Hello.
I know in Nigeria it's a strange
thing for someone who is seemingly mentally ok to visit
any professional that has a "psycho" behind their titles, if
you aren't mad then an average Nigerian doesn't
understand why you would ever want to meet a
"psychologist". Anyway that's by the way, I
decided to make a Google search on psychologists in
Nigeria and I came across a website psychng.com owned by Toyin Alatise, so I
booked an appointment on the site. Before I was done with the arrangement she informed me
of a free counselling session which falls within the day I
contacted her, so I decided to opt in for the free counselling. Since I stayed far from her, I
decided to go for the feasible option which was online
counselling.

The entire process was smooth and hag free from the start, and I was actually working
through the issue I made known to her. So there was a
time she asked me to define what makes friendship and
what makes relationships which I did. In my description
there was a place I wrote that both partners should
understand the need of the other partner in a romantic
relationship, like the female understanding the sex needs of the males and the males
understanding the love/care needs of the females. In her
response she made me know that sex was not a need but a want. Meaning a man doesn't
need sex in a relationship, but only desires it. So I didn't argue with her, the session continued. One day I was going through a post on Nairaland front page
about women who employ housemaids and their husbands sleeping with the housemaids,
a professor of psychology in the university of lagos
Professor Oni Fagbohungbe , who said sex is a psychological need just like food. When I told
her this, this was her response
on WhatsApp:

"[13/03 08:06] Psych NG: I
don't work on Sundays, sorry.
Would have taken time to
explain prof Fagbohungbe's
explanation.
As he is only using a theory in
Psychology to explain sex.
Have a nice day.

[13/03 08:06] Psych NG: You
want to base your life on
Freudian theory of
Psyvhosexual stage which has
been disproved by other
theorists, no problem ☺☺

Then I replied:
"Never said I was going to base
my life on any theory. I was just
showing you a statement made
by a psychology professor that
contradicts your statement."
Then she replied :

[13/03 08:22] Psych NG: Ok
good
[13/03 08:23] Psych NG: If you
want to contradict my
statement, you may need to
read further. Rather than
adopting a theory out of like 15
theories in Psychology

[13/03 08:25] Psych NG: That
wasn't a full explanation of it
all. He was my lecturer, I have
the book in my library, you
need to read further for better
understanding

[13/03 08:28] Psych NG: I think
you are helping yourself, which
is nice.
The free sessions you're
entitled to has been used up. I
am only doing a follow-up.
If you need a better therapist, I may refer you.
I reminded her that the free
session she said she was
offering was ending on the 31st
of march,I thanked her all the
same for her time and effort,
and then she replied:

The free sessions doesn't
actually mean you get to be
entitled for it till it ends.
There are hundreds of other
people who requires the
service and it is only ethical to
follow-up with them.

You're inquisitive. Which is
good but you don't pay much
attention and that is not
healthy.
You seem to enjoy hearing the
sound of your voice and feel
the need to question
everything (this is good too).
But you still don't seem
satisfied with answers you get,
which makes it difficult to help
you.

You are the product of your
thoughts and whatever you tell
yourself, you become.
Theories are propounded by
people. People of different
culture and different
perception. Applying such
theories here in Nigeria doesn't
always help.

So if it is knowledge you're
seeking, your inquisitive nature
will work for you.
But if it is help you're looking
for, you seem like you don't
know what you need help with
in the first place. You can figure
it all out yourself. Not a
therapist can help you with
that.

Your sessions are officially over
and closed. A mail will be sent
regarding this. Have a nice day
And that was how she ended
the session , just because I
showed her a contradictory
statement made by her
supposed professor.


My question is this:
1)Have I done anything wrong by showing her a statement made by her professor in psychology that contradict her statement , and does doing so affect her work?

2)Am I supposed to swallow every idea she says without
opposing, is a psychologist supposed to be impossing their beliefs on their client

3)Was it right for her to block me, without me abusing or
insulting her in anyway.

