dingbang:
it depends on you.. As for me , it won't take me a second to come to a conclusion.. But be that as it may, I think you should just carry on with the marriage preparations.., Jonathan had a reason for marrying Patience, you know.. So sometimes its not just about what people will say.. Yes your friends will laugh behind you saying ur woman ain't good with English buh you are happy that she doesn't give you sleepless nights.. So if you ask me, I think you should just put all that behind and continue the love you both have established.

thorpido:
So you've been in this relationship long enough,made her,her family and your church realise you want to marry her and you are still asking this kind of question?

Marry her and do everything you can to brush her up.

Peace in marriage is very important.You will understand later.

sekundosekundo:


Seems you prefer a lady that has good command of English without good character abi?. The truth is that you can't find a perfect person in marriage even you, are not perfect. Don't be deceived, the lady is not from England so English language was forced on all of us by British colony pls take note of this. Mr man, if the lady has the quality of one who will respect and love you unconditionally, pls go ahead with her. May be I should share my experience with my wife when I first met her.

trem321:
YOUR POINTS ARE CLASSICAL, VERY ENCOURAGING, something deep within me tells me that i wl definitely marry her, its just that sometimes along the line, you will see me beginning to get cold hearted towards her again and that feeling will torment me for some time and all through that period, our relationship wl turn sour until that feeling dies, and on and on and on, we have experienced a lot of ups and downs in the whole stuff, some assert that i'll love her later....

sekundosekundo:



I found Myself in this type of situation years back. I hate huge ladies but my wife to be is huge, o boy! so many things came to my mind, I was wondering how she will look like after given births. Her characters are superb but her hugeness pisses me off. One mind was telling me to dump her and I have every reason to do so more especially I am yet to make love to her so if I dump her she won't cry me a river. But there's this strong urge in me to continue with her irrespective of her hugeness. To cut the whole story short, today she is my wife and her shape intoxicates me now. Hmmm, good things sometimes comes in disguise form.

trem321:
pls i need your pieces of advise, especially from experienced persons and if possible with examples, thanks. this is my problem:i am having a double mind about the lady i want to marry, she is not ugly but not too beautiful or at least not as beautiful as i desired, her character is okay by me but she cannot speak fluently, she speaks hardly for ten minutes without making one or two mistakes, the bad thing about it is that if you ask her to correct herself, she cannot, because it wasn't a slip of tongue, it was as a result of her incapacitation or incompetency. now my spirit accepts her but my ego(pride) doesn't accept her and i am seriously confused. pls your ADVISE

trem321:
@lionessza you just added salt to injury, i'm almost drawing my conclusion to move on, only for you to come up with this salient point which i had discussed over and over with my friends, yes, i even said it here that when i finally hit my financial goal, i may no longer celebrate her as envisaged and like you rightly said, it wl affect both of us, in that i am no longer excited about her and she too feels depressed for not being adorned by her husband, infact, you just scratched a wound, so pls more light on this, beloved sekundo come say something, hmmm, when one comes close to the age of marrying, you will know that its not easy especially for some of us who have poor inclination vis a vis relationship with the opposite sex

trem321:
@lionessza you just added salt to injury, i'm almost drawing my conclusion to move on, only for you to come up with this salient point which i had discussed over and over with my friends, yes, i even said it here that when i finally hit my financial goal, i may no longer celebrate her as envisaged and like you rightly said, it wl affect both of us, in that i am no longer excited about her and she too feels depressed for not being adorned by her husband, infact, you just scratched a wound, so pls more light on this, beloved sekundo come say something, hmmm, when one comes close to the age of marrying, you will know that its not easy especially for some of us who have poor inclination vis a vis relationship with the opposite sex

PresVA:
You have talked so much about when you become rich... can't you brush her up then? or she isn't teachable? I really don't understand.. or better still, wait, get rich, then marry your choice of girl

meanyl, you're marrying her because she's a humble lady that's willing to settle with you despite your financial position? You have stated severally how you may lose interest when you become more financially stable, how you'll desire a more 'classy' chic..
you're one of the reasons many ladies wouldn't want to struggle with a guy.. I don't blame those that want already made...

I wish you the best. .

Lionessza:




I like the fact that you are saying it yourself that when you finally reach your financial goals , you "might" not want her ( yes not in so many words) but you said it. So basically she is good enough to have now that things aren't that rosy but when they are , another woman " might replace her" again not in so many words but sure sounds like it. My advice to you was not to waste this girl's time knowing very well you don't value her that much, she will be heartbroken yes but the truth is always better atleast she will pick herself up and look for a guy who will see all he wants from her and accept the negatives fully. Am not attacking you , am simple saying by settling you are also harming yourself in the process, sooner or later the truth always comes out Sir.

