I'm from one the south-eastern states and a graduate doing my nysc,,,ill go straight to the point,,,,the cultural norm especially among the igbos which places pressure on the 1st male child is becoming alarming,,im in my late twenties and it gives me nightmares whenever I check my bank account balance and find out that I can't even settle down and start a family of my own or something tangible as soon as I leave service,,,from the day I graduated from university to my internship uptill this day,,,my parents keep requesting money to handle my siblings welfare,,,ive had to sit my parents down and inform them im unable to have personal savings due to this expenses but they've been adamant,,another issue is that my parents don't cut their coat according to their size,,they enrolled all of us into private universities,,during time for school fees,,,they borrow and later on,,they pay back,,ive graduated and told dem that wouldn't be the best method for the rest of my siblings coz times get hard each day in nigeria,,,my parents will tell me that they gave me the best education(though that's true,,im grateful to them) so I should allow my siblings to get same,,,im not against dat but I feel if u enrol a child into such expensive schools,,u should be able to face the miscellaneous expenses that comes with it,,,,,wen there is a need to pay up,,my mum calls me and starts being sober,,one way or the other,,ill pay up for watever it is,,,ive let her know recently that I can't continue with such lifestyle,,,,i need to start my life,,,if I have in abundance,,,ill contribute to family expenses,,,at the moment,,,i don't have,,,,my mum will tell u how the son of mr.A is paying for all his siblings school fees and taking care of his parents,,,please I need opinions on how to handle this coz honestly I'm tired

mods,,,lalasticlala,,,FP please

Bros just disappear, if you can't,

Simply detach yourself (mentally, emotionally), then do what you think you can do. put a lot
of love to it, and watch. Carrying the matter on your head as we say here is what will double
the problem for you (Metaphysics 101).

Thinking of something makes that thing a reality along time. its why you must detach.

Simply tell them you don't have it. Tell them you have had to move in with a friend because times are so hard. Start calling them every day asking them to send you money for food. Go two weeks without calling and when you do, deliver a story to make them cry. If there is no way they can prove it, then you shouldn't feel bothered. I know you don't want them to suffer, but it will force them to spend what they can afford. If you don't stop giving to them, you will never be able to have a family of your own. Once you are more financially buoyant, then you can begin to help them again.

That's what most first issues faces even the girl child.Reasons why some ladies go into prostitution,and some guys into robbery.How ever I will advice u put urself first in anything u do.,Ofcus after God.You can only help them after helping urself.I know its not easy to ignore their incessant pleads and requests. Give the little u can and focus majorly on ur own success. If u continue to live ur life for ur siblings,ur parents will still end up blaming u should u not make progress tomorrow. a lot of people have made this mistake ,I almost sacrificed my entire life for my siblings,don't make same mistake.

some folks sef, when they were doing same to train you, you didn't give them this advice, so you sabi something like this and you didn't advice them to withdraw you from the private university so you can go to a public university and save cost.

Dude if you have the money and means to help out, do so and stop complaining. One day, those your junior ones will still graduate and help out too. There is a reason you were made the head.

thanks all for ur advice,,,ill take heed

it's your parents responsibility to train you and your siblings the best way they can

it's not a privilege , it's your right

just as it's going to be your duty to educate your future kids the best way u can also


so thank them for educating u and go and fight for your future

else u want your future family to suffer

Leave your parents house and go and leave on your own.

Do the best you can for them but you have to put yourself first.

It's the sad truth.

sorry bro, the best thing for you is to gather some money and make yourself out for the country or u should been faking them that you want to travel out of the country that you r gathering some money for the trip that if you reach abroad that's when you will start sending them money, though dats d o.t I usually used on any babe I meet concerning money issues Abi who doesn't like her boyfriend to be in abroad.. until am tired of her I will keep fakeing her that am saving for the funds so that she won't ask penny from me.

This is why I can have Igbo as friends but not in marriage. I'm not being judgmental but I would say from what I've seen about them often, their culture is a culture of money. In Lagos an ibo man can be paying house rent worth 750k yearly. Though they have houses in d village but having what it takes to buy a house and yet remain a tenant is somehow to me.

