Prettiepearlz:

Thanks ma'am

Thank YOU!

You have given my day the perfect finish.

I am so happy to see a young lady who has discovered that she deserves better.

Prettiepearlz:

Is it a big deal if I want a deep understanding of what you want me to do? I understand you want me to be a writer but at the same time I am entitled to questions too.

Relax. I mean if you can write this well in defence/support of an individual, you can probably write for promotional purposes. It is not like I have a contract for you already nah. If you did not understand my post, I was just going to leave it.

If you think you want to be a writer, we can discuss. Send me a PM. Don't bother if I don't respond immediately, I should in due course.

needforanswers:


to be honest I think he has a personality problem.

His married friends are doing so much better than he is but he just doesn't care.

Just one question for you madam. Did you have to marry him because you were pregnant for him or maybe because you were in your late thirties?

Anyway, you need to stop spending money for him. No more food in the house If he doesn't provide housekeeping.

It's better to be single than to be yoked with a man-child.

ElsonMorali:


Just one question for you madam. Did you have to marry him because you were pregnant for him or maybe because you were in your late thirties?

.

He had a lot of qualities I like. I hate confrontations and bad relationship with others and he seemed like someone who I could live in peace with for a long time.

Am not even thirty yet so I didn't marry cos of old age.

johnson232:

Hmmm.... i don't support this!

Maybe the sales he is making is not encouraging, why not work with him to see if he can get a better job. .

Thanks, I will do my best to work with him but just that my own job takes a lot of my time

cococandy:

Those politics section people can drag you into tribal war that you're not prepared for.

Those people tire me I swear.

cococandy:

Those politics section people can drag you into tribal war that you're not prepared for.

Ah! As much as I love politics, I don't go there anymore because of the way everything becomes a tribal war. I only read politics story on front page. Even achievements from Nigerians becomes a tribal war even the mods aren't helping matters, you would see some topics read "A Yoruba pilot did this" An Igbo pilot did that" and I then wonder what's going on here? So I learnt to close my eye to those things abeg I can't come and be doing e-war because it's not easy sometimes when I see my tribe being disrespected but I have learnt to overlook it as what they say doesn't define me.

cococandy:
I had no idea this was happening.
Excuse me while I go wipe my tears
I'm touched

Lol. That's how much I learnt from you. Please don't stop the good work. And I am so glad that beautiful little lady has you as her mother.

needforanswers:


He had a lot of qualities I like. I hate confrontations and bad relationship with others and he seemed like someone who I could live in peace with for a long time.

Am not even thirty yet so I didn't marry cos of old age.

Well OK. Maybe you should focus on his positive aspect then. It's just unfortunate that his positive aspect won't put bread on the table.

Prettiepearlz:

Well at the first paragraph, Cococandy doesn't always support post against men, but she constantly supports post against men that are abusive physically, emotionally and mentally and also men who cheats because cheating is bad, have you seen her speak against men whom their wives describe as caring? I must commend her for that self because from her I learnt it wasn't a norm for men to cheat (because I could remember while growing up I have an uncle who would jokingly tell me not to be like my aunt who constantly complains about his cheating but I should be happy because he chose me), I lived with this mentality until I became frequent on Nairaland family section and I read reasonable comment from people like Cococandy, EfemenaXY, Onegai, Tearoses and even nice men like Thorpido and Siena(a pity he deactivated his account) who spoke constantly against it, at first I don't agree with the school of thought because I was blinded by the African belief of you must make your marriage work irrespective of what happens but these people especially Cococandy schooled me and freed me from that backwardness. They taught me that it's not wise to stay and allow a man abuse me physically and mentally all in the name of saving a marriage, they taught me its not wise to be a slave in a place that is supposed to be my home, they taught me that I wasn't supposed to accept cheating as a norm, they taught me that prayers work to hold marriages but I shouldn't harm myself in a marriage all in the name of staying and praying, I shouldn't go "War Room" in suffering. I received my first knowledge from them and with that knowledge I was able to be a good member of a female support group, I learnt not to ever judge my fellow women especially if I haven't walked in their shoes, I learnt to WAKA PASS if I can't be nice. So tell me in what way is she aggressive? Bring the story of a nice husband and watch how Cococandy will speak well of him. As regards the second bold words, she has always been a happy fellow, it's only people who don't understand her that would refer to her as bitter or aggressive. She is a role model I must tell you and I love her so much. But you people wouldn't agree with her because she refused to be chained by African belief, she is only fighting a good fight. And we female folks appreciate it. Mama Cococandy, your baby loves you so much . Please keep fighting the good fight.