4)Is this how every psychologist in Nigeria is?
Cc: Lalasticlala

Some psychological theory (especially Sigmund Freud) holds that sex is a need, that there are stages to a psychosexual development of a human being, which starts from when an individual is born. This theory is quite elaborate, however, according to Freud, the conflict of each stages must be resolved, before one can advance to another stage. If each stage is not gratified/resolved, then the individual will be fixated at that stage of psychosexual development.
Having said that, you should know that psychology is an ever evolving science. This Freud's theory was propounded in 1920.
As is in all science, more studies and theories evolve as long as people study.
Hence, I feel the psychologists, you chatted with, felt you have expended your free coin, and may be willing to indulge you in a more elaborate discussion/session, had you been a paying client.
However, different clinical psychologists have different orientations and school-of-thoughts. That Freud, theorized about sexual need about 100 years ago, may not be relevant in our present time, culture, ethnic setting etc.
Think about it.
NB: Am a clinical psychologist myself.
Hope this helps

On a different note, the said psychologists the op chatted with, was not very professional.
The tone of some parts of the chat lacked empathy and it displayed rudeness.

mamakendra:
Some psychological theory (especially Sigmund Freud) holds that sex is a need, that there are stages to a psychosexual development of a human being, which starts from when an individual is born. This theory is quite elaborate, however, according to Freud, the conflict of each stages must be resolved, before one can advance to another stage. If each stage is not gratified/resolved, then the individual will be fixated at that stage of psychosexual development.
Having said that, you should know that psychology is an ever evolving science. This Freud's theory was propounded in 1920.
As is in all science, more studies and theories evolve as long as people study.
Hence, I feel the psychologists, you chatted with, felt you have expended your free coin, and may be willing to indulge you in a more elaborate discussion/session, had you been a paying client.
However, different clinical psychologists have different orientations and school-of-thoughts. That Freud, theorized about sexual need about 100 years ago, may not be relevant in our present time, culture, ethnic setting etc.
Think about it.
NB: Am a clinical psychologist myself.
Hope this helps

Thank you.

What if I was a paying client?

Would it be a monthly pay? Or per session pay?

Jackofall:


Thank you.

What if I was a paying client?

Would it be a monthly pay? Or per session pay?

It all depends on the agreed mode of payment.
However, most pay per session.

mamakendra:

It all depends on the agreed mode of payment.
However, most pay per session.

Alright.

Am opined to think the person you chatted with is not a clinical psychologist, emphasis on the clinical.

Taking sex as the crux of the matter. Its a primitive need. Studies have been shown that with no prior knowledge of sex, creatures of the opposite sex isolated over a period of time discover the act.

What I feel she should leveraged on is your super-ego, using religion, nurture, and society to mould your outlook on it.

She should work on her mode of access. Adults have an almost indomitable firewall encompassing their minds, unlike children.

Abstract/concrete thinking is usually the easiest.

Baxilexi:
Am opined to think the person you chatted with is not a clinical psychologist, emphasis on the clinical.

Taking sex as the crux of the matter. Its a primitive need. Studies have been shown that with no prior knowledge of sex, creatures of the opposite sex isolated over a period of time discover the act.

What I feel she should leveraged on is your super-ego, using religion, nurture, and society to mould your outlook on it.

She should work on her mode of access. Adults have an almost indomitable firewall encompassing their minds, unlike children.

Abstract/concrete thinking is usually the easiest.

Wow u are right. Will u be my psychologist?

Jackofall:


Wow u are right. Will u be my psychologist?

Hello jackofall

I am not a psychologist, but I'll help you to the best of my knowledge about psychology.

Baxilexi:


Hello jackofall

I am not a psychologist, but I'll help you to the best of my knowledge about psychology.

Nice. I will follow u now so that we can exchange message, through nairaland. Kindly follow back.

Baxilexi:


Hello jackofall

I am not a psychologist, but I'll help you to the best of my knowledge about psychology.

I have messaged you already.

@hahn

Jackofall:
@hahn

This "professional" obviously has issues separating his/her emotions from work

hahn:


This "professional" obviously has issues separating his/her emotions from work

Exactly what I think.

It all well

While the Psychologist in question may have exhibited some seemingly unprofessional acts, I think Nigerians just have a thing for abusing privileges.
I mean, she offered you a free session and then you take it off the mark by messaging her at her supposed private moment, not seeking genuine help but engaging her in a debate from what you see online in a random forum like NL. That's soo off and annoying. I have been there, when some folks take privileges too far by asking me jamb questions on private chat. I just stop short of telling them to get a card and come see me at the hospital. In that way I know I'm duty bound to answer even your dumbest of questions.
I think we should understand that some persons who render such helpful services also have a life to live.

frenchwine:
While the Psychologist in question may have exhibited some seemingly unprofessional acts, I think Nigerians just have a thing for abusing privileges.
I mean, she offered you a free session and then you take it off the mark by messaging her at her supposed private moment, not seeking genuine help but engaging her in a debate from what you see online in a random forum like NL. That's soo off and annoying. I have been there, when some folks take privileges too far by asking me jamb questions on private chat. I just stop short of telling them to get a card and come see me at the hospital. In that way I know I'm duty bound to answer even your dumbest of questions.
I think we should understand that some persons who render such helpful services also have a life to live.

