needforanswers:
Your post was actually very helpful.
It did make me feel better.
Thanks.

I can't tell him to do my housework because he might pick offence and think I am insulting him or trying to bring him down. He won't understand.

I can't leave him either.

I will reduce the comfort at home. Maybe that will help.

needforanswers:


He wasnt forced into marriage. On the contrary he wanted it more than me because his people were pressuring him to get marriage due to his age. He told me after the wedding that a great weight has been lifted off his shoulder since he is now married.

My own personal belief for why he is doing all this is that he knows I will provide food and money no matter what he does so now I want to be lazy and stop providing as much as before.

Maybe he will sit up.

Hahahahaha
OP,
You must be a joker. Great weight lifted indeed. You mean he now has a provider. Lmao at he will pick offense. A lazy man does not have any offense anywhere to pick with anyone but himself o.

You better wake up before you spend another 40yrs being manipulated into suffering to feed an able bodied man. It's better he even goes to farm and make money daily than to sit down at home and be making stupid excuses, exploiting the art of manipulation. I wish you the best with touching stories.

If he wants to stay at home, he better cook, clean, feed the kids and take care of the home as a house husband he aspires to be. Try not to have kids till you know what exactly you have put yourself into.

cococandy:

Best of luck.

cococandy, feminist of Nairaland. Looking finer these days. I hope you are changing your ways oh ! Time Dom reach to marry

OP you too must be old past your age to accept a man that cannot pay for his own wedding. Don't lie. Because you didn't tell us anything about that.

All the these righteous no sex long distance relationship doesn't solve any problem. Not to mock your faith but I hope the peepz that told you not to have sex while courting can help you now. If you had spent time with your spouse you would have known all these things. But you were running away cuz of sex. Mtchew !

Better report to your family what is truly happening. Cuz this is a serious issue. If possible get a paid salary job for him. There is nothing good as steady income. Even if it is small.

cruchenuti:


cococandy, feminist of Nairaland. Looking finer these days. I hope you are changing your ways oh ! Time Dom reach to marry

OP you too must be old past your age to accept a man that cannot pay for his own wedding. Don't lie. Because you didn't tell us anything about that.

All the these righteous no sex long distance relationship doesn't solve any problem. Not to mock your faith but I hope the peepz that told you not to have sex while courting can help you now. If you had spent time with your spouse you would have known all these things. But you were running away cuz of sex. Mtchew !

Better report to your family what is truly happening. Cuz this is a serious issue. If possible get a paid salary job for him. There is nothing good as steady income. Even if it is small.

funny how you are shading cococandy...a married career driven mother of how many again Living her American dream with her husband. Do research before shading peeps na

SirVintageCock:
funny how you are shading cococandy...a married career driven mother of how many again Living her American dream with her husband. Do research before shading peeps na

Married woman? Did she tell you that tho ?

Because her support for feminism on NL is way above normal. She has calm down now sef unlike last year.

Unless you know her personally. Don't believe everything you are told. Black feminist supporters aren't usually doing it for the real cost itself. They're doing it out of grief of their current situation. Once they start living a happy life. Their mouth go change.

cruchenuti:


Married woman? Did she tell you that tho ?

Because her support for feminism on NL is way above normal. She has calm down now sef unlike last year.

Unless you know her personally. Don't believe everything you are told. Black feminist supporters aren't usually doing it for the real cost itself. They're doing it out of grief of their current situation. Once they start living a happy life. Their mouth go change.

she is very married. And if that post you quoted is feminist then feminism isn't that bad. I mean how can a grown as.s man stay back and allow his new wife to feed and cloth him without pulling his weight around even if it is for show. I mean wtf...
I ain't gonna support a lazy asS m'fucker and idi.ots giving men bad name, then turn around to shout feminists when women starts to complain.
Feminism or malinism or whatever....truth be told

Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

SirVintageCock:
she is very married. And if that post you quoted is feminist then feminism isn't that bad. I mean how can a grown as.s man stay back and allow his new wife to feed and cloth him without pulling his weight around even if it is for show. I mean wtf...
I ain't gonna support a lazy asS m'fucker and idi.ots giving men bad name, then turn around to shout feminists when women starts to complain.
Feminism or malinism or whatever....truth be told

Lmao. Shebi you did not fully read my reply to that comment. Oya go back and read it. Na only cococandy your eyes see. Lol

If I am the OP and I don't have any kids, and also below 30 years. Please consider divorce. Organize your lawyers and call for a family meeting. A stitch in time saves nine.

Some people cannot be changed. Just as you don't bother yourself changing A Runs girl. An unconcerned man is also the same. Leave them alone.

OP,
I feel for you. Its a tricky one. You've got to get it right with whatever approach you choose to adopt. Sometimes, one begins to wonder which is better: A hardworking man who provides for his family, but cheats on his wife OR a lazy (wall gecko) who does nothing to cater for his family and only wants sex from his wife?

Reality hasn't hit him yet. Madam, put beta fire for him yarsh! Maybe you are too gentle!

SirVintageCock:
funny how you are shading cococandy...a married career driven mother of how many again Living her American dream with her husband. Do research before shading peeps na

I love the description.
Married mother of one gorgeous daughter BTW.