My friend's mother died in Lagos and was lamenting. Ppl didn't understand the reason behind her tears. While others are sobbing that mama died, she was lamenting over almost a million she would have to spend in d village before she's agreed to be buried. I said in my mind...shuu...so if I marry you now, apart from the exorbitant bride price and d believe that all ur needs are now my financial responsibility, I will still suffer like this when my parent-in-law and siblings-in-law die? Nawa o. There's almost no life outside doing business if you're an Igbo man cus huge money have to always be in ur acct at all cost.

Now its about the first son saga again coupled with extravagant lifestyle for schooling. Well I think all I can advise you as a non-igbo man is to consult some reasonable elders in ur family. Emphasis on reasonable cus not all elders are exposed. Otherwise start thinking of money ritual

ikihealthplus:
I'm from one the south-eastern states and a graduate doing my nysc,,,ill go straight to the point,,,,the cultural norm especially among the igbos which places pressure on the 1st male child is becoming alarming,,im in my late twenties and it gives me nightmares whenever I check my bank account balance and find out that I can't even settle down and start a family of my own or something tangible as soon as I leave service,,,from the day I graduated from university to my internship uptill this day,,,my parents keep requesting money to handle my siblings welfare,,,ive had to sit my parents down and inform them im unable to have personal savings due to this expenses but they've been adamant,,another issue is that my parents don't cut their coat according to their size,,they enrolled all of us into private universities,,during time for school fees,,,they borrow and later on,,they pay back,,ive graduated and told dem that wouldn't be the best method for the rest of my siblings coz times get hard each day in nigeria,,,my parents will tell me that they gave me the best education(though that's true,,im grateful to them) so I should allow my siblings to get same,,,im not against dat but I feel if u enrol a child into such expensive schools,,u should be able to face the miscellaneous expenses that comes with it,,,,,wen there is a need to pay up,,my mum calls me and starts being sober,,one way or the other,,ill pay up for watever it is,,,ive let her know recently that I can't continue with such lifestyle,,,,i need to start my life,,,if I have in abundance,,,ill contribute to family expenses,,,at the moment,,,i don't have,,,,my mum will tell u how the son of mr.A is paying for all his siblings school fees and taking care of his parents,,,please I need opinions on how to handle this coz honestly I'm tired

While i feel sorry for for you based on the situation you found yourself, i think you're being a bit selfish. If you didn't complain when your parents sent you to good private school, why don't you now want your siblings to enjoy the same privileges. Your parents are trying to give you guys the very best of education.

That being said, i don't think you should kill yourself for anyone. Tell them the true situation of things and hope they understand. To convince them, i recommend what someone else advised which is to beg them for money frequently so that they'll get the memo.

To be Igbo no be beans my brother especially if you're the first male or an Ada.

This one is strong o...

Do your parents expect you to train all your siblings?
When you yourself never chop?

Just do the one you can.
You can't force water out of a rock. If you have enough, you can help.

konfused:
some folks sef, when they were doing same to train you, you didn't give them this advice, so you sabi something like this and you didn't advice them to withdraw you from the private university so you can to a public university and save cost.

Dude if you have the money and means to help out, do so and stop complaining. One day, those your junior ones will still graduate and help out too. There is a reason you were made the head.

slowly read my write up and comprehend,,,i stated clearly that if u are to give a child such expensive education,,u are to foot the bills without breaking a sweat,,,i also stated that if I have funds,,ill also contribute to some family expenses but atm,,i don't have

@OP

Believe you me, I walked through the route of self-enslavement for a people I love such much for approximately a decade. But guess what, it's not the best of lifestyle to adopt. However, I won't advise you to take the route of meanness, no.

Kindly embrace and imbibe goodness towards your family. You can volitionally earmark at least 25 percent of your monthly earnings between now and the next 2 years to support them. Then, after the 2 years period, you can review it and bring it down to 10 to 15 percent.

OP, if you are talking about internship, I assume your parents sponsored you to Pharmacy school. It means you know your chances of getting a well paid job is high and you now realise you won't be able to enjoy your income like the rest of your colleagues.

I have a friend who is in this same scenario and he fulfills his obligations to his family 100%. Your parents made the same sacrifice, don't disappoint them.

Really, this takes courage... I usually do this until now.... I decided to take a break and make my life. Even after finicially loosing a huge some to ponzi scheme, they still perstered for money one way or the other, at the end of the year... I was a broke guy... Until some friend told me i shud chilll.... Im not the messiah.... Then strted to live for me first

Am currently in this type of situation. Is it a crime to be the first son again now??

konfused:
some folks sef, when they were doing same to train you, you didn't give them this advice, so you sabi something like this and you didn't advice them to withdraw you from the private university so you can go to a public university and save cost.

