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Tell your doctor to invite him for a talk

Have a serious talk with husband BUT such issues should have been discussed way before marriage... Obviously, you guys don't have the same views on family planning.

But here is a simple question: why do you want kid to be 1 yr minimum before being pregnant again?!

Take contraceptives he doesn't need to know trust me.

Mecylinda1:
my baby is just 5 months old and my husband does not allowed me to do family planning. Please what do i do because i will want my baby to be atleast a year before am pregnant again

Report him to God and his family, let your parents know what is going on

Marriage is complicated, it seems some men just like to frustrate their spouses, haba

makydebbie:
Take contraceptives he doesn't need to know trust me.

Then later on,when this angry man starts beating his wife who did such deceitful/disrespectful/ cheap act, you guys would be the one coming back to NL to blame the husband.

NOBODY should ever lie or con their partner,especially with such important family matters.

MrBrownJay1:


Then later on,when this angry man starts beating his wife who did such deceitful/disrespectful/ cheap act, you guys would be the one coming back to NL to blame the husband.

NOBODY should ever lie or con their partner,especially with such important family matters.

Then this man needs to know when to zip up. He has no idea what it takes to carry a child, the baby is just five months. You think the woman is healthy enough for another child or you want her to die?
I agree with the last part of your comment, but the man better know what's up if he doesn't zip up.

makydebbie:
Then this man needs to know when to zip up. He has no idea what it takes to carry a child, the baby is just five months. You think the woman is healthy enough for another child or you want her to die?
I agree with the last part of your comment, but the man better know what's up if he doesn't zip up.

Its called COMMUNICATION, where people sit down and discuss any issue (as adults)... That's how married people should act, not lie or cheat Their partner.

As for the child being 5 months old, I hope that women have better answers as to why they should wait a year, because the above excuse makes no damn sense. Many responsible parents have been having one kid right after the other, (for centuries) and they have been coping just fine.

MrBrownJay1:


Its called COMMUNICATION, where people sit down and discuss any issue (as adults)... That's how married people should act, not lie or cheat Their partner.

[s] As for the child being 5 months old, I hope that women have better answers as to why they should wait a year, because the above excuse makes no damn sense. Many responsible parents have been having one kid right after the other, (for centuries) and they have been coping just fine. [/s]

I'm sure she has done all that before coming here.

The last paragraph makes no sense. So I'll say, have a nice day.

MrBrownJay1:


Its called COMMUNICATION, where people sit down and discuss any issue (as adults)... That's how married people should act, not lie or cheat Their partner.

As for the child being 5 months old, I hope that women have better answers as to why they should wait a year, because the above excuse makes no damn sense. Many responsible parents have been having one kid right after the other, (for centuries) and they have been coping just fine.

It takes about 4 years for a woman's body to fully go back to normal after pregnancy, childbirth, and lactation. That's in the proper sense of the word.
Just because some women get pregnant almost immediately after a prior delivery and go on to have another successful delivery doesn't mean its exactly safe for them. Its only the cases that go wrong we see.
5 months is early, and she also doesn't want it. Why is her husband not listening to her? ( the whole essence of the communication bit). It takes at least two people to communicate, which she has obviously done with him, but he refused her having family planning. He probably also doesnt want to wear a condom.
Anyway, OP. Some people have advocated communication, but then again communication can be between 2 or more people. Involve your own parents, as they are the ones that have a direct investment on you. They can never recover from your loss ( God forbid your loss), they can never have another child like you.
Your husband if he's got some self control can move on in 4years, with another wife and new children. Some have moved on in a year, and I'm not blaming them. It is just what it is.

Nigeria still has one of the highest rates of maternal mortality in the world. Also has one of the lowest rates of those who use family planning.
There's a cause and effect for a lot of these things o.

eyinjuege:

Just because some women get pregnant almost immediately after a prior delivery and go on to have another successful delivery doesn't mean its exactly safe for them. Its only the cases that go wrong we see.

Again, the above certainly does NOT make having a child quickly wrong... Millions have such kids and there is absolutely no issues with the pregnancy. Yes "some" May have issues but we equally shouldn't base family planning on these few people.

The honest truth is that when A) having a child in Africa is seen as a Virility status, B) African men look down of female child and C) people marrying for the wrong reasons, then no wonder people want to quickly have other children.

If 2 married people can't come up with an understanding via healthy communication, then let them part ways and move on with their respective lives, as their family planning is incompatible with one another... But lies and deceit is definitely Not the way to deal with this issue.

Maybe your husband's a yellow goat?

On a serious note, compile medical literatures on how unhealthy it is for you to take quick fire double and let him be educated.

If he proves unreasonable and stubborn like an Afghan goat, use a female condom.

MrBrownJay1:


Again, the above certainly does NOT make having a child quickly wrong... Millions have such kids and there is absolutely no issues with the pregnancy. Yes "some" May have issues but we equally shouldn't base family planning on these few people.

