Sometime ago, a man told me "good girls like me are the ones who turn out so pitiable and they eventually settle down with men that aren't noble or Honourable while the bad ones end up settling down with wealthy and Honourable men and tend to be treated like a queen as though they never lived a despicable life"

I immediately renounced it by replying that won't be my portion and he'll live to see how God would beautify my life to the extent he would wish he had swallowed up those words.

But after that scene died down, I thought to myself - is this man not saying the truth? Because I looked around me and realized most ladies have things going well for them and even settled down with high caliber of men one never thought would settle with them.
But I thank God and I'm happy for such people because I do spend time praying for such people when I feel if they continue with that lifestyle, it may lead to their regret. So it feels so good to see them blessed and prosperous and especially, settled down with their own family already. I mean that's a testimony But what that man told me began creating fear in me.

LESSONS LEARNT
Though I sometimes get scared of what the man said but as a Christian, I shouldn't allow that and I think if what the man said come to pass, it would be because of some of my behaviors and principles I ought to change and which are:

1. I have to minimize the way I stay indoors or just keep to myself. I have to let go of the fear of going to New places, making new friends and getting to know people all in the name of protecting me. If God has protected me this far, He can't leave me now.

2. A strong mindset of being in only one relationship which it's a must it leads to marriage. I desire so much just to be in a relationship with one person in my life. I hate with a passion being in a romantic relationship here and there, not to talk of the imagination of being touched by different people all over the place. Eeeeeeeww.
But what do I do when such a relationship doesn't work? Should I then kill myself or force it? NO

3. Being in a relationship with someone that's as Godly as you or should I say more Godly. Some persons especially pastors to be or pastors because of the height of purity they believe they've attained in life makes it difficult for them to overlook some mistakes their partners make which could have easily been overlooked by unbelievers or 'the not so righteous'.

I desired being taken to the altar by a Pastor but I doubt that now. Because it seems those in the world know how to love their woman than the so called Holy Ghost filled men.

4. I shouldn't give too much attention to those who claim they love me or they just want to be my friends. I've observed most men don't like to be given attention by the woman they claim they love, even the so called good guys. It's like it's in their nature, immediately they find out or they think you care too much for them or you love them way too much, they then think you can't do without them. This makes them take you for a fool or a non entity. No wonder good guys get married to bad girls and vice versa.

That makes me wonder, when they get married, should their wives not care for them or give them attention as they desired? I doubt if they would find that funny

This 4th point should be my No.1 lesson but I don't think it would be easy for me to go by it. Because my heart is filled with too much love to give out. To me, it takes more than a strong heart or a strong decision not to care for those you like not to talk of those you love or cherish. I hope I get to that point though but it will really hurt not giving attention to the one you care about.

5. I should not love first. I should be the one to receive love, enough of it before I can say yes, it's time for me to give back love.
This is a major lesson I've learnt but it's also the one that would really hurt if I have to make the person who genuinely loves me and is not blinded by ego go through that. He doesn't deserve it.

6. I no longer believe in the platonic kind of friendship between members of the opposite sex. I'm a kind who do have one close friend at a time depending on the change of environment and it turned out guys have been more of my close friends than the ladies. Though ladies are more comfortable with male friends but I think I can advise that the opposite sex shouldn't be a 'best friend'.
I realized it doesn't actually turn out pure as people portray. And that's because one of you might have developed or will eventually develop what I can call a Sexual kind of feeling towards the other. And guys out there who doesn't want to come closer to you for friendship sake but for relationship sake will find it difficult to come closer to you and may eventually quit and that's because they see what you don't see or what you pretend to never see.

After my platonic friendship with the second or third guy, I came to the conclusion that there's nothing like 'best friends' between a guy and a lady and that's because I got to know they had feelings for me in one way or the other. Though some denied the feelings, I eventually got to know through how they tried having a feel of my body.
That shows there seems to be something going on behind closed doors so I wouldn't advice anyone to get so close to the opposite sex in the guise of best friends. I also wouldn't advise anyone to leave his or her partner in the friendship of the opposite sex.