Dude if you have the money and means to help out, do so and stop complaining. One day, those your junior ones will still graduate and help out too. There is a reason you were made the head.

You sound like a spoilt last child

@ikihealthplus

Your responsibility is to your future family (wife and children) and your parents ONLY.

If from what you budget to give your parents they use it to sponsor your siblings, thats their prerogative.
But you should have a standard thing you give your parents out of honor.

After that standard thing, your responsibility as far as God is concerned is covered. The rest is as you can do.
If you can't do, don't. I've been that guy, constantly broke because of "family matters"...it's not the way. It delays you from progressing, and it also leads to abuse, especially when the parent or the sibling are spoilt and are looking to live luxuriously through your scant resources.
Being that you are also igbo, When the time comes for you to marry, do you think anyone will hear that you don't have money because you were training your siblings? You'll be that old unmarried guy due to lack of savings while your younger ones will finish school, with no responsibilities and start saving and move forward with their life fast. You also have a destiny. Don't let someone cut it short because they chose to not measure their coat according to their size.

I don't understand why Africans feel the need to give birth to 5+ children when they know that they plan to put the rearing of these children (according to the standard they have set for themselves) on the heads of others.

That's how I was talking to one silly girl this year and she was telling me how she "won't feel fulfilled until after giving birth to at least 6 children".
Dummy! Who will take care of them?! Her response was just as dumb "There will be money na, and shebi they will have older siblings?". Some foolish africans still think like this in this day and age.
You will create so many children and use them to inconvenience the lives of other people. Is that not wickedness/selfishness?...

Seriously

Afam4eva:


While i feel sorry for for you based on the situation you found yourself, i think you're being a bit selfish. If you didn't complain when your parents sent you to good private school, why don't you now want your siblings to enjoy the same privileges. Your parents are trying to give you guys the very best of education.

That being said, i don't think you should kill yourself for anyone. Tell them the true situation of things and hope they understand. To convince them, i recommend what someone else advised which is to beg them for money frequently so that they'll get the memo.

To be Igbo no be beans my brother especially if you're the first male or an Ada.

He is not! This is r3tarded logic.

Instead of investing so he can see something to use in the future, children he never chose to have are being sponsored with his miniscule SEED resources. It's doubly annoying when the person JUST graduates and is already being expected to be funding a football team!
How is that fair to him?

Why can't africans give birth to only what they know they can handle?

ikihealthplus:
I'm from one the south-eastern states and a graduate doing my nysc,,,ill go straight to the point,,,,the cultural norm especially among the igbos which places pressure on the 1st male child is becoming alarming,,im in my late twenties and it gives me nightmares whenever I check my bank account balance and find out that I can't even settle down and start a family of my own or something tangible as soon as I leave service,,,from the day I graduated from university to my internship uptill this day,,,my parents keep requesting money to handle my siblings welfare,,,ive had to sit my parents down and inform them im unable to have personal savings due to this expenses but they've been adamant,,another issue is that my parents don't cut their coat according to their size,,they enrolled all of us into private universities,,during time for school fees,,,they borrow and later on,,they pay back,,ive graduated and told dem that wouldn't be the best method for the rest of my siblings coz times get hard each day in nigeria,,,my parents will tell me that they gave me the best education(though that's true,,im grateful to them) so I should allow my siblings to get same,,,im not against dat but I feel if u enrol a child into such expensive schools,,u should be able to face the miscellaneous expenses that comes with it,,,,,wen there is a need to pay up,,my mum calls me and starts being sober,,one way or the other,,ill pay up for watever it is,,,ive let her know recently that I can't continue with such lifestyle,,,,i need to start my life,,,if I have in abundance,,,ill contribute to family expenses,,,at the moment,,,i don't have,,,,my mum will tell u how the son of mr.A is paying for all his siblings school fees and taking care of his parents,,,please I need opinions on how to handle this coz honestly I'm tired

The managed and sent you to private university and now you want them to send your siblings to public university right?
Thats been selfish.
You have to lend a helping hand and see your siblings through school.

If my elder brother did not help out,i and my 3 sibling will not be where we are today.