The honest truth is that when A) having a child in Africa is seen as a Virility status, B) African men look down of female child and C) people marrying for the wrong reasons, then no wonder people want to quickly have other children.

If 2 married people can't come up with an understanding via healthy communication, then let them part ways and move on with their respective lives, as their family planning is incompatible with one another... But lies and deceit is definitely Not the way to deal with this issue.

It's not wrong to have another child so quickly, but the question is, is it safe to do so?

They're married, and probably can raise more children. But why not wait till the child is older?
Why knowingly put your wife's life at risk? Or is there some life insurance cover on her life that we don't know of?
I'm sure her ob/gyn Dr would also advice her to hold on a bit before getting pregnant again It benefits both the mother and even the child on ground.
Every woman should be able to take responsibility for her own health. She doesn't want any pregnancy now, and her fears are legitimate and not unfounded.
I repeat, many Nigerian women have been dying of pregnancy complications since time immemorial, and will continue to do so unless things improve.
Every woman should make sure they are fit, before getting pregnant. This is 2017. Don't be one of the statistics of maternal mortality o, OP- Mecylinda1

eyinjuege:

It's not wrong to have another child so quickly, but the question is, is it safe to do so?

Depending on who you ask.... Some will say yes, other no. The elders in the village, the god fearing church goers, the pastors, the parents/family/neighbors who had quick children in succession, The woman desperate to have kid, the woman with body clock issues etc...All will tell you that it's all good to have a kid within 5months.

They're married, and probably can raise more children. But why not wait till the child is older?

Let's see.... Because that's their choice; because children will be agemate/playmate; because the mother can have many kids in a short period and be done with pregnancy/kidsASAP; because they come from such big happy family with kids having just a few months difference; because they LOVE kids and want just as many as they can possible have... The list is endless.

Why knowingly put your wife's life at risk? Or is there some life insurance cover on her life that we don't know of?

You could get killed in Nigeria just by leaving your home, should we therefore all stay home in fear?! Life is an adventure and taking risk is part of that adventure. A sure way for a man to fulfill such big family wish would be to have a second wife so they can each have a child every 2 yrs.

I'm sure her ob/gyn Dr would also advice her to hold on a bit before getting pregnant again It benefits both the mother and even the child

How many can afford such?! How did our parents/grandparents manage to have so many kids without dying?

Every woman should be able to take responsibility for her own health. She doesn't want any pregnancy now, and her fears are legitimate and not unfounded.

Then such woman should have either A) stay single or B) have important family planning talks with her future husband.... But bringing such important issue to the table now is too late. Something's got to give.

I repeat, many Nigerian women have been dying of pregnancy complications since time immemorial, and will continue to do so unless things improve.

Many Women who have their 1st child also die during childbirth, should we therefore also stop women from getting pregnant too?! Some women have disabled/ deformed/ blind etc kids, should we use that to stop women from Having kids too? Stop using a few negAtive story to make a point here as we all know that there are equally gazillions of family with healthy kids within short time.

Chubhie:

On a serious note, compile medical literatures on how unhealthy it is for you to take quick fire double and let him be educated.

If he proves unreasonable and stubborn like an Afghan goat, use a female condom.

What woman in her RIGHT mind would want to remain married to thAt Afghan goat?!?!

Divorce will be a better option, instead of staying with such "animal"

MrBrownJay1:


Depending on who you ask.... Some will say yes, other no. The elders in the village, the god fearing church goers, the pastors, the parents/family/neighbors who had quick children in succession, The woman desperate to have kid, the woman with body clock issues etc...All will tell you that it's all good to have a kid within 5months.

Well, those people you mentioned are really not in the best position to give her an unbiased answer, with facts. Why not suggest a professional to be more objective and to give informed advice?
Talking of biological clock, its just a 7 months difference between the 1 year she was advocating for and the 5 months post partum presently. The woman in question isn't worried about her click ticking as she's the one requesting the wait.

MrBrownJay1:

Let's see.... Because that's their choice; because children will be agemate/playmate; because the mother can have many kids in a short period and be done with pregnancy/kidsASAP; because they come from such big happy family with kids having just a few months difference; because they LOVE kids and want just as many as they can possible have... The list is endless.

In as much as your list is endless, you seem to ignore an important fact, the woman in question doesn't share all your sentiments.
Like I said earlier, the time frame between getting pregnant again after 5months and after a year is still a very short period. The children will still be agemates btw, and the mother's body would have had more time to heal.

MrBrownJay1:


You could get killed in Nigeria just by leaving your home, should we therefore all stay home in fear?! Life is an adventure and taking risk is part of that adventure. A sure way for a man to fulfill such big family wish would be to have a second wife so they can each have a child every 2 yrs.

Its irresponsible to knowingly put yourself at risk. Life being an adventure doesn't mean you keep popping babies. It means living life be to the fullest, if you think constantly changing diapers and running after screaming children with no respite is that adventure, then I wish you loads of that.. If a man decides to marry two or more wives so he can keep having children, that's his choice provided he can take care of them. We do have a lot of polygamists in Nigeria, so that's really nothing new.
But remember its important to be financially able to raise those children, as its not enough to just give birth to 10 children and not have the means to cater for them, goodluck with that adventure.