In fact the career thing done tire me. I want to give up and become a trophy wife. Is it too late

cruchenuti:


Married woman? Did she tell you that tho ?

Because her support for feminism on NL is way above normal. She has calm down now sef unlike last year.

Unless you know her personally. Don't believe everything you are told. Black feminist supporters aren't usually doing it for the real cost itself. They're doing it out of grief of their current situation. Once they start living a happy life. Their mouth go change.

You're absolutely right about the bolded. I'm feminist because my situation is giving me grief.

Eat some food and get some sleep.

So many suggestions and blames on the Op, you 4get anyone could have been in the same situation in fact A lot of people go into Marriage hiding stuff

Op, you are in an interesting position, and you're going to make decisions that will determine how the rest of your Marriage will be, great or not. I don't know what those decisions are, I think if you are 'praying' you have a chance to turn things around.
I do hope in the years to come you n hubby maybe kids will c ds post n have a good laugh.
Wish you the best

cruchenuti:


cococandy, feminist of Nairaland. Looking finer these days. I hope you are changing your ways oh ! Time Dom reach to marry

OP you too must be old past your age to accept a man that cannot pay for his own wedding. Don't lie. Because you didn't tell us anything about that.

All the these righteous no sex long distance relationship doesn't solve any problem. Not to mock your faith but I hope the peepz that told you not to have sex while courting can help you now. If you had spent time with your spouse you would have known all these things. But you were running away cuz of sex. Mtchew !

Better report to your family what is truly happening. Cuz this is a serious issue. If possible get a paid salary job for him. There is nothing good as steady income. Even if it is small.

Just look at you forming to know so much about Cococandy as a feminist, yet you didn't know that she is gorgeous mother of another cute and beautiful lady. That's too show that she is happy. And next time try to do your research before you comment, it saves you a lot of mentions.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

What a stereotype! Stop the generalisation and stop speaking for all the Yoruba men like you have been to all their houses to ascertain this fact. Some Yoruba men can't speak for all the Yoruba men. Same also for other tribes. There is no need to start a tribal war here. He is simply a man who speaks for himself and not his tribe. You people just find a way of making everything tribal. Gosh!

cococandy:

I love the description.
Married mother of one gorgeous daughter BTW.

In fact the career thing done tire me. I want to give up and become a trophy wife. Is it too late

It ain't too late ma'am
Age is still on your side. But go easy on the Hermes bags

CFCman:

It ain't too late ma'am
Age is still on your side. But go easy on the Hermes bags

What is the job of a trophy wife if not to collect a roomful of Hermes bags

The husband would be disappointed if she doesn't.

Tell me about it

Prettiepearlz:

What a stereotype! Stop the generalisation and stop speaking for all the Yoruba men like you have been to all their houses to ascertain this fact. Some Yoruba men can't speak for all the Yoruba men. Same also for other tribes. There is no need to start a tribal war here. He is simply a man who speaks for himself and not his tribe. You people just find a way of making everything tribal. Gosh!

Prettiepearlz:

Just look at you forming to know so much about Cococandy as a feminist, yet you didn't know that she is gorgeous mother of another cute and beautiful lady. That's too show that she is happy. And next time try to do your research before you comment, it saves you a lot of mentions.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

You mean all the millions of Yoruba men out there prefer to be fed by their wives?
I don't even know where to start with you.

Just open first, and let's chat....

cococandy:

I love the description.
Married mother of one gorgeous daughter BTW.

In fact the career thing done tire me. I want to give up and become a trophy wife. Is it too late

oh well!! Where is that guy? There you have it,.....and would you mind shutting it a bit there cruchenuti, damn this your moniker is hellish...wth.

Ma'am, don't even think about the last paragraph. If na joke make you stop am abeg.
Career driven wife with a homely attributes is a strong aphrodisiac which makes orgaSm not to be a herculean task. A trophy wife is no different than the girl on the street.

nnamdibig:
How can you not know where your husband is working before getting married to him?
What is the circumstances surrounding ur marriage??
Was he forced to marry you?
Am asking all these because I can't understand why a full grown man will be this lazy and uninterested.
He may be doing all these to get at you.
Something must be wrong somewhere.

It sounds outrageous but there are actually men who are like that or worse. The OP should have been smarter but I don't blame her really. Some of these lazy men actually go out of their way to con women into marriage.

@OP, let me be blunt. The chances of your husband changing are very slim if not completely non existent. You can either cut your losses right now and move on before children get into the mix, or you buckle up and be the bread winner.

Finally, may God bless and strengthen you.

SirVintageCock:
oh well!! Where is that guy? There you have it,.....and would you mind shutting it a bit there cruchenuti, damn this your moniker is hellish...wth.

Ma'am, don't even think about the last paragraph. If na joke make you stop am abeg.
Career driven wife with a homely attributes is a strong aphrodisiac which makes orgaSm not to be a herculean task. A trophy wife is no different than the girl on the street.