Lionessza:




I like the fact that you are saying it yourself that when you finally reach your financial goals , you "might" not want her ( yes not in so many words) but you said it. So basically she is good enough to have now that things aren't that rosy but when they are , another woman " might replace her" again not in so many words but sure sounds like it. My advice to you was not to waste this girl's time knowing very well you don't value her that much, she will be heartbroken yes but the truth is always better atleast she will pick herself up and look for a guy who will see all he wants from her and accept the negatives fully. Am not attacking you , am simple saying by settling you are also harming yourself in the process, sooner or later the truth always comes out Sir.

trem321:
THANKS BRO, exactly the same question i do ask myself, that is: will i have peace? and the answer is YES. my problem is my mind, the thing plagues me a lot, something that no person wl find fault with, you will see that my mind wl see all the errors in that thing, i have prayed about this thing but to no avail, if not i would have long married this lady, but i know i am still optimistic that the marriage will take place

MMotimo:
I ignored this thread the first time I saw it but I feel compelled to say something.

I agree with lionessza. What is the point "managing/settling" when you know upfront you are not happy with her grammar and could become attratcted to someone else in the future. Poor English is not something you can cover up in a social setting unless she remains mute around other people. As for brushing up a graduate's English, the success rate is very low with that. We are products of our backgrounds, good grammar is very tough to master when you're already an adult, only few break through and for some reason, it seems to be harder for women than men.

It is unlikely she will ever be able to speak English at the level you desire so if you are marrying her, remove that from your list of expectations.

simiolu1:
I'm gonna tell you a story.

My brother has a friend; they graduated from the university together. Dude went to a conc pako public primary school where the mode of communication was Yoruba. After Secondary School, dude went to learn how to be a vulcanizer. When he was almost through with his training, he approached an uncle to help him with money for accommodation. His intentions were simple; after graduation, settle down.

Uncle encouraged him to go to computer school instead of renting a house; he agreed. Then later, uncle encouraged him to get a jamb form. Dude was like "ki lo n shey boda yii now" (what is wrong with this brother) but reluctantly agreed. This same person graduated as the second best student in his class, is now a graduate assistant in the school (a federal govt university) and currently enrolled in a MSc. program. My brother once told me he went to his hostel room very early one day while they were undergraduates and found him reading "Queen Primer" and "Brighter Grammar".

Now, dude is so fresh and packaged with impeccable english too.

My point: anyone with a desire to learn should not be written off. No one brought "good english" from heaven. It's a skill we all acquired here on earth. If that's the only place she is wanting; it can be corrected.

My 2 cents

trem321:
she had also refused to say yes to other men that are coming for her(as she said). but wait, are u married or just speaking from everyday experiences cos u just said exactly what's in my mind

bukatyne:


Your brother's friend polished himself for himself (not because a woman pressured him or set it as a pre-condition for marriage).

Is the OP's woman interested in polishing herself for herself?

After getting the ring, most people become complacent especially those who were faking it or gave false promises in the first place.

trem321:
EXCELLENT, i have tried to tell her this, but she is optimistic that all wl end well later in our married life, the lady had just refused to walk away despite all my efforts to induce her...

trem321:
@ toksbisola i am speechless, the wisdom in your post cannot be quantified with words, fantastic, classical, excellent etc are all grossly understatement should they be used to quantify your words, i am deeply grateful for the time taken to pour those gems, thanks a lot, the point is i just have to pray more and seek divine direction, she is not my 'girl friend' though as no pre-marital affair of any kind had occurred, we are just members of the same congregation, but the church is supervising our marriage program though they are not aware of this, we will report back after two months and the outcome determines the next step, whether to continue or discontinue, yea, thanks to all, so far so great

dingbang:
it depends on you.. As for me , it won't take me a second to come to a conclusion.. But be that as it may, I think you should just carry on with the marriage preparations.., Jonathan had a reason for marrying Patience, you know.. So sometimes its not just about what people will say.. Yes your friends will laugh behind you saying ur woman ain't good with English buh you are happy that she doesn't give you sleepless nights.. So if you ask me, I think you should just put all that behind and continue the love you both have established.

trem321:
pls i need your pieces of advise, especially from experienced persons and if possible with examples, thanks. this is my problem:i a . pls your ADVISE