What's my fate then? I'm waiting to see because I refuse to be a good girl gone bad. I won't let the words of men that want to destroy me change me. I won't let the failure of good or Godly guys loving me change me. If someone like me exists and can still love then there should be someone for me out there who is good, Godly and still knows how to love.
I refuse to be among the good girls who end up badly. God help me.

I hope to look back on this thread and smile that I made it, some time in the future.

---

Are you married or single? Let me know your view of good, Godly single girls, the advantages and disadvantages.

They always end up with good homes though atimes it might come late. But late goog marriages are better than early marriages ending in divorce afterwards

I just don't want to judge any good girl here tho...



But I think Godly ladies need to drop that sense of self righteousness. They should understand that people are there for a reason and there opinions about life aren't always applicable


In a nutshell, Good Godly girls should always be open minded.

BennyAnn,
Sister..wow! It's been a long time! Glad to know you're alive & well.
Believe it or not, but I've been thinking about you...wondering if you were okay.
Well I got my answer today.
Anyhow, I take it you are young....late teens to maybe mid 20s or so?
I really felt impressed to respond to you after reading your post because you seem like a sincere, kind and Godly young lady who loves her Lord and wants honest answers.
The fate of a Godly young lady.....is to be mated with a Godly young man...(the man God has for you). If you've been praying, God knows...and at the appointed time (if He has called you to be married)...then that man will recognize you as his helper and it will happen. Have faith!
Sister,
I'm gonna be very transparent right now.....brutally honest.
According to Nigeria's standard, I'm an old maid...(all my youth is gone, my eggs rotten, best years gone etc.) since I am single at 39. If I had low self-esteem, I would probably go into a depression from all that I've read on NL in these few months I've been a member
YET in my mind, I know the best is yet to come...be it marriage or singleness! And no one can tell me differently or steal my joy!
"Feelings/emotions" are a state of mind. They, however, can change and are not always reliable. You have to have that unshakeable joy....that peace only Christ can give...about a future relationship.
Part 2 Coming In A Moment

Part 2....
BennyAnn,
What I'm coming to realize in this Christian journey is that our timing may not be God's timing.
Now I must say, I made some terrible relationship choices (which definitely delayed & blocked potential suitors)....and paid the price. The thing is I knew that the guys weren't the "one", yet I wanted to satisfy my flesh....so I proceeded.
I, also, personally wasn't ready for what a God ordained marriage truly consists of. I would've been divorced or in jail.
However, there are many reasons why people may be single at later ages....
Folks shouldn't be so quick to judge.
Especially in a country where I constantly see headlines in the Family section on NL where nothing but crises after crises are occurring.
Ask yourself if you are ready to take the second most important step in your life?
Why do you want to get married? What is the purpose for you and the guy? Will God be glorified?
Marriage is not about "self".
You clearly want to be married. God knows it...and perhaps He still needs to do some finishing touches on you....or perhaps on him.
Be careful who you allow to speak into your life. Words are very powerful..you must keep a positive mindframe & dwell on God's view about you.
Be encouraged...
Sorry so long

MZLady39:
BennyAnn,
Sister..wow! It's been a long time! Glad to know you're alive & well.
Believe it or not, but I've been thinking about you...wondering if you were okay.
Well I got my answer today.
Anyhow, I take it you are young....late teens to maybe mid 20s or so?
I really felt impressed to respond to you after reading your post because you seem like a sincere, kind and Godly young lady who loves her Lord and wants honest answers.
The fate of a Godly young lady.....is to be mated with a Godly young man...(the man God has for you). If you've been praying, God knows...and at the appointed time (if He has called you to be married)...then that man will recognize you as his helper and it will happen. Have faith!
Sister,
I'm gonna be very transparent right now.....brutally honest.
According to Nigeria's standard, I'm an old maid...(all my youth is gone, my eggs rotten, best years gone etc.) since I am single at.. . If I had low self-esteem, I would probably go into a depression from all that I've read on NL in these few months I've been a member
YET in my mind, I know the best is yet to come...be it marriage or singleness! And no one can tell me differently or steal my joy!
"Feelings/emotions" are a state of mind. They, however, can change and are not always reliable. You have to have that unshakeable joy....that peace only Christ can give...about a future relationship.
Part 2 Coming In A Moment

Wow! Dear sis, thanks for your words of encouragement. I think there's a lot I can learn from you. I can say I'm in my.... twenties . And I admire your stand in God through it all. I pray the desires of your heart are granted this year as you've encouraged me.

