Hi all. Sorry to bother you all with this but I am sincerely confused and beginning to think maybe something is wrong with me.

The issue is, I am in my second year of marriage and have a one year old kid ( was 1 yesterday). I love my wife and my child but things are getting messy with my wife over sex issues.

I want to make love with my wife at least 3 times a week. But most times I will be lucky if I have it 4 times a month. For instance, this month, I have only had sex once.

Is it not normal for one to want to have sex with his legal wife 3 times a week? Note she is not working. The only work is the child and she has me and two others ( her relatives) helping with carrying the child and caring for the child). What scares me is that in 5 months time she will start working as soon as the child enters school. I am worried once she starts working sex will no longer be on the agenda.

Aside the fact that we don't have sex as often as I would want, she prefers backing me while sleeping and when my complaints was much, she decided to stay put our kid in the middle rather than in her cot. We had to gift out the baby cot months back when the baby started refusing the her bed as she prefers for obvious reasons.

Yesterday we kissed for the first time in over a month, it was getting hot then she came up with an excuse that there is heat ( our generator was at the time being serviced and there was no light). I let her go in the night when there was light, immediately I came in, she moved to the parlour to watch TV.

She also point blankly told me to seek pleasure elsewhere when I told her if she continues this way I will have to get sex elsewhere.

Now my question is, is 3 times a week normal? Or am I the problem?

Maybe she's scared of having another baby. She still has memories of how painful childbirth can be

You guys should have more talk time.

izzou:
Maybe she's scared of having another baby. She still has memories of how painful childbirth can be

You guys should have more talk time.

We have talked this over and over again. Including using marriage counsellor. And the child part is not true. We are on family planning as we both decided we don't want another child till our first born is at least 3.

She knows there is only a 2% chance of getting pregnant. She sure knows.

adviserseeker:


We have talked this over and over again. Including using marriage counsellor. And the child part is not true. We are on family planning as we both decided we don't want another child till our first born is at least 3.

She knows there is only a 2% chance of getting pregnant. She sure knows.

Maybe you should just let her be. Don't bring it up anymore.

With time, she might adjust to your will. Don't cheat on her abeg

izzou:


Maybe you should just let her be. Don't bring it up anymore.

With time, she might adjust to your will. Don't cheat on her abeg

This is the difficult part. If I am very honest with you, the only reason I have not cheated is because I am scared of girls of these days. I don't want anyone to turn my back to my daughter. But if I am honest too, I am beginning to sell to myself the idea that my daughter will be fine.

It is confusing.

Are you this same person?
https://www.nairaland.com/3371723/solved

I thought there was improvements, what went wrong again?

adviserseeker:
This is the difficult part. If I am very honest with you, the only reason I have not cheated is because I am scared of girls of these days. I don't want anyone to turn my back to my daughter. But if I am honest too, I am beginning to sell to myself the idea that my daughter will be fine.

It is confusing.

Please don't commit adultery.

Am sure this moment will eventually pass. Just be calm and endure.

She is either resenting u over a past issue and she no longer feel you sexually.
You need to think back on a mistake u made with your actions, and find a way to open up that chapter again and sincerely apologise and make it up to her.
If not like u said when she starts work, no more sexx.
Be sincere with yourself and settle a past grudge.

Your wife probably lost interest in sex for reasons she could not disclose to you. Talk to her calmly and make her see reasons if she didn't change, try hard not to mention the topic again and relate as though nothing is wrong pretending to be too busy on social media, she'll become jealous and begin to wonder... Hope it works

alexialin:
She is either resenting u over a past issue and she no longer feel you sexually.
You need to think back on a mistake u made with your actions, and find a way to open up that chapter again and sincerely apologise and make it up to her.
If not like u said when she starts work, no more sexx.
Be sincere with yourself and settle a past grudge.

Someone that sworn on everything and anything that she is not doing anything intentionally?

Mummyjoy:
Your wife probably lost interest in sex for reasons she could not disclose to you. Talk to her calmly and make her see reasons if she didn't change, try hard not to mention the topic again and relate as though nothing is wrong pretending to be too busy on social media, she'll become jealous and begin to wonder... Hope it works

I started a new course cos of this but the thought that I am married and can't have any sort of romance with my wife is hurting me.

Too difficult to have a straight cut answer. The solution lies on her telling you why she won't allow you access. Thus you can work towards it. But please keep your calm and don't mind those vendors outside.

Try to persuade her first. Don't allow neighbors or friends to know of this or some may seize the opportunity to worsen the situation.

