esmeralda1:


This i agree with.
From everything you said there's not one single reason for you to hit her yet except you do not a tough skin to resist whatever she does.

@ bolded, now that you mentioned this, i think i can relate because my parents marriage has always been turbulent, my dad hitting my mum once in a while, begs her for forgiveness and you know she actually endured the marriage till we 4 girls got married, immediately the last girl left the house to her hubby's place my mum moved out permanently we (My Dad inclusive) are still begging her to go back but she refuses

It is well.
She probably feels at her old age, she can't allow anyone still beat her.
Coincidentally, it happens to be a time your dad will probably miss someone going to the market, cooking his meals, sorting out clean clothes for him and even running the house generally, since I can assume he's old and probably can't do that comfortably on his own.
Some don't realise that everlasting love only happens if it's nurtured. You can't brutalize someone and still expect the person to still genuinely continue to love you or even pray for you. That love is already replaced with hate. The more you continue, the hate deepens.

FortuneTeller:


Okay sir that is a very good sign. Let me tell you, it wasn't until I left Nigeria that I see how bad was our society is. The Nigerian mentality is what is holding us back. Nothing you said warrants being hit by anyone. It seems that you are frustrated and you need some way to resolve your issues. If you are unable to resolve your issues without hitting someone, then it means you are not a civilized person.

Your wife is a human being and she is not going to do everything you say like a child. If there is something that she is unable to do, then do it yourself. If you are not able to do it and she is able to assist you, ask her to do it. Even asking her does not guarantee that you will get what you want. She is not a robot so don't treat her like one. The small things you mentioned are hardly anything to be upset over. Because she walked away from an argument, you want to beat her? I hope you are not frustrated due to money or wanting another woman. Please set aside this childish mentality and understand that hitting another human being is a bush mentality.

madam why not get a loudspeaker to announce to the world that you left Nigeria?

Vanemo,
I need to tell u the truth , you are not better off ur wife,it is possible ur character is worse than hers,if my husband in the heat of any argument tells me he will start hitting me and never stop , or if we seperate he wont mind because he is putting in his best, it will be so sad that i might not care for him again,and Such husband will sit and hope for something good to come out of his wife.
Mind u mr ,u dont actually love ur wife,not saying she might not be annoying but the truth is we all are annoying at one point or the other.... And for some stranger to call ur wife a bitch and u didnt defendd her sums u up too.

vanemo:


No, I don't have anger problems nor am I violent. If that was the case, I would have flipped a long time ago.
I was neither fighting nor nagging to warrant her walking out on me.
I was only trying to explain to her why I can't give her the 300k immediately but would do that a little later.
She should have waited and listened to my explanation before walking out on me and like I said this is not the first time this is happening. I've seen her once walk out on my father-in-law.
I saw all the signs during courtship but I guess her extraordinary loyalty blinded me to her other flaws.

You also have your flaws. You are not perfect. Neither is she. So don't start thinking you have the right to speak ill of her. You obviously lack conflict resolution skills. Believe it or not, what you saw your father do has damaged you. This is why you actually think you are big enough to try to bend another human being into submission of your will. That you will think to beat your wife over this tells a lot about your character. I do not believe that exchange was a calm exchange. Even if she walked out on her father that is not your business. Why are you now trying to use that to justify beating her? Are you in their family and do you know why she reacted like that? You really need to go for counseling to deal with your childhood issues which are obviously affecting you. Your mum tried, but by staying in an abusive home till the man abandoned her has given you a very bad view of marriage. You think you should be able to beat a woman and ill treat her and she must stay till you are done with her. You have tested her loyalty because she stayed when things were bad. You now want to take it up a notch by beating her. Even when her own father did not beat her. May you not enter one chance with your thinking. Trust me her father will kill you. You think he is weak right? What he did not do, you take it upon yourself to cross your. Boundary and do to his child. If my child ever comes across someone like you, I will maim you for life and teach you the home training you didn't learn at home.

