So today I had to tell someone not to try contacting me - as I plan to stop all form of communication with her. I was attracted to this girl, told her I liked her but she just couldn't come to terms that she can be loved.

At first it was unbelievable. I showed her I did love her, she knew, but it seemed absurd to her. I don't know if people get so broken to the extent that they can't return love - instead when they see it coming they start avoiding and withdrawing.

I learnt from her Friend that she has had bad experience in her past. She had been raped twice before and had rejections from guys. Could that be the reason for her withdrawal from love kind of life?

A couple of times I've tried to cut contact with her completely, then the next day she starts calling and calling me, and then I start to think we're now getting on the same page and then all of a sudden she disappears again. This time I had to tell her to block me and delete my number so I could forget her and move on.

She agreed to see me after many disappointments on her part. That last meeting was the best she's had, I made her laugh so hard. It was so much fun that she literally wanted us to see the next day. Next day came and I couldn't even contact her anymore. She shut herself out again.

I feel terrible, my feelings was not reciprocated despite all I did but I want to understand why she cannot come to terms with the fact that she can be loved by anyone. Some way I want to help her but I need to let her go.

she'll heal. With time.... What people like her need is a serious person.

Getting involved with her and then cutting her off won't help her so know what you're going into. If you're not real serious ... Back off before you worsen her case.

She obviously afraid of being rejected and very insecure but she's trying to come out of it... That's a positive sign. Let her know you're for real.

Enjoy your prospective bae

Her attitude is weird.

She's been hurt in the past you clearly make her happy but it's a struggle and FEAR
Women are emotional beings no matter how tough they try to be ... so just be a friend if it happens it happens if not move on .. but do it maturely
you never know she might turn round and propose to you

It is a complication of things.

Chief of them is the parental abuse prevalent in Nigeria, which they call training.

Which causes damaged confidence.

Then you talked of rape. Twice! She may already have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Then another thing is introversion. Phone calls and prolonged chats are stressful. Really stressful for introverts. Also meet ups and dates.

There are three things you can do.

1) Help her see a mental specialist.

2) Prearrange your dates time. Make sure she is agreeable to the set time. Then offer to show up to her place to take her, as against calling her on phone.

3) Chat to her more than you call her. Tell her you will call her through chats before you do.

Hard past experiences

Love is not by force na...kilode

I've met one before,d relationship was kinda weird,buh fun sometimes,i phucked her tho,d chick almost gave me high bp,always switching on n off,i just had 2let her go,too much drama 4one nigga 2bear... D funny tin was dt u couldn't tel whether u was dating or not..

AgricSalt:
It is a complication of things.

Chief of them is the parental abuse prevalent in Nigeria, which they call training.

Which causes damaged confidence.

Then you talked of rape. Twice! She may already have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Then another thing is introversion. Phone calls and prolonged chats are stressful. Really stressful for introverts. Also meet ups and dates.

There are three things you can do.

1) Help her see a mental specialist.

2) Prearrange your dates time. Make sure she is agreeable to the set time. Then offer to show up to her place to take her, as against calling her on phone.

3) Chat to her more than you call her. Tell her you will call her through chats before you do.

there was a day we were chatting and I told her to tell me about her self. She told me she's always sad, and like talking to herself a lot. She feels people in her class do not like her and she doesn't care about it. I'm quite introverted, but her own is on another level. She can spend all day indoor sleeping and reading. I wanted her to get out of her comfort zone and all that but she's very reluctant to do that.

But I see her as a lovely person who just need to step out and be herself. She's ambitious, funny but always withdrawing when I try to get close to her.

Besides she hardly comes online to chat. Another big issue for me.

dingbang:
Love is not by force na...kilode

Bro you won't understand. I'm not forcing her to love me. I show interest in her, she act like she isn't interested, I back out and then she's now the one trying to reach out to you. That kind of thing.

pxjosh:
Bro you won't understand. I'm not forcing her to love me. I show interest in her, she act like she isn't interested, I back out and then she's now the one trying to reach out to you. That kind of thing.

did you tell her orally you like her?

Awwww. Poor thing, you'd never know how bad past experiences can damage ones mind. You could put her into therapy

pxjosh:
there was a day we were chatting and I told her to tell me about her self. She told me she's always sad, and like talking to herself a lot. She feels people in her class do not like her and she doesn't care about it. I'm quite introverted, but her own is on another level. She can spend all day indoor sleeping and reading. I wanted her to get out of her comfort zone and all that but she's very reluctant to do that.