Well, you've made some good points.

But then the fact that you had to have people on the internet tell you the right way to live life means you might have been a victim of bad parenting. So therefore people on the internet have become your role model.

The cococandy that you are fighting for already accepted that she calmed down because her graceful child. So she clearly understands what she is being accused of. You can kindly scroll up and find where she said it earlier.

That being said, many people i know have actually solved their marriage issues like did in "War Room" by praying. But then, please do what works best for you.

As regarding your uncle.
If the society makes it seem like it is norm for Men to cheat. Is your life guided by the society? Aren't there African men that don't cheat or beat up their wives?


Your case is like someone who hasn't seen any form of light before, suddenly sees a candle light. It would look so glorious to you. Then you begin to worship the candle. Until you now see actual light in form of electricity.




.

cruchenuti:


Well, you've made some good points.

But then the fact that you had to have people on the internet tell you the right way to live life means you might have been a victim of bad parenting. So therefore people on the internet have become your role model.

The cococandy that you are fighting for already accepted that she calmed down because her graceful child. So she clearly understands what she is being accused of. You can kindly scroll up and find where she said it earlier.

That being said, many people i know have actually solved their marriage issues like did in "War Room" by praying. But then, please do what works best for you.

As regarding your uncle.
If the society makes it seem like it is norm for Men to cheat. Is your life guided by the society? Aren't there African men that don't cheat or beat up their wives?


Your case is like someone who hasn't seen any form of light before, suddenly sees a candle light. It would look so glorious to you. Then you begin to worship the candle. Until you now see actual light in form of electricity.




.

Your points have made no sense at all. And as regards the bold, I take that as an insult and as a typical Nigerian and a typical nairalander you are always quick to refer to one's parent. Well for your information, I have had the BEST PARENTS you can ever think of. And if you don't know, apart from your parents who are your first teachers, the society also have a way of imparting knowledge on you and also the internet. You can get enlightened anywhere. Tell me you don't have a role model apart from your parents and I will tell you how hypocritical you are. We women have decided to be free from that societal and African beliefs of men treating us like slaves. From all your posts so far, you are one of those men affected by societal and African belief so don't come here preaching to me asking questions like should the societal belief have an impact on an individual because you are one of those products. And if you understand sarcasm, you would know Cococandy wasn't agreeing to your words in the real sense of it.
Yeah as regards War Room, tell a victim of domestic violence to sit and be going war room, so that when she dies, you would all come online to spill thrash about how she was stupid enough to cause her death. Your last paragraph should be referred to you and not me because I am more enlightened than you think but I can't say the same for you. Because you keep going back and forth saying the same thing and you keep on going on without knowing when to stop.
Ps: DON'T ever refer to my parents when making your points because I don't joke with them, I repeat Don't ever!. I wouldn't disrespect your parents, don't ever say anything about my parent's parenting because it's obvious, you can't even do half of what they have sacrificed for us to have a better life. Don't mention me again because at this point, your opinion matters less to me. Preach to those who are ready to hear your preaching, I am proud of the woman I have become and the woman I will be. And besides the op has gotten a solution to her situation, so case closed, stop the mentions so we can all rest, Bye!

[s]

cruchenuti:


Well, you've made some good points.

But then the fact that you had to have people on the internet tell you the right way to live life means you might have been a victim of bad parenting. So therefore people on the internet have become your role model.

The cococandy that you are fighting for already accepted that she calmed down because her graceful child. So she clearly understands what she is being accused of. You can kindly scroll up and find where she said it earlier.