vanemo:


No, my wife would never fake that I satisfy her sexually. She's the type that says it as she sees it. Sometimes, when I slack due to stress, she usually tells me to buckle up.

so when you guys communicate to this extent, why can't you just work on ur marriage instead of coming to NL to get people's approval to start beating her or to divorce her.
you heard what the woman said abi.? oook

she loves you, n you know it.

she doesn't cheat n you know it

she was patient with you when you were down n you know it.

very few times she makes peppery food that you don't like n you want to beat her up. so you think she's a born cook abi. EVERY WOMAN makes mistake at one point or the other when it comes to food.

in fact as far as we are human beings you CAN NEVER get a woman who would never make a mistake preparing food.

yes you don't like peppery food n I understand but what do you expect? 100percent perfection ? lol... maybe in heaven.

naturally when a woman commits an error in her cooking she feels bad especially when she knows her husband would eat out of it.

most times when my elder sister commits error with a meal she is always the one who announces it. it's not like he didn't notice but he knows she didn't do it intentionally. so.. instead of making her feel bad he would rather tell her that when she had been preparing it to his taste he had always ate it without complaining n when it's the other way round HE should also eat it without complaining or making her feel worse.

I think that is LOVE.
Pls encourage her with love, teach her with love, go into the kitchen with her if you need to and lovingly teach her. she would learn n improve.

No on gets it all on a platter of gold especially in marriage. you need to make sacrifices for love and you wouldn't even see it has tiring if you TRULY LOVE HER.

pray that God sustains your home.
YOU ARE THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE LAY GOOD EXAMPLES N ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS WATCHING YOU BOTH. NO CHILD IS TOO YOUNG.

Poster are you perfect? What you have listed here is not a big deal as far as I am concerned, you better learn to be patient and do not beat that woman. If you marry someone else whats the guarantee that it will be better

If you TRULY love your wife, all these won't be an issue.

On a single thread, you've used the word "hit", "beat" over 20 times!! Haba, kilode?!

She walked out of you? Both men and women do this a lot, especially to avoid tensions and prolong arguments.

She fails to run errands? So what?

Bro, LEARN how to LOVE your woman. She's your wife, not your maid.


Ordinary walking away and peppery food, you're already considering hitting her.. What if she cheats on you? I hope you won't go to jail in the process.

To even think you are considering hitting her disgusts me.An adult?
I hope she shames you in the process.Correct disgrace will be yours the day you try it.
She must stay and hear you out you keep saying.Are you a baby?Are you a kid?
She doesnt want to listen is she doesnt want to listen.And for someone like you already considering getting violent with her,she probably saw you fuming and dripping saliva at the tips so she did the only appropriate and safe thing she could do.

Try it you hear,Mr Gentry"s cell in Ikoyi is waiting for you.Lagos state will use you to do example for others out there.Big Bully

Shior.mtcheew

Acidosis:
If you TRULY love your wife, all these won't be an issue.

On a single thread, you've used the word "hit", "beat" over 20 times!! Haba, kilode?!

She walked out of you? Both men and women do this a lot, especially to avoid tensions and prolong arguments.

She fails to run errands? So what?


Bro, LEARN how to LOVE your woman. She's your wife, not your maid.

Someone called his wife a bitch and he said nothing.HABA!

tyosho:
To even think you are considering hitting her disgusts me.An adult?
I hope she shames you in the process.Correct disgrace will be yours the day you try it.
She must stay and hear you out you keep saying.Are you a baby?Are you a kid?
She doesnt want to listen is she doesnt want to listen.And for someone like you already considering getting violent with her,she probably saw you fuming and dripping saliva at the tips so she did the only appropriate and safe thing she could do.

