ivolt:


If your wife is starving you of sex why don't you walk away from such union ?
Why should this man rape his wife ?

Since its coming from the horse's mouth, I'll just find a side chick and let her be...I can't walk away from my kids...

Daboomb:


He is not just "a man"! He is her HUSBAND.
She is not just "a woman"!! She is his WIFE.

Even the Bible admonishes us not to deprive each other (husband and wife) of sex.
If you dont want anyone to make a LEGITIMATE DEMAND of sex from you, then DONT GET MARRIED.

Deprivation of "conjugal bliss" (sex) in a marriage, is enough legal grounds for that marriage to be annulled.
That is how serious even the law, looks at it.

If the same Man brings-in another woman now, she will still be shouting Polygamy!
You cant eat your cake, AND STILL WANT TO HAVE IT.

The man for take it easy sha, all this panel-beating stuff is not worth the effort.
Just send her out of your house and marry another woman that is ready to be a WIFE and do Wife-duties.

After all the sermonizing, sex outside the confines of marriage do happen though it's frowned upon, and in many instances it's what is keeping a spouse sane enough to stay married.

If we should go by Jesus' teaching that upgraded the issue of extra marital sex to the mental level, how would a spouse know or catch one when the cheating is on a mental level?

eph12:

How can I agree with him? I DON'T! But I hate it when I hear a one sided story. In fact I haven't said anything about this thread, my previous discussion with ivolt brought me here. I am not one to listen to one side of an argument and pass judgement when I know there are always 3 sides to a story.

When I was in secondary school, I stayed with a family. The man was a full time pastor and very calm and gentle. The woman is one that can raise hell for insignificant things. Whenever she starts, the husband just either goes out or goes to sleep. When she is not nagging she's a very lovely wife and mother. Now this is a man that understands his wife and knows it's just one of her bad sides he shouldn't dwell on but manage with care after all there are many other good sides he can dwell on. I'm sure it's same for the woman too. This is what couples now are finding hard to understand or accept. Focusing on the bad sides and in the process forgetting how wonderful he or she was. Then she gets some advice from some wicked people not to accept some things that are actually not foolish or not relevant. This is unfortunately where we are right now.

I agree with you that listening to one side of the story is bad for discourse but if it is true that this man hit his wife, there is no justification for that action. Hitting anyone, coming from either a man or woman, is wrong.
The bolded part of your comment can also be said for men. I have heard men say: let her know you're the head or my wife can never try that. Yes, men and women get bad counsel from "friends" and it is up to the individual to decide if they'll let an outsider ruin their relationship.
I've heard the analogy that the person you marry has approximately 80% of what you want, it's up to you if you let the 20% dictate your relationship or glorify the 80%. Because we are all flawed, we tend to focus on the 20.

oyienootieno:


Sex with a loved one is far different with sex with a paid total stranger.

Were we talking about love?
Don't confuse sex with love, the two are not synonymous.

PrettyCrystal:
A woman was allegedly punched and brutalized by her husband for reportedly refusing early morning sex. According to activist and human rights lawyer, Emeka Ugwuonye, she refused to have sex with her hubby that morning because she had a conference to attend. Read what was shared by the lawyer on Facebook.

She just refused early morning sex because she has to attend a conference early this morning. No argument. Nothing! He woke up and found her dressed. Before you knew It, punches began to rain on the woman. Now, she can't attend the conference. The man still took it by force after leaving some lumps on her face.

Source; https://www.nationalhelm.co/2017/06/woman-brutalized-husband-refusing-early-morning-sex-photo.html

women can be wicked.. Aswear

ivolt:


Don't mind eph12, nothing has changed, many Nigerian men don't see their wives
as companions but servants and should the marriage has problem, the wife takes the
blame.
Even some "enlightened" men are not left behind as they want to retain the
overlord privilege enjoyed by their grand fathers, this won't have been a problem
but they want such privilege even when they fail to perform their primary duty.