That being said, many people i know have actually solved their marriage issues like did in "War Room" by praying. But then, please do what works best for you.

As regarding your uncle.
If the society makes it seem like it is norm for Men to cheat. Is your life guided by the society? Aren't there African men that don't cheat or beat up their wives?


Your case is like someone who hasn't seen any form of light before, suddenly sees a candle light. It would look so glorious to you. Then you begin to worship the candle. Until you now see actual light in form of electricity.

.

[/s]

Prettiepearlz:

Ah! As much as I love politics, I don't go there anymore because of the way everything becomes a tribal war. I only read politics story on front page. Even achievements from Nigerians becomes a tribal war even the mods aren't helping matters, you would see some topics read "A Yoruba pilot did this" An Igbo pilot did that" and I then wonder what's going on here? So I learnt to close my eye to those things abeg I can't come and be doing e-war because it's not easy sometimes when I see my tribe being disrespected but I have learnt to overlook it as what they say doesn't define me.

You and I will live as one.. .

Prettiepearlz:

Your points have made no sense at all. And as regards the bold, I take that as an insult and as a typical Nigerian and a typical nairalander you are always quick to refer to one's parent. Well for your information, I have had the BEST PARENTS you can ever think of. And if you don't know, apart from your parents who are your first teachers, the society also have a way of imparting knowledge on you and also the internet. You can get enlightened anywhere. Tell me you don't have a role model apart from your parents and I will tell you how hypocritical you are. We women have decided to be free from that societal and African beliefs of men treating us like slaves. From all your posts so far, you are one of those men affected by societal and African belief so don't come here preaching to me asking questions like should the societal belief have an impact on an individual because you are one of those products. And if you understand sarcasm, you would know Cococandy wasn't agreeing to your words in the real sense of it.
Yeah as regards War Room, tell a victim of domestic violence to sit and be going war room, so that when she dies, you would all come online to spill thrash about how she was stupid enough to cause her death. Your last paragraph should be referred to you and not me because I am more enlightened than you think but I can't say the same for you. Because you keep going back and forth saying the same thing and you keep on going on without knowing when to stop.
Ps: DON'T ever refer to my parents when making your points because I don't joke with them, I repeat Don't ever!. I wouldn't disrespect your parents, don't ever say anything about my parent's parenting because it's obvious, you can't even do half of what they have sacrificed for us to have a better life. Don't mention me again because at this point, your opinion matters less to me. Preach to those who are ready to hear your preaching, I am proud of the woman I have become and the woman I will be. And besides the op has gotten a solution to her situation, so case closed, stop the mentions so we can all rest, Bye!

I said you *Might* have been have been a victim of bad parenting. I didn't say you were.

And No one is disrespecting your parents. I have parents too. And also for the record my Role model is not someone from the internet.

You are more enlightened than I think? OK no problem. Shebi I have accepted. Wahala no dey. Bye.

Encourage him pray for him help him advertise his business he is your partner for life.

People often think that we all work separate when we are married but you are both on the team his job is not just to provide for your family alone be a helping hand

My own is that why is the first inclination/suggestion for the wife to jump ship? Very reactive and I wonder where the love is.
Our old school parents were so much more loving and supportive of each other.
Not holding brief for the husband but many times all a man needs is for his partner to support him, to love him. And he will move mountains. But women today hold separation over your head like the sword of Damocles, they are ever ready to leave you. Sometimes you don't even know what you did wrong this time
You think a man cannot sense all this? Nothing more depressing, I tell you.
I see needsanswers conveniently glossed over Maclatunji's question about who paid/pays the rent. Her answer: 'He SAID he has paid'. Cmon girl. It's just 6months; of course he's paid for the roof over both your heads. If you insist on making it look like you went into the marriage looking for a provider, then it's time you started showing gratitude for the shelter. Abi where is the love?

"I want to love you, every day and every night
We'll be together, with a roof right over our heads
We'll share the shelter, of my single bed
We'll share the same room, yeah! For Jah provide the bread"

solasoulmusic:
Encourage him pray for him help him advertise his business he is your partner for life.