I think so

psucc:
Too difficult to have a straight cut answer. The solution lies on her telling you why she won't allow you access. Thus you can work towards it. But please keep your calm and don't mind those vendors outside.

Try to persuade her first. Don't allow neighbors or friends to know of this or some may seize the opportunity to worsen the situation.

I am the same person as that other account. Yes.

adviserseeker:
Someone that sworn on everything and anything that she is not doing anything intentionally?

She will say it's not intentional cos maybe u are the kind of person that will be like,, if she admits her actions her intentional? U will use it against her in family meeting to her parents instead of settling things amicably and correcting the wrongs bn made, there and then. She might be tired of long heated arguments with you. Cos the same thing. Might have happened in the past in other ways not with this sexx thing though.. And she knows u will blow it out of proportion if she says her mind . Sometime inbetween the year u really offended her and instead of u seeing the truth as it is. U were trying to play smart and put blame on her. Some husbands are like that. Dodging the truth instead of settling things

Well sincerely I don't know what might have happened between u and your wife, for her to feel this way and not willing to have sexx often but trust me there is an issue way back yet to be settled. Think back and bring up the matter and settle it once and for all.

Okada pack here,i say here,look!! look!!! that trailer,your side,oya match brake.
See in that stage oga,some woman can even see small excuses and run away of from their husband but i believe she loves you that why she still stay put.You are like,what stage is that?.Married women knows what i am talking about.

Just pretend as if nothing happens and never cheat on her.Dont even mention anything sex again,endure,relax your mind,be watchfull,make her still.

Trust me,you will run for sex when she overcome and ready for you.You go come give us testimony here


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adviserseeker:
Hi all. Sorry to bother you all with this but I am sincerely confused and beginning to think maybe something is wrong with me.

The issue is, I am in my second year of marriage and have a one year old kid ( was 1 yesterday). I love my wife and my child but things are getting messy with my wife over sex issues.

I want to make love with my wife at least 3 times a week. But most times I will be lucky if I have it 4 times a month. For instance, this month, I have only had sex once.

Is it not normal for one to want to have sex with his legal wife 3 times a week? Note she is not working. The only work is the child and she has me and two others ( her relatives) helping with carrying the child and caring for the child). What scares me is that in 5 months time she will start working as soon as the child enters school. I am worried once she starts working sex will no longer be on the agenda.

Aside the fact that we don't have sex as often as I would want, she prefers backing me while sleeping and when my complaints was much, she decided to stay put our kid in the middle rather than in her cot. We had to gift out the baby cot months back when the baby started refusing the her bed as she prefers for obvious reasons.

Yesterday we kissed for the first time in over a month, it was getting hot then she came up with an excuse that there is heat ( our generator was at the time being serviced and there was no light). I let her go in the night when there was light, immediately I came in, she moved to the parlour to watch TV.

She also point blankly told me to seek pleasure elsewhere when I told her if she continues this way I will have to get sex elsewhere.

Now my question is, is 3 times a week normal? Or am I the problem?

This is a very thread, but also true ........

What was your sex-life like, prior to marriage ?

How often did you normally have sex, prior to the arrival of baby ?

Do you think your sex-drive is higher than your wives ?

Do you guys discuss issues relating to sex ?

Did you marry your wife with a view or passport to having regular free sex ?

[quote author=Lexusgs430 post=55719991]

This is a very thread, but also true ........

What was your sex-life like, prior to marriage ?

I had couple of one night stands but aside that she was the only person I was having anything sexual with.

How often did you normally have sex, prior to the arrival of baby ?

I planned marrying her August 2015, but got pregnant and got married February same year. She visits me from school quite often. She comes every Sunday ( PT student) and leaves Friday and we sure do have sex every day. Unless she is tired or I am tired from work.

Do you think your sex-drive is higher than your wives ?

at the moment yes but when we were dating it was at par.

Do you guys discuss issues relating to sex ?

we do discuss it a lot and I keep getting told I will change but it gets worst day by day.

Did you marry your wife with a view or passport to having regular free sex ?

I married her for other reasons. I got married because I knew I was ready and of the 3 options I had ( one died) she was the best choice. Not the first choice nor the second.

[quote author=adviserseeker post=55720553][/quote]

Might make sense, if both of you visit a sex therapist or simply buy or download her books to read.
She might be genuinely tired, looking after a child + looking after the home is a full time job.
One thing I can say is, the older marriage get, the lesser the wives are interested in sex (statistical analysis)

Three times a week on the regular, might be pushing it.......
But 4 times a month, might seem regular for some. By the time you have 3 kids, at this rate, you know say shop don close b dat.