You just graudated and serving and you are talking of them leaving you so that you settle down.

How old are you? Are you more than 30yrs old?

Even if you are,you can still cut your expense and bring in your siblings fees into the budget.Thats the right thing to do.

You cannot back out like that...a whole lot of Igbo people went through that route to see there brothers through school and
a whole lot are still doing it till today.You are not alone.

Do not be coerced to do what you will later regret.You attended a private school do not translate to have been to a standard school

You need to sit down with them and let them realize your position and condition.

Save for the raining days

munas:


The managed and sent you to private university and now you want them to send your siblings to public university right?
Thats been selfish.
You have to lend a helping hand and see your siblings through school.

If my elder brother did not help out,i and my 3 sibling will not be where we are today.

You just graudated and serving and you are talking of them leaving you so that you settle down.

How old are you? Are you more than 30yrs old?

Even if you are,you can still cut your expense and bring in your siblings fees into the budget.Thats the right thing to do.

You cannot back out like that...a whole lot of Igbo people went through that route to see there brothers through school and
a whole lot are still doing it till today.You are not alone.

Of course you think this way. As you've just said, you were a benefactor.
Who will not feel that someone else giving him money is "the right thing" for the other person to do?

The fact that he is serving (i.e no money) is not a deterrent to you sha sha still wanting to collect from him.
Now that you have collected, you did not sponsor any sibling O. But you believe that you should be sponsored.
He didn't give birth to you. He can help as he can, but don't you ever think that it is his "responsibility" to sponsor you and that he is some kind of failure if he doesn't.

Oni ranu

hardeycute:
Do not be coerced to do what you will later regret.You attended a private school do not translate to have been to a standard school

You need to sit down with them and let them realize your position and condition.

Save for the raining days

Thank you!

Poor corper scraping pot to try and get on his feet and some idiots on this thread only have parasite mind.
If he does not have to give, WHAT THEN? Did he give birth to you?

Fear naija family members O.
Dem go chop you finish.

You know a selfish person because they are usually the ones who cannot fathom the concept of someone else not having money to give them (even if it should be obvious - what does a corper have gan?).
Some of them will still feel they have a right to ask for your resources even if they meet you in a hospital bed after not having worked for several months.

If one is not careful, these people never let someone invest and move forward with life.

hardeycute:
Do not be coerced to do what you will later regret.You attended a private school do not translate to have been to a standard school

You need to sit down with them and let them realize your position and condition.

Save for the raining days

Regret what?

Helping to see his sibling through school?

Why did he not see himself through the private university if its substandard?

How do you people think self? mtwew

munas:


Regret what?

Helping to see his sibling through school?

Why did he not see himself through the private university if its substandard?

How do you people think self? mtwew

Are you daft? How do YOU think?
Did he ask to be put in the private school?
That was the decision of the parents. After realizing the parents were actually not cutting their coat according to their size, he gave them the proper advice (As if private school guarantees one anything these days). If you advice someone and they do what they want to do, is it not on their head that they have decided to carry the thing they say they want to do?

So you think the fact that someone is serving means they automatically have money to sponsor someone else's child through private school?
Your selfishness has rendered you illogical.

A sensible sibling will be like "Mum/Dad, there is no way bro can handle these expectations. He's just getting on his feet in life to be burdened with this. If a private school isn't affordable for us anymore, we can go to something else".

But nope, "ME ME ME" and trying to use some false sense of responsibility/guilt to be stressing the dude.
You cannot draw water from a rock. If he has good, if he doesn't, will you cut his left leg and sell it for school fees?

munas:


Regret what?

Helping to see his sibling through school?

Why did he not see himself through the private university if its substandard?

How do you people think self? mtwew

At his own expense?

He has got to make his own family/life

2buffagain:

You sound like a spoilt last child

LOL, reason the guy matter na.

OP, when you were being trained, you didn't complain, now it's time to lament you came to nairaland to rescue you from responsibilities. Every first born child is expected to show some form of responsibility towards his or her younger siblings, if you don't like it sell your birthright

O boy just ghost them and go and hustle for yourself. No be you tell them to give birth to kids they cannot afford to train. When you are earning money and can send money home, please do. But for now, focus on making a way for yourself legitimately. Don't let them use pressure to push you into crime for family members that will deny you when trouble come. We will all meet at the feet of Jesus...