Fellow Nairalanders,

There is this issue that have been kind of disturbing to me. This is the issue of living with my parents at the age of 28. (please do not start raining abuses, I need your advice after considering all conditions).

First, after all my family have gone through, we became this close knit family. One can hardly take a decision without consulting everybody in the house. My older brother is 32, he still lives at home with my parents. His potential excuse if asked is he is trying to save or get another source of income before moving out, but he is the kind that will move out only if pressured or if he wants to get married.

8:30 pm or 9pm is too late for me to come home. They think I cannot take care of myself outside. When we were little, they did not let us go out. Always telling us of kidnappers and money ritualist (otokoto) killing people. They always wonder where I go when I am out? (It is not like that is a problem but I am 28 years old, all these should stop or at least reduce).

I just started a job in Lagos, now I am thinking of moving out.

I went to watch the UCL final on saturday, after all the celebration, I came back after 10pm, that as usual is an issue. I cannot go out on weekends after a long week at work, they will ask where am I, when will I come back. They call me, telling me to start coming home and things like that.

I am a responsible guy, I know my dad's health is also an issue to consider, but I try to come home early when I can.(Sometimes, I come home around 8pm because I need to get daily money returns from a side business which they do not know about).

The present situation in Nigeria is not helping matters at all with the economic reccesion and security situation in the country.

Please, advice me, should I move out from home? (considering all facts and variables)or should I endure, stay at home and save because of the situation of the country.

Move out.

Are you the only child?

angels09:
Move out.

Are you the only child?

No, I am not the only child.

icehot:


No, I am not the only child.

Move out.

If you can afford it yes moving out is expensive I spent a lit even after rent. Free food free bills better save up while you can.

angels09:

Move out.

Thanks

pcguru1:
If you can afford it yes moving out is expensive I spent a lit even after rent. Free food free bills better save up while you can.

Thanks a lot

If you cannot yet pay for rent comfortably, stay put till you can. People rush to be independent. Let's say you live till 80, 80-28=52. You still have 52 years to be independent

frenzydilz:
If you cannot yet pay for rent comfortably, stay put till you can. People rush to be independent. Let's say you leave till 80, 80-28=52. You still have 52 years to be independent

Thanks a lot

[b]Brof listen no child, I repeat no child is ever too grown for his parent. Be happy they care about your movements, that shows alot of love for you. From experience it can be a pain in the ass when parents are choking our schedule or bursting our bubble but now I thank them for those days. About moving out, its a two way traffic. I moved out of my parents house at 23 to live around campus and never moved back in, apart from when I came back to Nigeria. Leaving your parent's house must come with your mentality, up bringing and ability. Are you an hustler?? Can you strive to survive without venturing into crimes and lastly can you cordinate your morales. Train yourself to be a man that can survive in this jungle of life and stop being scared of the unknown, who knows what opportunity awaits you. Dont let the thought of free food, shelter and security get you stucked at home else it will affect you, your marriage and career later in life. Thats more reason why most youth fail in crisis management. My opinion [/b]

frenzydilz:
If you cannot yet pay for rent comfortably, stay put till you can. People rush to be independent. Let's say you live till 80, 80-28=52. You still have 52 years to be independent

Best advice.^^^
*
Wait till you are ready financially and otherwise. The money to spend for rent and other expenses of daily living can be channeled into a business, or skill acquisitions that can guarantee a more comfortable life later on. Don't base your life on what others are doing, each man must chart his own course.

thesicilian:

Best advice.^^^
*
Wait till you are ready financially and otherwise. The money to spend for rent and other expenses of daily living can be channeled into a business, or skill acquisitions that can guarantee a more comfortable life later on. Don't base your life on what others are doing, each man must chart his own course.

Yes, I already know that, but in order to do the business, I will need to go out and meet people, right? It is in going out and meeting people that the problem lies. I cannot go out, stay too long is a problem. I can fend for myself, maybe they think I cannot.

What is more important is your financial capability.Have you saved enough?Consider how much your rent will be and your bills.
It shouldn't be about age but your finances.

frenzydilz:
If you cannot yet pay for rent comfortably, stay put till you can. People rush to be independent. Let's say you live till 80, 80-28=52. You still have 52 years to be independent

I disagree with you bruv.... Most people think they have top notch ideas while living with their family, enjoying freebies. That day you sleep hungry, trust me your brain will be restored to factory settings and alas you will see opportunities around you. Over comfortable people often fail in business because most of their plans evolves mostly from the comfort horizon. I never experienced ill treatment until I left my parents house. Now I know being humble has grades and thinking has depth, I created what I would never in my entire life think of if I had stayed at home.