Try it you hear,Mr Gentry"s cell in Ikoyi is waiting for you.Lagos state will use you to do example for others out there.Big Bully

Shior.mtcheew

Majority of the comments on the front page disgust me, especially seeing the manner at which many posters massage the ego.

humm you case is simple; what type of friends does she associate with? do you notice anything new about her of recent cos d things we listen to at times always have it's impact in our life without you knowing.

are you sure you're still d loving man she married? pls don't hit your wife and try to mend d marriage first bfore considering divorce. women can be difficult at times especially when they been traumatised by their past everyone around them bear the brunt

Fluxbush, do you respond to every troll on Nairaland who uses derogatory language against your family members or your husband (if you have any).

Cut the man some slack.

armyofone:
By the way, your wife didn't do anything wrong. You are badly stressed up. Please use the gym your body and mind really need it.

hillsiderfak:
This looks like a family pattern, you will need to pray, I advice you go to Mfm prayer city for advice and prayers.

LMAO

vanemo:

No, my wife would never fake that I satisfy her sexually. She's the type that says it as she sees it. Sometimes, when I slack due to stress, she usually tells me to buckle up.

Why refute the window of possibility that your sexual prowess might just not be as breathtakingly ecstatic as you THINK it is? You say also that she has no reason whatsoever to cheat on you. You forget people don't always need reasons before they do the things they do. It's wiser to err on the side of caution and start considering it as a possibility that it's either you “sexually bore” your wife, or that she's seeing other men. To think such is not possible is to opt to be deliberately foolish.

This is it straight from the horse's mouth:

FortuneTeller:
vanemo
it's
Also are you sure you are good at sex? My husband thinks he is doing well, but he is terrible. I don't even like him touching me any more. However I pretend it's ok when we are together so his feelings aren't hurt. Don't ever be surprised by a woman cheating. Many women cheat and men never find out.

Many women fake sexual satisfaction; your wife could just as easily be feigning it so as to save the frail structures of your BIG ego from tumbling down. Yeah, I called it BIG because none of the complaints you've laid bare is anything worth having a to-do about. Only people with industrial-grade egos chalk up everything a person does to acts of insurbodination.

While growing up - if you had siblings - one of them must have at some point:

1. Had an oversight and forgotten to deliver a message you asked of them

2. Walked out on you

3. Cooked using “too much pepper”

Fifty bucks says you didn't create threads on Nairaland about them.

I'm inclined to believe many of the problems you're facing stems from the fact that you find it difficult to accept that it's possible some of those problems originated from your end of the divide. Your fervid insistence that your wife is not cheating on you, or has no reason to, is proof of this somewhat pseudo sense of self-perfection. Because you consider youself too perfect, too outstanding, that it overrules the possibility of such a thing happening. You are basically saying, “I am perfect, so the faults and flaws in our marriage all lie with my wife and not ME”.
Frankly, I think you are a narcissist.

Sit down and ask yourself if the problem is really with her or with you, or if you are both entitled to an equal portion of the blame.

vanemo:
Dear Nairalanders, I am a regular on this forum but had to create a new moniker to post this.


Growing up, my father was abusive and hit my mum occasionally. I grew up seeing my mum suffer domestic violence. Eventually, my father abandoned us when I was 9 and moved in with another woman. My mum never remarried. She just focused on my upbringing and raised me alone without my father. My father just didn't care anymore after he left and didn't contribute a dime to my upbringing after he left despite efforts made by friends and family to make him take care of his responsibilities towards me.
After sometime, my mum left everything in the hands of God and focused on catering for me without minding my father.
This made me vow not to ever hit a woman not to talk of my wife because I saw firsthand how my mum suffered and it would be a shame for me to make another woman pass through the same thing my mother passed through.
I also vowed to do all within my power to keep my family one and give my kids the fatherly love I was denied as I know the negative effects of a broken home on children.
Mine is different because I have a God fearing, intelligent and hardworking mother who played the role of both father and mother in bringing me up.