I'm not desperate to get married cos I would have gotten married to anyone that shows interest if I was but the words of that man sometimes come to mind but I have to take dominion over it.

If the man who genuinely loves me comes around now, I would be so happy but if he doesn't life goes on. But I will do anything to please God and also to wait for that one who is mine - that's my focus.

Thank you MZlady39, I really admire the strength of your heart and yes it's been a while.

dingbang:
I just don't want to judge any good girl here tho...



But I think Godly ladies need to drop that sense of self righteousness. They should understand that people are there for a reason and there opinions about life aren't always applicable


In a nutshell, Good Godly girls should always be open minded.

Please what are the qualities of self righteousness you've noticed in Godly ladies? I just want to know what you term as self righteousness so I can learn.

And are you saying Godly ladies who are open minded cannot be said to be self righteous?

MZLady39:
Part 2....
BennyAnn,
What I'm coming to realize in this Christian journey is that our timing may not be God's timing.
Now I must say, I made some terrible relationship choices (which definitely delayed & blocked potential suitors)....and paid the price. The thing is I knew that the guys weren't the "one", yet I wanted to satisfy my flesh....so I proceeded.
I, also, personally wasn't ready for what a God ordained marriage truly consists of. I would've been divorced or in jail.
However, there are many reasons why people may be single at later ages....
Folks shouldn't be so quick to judge.
Especially in a country where I constantly see headlines in the Family section on NL where nothing but crises after crises are occurring.
Ask yourself if you are ready to take the second most important step in your life?
Why do you want to get married? What is the purpose for you and the guy? Will God be glorified?
Marriage is not about "self".
You clearly want to be married. God knows it...and perhaps He still needs to do some finishing touches on you....or perhaps on him.
Be careful who you allow to speak into your life. Words are very powerful..you must keep a positive mindframe & dwell on God's view about you.
Be encouraged...
Sorry so long

All I want is for the mouth of those who feel good girls won't go far in life, to be shut. And when they see good girls as liabilities, they should go to the bad girls to satisfy them and leave the good girls who wouldn't make it in life alone.

It's a pity many people feel same about good girls in this generation and God will help us to prove them wrong.

davtosh:
They always end up with good homes though atimes it might come late. But late goog marriages are better than early marriages ending in divorce afterwards

Thank you davtosh

Wow wow wow

Whether Godly or not
Ur lifestyle determines ur future

The question is what makes one a good girl or bad girl? Who is a good girl and who is a bad girl?

bennyann:

All I want is for the mouth of those who feel good girls won't go far in life, to be shut. And when they see good girls as liabilities, they should go to the bad girls to satisfy them and leave the good girls who wouldn't make it in life alone.

It's a pity many people feel same about good girls in this generation and God will help us to prove them wrong.

BennyAnn,
I'm sorry....thought you were younger cause you sound so innocent & precious.
My youngest sister is in her late 20s also.
Anyhow, I totally understand. But you know what?
You may not be able to ever have those mouths shut.
People talk....they believe what they want to believe. I've been very guilty of this in times past.
But you have to ask yourself who the people are that are spewing that negative talk.
Do their lives give any evidence of Christ for them to be making such statements?
You just have to know who you are in Christ.
Your confidence must come through Him regardless.
People will see it....

obinna58:
Whether Godly or not
Ur lifestyle determines ur future

How do you figure that my brother?
Please explain further.
Because her lifestyle must include Godliness.