People often think that we all work separate when we are married but you are both on the team his job is not just to provide for your family alone be a helping hand

OP, 85% of the recommendations on this thread might break your home, but this particular one won't.

BoboYekini:
I see needsanswers conveniently glossed over Maclatunji's question about who paid/pays the rent. Her answer: 'He SAID he has paid'. Cmon girl. It's just 6months; of course he's paid for the roof over both your heads. If you insist on making it look like you went into the marriage looking for a provider, then it's time you started showing gratitude for the shelter. Abi where is the love?

Wow are you being serious right now?
He paid rent so I should henceforth become the provider and homekeeper and his surbodinate while he does nothing?
He paid rent so I shouldn't complain right?

The cash I have spent sustaining us both these past few months has greatly exceeded the rent so how about that? Should I keep spending just to show gratitude that he paid rent?
Please don't make me annoyed.

Others came and acknowledged that it is the husband's duty to provide and you are here veering off course with your talk about rent and gratitude.

solasoulmusic:
Encourage him pray for him help him advertise his business he is your partner for life.

People often think that we all work separate when we are married but you are both on the team his job is not just to provide for your family alone be a helping hand

done all that. I even created a thread on nairaland with another moniker to advertise his business.

needforanswers:


done all that. I even created a thread on nairaland with another moniker to advertise his business.

From my experience I will ask do you really love him or you love the idea of him things are slow everywhere try and innovate on new ways to advertise the business

I'm not saying your not doing enough but from experience when it comes to love it's a lifetime effort not just a onetime thing. Try not to be insultive and demeaning but more loving and see if there won't be a change

needforanswers:


Wow are you being serious right now?
He paid rent so I should henceforth become the provider and homekeeper and his surbodinate while he does nothing?
He paid rent so I shouldn't complain right?

The cash I have spent sustaining us both these past few months has greatly exceeded the rent so how about that? Should I keep spending just to show gratitude that he paid rent?
Please don't make me annoyed.

Others came and acknowledged that it is the husband's duty to provide and you are here veering off course with your talk about rent and gratitude.

No words.

Prettiepearlz:

I don't understand you sir.

some peeps don't recognise opportunity when they see one.

Prettiepearlz:

Your points have made no sense at all. And as regards the bold, I take that as an insult and as a typical Nigerian and a typical nairalander you are always quick to refer to one's parent. Well for your information, I have had the BEST PARENTS you can ever think of. And if you don't know, apart from your parents who are your first teachers, the society also have a way of imparting knowledge on you and also the internet. You can get enlightened anywhere. Tell me you don't have a role model apart from your parents and I will tell you how hypocritical you are. We women have decided to be free from that societal and African beliefs of men treating us like slaves. From all your posts so far, you are one of those men affected by societal and African belief so don't come here preaching to me asking questions like should the societal belief have an impact on an individual because you are one of those products. And if you understand sarcasm, you would know Cococandy wasn't agreeing to your words in the real sense of it.
Yeah as regards War Room, tell a victim of domestic violence to sit and be going war room, so that when she dies, you would all come online to spill thrash about how she was stupid enough to cause her death. Your last paragraph should be referred to you and not me because I am more enlightened than you think but I can't say the same for you. Because you keep going back and forth saying the same thing and you keep on going on without knowing when to stop.
Ps: DON'T ever refer to my parents when making your points because I don't joke with them, I repeat Don't ever!. I wouldn't disrespect your parents, don't ever say anything about my parent's parenting because it's obvious, you can't even do half of what they have sacrificed for us to have a better life. Don't mention me again because at this point, your opinion matters less to me. Preach to those who are ready to hear your preaching, I am proud of the woman I have become and the woman I will be. And besides the op has gotten a solution to her situation, so case closed, stop the mentions so we can all rest, Bye!

you started well (earlier post) but dis post is a no no for very obvious reasons. moderation is key.Be more Polish in your language and choice of words.B open to criticisms it make u a better person. its all good. we shall all get there.oneluv.

solasoulmusic:


From my experience I will ask do you really love him or you love the idea of him things are slow everywhere try and innovate on new ways to advertise the business

I'm not saying your not doing enough but from experience when it comes to love it's a lifetime effort not just a onetime thing. Try not to be insultive and demeaning but more loving and see if there won't be a change

There is hope....we still have good women...

