it's almost
dead, for the good of us all. Although many
were scarred by the rituals demanded by its
deities, there are some who insist on keeping it
alive even today.

Dont be suprised there are still millions of lines of COBOL code still been maintained in coporate business software sector