MZLady39:


BennyAnn,
I'm sorry....thought you were younger cause you sound so innocent & precious.
My youngest sister is in her late 20s also.
Anyhow, I totally understand. But you know what?
You may not be able to ever have those mouths shut.
People talk....they believe what they want to believe. I've been very guilty of this in times past.
But you have to ask yourself who the people are that are spewing that negative talk.
Do their lives give any evidence of Christ for them to be making such statements?
You just have to know who you are in Christ.
Your confidence must come through Him regardless.
People will see it....

You just opened my eyes to the bolded and I think that settles it. Thanks a lot sis.

I don't know about any other but that man's mouth will eventually be shut that I believe.
Thanks MZlady39. You've really been of help.

bennyann:


You just opened my eyes to the bolded and I think that settles it. Thanks a lot sis.

I don't know about any other but that man's mouth will eventually be shut that I believe.
Thanks MZlady39. You've really been of help.

Sister,
You are welcome & blessed.

obinna58:
Whether Godly or not
Ur lifestyle determines ur future

Everything we do today determines tomorrow, whether we reap good or bad harvest.

Godliness doesn't stand for something perceived to be bad, does it?

kingralph:
The question is what makes one a good girl or bad girl? Who is a good girl and who is a bad girl?

That question came to my mind also. That's why it was qualified with 'Godly' so we know the 'good' we're talking about, if at all there are different levels or perception of the word 'good'.

bennyann:


Everything we do today determines tomorrow, whether we reap good or bad harvest.

Godliness doesn't stand for something perceived to be bad, does it?

Yes, living Godliness tends to have some negative effect on one's lifestyle, it deprives one many things, Godly lifestyle makes the choices not u, it makes u controversial, it determines ur profession, creates enmity for both existing and unexisting beings, chooses people for u to interact with and also makes u strongly harsh to some without even knowing.
The worst it blinds u generally in everything and makes u understand that u still the best among others.

That's why some say good people tends suffer the most cos no one will ever tagg any religious blinded bad even when they really are, this is as a result of 99% of religious people around.

MZLady39:



How do you figure that my brother?
Please explain further.
Because her lifestyle must include Godliness.

How you live your lifestyle is one of the strongest indicators of future success. Everything from how you spend your leisure time to how you view your current state and ur dreams can make serious impact on ur life, whether Godliness or not
The more hardwork and intelligent ur are the more successful ur likely to be
Living godly lifestyle can not automatically make u successful

obinna58:

Yes living Godliness tends to have some negative effect on one's lifestyle, it deprives one many things, Godly lifestyle makes the choices not u, it makes u controversial, it determines ur profession, creates enmity for both existing and in existing beings, chooses people for u to interact with and also makes u strongly harsh to some without even knowing.

You know I'm free to do anything I like but not everything is permissible. I take charge of freedom and don't let it control me.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

The above is the type of lifestyle expected of Godly people. Anything that is of good report is what is termed as the lifestyle of Christians.

About being harsh to people, that's not the quality of a Godly person. The Bible did not tell us to be, God doesn't support that.

The worst it blinds u generally in everything and makes u understand that u still the best among others.

The above is not true. Christians should be blind to the world and the fear of God will give us wisdom through it all.

There's a difference between religious people and those that have the fear of God from the inside out. And those that have the fear of God, don't think themselves better than others or better than they should. And that's because they love their neighbors as themselves.

That's why some say good people tends suffer the most cos no one will ever tagg any religious blinded bad even when they really are, this is as a result of 99% of religious people around.

When I say Godly people, I'm talking about those that have the fear of God in them. Those that love God and reverence Him.


Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

If the above qualities show that a Godly person is bad, then I know not what else to say.
You have to know there's a difference between those that are like the pharisees and those that are like Jesus.

I'm a very sociable and open minded person. All I've learnt is to come out of my closet and mingle, the right way of course . There's time for learning and time for applying it. Not because some people err in certain areas, means God told them to go that way.

davtosh:
They always end up with good homes though atimes it might come late. But late goog marriages are better than early marriages ending in divorce afterwards

this is simply not true in my experience, infact I can go on limb and say that reverse is most times the case!!

bennyann:


You know I'm free to do anything I like but not everything is permissible. I take charge of freedom and don't let it control me.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

The above is the type of lifestyle expected of Godly people. Anything that is of good report is what is termed as the lifestyle of Christians.