But I see her as a lovely person who just need to step out and be herself. She's ambitious, funny but always withdrawing when I try to get close to her.

Besides she hardly comes online to chat. Another big issue for me.

You cannot get her out of her comfort zone if her issue is major. You might want to encourage her to go visit a psychologist.

Yes you might be an introvert. But when introversion comes with other factors that causes mood swings - like low self worth for instance - then it's worse.

Good news is, there are medications for things like those

dingbang:
did you tell her orally you like her?

Yes.

The fear of rejection really low self esteem due to pats experiences can make someone build walls around them. For them it's self preservation is a priority then being hurt. And by walking away, you have reinforced her previous feelings of being rejected. I have to say though this is not your fault. You are the guy who tried to make her see that she could be loved. Her head is not in a place where she can recognise this.

She has scars that she hasn't acknowledged yet. We Africans brush past trauma like it is nothing, but it haunts us in the future. She needs to see a therapist. People like her need a lot of patience, but it might be worth your effort in the end.

pxjosh:
Yes.

ok then ask her what she wants from you

RaggedyAnn:
She has scars that she hasn't acknowledged yet. We Africans brush past trauma like it is nothing, but it haunts us in the future. She needs to see a therapist. People like her need a lot of patience, but it might be worth your effort in the end.

you have said it all.

Good question...

Reminds me……


Someone once said to me, “you cannot love me”- essentially like what she is saying to you by saying “I am unlovable”- that’s a loaded and ‘veiled’ statement from damaged souls.


For that, I’ve got a prescription script for you:

RUN! Get off the emotional roller coaster now.

1. She is emotionally damaged to be in a relationship
2. Let her be someone else’s baggage
3. Don’t play a martyr—you cannot save her
4. Save your emotional energy for a girl who will reciprocate
5. Know your limits and know when to back the hell up
6. If you must, love/help her from a distance
7. Misery/damaged souls love company, let her find her Mr. Misery/damaged. It is not you.
8. Your love will only work if and when she comes to terms with her problems AND allowing YOU in.
9. You are not being selfish. It’s survival of the wise.


Cheers mate.

RaggedyAnn:
She has scars that she hasn't acknowledged yet. We Africans brush past trauma like it is nothing, but it haunts us in the future. She needs to see a therapist. People like her need a lot of patience, but it might be worth your effort in the end.

I wish I could help her, but I don't want to start what I can't finish. When I got to understand some things about her, I wanted to be that her friend who understand who she really was but still love her despite all but she never gave me a chance.

.

pxjosh:
So today I had to tell someone not to try contacting me - as I plan to stop all form of communication with her. I was attracted to this girl, told her I liked her but she just couldn't come to terms that she can be loved.

At first it was unbelievable. I showed her I did love her, she knew, but it seemed absurd to her. I don't know if people get so broken to the extent that they can't return love - instead when they see it coming they start avoiding and withdrawing.

I learnt from her Friend that she has had bad experience in her past. She had been raped twice before and had rejections from guys. Could that be the reason for her withdrawal from love kind of life?

A couple of times I've tried to cut contact with her completely, then the next day she starts calling and calling me, and then I start to think we're now getting on the same page and then all of a sudden she disappears again. This time I had to tell her to block me and delete my number so I could forget her and move on.

She agreed to see me after many disappointments on her part. That last meeting was the best she's had, I made her laugh so hard. It was so much fun that she literally wanted us to see the next day. Next day came and I couldn't even contact her anymore. She shut herself out again.

I feel terrible, my feelings was not reciprocated despite all I did but I want to understand why she cannot come to terms with the fact that she can be loved by anyone. Some way I want to help her but I need to let her go.

She needs to find herself and love herself before she can try to love someone else. She's lost in her emotions and trauma. That's something you can not fix by loving her cause you will end up being hurt. Don't expect so much out of her right now. Show her that you will be there for her if she needs you. That's if you actually want to be there. Ask yourself can you deal with her roller coaster. If so enjoy the ride and don't disable her help enable her. Are you willing to be selfless?
Some will come around and snap back to normalcy while others may abuse, which one is she.

---

Pele ooo

There is this girl I fell in love with when I was in Sec school, I really loved this girl I woo her tire she no gree though most of those wooing was done online so one day I decided to meet her personally and talk to her, I told her how I felt about her and that I really loved her and the response I go was "I KNOW" then what the problem? she said nothing that she doesn't want to be in a relationship as for now! two weeks later she started dating another guy!

It hurts but the point is that you can't actually force some to love you just cause you love them. love has to come from both sides....don't force it!