MrBrownJay1:

How many can afford such?! How did our parents/grandparents manage to have so many kids without dying?

I'm talking in the Nigerian context, where women still visit general hospitals, teaching hospitals, and do have access to obs/gyn there. Its still cheaper to give birth in a govt hospital than the so called traditional birth attendants btw.
So to those that are interested and can wait, they still have access.
Anyhow, we are still talking about the OP here, she doesn't sound like someone who hasn't got access to a hospital.
I don't know about your parents, but my mother did have access to obs/gyn in Nigeria. My eldest sibling is close to 50years by the way. I can also tell you my parents did have many kids compared to what the younger generation have these days. Despite that, the lowest age gap amongst my siblings was 2 years plus.

MrBrownJay1:


Then such woman should have either A) stay single or B) have important family planning talks with her future husband.... But bringing such important issue to the table now is too late. Something's got to give.

Stay single because she doesn't want to have children so close together? Stay single because she wants to be responsible for her reproductive health?
B) I realise most couples don't discuss family planning before marriage. At most they discuss the no of children they want to have. Again, why would they, when they're not even sure if they would have children together.
I doubt if premarriage discussions are that detailed tbh. And people can and do change their minds too. I read a post recently of a couple who agreed on just one kid before marriage. 5 years into the marriage, the husband changed his tune. It caused major rancor btw them. I should look for that thread again

MrBrownJay1:


Many Women who have their 1st child also die during childbirth, should we therefore also stop women from getting pregnant too?! Some women have disabled/ deformed/ blind etc kids, should we use that to stop women from Having kids too? Stop using a few negAtive story to make a point here as we all know that there are equally gazillions of family with healthy kids within short time.

Oh, I know a lot about women who die in pregancy or during childbirth. I have had colleagues who died from such, I have had friends and relatives who died from such, I have even had a personal experience of such, and almost became one of the statistics, and most importantly my job has given me access to see women who actually die from.
I don't take for granted any pregnant woman who's had a successful delivery, as things can always go south.
Its really not a nice thing, and not as trivial as you make it sound especially in Nigeria where there's little support.
No, I'm not scare mongering. Its an established fact that Africans have a lower blood count levels than caucasians. Most Drs would advice you especially in Nigeria to give it some time before getting pregnant again. For both mother and child, there are benefits.There are reasons for all those family planning interventions, and all Maryam Babangida's campaign in those days on child spacing. They do offer proven health benefits.

Goodness, I've forgotten how to break quotes ...

@eyinjuege
Let's look carefully at the points you are raising:
#1 she should listen to a professional about what is right or wrong in the issue.
If a husband wants to have multiple kids, then he is the higher person to convince here, and chances are, he'd rather listen to his parents, elders who have more authority in the matter. Telling such person that a woman can die if having a child within 5 months, will be viewed as a JOKE. FACT.

#2 this lady doesn't want to have kids now
and her husband does. This is about THEIR family and not just about her. If she desire to make all decisions in her life, then she shouldn't have gotten married with a man who wants such heavy family planning. The only way out is therefore DIVORCE.... Then she can happily find a man with the same family planning views as hers. FACT.

#3 having such heavy family planning put wifey at risk
Go tell that to the millions of women who have such heavy family planning and nothing happens to them. You can't take the issues of the small few, to make a general view.

#4 it cost money to have multiple kids
Whether having these kids within 5 months or 10yrs, the financial burden would be exactly the same ... And actually, having kids in similar age at the same time, would be cheaper for a family than having a child every 2 yrs.

#5 taking your parent as an example
Again, gazillions have sibling less than a year difference age gap, and there is/was absolutely nothing wrong with them. The hard truth is that MANY families have heavy children planning and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

#6 you believe that being single/divorce isn't an option
If a woman desires a different family planning than
What her husband desires, then let them go their separate ways, instead of trying to enforce her selfish views, with no regards to his. These people should have had a serious discussion on the issue before marriage, but since they didn't, they unfortunately find out NOW that they are NOT compatible on this important family issue. What other solution than parting ways do you suggest?!?!

#7 some women die during childbirth thus this is a reason why she should wait
Women also die walking down the street, that certainly is NOT a reason why we should live a different life. The day ALL women with such heavy family planning will have issues. That's when something will have to be done on the matter, until then....

#8 there are health benefits in child spacing
Just like there are clear health benefits in doing excercises every day or eating healthy food, but many don't and are living great lives regardless. Trying to say that because some few die we should all change our lives is not the way to go about this issue. There are still millions who don't care about child spacing and are having great families. FACT!

Here is MY view on the issue:
Each should decide what they desire in life, and as heavy family planning isnt wrong, both should try to come up with a solution via communication and understanding,... And if they CAN'T then let each go Their separate ways to find someone who will accept their family planning choices.

....