I think Nigerians have the problem of feeling like gods that cannot be questioned anytime they achieve anything little, an example is you. Even if I pay for your services, I guarantee you that you would still feel like a god that is always right and should not be questioned and everything you say must be taken as final and believed.

And u don't think she was forced to do free services. So if she couldn't handle what comes from a free services what gives you the confidence that she can handle a paid service?

frenchwine:
While the Psychologist in question may have exhibited some seemingly unprofessional acts, I think Nigerians just have a thing for abusing privileges.
I mean, she offered you a free session and then you take it off the mark by messaging her at her supposed private moment, not seeking genuine help but engaging her in a debate from what you see online in a random forum like NL. That's soo off and annoying. I have been there, when some folks take privileges too far by asking me jamb questions on private chat. I just stop short of telling them to get a card and come see me at the hospital. In that way I know I'm duty bound to answer even your dumbest of questions.
I think we should understand that some persons who render such helpful services also have a life to live.

I agree with this. The least the op should have done was to delete the names of the involved parties from his post or can anyone explain why he included their names and not his? I also find the op's post off-putting and think the psychologist handled the scenario quite well considering that it looked like the op had an ulterior motive ab initio.

peacettw:
I agree with this. The least the op should have done was to delete the names of the involved parties from his post or can anyone explain why he included their names and not his? I also find the op's post off-putting and think the psychologist handled the scenario quite well considering that it looked like the op had an ulterior motive ab initio.

Yeah right. You hit it right there. Let him run around like a headless chicken seeking sympathy donations from nairalanders.

I'm not a psychologist o, neither am I a doctor.

The doctor doesn't seem offended in my opinion. All I read is a scholar pointing out to you that there's been a lot of postulations on the topic of discourse and she doesn't want to continue the session FOC. If you had opted to pay for her time, I bet you two would have had a filled day dissecting the issue. Plus, you tried to reach her on a Sunday...can't human beings enjoy their weekends without working seeking them out? Free work for that matter!

All in all, that babe wasn't fighting you dude.

peacettw:
I agree with this. The least the op should have done was to delete the names of the involved parties from his post or can anyone explain why he included their names and not his? I also find the op's post off-putting and think the psychologist handled the scenario quite well considering that it looked like the op had an ulterior motive ab initio.

If you think she handled the scenario quite well, what is the need of hiding her name?

You think she did well, at the same time you think her name should be hidden.

It's likẹ you are confused.

sisisioge:
I'm not a psychologist o, neither am I a doctor.

The doctor doesn't seem offended in my opinion. All I read is a scholar pointing out to you that there's been a lot of postulations on the topic of discourse and she doesn't want to continue the session FOC. If you had opted to pay for her time, I bet you two would have had a filled day dissecting the issue. Plus, you tried to reach her on a Sunday...can't human beings enjoy their weekends without working seeking them out? Free work for that matter!

All in all, that babe wasn't fighting you dude.

I can put a bet on it that you are related to this psychologist one way or the other and she sent you here to save her company's face.

You didn't see that the psychologist blocked the op.

So the babe wasn't fighting him yet she blocked him?

You are confused. Do you block people you didn't have a fight with?

Jackofall:


If you think she handled the scenario quite well, what is the need of hiding her name?

You think she did well, at the same time you think her name should be hidden.

It's likẹ you are confused.

Now isn't the time for this.

Jackofall:


I can put a bet on it that you are related to this psychologist one way or the other and she sent you here to save her company's face.

You didn't see that the psychologist blocked the op.

So the babe wasn't fighting him yet she blocked him?

You are confused. Do you block people you didn't have a fight with?

Oga, I just blocked you but I'm not fighting with you

Jackofall:


If you think she handled the scenario quite well, what is the need of hiding her name?

You think she did well, at the same time you think her name should be hidden.

It's likẹ you are confused.