Afonjashapmouth:
[b]Brof listen no child, I repeat no child is ever too grown for his parent. Be happy they care about your movements, that shows alot of love for you. From experience it can be a pain in the ass when parents are choking our schedule or bursting our bubble but now I thank them for those days. About moving out, its a two way traffic. I moved out of my parents house at 23 to live around campus and never moved back in, apart from when I came back to Nigeria. Leaving your parent's house must come with your mentality, up bringing and ability. Are you an hustler?? Can you strive to survive without venturing into crimes and lastly can you cordinate your morales. Train yourself to be a man that can survive in this jungle of life and stop being scared of the unknown, who knows what opportunity awaits you. Dont let the thought of free food, shelter and security get you stucked at home else it will affect you, your marriage and career later in life. Thats more reason why most youth fail in crisis management. My opinion [/b]

I appreciate their love for me. But, will they keep providing for me when I get married or when I am thirty something? We did not have that upbringing of going out. I have a job and side hustle too, although it need time to grow and mature well enough to sustain a family.

Opportunities are out there and not at home. You are very right. I guess the fear of the unknown on my parents part and my part is what caused all these.

Thanks a lot.

Move out, family will slow u down. But from the way you are writting, appears ur folks aint complaining, and really want you around. But you should move, freedom is priceless.

icehot:

Yes, I already know that, but in order to do the business, I will need to go out and meet people, right? It is in going out and meeting people that the problem lies. I cannot go out, stay too long is a problem. I can fend for myself, maybe they think I cannot.

Ultimately the decision to stay or move remains yours. I myself took some time even after I started hustling before I moved out. And they kept providing for me without complaints, and being a responsible person (yes, you can be in your parents house and still act responsibly), I'd also give them a little token for food, airtime, etc, I'd help with chores when around, and when I had to stay out late they understood.
But then, different strokes for different folks...

MARKone:
Move out, family will slow u down. But from the way you are writting, appears ur folks aint complaining, and really want you around. But you should move, freedom is priceless.

Yes, they do want me around. My mum just started saying I should move out, but I know she does not mean it, she is just saying it out of anger.

angels09:
Move out.

Are you the only child?

Did you read the write up at all? Because op mentioned having an elder brother.

Op, well my brother left us when he was 26 because my dad frustrated him and he couldn't take it anymore. If you've the means (financially). Then why not, but if you're not financially fit, then maybe should start saving. Sometimes, you'll need your privacy and trust our parents to be a pain in the ass.

No

At 28, I believe a man should have left the confines of his parents abode. However, if the means isn't there, he should sit his ass back down and concentrate on how to move out.

Squatting with friends is sometimes not advisable cos many are just assholes who want to control you or see/believe they're better than you just because you're squatting with them.

makydebbie:
Op, well my brother left us when he was 26 because my dad frustrated him and he couldn't take it anymore. If you've the means (financially). Then why not, but if you're not financially fit, then maybe should start saving. Sometimes, you'll need your privacy and trust our parents to be a pain in the ass.

Thanks, my brother is not helping matters at all, he is 32, comfortable at home (although provides well for the family), does not want to associate with the outside world. My parents now use his life as a yardstick to measure mine.

ShaqFu:
At 28, I believe a man should have left the confines of his parents abode. However, if the means isn't there, he should sit his ass back down and concentrate on how to move out.

Squatting with friends is sometimes not advisable cos many are just assholes who want to control you or see/believe they're better than you just because you're squatting with them.

Good one, thanks.

icehot:

Good one, thanks.

You're welcome.

Why not give yourself a time frame for moving out and work towards it? You can use an age say 30 or say another year of freebies and you move out!

There are advantages and disadvantages to both options! Whilst enjoying freebies at your parents place you will save yes or maybe not since you will contribute at home anyway! Like someone also said once you move out and perhaps sleep hungry once it'll also help shape you more and mature you as well!

In the meantime to avoid being seemingly stifled by your folks why not be accountable in your waka waka for eg dad/mum I'm headed to xyz for xyz purpose ( you can be vague if need be) I will be back early or late! Whilst you're out call to check on them and reiterate that you're fine but will be home late or otherwise! It's better you learn that now anyway because your spouse too may have such expectations!

Cheers

icehot:


Thanks, my brother is not helping matters at all, he is 32, comfortable at home (although provides well for the family), does not want to associate with the outside world. My parents now use his life as a yardstick to measure mine.

Same here at home, it's well.

I will suggest you move out. Sometimes, such financial pressure put you on your toes to earn more and Chart your own destiny. Believe me, being independent push you to succeed in life

There's really nothing wrong living with your parents even if you're 40 years old. That being said, the issue is really not your parents but you. It's their house and even if your 40 years old, they will determine when you go out and come in. In view of this, it's best you get you own house, so that you can be free to do as you wish.

If you know you wouldn't become promiscuous go ahead and rent your on house

I left my parent house whn i just finish my n.c.e den.Immediately i started workn,i left dem.Bn takn care of my self as a lady now for d past 5 yrs.Not only am i carn for my self but my junior ones too.I no d responsibities am facn right now but lik it dan makn my aged parents to worry abt dat.Bn alone wl mak u plan for ur future and more responsible.As a man, move out snc u av a job dat can take care of u and dat doesnt mean,u ar livn dem completely.Snce u wil stil be arnd & taks care of dem.If i as a woman can do it,Y cant u.