About being harsh to people, that's not the quality of a Godly person. The Bible did not tell us to be, God doesn't support that.



The above is not true. Christians should be blind to the world and the fear of God will give us wisdom through it all.

There's a difference between religious people and those that have the fear of God from the inside out. And those that have the fear of God, don't think themselves better than others or better than they should. And that's because they love their neighbors as themselves.




When I say Godly people, I'm talking about those that have the fear of God in them. Those that love God and reverence Him.


Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

If the above qualities show that a Godly person is bad, then I know not what else to say.
You have to know there's a difference between those that are like the pharisees and those that are like Jesus.

I'm a very sociable and open minded person. All I've learnt is to come out of my closet and mingle, the right way of course . There's time for learning and time for applying it. Not because some people err in certain areas, means God told them to go that way.

Let me chip in. you are where you are because of your previous thoughts and actions. I am glad you are now out of your closet and ready to mingle. it's a positive action towards relationship. If you want to succeed, learn and unlearn then take action. you will get the results you desire with time

GoodMuyis:
Wow wow wow

you drive ambulances

bennyann:


That question came to my mind also. That's why it was qualified with 'Godly' so we know the 'good' we're talking about, if at all there are different levels or perception of the word 'good'.

this might sound pedantic but there are different levels or perception of the word "Godly"

@bennyann

You have arrived at a very good point, but the problem is not with Godly ladies, but those who perceived they dont deserve such kind of lady due to their previous life-style, hence they look at them as Holier than I and their some who arrived at the judgement that the Godly ladies where always Do not come near me for I am Holier than thou. Their assumption is usually with Phobia of getting negative response from them.

Its just like you being know to be a Preacher lady in your area, It will only take a person like you or almost to approach you for life-time relationship.

Even the so called Marriage of most of them is as a result of tolerating each other, either of them is just managing due to many factor.

--

The last point you raised, must be taken seriously, a lot of guys had with wick emotion end-up engaging themselves. There is no way you can engaged in close relationship with friend without developing feelings for them, its Just natural, especially for young people. Even myself their two ladies very close me, I do partially avoid sometimes when i feel my emotion is not stable, one older than me, this one share personal stuff with me yet she is engage.

The Emotional feeling or affection is generally Young peoples challenge, But the best is not to make opposite gender a too-close friend.

onyenze123:


Let me chip in. you are where you are because of your previous thoughts and actions. I am glad you are now out of your closet and ready to mingle. it's a positive action towards relationship. If you want to succeed, learn and unlearn then take action. you will get the results you desire with time

Thank you dear. You also knew where I went wrong. I noticed and I'm trying to come out of it.

You know, I just locked myself in all in the name of protecting myself. It worked though but it's time to come out of it for my own good.

Thank you onyenze123

hopefulLandlord:

you drive ambulances

GoodMuyis you better come for brother Hope

hopefulLandlord:

this might sound pedantic but there are different levels or perception of the word "Godly"

Heiiiiiiiiii. Brother Hope, my lecturer, Oya teach me.

I should have used the word 'spaghetly' in the place of 'Godly', don't you think so too?

I miss you bro

hopefulLandlord:


this is simply not true in my experience, infact I can go on limb and say that reverse is most times the case!!

Is it the reverse you want for your sister? Aba!

bennyann:

Is it the reverse you want for your sister? Aba!

nah, but it is what it is

bennyann:


Heiiiiiiiiii. Brother Hope, my lecturer, Oya teach me.

I should have used the word 'spaghetly' in the place of 'Godly', don't you think so too?

I miss you bro

lol

my point is that just as the word "good" has different meanings and levels to different people, so does the word "Godly"

eg certain Christians see any trouser wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

certain Christians see any makeup wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

certain Christians see any earrings wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

so it goes on and on and on, varying amongst even church members


miss you too