And here i am feelinh very hot after 3 pikins them sotay oga dey run go hide

Op some women are wired like that. Be more loving and hope she changes. Kpele

Hmmmm...have you thought the issue might be medically related? Maybe she needs to see a doctor. 3 times a week is not too much...there are 7 whole days in a week! Something must be making her hoard it.

By the way, why haven't you been kissing her? Kisses alone refreshes the romance and keep the fountain alive

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...have you thought the issue might be medically related? Maybe she needs to see a doctor. 3 times a week is not too much...there are 7 whole days in a week! Something must be making her hoard it.

By the way, why haven't you been kissing her? Kisses alone refreshes the romance and keep the fountain alive

Awww, kisses are bae. I won't marry a husband that can't kiss me senseless and feel out of breath. I love kissing like water to the body. If I get married, I'm gonna kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss everyday with my boo.

Ginaz:


Awww, kisses are bae. I won't marry a husband that can't kiss me senseless and feel out of breath. I love kissing like water to the body. If I get married, I'm gonna kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss everyday with my boo.

Oh dear! I thought I'm the only one o. I love kisses die! Start by maintaining eye contact, then move it to my lips. Omg...then come a little closer. Then start with a feathery touch to my lips. Break it and look into my eyes again...then kiss me with some reckless abandon. Dearlordylordy Whew, I can travel all the way to Zamfara for a kiss...its that bad

Lexusgs430:


Might make sense, if both of you visit a sex therapist or simply buy or download her books to read.
She might be genuinely tired, looking after a child + looking after the home is a full time job.
One thing I can say is, the older marriage get, the lesser the wives are interested in sex (statistical analysis)

Three times a week on the regular, might be pushing it.......
But 4 times a month, might seem regular for some. By the time you have 3 kids, at this rate, you know say shop don close b dat.

Iseeyoouuu

sisisioge:


Oh dear! I thought I'm the only one o. I love kisses die! Start by maintaining eye contact, then move it to my lips. Omg...then come a little closer. Then start with a feathery touch to my lips. Break it and look into my eyes again...then kiss me with some reckless abandon. Dearlordylordy Whew, I can travel all the way to Zamfara for a kiss...its that bad

Ewwwwu
Sisisioge aff joined bad gang
Chai!
See explanation ...all on top kiss!

alexialin:





Ewwwwu
Sisisioge aff joined bad gang
Chai!
See explanation ...all on top kiss!

Swear say u sef no book space for kiss domot .

sisisioge:


Swear say u sef no book space for kiss domot .

Hahahahahaahha

U are right sha

Lol

Ol boi

alexialin:





Hahahahahaahha

U are right sha

Lol

Ol boi

So imagine OP not kissing his wife often enough and he expects her to part with the cookies. How was she gonna get in the mood biko? It is well...OP pls kiss as often as often as possible.

sisisioge:


Oh dear! I thought I'm the only one o. I love kisses die! Start by maintaining eye contact, then move it to my lips. Omg...then come a little closer. Then start with a feathery touch to my lips. Break it and look into my eyes again...then kiss me with some reckless abandon. Dearlordylordy Whew, I can travel all the way to Zamfara for a kiss...its that bad

Why are you stealing my styles?

sisisioge:


Iseeyoouuu

Haba Madam, I just talk say make I add my 10 pence to the story..... .....
Climbing Madam 3 times a week, in a 5 week month, that equates to 15 romps a month.
15 * 12 = 180 romps a year.
Lets assume they stay married for 45 years, Sisisioge you do that calculation......

sisisioge:


Oh dear! I thought I'm the only one o. I love kisses die! Start by maintaining eye contact, then move it to my lips. Omg...then come a little closer. Then start with a feathery touch to my lips. Break it and look into my eyes again...then kiss me with some reckless abandon. Dearlordylordy Whew, I can travel all the way to Zamfara for a kiss...its that bad

Wait o, Sisisioge & Ginaj. Nah only lips we go dey kiss?

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...have you thought the issue might be medically related? Maybe she needs to see a doctor. 3 times a week is not too much...there are 7 whole days in a week! Something must be making her hoard it.

By the way, why haven't you been kissing her? Kisses alone refreshes the romance and keep the fountain alive

3 times a week every week, is not too much? What would be your average?