Fast forward to now, I am married with a daughter. Met my wife in 2012 and we have been together ever since.
Now, my wife is a very sweet lady who has stood by me through thick and thin even when business was down sometime ago, she was there for me. Things were so bad that we could barely feed but surprisingly, she stood by me and supported me with prayers and she was even the breadwinner for about 4 months till things got better for me.
For this, I praise her a lot and cherish her for this. I am sure she loves me with her whole heart and I can say to some extent that we are happy together.

Now, the problem is that she takes me for granted sometimes and shows some lack of respect towards me which I am finding it hard to tolerate.
For example:

1. She knows I don't eat pepper. But, occasionally she would prepare meals laced with copious amounts of pepper and pass it for me to eat. This has been happening since 2013 and most times, I get angry and refuse to eat the food. 3 weeks ago, she did the same thing and for one week, I refused to eat her food despite her pleadings. Later, I forgave her and things went back to normal.

2. Sometimes, if she is going somewhere and I tell her to help me do something or buy something for me around the area where she is going to, she would always find an excuse not to do what I asked her to do. It has happened often that I have lost confidence in her.
Last week, she was going somewhere and I gave her some money and some herbal medication to give to a sick friend who lives in that area. To my chagrin, she came back without delivering the message telling me stories of why she couldn't find time to go to my friend's place.

3. This evening, she mentioned that she needed extra 300k to boost her business. This is after I had given her 600k which she asked for initially and another 200k which I didn't budget for. Our house rent is expiring in July and I have to renew it plus other expenses that are lined up. I tried explaining to her that I can't spare 300k now and we had a heated exchange. To my chagrin, she walked out on me and even when I called her back, she didn't listen to me. This is not the first time this kind of a thing is happening.

In all of this, I have never raised my hand to hit her since we met in 2012 all because of my vow never to hit a woman in my life. In the above 3 examples, I have been really tempted to break this vow but I am glad I got hold of myself.
I have told her several times that the day she will push me to the wall and I start hitting her, I would never stop and she will be the one to suffer it. I also told her that if we are to ever separate r divorce, it will never be my fault because I am pro family and I am ready to do all it takes to keep my family together and make sure my kids are brought up with their dad and mum under one roof.

I know within myself that I can never hit her no matter what but on the other hand, I can't tolerate living with a lady that takes me for granted and does not respect me.
I have thought about this.
Had it been I was the type that beat women, I think she would have been respecting me more and not taking me for granted like this.

Now, I am in a dilemma, if this continues, it is either I start hitting her or I walk away from the marriage.
Both options are not what I want but I might just be forced to do one of them and go against my vow.
If it gets worse, the better of the two evils is to walk away from the marriage with my sanity intact and take my daughter along as I would not contemplate hitting my wife because of what my mother passed through.

My dear nairalanders, pls I need your advice on this issue.

your biggest problem is ur fear of not becoming like ur dad (I no dis cuz I was like you ).let go of that and be a man. let her no how u feel and hide nothing .let her know you wnt stand by it again, if she continues, tell her Wat u would do and wateva u decide, stick to it

Karma is currently dealing with you man.

I can bet you denigrated and abused your dad for all the supposed bad things he did to your mom....you believed all the sentimental laced lies of your mom and saw your dad as te bad one....now you are married and experiencing the antics and ingratitude of women first hand.

Sorry....you have a choice....continue to condone her excesses or take a walk.

Do not...I repe do not beat her...walk away like your dad if need be...women in this part of the world will push a man to the end of the cliff and cry victimization at the end of the day.

Alennsar:
humm you case is simple; what type of friends does she associate with? do you notice anything new about her of recent cos d things we listen to at times always have it's impact in our life without you knowing

This is sooooooo true. Had a talk with my friend about it last week. It's very important to be careful about who we listen to and who we follow.

vanemo:


No, that's not the case. I am 100% sure she isn't cheating on me and would never contemplate doing such.
If she didn't cheat on me when I was down financially and some men were hitting on her, she would not do that now.

Yes, she might not be cheating but never trust a woman 100% , pls try and do some findings to know what she is up to. If she is not cheating then she may have a Friend who is advising her wrongly.