It is so wrong posting your session here, it violates the code of E-therapy and counselling as a whole as neither the therapist nor the client has the right to violate the confidentiality of a therapeutic session. In saner clime, you will be sued and you can sue if she has violated same.

Pavore9:


It is so wrong posting your session here, it violates the code of E-therapy and counselling as a whole as neither the therapist nor the client has the right to violate the confidentiality of a therapeutic session. In saner clime, you will be sued and you can sue if she has violated same.

Please quote where it's in the constitution that a client posting his therapy online is a punishable offense.

Honestly speaking you're just not being fair to the psychologist in question. Imagine I stumbled upon this post of yours thesame way you stumbled on her website (via Google). Funny enough I equally stumbled on the website b4 coming down to nairaland and I was even thinking of patronizing her firm only for me to come and see this. Reading through the whatsapp conversations I saw nothing wrong in anything šhe said. All the answers you needed was what she highlighted. One very interesting thing she said was "you are the product of your thought and whatever you tell yourself you become " If you think sex as a need then it will always be a need to you and vice versa. It is not strictly true that sex is a need unless my definition of a need is different from yours. In straight terms a need is something you can't do without so coming back to sex theyre people who can do without sex. Monks, Catholic priests and sisters, hermits and the list goes on. Even using myself as an example I'm 22yrs and I never had sex until late last year even though the opportunity has been presenting itself right from the tender age of 9. Freud or whatever he's called is a human like you and I so therefore he's theories are not sacrosanct. Even scientist will tell you that theories are fallible until it becomes "law". You coming online to make your conversations public is wrong considering the fact that the session was rendered pro bono, moreso on a Sunday. Even your motive for seeking her services in the first place is questionable cuz the debate you tried to ignite was unnecessary not to talk of the speed with which you posted this (a day after) is quite suspicious. Attitude like yours will definitely discourage professionals from offering their services pro bono and it's not good for the populace. Even your attitude towards people replying this post is not encouraging. If somebody can be so kind enough to offer you free services this shouldn't be what the person should get in return. The least you could have done was to have withheld the name of her firm. If not I'm the kind of person that seeks to analyze issues thoroughly I would have just been discouraged from patronizing her even if I had her in mind....though from the look of things I'm definitely going to give her a try!

Mcxavier:
Honestly speaking you're just not being fair to the psychologist in question. Imagine I stumbled upon this post of yours thesame way you stumbled on her website (via Google). Funny enough I equally stumbled on the website b4 coming down to nairaland and I was even thinking of patronizing her firm only for me to come and see this. Reading through the whatsapp conversations I saw nothing wrong in anything šhe said. All the answers you needed was what she highlighted. One very interesting thing she said was "you are the product of your thought and whatever you tell yourself you become " If you think sex as a need then it will always be a need to you and vice versa. It is not strictly true that sex is a need unless my definition of a need is different from yours. In straight terms a need is something you can't do without so coming back to sex theyre people who can do without sex. Monks, Catholic priests and sisters, hermits and the list goes on. Even using myself as an example I'm 22yrs and I never had sex until late last year even though the opportunity has been presenting itself right from the tender age of 9. Freud or whatever he's called is a human like you and I so therefore he's theories are not sacrosanct. Even scientist will tell you that theories are fallible until it becomes "law". You coming online to make your conversations public is wrong considering the fact that the session was rendered pro bono, moreso on a Sunday. Even your motive for seeking her services in the first place is questionable cuz the debate you tried to ignite was unnecessary not to talk of the speed with which you posted this (a day after) is quite suspicious. Attitude like yours will definitely discourage professionals from offering their services pro bono and it's not good for the populace. Even your attitude towards people replying this post is not encouraging. If somebody can be so kind enough to offer you free services this shouldn't be what the person should get in return. The least you could have done was to have withheld the name of her firm. If not I'm the kind of person that seeks to analyze issues thoroughly I would have just been discouraged from patronizing her even if I had her in mind....though from the look of things I'm definitely going to give her a try!

If you had a strong point to make, you wouldn't need to write this long story. You had to write a lot and at the end of the day, you were able to make very little sense.

Now that you are calmer, go through what you read again, and list the logical arguments in your long story, let's analyze it together.

I don't blame you tho, it's the Nigerian environment that you are used to, that doesn't make you realise the dynamic that's meant to exist between a client and a psychologist. Because what do we know about how things are supposed to be between a Psychologist and the patient here in Nigeria?