Mmm. Okay o

cococandy:

What is the job of a trophy wife if not to collect a roomful of Hermes bags

The husband would be disappointed if she doesn't.

nnamdibig:


But from what you said, he married to satisfy his people not because he wanted or was ready mentally to marry.
Always pray that she changes.
This kind of thing can be very difficult to deal with.

Yes, I will keep praying.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

No he isn't Yoruba

moski5:
So many suggestions and blames on the Op, you 4get anyone could have been in the same situation in fact A lot of people go into Marriage hiding stuff

Op, you are in an interesting position, and you're going to make decisions that will determine how the rest of your Marriage will be, great or not. I don't know what those decisions are, I think if you are 'praying' you have a chance to turn things around.
I do hope in the years to come you n hubby maybe kids will c ds post n have a good laugh.
Wish you the best

Thanks for understanding. This type of thing could happen to anyone. There are many women presently who are the ones feeding their families, not because they were not vigilant but because the husband suddenly changed after children came. And the wife had to provide since she couldn't watch the kids starve.

I also hope all these things pass away.

Juliearth:
Babe,you should have turned on your Antennae while courting him. Clearly,you have been deceived....how can a man earning a good pay not be able to sponsor his wedding to a great extent? Well,you will be fine. I belief things will take shape now that you are in the picture....remember not to get pregnant until things improve.

He didn't wash his hands off the wedding completely. He handled some expenses and now that I think of it I believe he borrowed money to pay for those few wedding expenses because he sent money to me to cover costs of some few things but the money was sent through his friends account name and number.
When I queried why his friend was the one sending the money he said that person was owing him money before.

Prettiepearlz:

Just look at you forming to know so much about Cococandy as a feminist, yet you didn't know that she is gorgeous mother of another cute and beautiful lady. That's too show that she is happy. And next time try to do your research before you comment, it saves you a lot of mentions.

Lol, it doesn't change anything. Constantly supporting post against men at every opportunity says much about who she is.

Saves me mentions? Err mentions is punishment or what? I didn't get that though.

For the record. She was very aggressive last year. She has calm down now. Its that's what happy means. So it means she was sad before. And she's now very much happy.

Well..thank God oh. Na wetin we dey pray for.

maclatunji:
Before you married him there must have been things you liked about him. Why don't you try using those positives to try to motivate him? He may be burnt-out but nonetheless he is not displaying a sense of responsibility or shame that he relies on his wife for feeding permanently and does little or nothing about it.

The problem is not entrepreneurship which is really tough but his not even making an effort. You should try to help him see that he is better-off being active and successful for himself first and then by extension you is wife and future children.

Sometimes some men improve if they are helped with a job. It's your marriage, try to figure it out for you. My final note is don't criticize him to put-him-down, constructively engage to lift-him-up.

Yes, there were things I liked about him. He is a good conversationist and that is what helps him to market his products. He also isn't controlling or a bully, more of a live and let live type of person. Apart from the very laid back unconcerned attitude to providing he doesn't give me issues in any way.
He is not a troublesome person at all but unfortunately he is not doing the one thing he ought to be doing as a head of house.

needforanswers:


He didn't wash his hands off the wedding completely. He handled some expenses and now that I think of it I believe he borrowed money to pay for those few wedding expenses because he sent money to me to cover costs of some few things but the money was sent through his friends account name and number.
When I queried why his friend was the one sending the money he said that person was owing him money before.

Lmao. I just noticed your moniker is needforanswers ...chaiii

Madam the advise you have received here is enough. Go and implement them.

cruchenuti:


Lmao. I just noticed your moniker is needforanswers ...chaiii

Madam the advise you have received here is enough. Go and implement them.

I know, I got good advice, but thanks for pointing it out.
I want to clear those that don't understand me fully or those asking questions to get a better picture.

cruchenuti:


Lol, it doesn't change anything. Constantly supporting post against men at every opportunity says much about who she is.

Saves me mentions? Err mentions is punishment or what? I didn't get that though.

For the record. She was very aggressive last year. She has calm down now. Its that's what happy means. So it means she was sad before. And she's now very much happy.

Well..thank God oh. Na wetin we dey pray for.

See analyst.

No it means my baby is a handful now as she grows older and after dealing with her, I don't have the energy to reply mor0ns like you anymore.

You are dumber than you appear if you think you can judge people's personal lives from the internet.

If you could face the OP and leave Cococandy's happiness or lack of it out of the conversation, that would be nice.

cruchenuti:


Lol, it doesn't change anything. Constantly supporting post against men at every opportunity says much about who she is.

Saves me mentions? Err mentions is punishment or what? I didn't get that though.

For the record. She was very aggressive last year. She has calm down now. Its that's what happy means. So it means she was sad before. And she's now very much happy.

Well..thank God oh. Na wetin we dey pray for.

You're already biased and prejudiced towards coco.candy and what she said was indeed the truth. Many men are like op's husband and people like you in society assume a biased stance instead of stating it as it is. The fact is that truth hurts, op has been deceived into marriage with an NFA of a husband. I hope she takes most of the more stringent pieces of advice she's given to heart and implements them. If not she'll end up another black, bitter and disatisfied mother at forty.


And yeah, stop being a hater Mrs Coocandy obviously has a lot going for her than you think.