DarkRebel69:
Fluxbush, do you respond to every troll on Nairaland who uses derogatory language against your family members or your husband (if you have any).

Cut the man some slack.

My family members? My husband? Now you ve lost me. What are you going on about,young man?

Did anyone insult my family or husband here abeg?

Op not sure why I feel you still need to check yourself.

Asides the pepper, what were are reasons for wanting more money for business? What if she really couldn't go on the errand you asked her?

You seem to have threatened her with divorce already and you are already telling her that its completely her fault which is most likely untrue. Someone who knows you don't like pepper won't suddenly decide to ocassionally put it for no reason. Have you changed towards her? Do you treat her the same?

What's the communication like between you and your wife? You mentioned her being disrespectful in what way? Have you sat her down and asked her what's wrong?

fluxbush:
My family members? My husband? Now you ve lost me. What are you going on about,young man?

Did anyone insult my family or husband here abeg?

You do only have short-term memory, don't you?

You castigated the OP for failing to rebutt when a certain poster called his wife a bïtch, hence the reason I made that post.

DarkRebel69:


You do only have short-term memory, don't you?

You castigated the OP for failing to rebutt when a certain poster called his wife a bïtch, hence the reason I made that post.

I should be asking you if something is wrong with your memory and your cognitive thinking. How does that make me his or the wife's relation?

vanemo:


No, that's not the case. I am 100% sure she isn't cheating on me and would never contemplate doing such.
If she didn't cheat on me when I was down financially and some men were hitting on her, she would not do that now.

The cheating may have started when you have issues with your business but you don't expect to feel the effect immediately.


Don't rule out the possibility of her cheating and may be her head is getting turned by the secret one.

fluxbush:
My family members? My husband? Now you ve lost me. What are you going on about,young man?

Did anyone insult my family or husband here abeg?

me I kip saying dat I will beat her if not I lose respect

jakandeola:
me I kip saying dat I will beat her if not I lose respect

Mr stalker! I knew you were gonna jump in here with your yeye talk. Stop quoting or disturbing my mentions. I ve told you before to kill your woman with any weapon of your choice. Baba Respect.

fluxbush:
I should be asking you if something is wrong with your memory and your cognitive thinking. How does that make me his or the wife's relation?

LOL. Is that really you in your DP? Yeah, I couldn't resist stealing a brief look. What I find most unsettling is how a woman with so respledent a smile still manages to be prodigiously DUMB. Archetypal dumb blonde... or is it brunette?

DarkRebel69:


LOL. Is that really you in your DP? Yeah, I had to steal a brief look. What I find most unsettling is how a woman with so respledent a smile can still manage to be prodigiously DUMB. Archetypal dumb blonde... or is it brunette?

Now I am convinced you are a troll and a foolish one at that. You can't even answer a simple question without resorting to insults.

Thanks for complimenting my smile. My husband basks in it.

vanemo:
Dear Nairalanders, I am a regular on this forum but had to create a new moniker to post this.


Growing up, my father was abusive and hit my mum occasionally. I grew up seeing my mum suffer domestic violence. Eventually, my father abandoned us when I was 9 and moved in with another woman. My mum never remarried. She just focused on my upbringing and raised me alone without my father. My father just didn't care anymore after he left and didn't contribute a dime to my upbringing after he left despite efforts made by friends and family to make him take care of his responsibilities towards me.
After sometime, my mum left everything in the hands of God and focused on catering for me without minding my father.
This made me vow not to ever hit a woman not to talk of my wife because I saw firsthand how my mum suffered and it would be a shame for me to make another woman pass through the same thing my mother passed through.
I also vowed to do all within my power to keep my family one and give my kids the fatherly love I was denied as I know the negative effects of a broken home on children.
Mine is different because I have a God fearing, intelligent and hardworking mother who played the role of both father and mother in bringing me up.