Jackofall:


If you had a strong point to make, you wouldn't need to write this long story. You had to write a lot and at the end of the day, you were able to make very little sense.

Now that you are calmer, go through what you read again, and list the logical arguments in your long story, let's analyze it together.

I don't blame you tho, it's the Nigerian environment that you are used to, that doesn't make you realise the dynamic that's meant to exist between a client and a psychologist. Because what do we know about how things are supposed to be between a Psychologist and the patient here in Nigeria?

*Smh* well thank God you admitted I made some sense (though little) no problem I'll leave it at that

Now I see why this things doesn't work here in Nigeria. No body is professional on their job. I'm just about to book a session with this lady and thanks to this post. I imagine having a session like this in the US. And why shouldn't he post his experience? What happens to review?

What do we, (the patients know) and why won't we ask questions to be corrected? Why should we take everything you say just like that, like you are semi God? With a person like this, how can I trust you completely as supposed b/w a clinical psychologist and patient? All y'all should stop mentioning the money issues because that is what has stolen the humanity and sense of humor in us. Free section and paid section should be no different because no one force her to offer the free section, after all the guy was ready to pay before she suggested the free section.

The guy has done absolutely nothing wrong by asking a question about what he has believed for so long, a part of what made his mind and his personality that could or may be corrected by the supposed section. She has no love and sense of humor and that's why she is offended by patient's first question. Mental and emotional health is as delicate as physical health. Shouldn't she know that and be kind, humble, caring and loving? What if she's presented with a real difficult and secretive patient who needs care, love, tenderness, trust etc to be drawn out of their emotional or mental pit? I'm tired of this country. No body knows how to do their jobs.

Such a bad service.

Keldrjrpaul:
Now I see why this things doesn't work here in Nigeria. No body is professional on their job. I'm just about to book a session with this lady and thanks to this post. I imagine having a session like this in the US. And why shouldn't he post his experience? What happens to review?

What do we, (the patients know) and why won't we ask questions to be corrected? Why should we take everything you say just like that, like you are semi God? With a person like this, how can I trust you completely as supposed b/w a clinical psychologist and patient? All y'all should stop mentioning the money issues because that is what has stolen the humanity and sense of humor in us. Free section and paid section should be no different because no one force her to offer the free section, after all the guy was ready to pay before she suggested the free section.

The guy has done absolutely nothing wrong by asking a question about what he has believed for so long, a part of what made his mind and his personality that could or may be corrected by the supposed section. She has no love and sense of humor and that's why she is offended by patient's first question. Mental and emotional health is as delicate as physical health. Shouldn't she know that and be kind, humble, caring and loving? What if she's presented with a real difficult and secretive patient who needs care, love, tenderness, trust etc to be drawn out of their emotional or mental pit? I'm tired of this country. No body knows how to do their jobs.

Such a bad service.

..
Even telecommunication agents are a lot calmer and more approachable.. Let alone a counsellor. It's most unfortunate. If she doesn't like getting disturbed on Sundays, nothing stops her from saying
.
"why don't we talk about this tomorrow? I have enough office hours and I promise its going to be interesting."
.
A counsellor never shows his or her anger. That makes you a professional..

Keldrjrpaul:
Now I see why this things doesn't work here in Nigeria. No body is professional on their job. I'm just about to book a session with this lady and thanks to this post. I imagine having a session like this in the US. And why shouldn't he post his experience? What happens to review?

What do we, (the patients know) and why won't we ask questions to be corrected? Why should we take everything you say just like that, like you are semi God? With a person like this, how can I trust you completely as supposed b/w a clinical psychologist and patient? All y'all should stop mentioning the money issues because that is what has stolen the humanity and sense of humor in us. Free section and paid section should be no different because no one force her to offer the free section, after all the guy was ready to pay before she suggested the free section.

The guy has done absolutely nothing wrong by asking a question about what he has believed for so long, a part of what made his mind and his personality that could or may be corrected by the supposed section. She has no love and sense of humor and that's why she is offended by patient's first question. Mental and emotional health is as delicate as physical health. Shouldn't she know that and be kind, humble, caring and loving? What if she's presented with a real difficult and secretive patient who needs care, love, tenderness, trust etc to be drawn out of their emotional or mental pit? I'm tired of this country. No body knows how to do their jobs.

Such a bad service.

Thanks for telling the truth, some people are even defending her, just imagine the nonsense we celebrate in Nigeria.