Unbiased & good advise...

johnson232:

There is hope....we still have good women...

Unbiased & good advise...

We live and we learn to love the right way instead of negatively and disrespectfully

freshbear:
some peeps don't recognise opportunity when they see one.

Hello! If you weren't so quick to pass your comments and you continued to read further, you would realise I said that to know if he was genuine about it or he was trying to be sarcastic which eventually turned out to be the latter. So always know the situation of things before passing a judgement Bros.

freshbear:
you started well (earlier post) but dis post is a no no for very obvious reasons. moderation is key.Be more Polish in your language and choice of words.B open to criticisms it make u a better person. its all good. we shall all get there.oneluv.

Oh tell me, Mr. How is it a no no? So I should keep quiet and watch someone throw shades at my parents and I should watch him make me look stupid because I chose to defend what was right? Would you have kept quiet if I throw shades at your parents? And tell me how it is to be polish? Since you know how to be one. Did I insult him? Or did you see a part in my point where I directed vulgar languages to him? I only told him the obvious truth. Did you read what led to my comment at all? Oh well, except you feel I shouldn't talk to him that way because he is a man. I respect everyone both men and women alike, and respect they say is reciprocal. If you make your point in a polite way, you would be respected, but if you make your point in a rude way and try to make it look polite, you would get the same treatment. You know a lot of people are so good in trying to make people feel stupid politely under the guise of criticism. An example is this post of yours(I am sorry sir but I tried to picture both posts in a positive way but I couldn't because I am being judged here and not criticized). I believe criticism should be clear and when criticising, it should be constructive and not destructive and also definitely not judgemental.

solasoulmusic:


We live and we learn to love the right way instead of negatively and disrespectfully

Very true...are u into music?

Boy am I glad I found this thread, it's almost 3am and I can't sleep.

Anyway OP, lemme clear you on hand.

That your bobo no serious at all!

Does he have a degree? In what? What grade?

So your husband is hustling. Ha!!!!

Hustle is his big game to feed his family. Omo you don enter am.

What kind of financial situation do you think you will always be in?

No glimpse of financial security in sights.

That his kind of works can bring 5m tommorow next you will not see shit for the next 5 years.

Tell him you are not interested in that business abeg.

Let him get a job or do business that has a defined market and can be at least predictable so you guys can plan.

Stamp your feet no dull at all. You are fighting for your life and happiness here.

Like I said more details pls. Is he educated, learnt a trade lets know his options.

Have a nice day


Modified

Hope the age difference between you two ain't so much.

So that you can have the confidence to talk.

What your husband doesn't realize is that hustling was okay for a single guy, but for a married guy, hell no!

Single guys can stay and live life as it comes.

A married man needs more money.

Let him know he is no more a boy.

chloride6:
Boy am I glad I found this thread, it's almost 3am and I can't sleep.

Anyway OP, lemme clear you on hand.

That your bobo no serious at all!

Does he have a degree? In what? What grade?

So your husband is hustling. Ha!!!!

Hustle is his big game to feed his family. Omo you don enter am.

What kind of financial situation do you think you will always be in?

No glimpse of financial security in sights.

That his kind of works can bring 5m tommorow next you will not see shit for the next 5 years.

Tell him you are not interested in that business abeg.

Let him get a job or do business that has a defined market and can be at least predictable so you guys can plan.

Stamp your feet no dull at all. You are fighting for your life and happiness here.

Like I said more details pls. Is he educated, learnt a trade lets know his options.

Have a nice day


Modified

Hope the age difference between you two ain't so much.

So that you can have the confidence to talk.

What your husband doesn't realize is that hustling was okay for a single guy, but for a married guy, hell no!

Single guys can stay and live life as it comes.

A married man needs more money.

Let him know he is no more a boy.

You sef dey come here