Fast forward to now, I am married with a daughter. Met my wife in 2012 and we have been together ever since.
Now, my wife is a very sweet lady who has stood by me through thick and thin even when business was down sometime ago, she was there for me. Things were so bad that we could barely feed but surprisingly, she stood by me and supported me with prayers and she was even the breadwinner for about 4 months till things got better for me.
For this, I praise her a lot and cherish her for this. I am sure she loves me with her whole heart and I can say to some extent that we are happy together.

Now, the problem is that she takes me for granted sometimes and shows some lack of respect towards me which I am finding it hard to tolerate.
For example:

1. She knows I don't eat pepper. But, occasionally she would prepare meals laced with copious amounts of pepper and pass it for me to eat. This has been happening since 2013 and most times, I get angry and refuse to eat the food. 3 weeks ago, she did the same thing and for one week, I refused to eat her food despite her pleadings. Later, I forgave her and things went back to normal.

2. Sometimes, if she is going somewhere and I tell her to help me do something or buy something for me around the area where she is going to, she would always find an excuse not to do what I asked her to do. It has happened often that I have lost confidence in her.
Last week, she was going somewhere and I gave her some money and some herbal medication to give to a sick friend who lives in that area. To my chagrin, she came back without delivering the message telling me stories of why she couldn't find time to go to my friend's place.

3. This evening, she mentioned that she needed extra 300k to boost her business. This is after I had given her 600k which she asked for initially and another 200k which I didn't budget for. Our house rent is expiring in July and I have to renew it plus other expenses that are lined up. I tried explaining to her that I can't spare 300k now and we had a heated exchange. To my chagrin, she walked out on me and even when I called her back, she didn't listen to me. This is not the first time this kind of a thing is happening.

In all of this, I have never raised my hand to hit her since we met in 2012 all because of my vow never to hit a woman in my life. In the above 3 examples, I have been really tempted to break this vow but I am glad I got hold of myself.
I have told her several times that the day she will push me to the wall and I start hitting her, I would never stop and she will be the one to suffer it. I also told her that if we are to ever separate r divorce, it will never be my fault because I am pro family and I am ready to do all it takes to keep my family together and make sure my kids are brought up with their dad and mum under one roof.

I know within myself that I can never hit her no matter what but on the other hand, I can't tolerate living with a lady that takes me for granted and does not respect me.
I have thought about this.
Had it been I was the type that beat women, I think she would have been respecting me more and not taking me for granted like this.

Now, I am in a dilemma, if this continues, it is either I start hitting her or I walk away from the marriage.
Both options are not what I want but I might just be forced to do one of them and go against my vow.
If it gets worse, the better of the two evils is to walk away from the marriage with my sanity intact and take my daughter along as I would not contemplate hitting my wife because of what my mother passed through.

My dear nairalanders, pls I need your advice on this issue.

am sory sir dat how woman is. I advise u dicipline her wit love. giv her a love beat u see she will luv u more

fluxbush:
Now I am convinced you are a troll and a foolish one at that. You can't even answer a simple question without resorting to insults.

Thanks for complimenting my smile. My husband basks in it.

Your husband must have really tacky taste in women seeing as the person he's married to is one incapable of following a simple train of thought.

You scolded the OP for not defending his wife when she was insulted by a poster here. And then I asked if you (Fluxcunt) replied every single troll on the internet who aspersed a family member of yours. You failed to see the logic in my statement and took to hurling sour grapes instead. Oh, I get it now... it's that time of the month, eh?

kayzat:






The cheating may have started when you have issues with your business but you don't expect to feel the effect immediately.


Don't rule out the possibility of her cheating and may be her head is getting turned by the secret one.

Why are you forcing down the cheating on his throat?

Aiye manika ooo

Mofpearl:


This is sooooooo true. Had a talk with my friend about it last week. It's very important to be careful about who we listen to and who we follow.

it has happen to me bfore and my marriage is still young then. but all in all it's still a lesson