I made that statement because I do not understand the current situation in Nigeria regarding marriage. The last time I was home was when I was 14. But I have seen the trend in my families and neighbors and I was almost excited about the thought of change. I will not sit here and criticize our men because our parents especially our mothers has failed to correct the situation. They need to teach the sons a better strategy to treat women. Because these sons become husband and fathers in the future. Therefore, the cycle continues. I wonder if these things are discussed in school, do you know?

Emdeejay:

I agree with you that listening to one side of the story is bad for discourse but if it is true that this man hit his wife, there is no justification for that action. Hitting anyone, coming from either a man or woman, is wrong.
The bolded part of your comment can also be said for men. I have heard men say: let her know you're the head or my wife can never try that. Yes, men and women get bad counsel from "friends" and it is up to the individual to decide if they'll let an outsider ruin their relationship.
I've heard the analogy that the person you marry has approximately 80% of what you want, it's up to you if you let the 20% dictate your relationship or glorify the 80%. Because we are all flawed, we tend to focus on the 20.

Then women should stop playing the victim and learn to understand their partners. No two relationships are same. Same with men. Everyone should understand their partners and adjust their lives to that effect. It's a marriage, not a vacation. Only reason one can have to back out is if he or she is violent.

ekems2017:
Madam sorry for the punching. But I believe you know that your hubby loves sex why not give him a quickie or talk to him the way he will understand. There are some men who do not joke with sex. You should know your hubby by now.
Although what he did was wrong he is suppose to also respect your feelings. Now you can't attend the conference again and he still took it by force.
Sorry dear next time Even though you are not in the mood just open your leg for him to do whatever he wants to do so that you can go your way and peace will reign.
Don't give him room to have a side chick cos he will put the blame on you.
Once again sorry.

And you call yourself a woman
Hmmnn

eph12:

Then women should stop playing the victim and learn to understand their partners. No two relationships are same. Same with men. Everyone should understand their partners and adjust their lives to that effect. It's a marriage, not a vacation. Only reason one can have to back out is if he or she is violent.

Now you've lost me again. Victim? What victim? If you are referring to this woman, yes she is a victim of domestic violence. Even though you're saying same with men, are you insinuating that women are the cause of the problems in marriages?
Marriage is not a vacation but it is also not a battlefield. It is a place of mutual respect, love, and companionship. Where the husband and wife are on the same team to move the family forward.
There are several reasons to back out of a marriage. If a wife or husband abuses the spouse physically, emotionally or mentally, you should back out because all these things are detrimental to the health equally. If someone cheats on another, here is where there is a choice on what to do but personally I'm gone.

Emdeejay:

I made that statement because I do not understand the current situation in Nigeria regarding marriage. The last time I was home was when I was 14. But I have seen the trend in my families and neighbors and I was almost excited about the thought of change. I will not sit here and criticize our men because our parents especially our mothers has failed to correct the situation. They need to teach the sons a better strategy to treat women. Because these sons become husband and fathers in the future. Therefore, the cycle continues. I wonder if these things are discussed in school, do you know?

Our schools don't care about such social issues.

It is not even acknowledged as a problem by most
people except it results in death or a serious injury.

Even in those cases many will condemn the
man for going too far while blaming the woman for
"provoking" her husband.

But I have hope that social media exposure may help
reshape the minds of young men and help them realise
that violence is not an acceptable way of resolving problem.

ivolt:


Our schools don't care about such social issues.

It is not even acknowledged as a problem by most
people except it results in death or a serious injury.

Even in those cases many will condemn the
man for going too far while blaming the woman for
"provoking" her husband.

But I have hope that social media exposure may help
reshape the minds of young men and help them realise
that violence is not an acceptable way of resolving problem.

That is a new way to think about the idea. Maybe a social media campaign? And since the Nigerian youths follow celebrities on social media, maybe they can help? May I pick your brain for a second? In the Nigerian society, in what way could these changes be implemented? What authority can we speak to?

dominique:

What is this one saying?

azzz innnn....... im so bewildered by the comments im reading some are saying.... is it not his conjugal right? what will it cost her? just 10 minutes blah blah blah blah rubbish!!!! for heaven sake sex is a pleasurable sontin by mutual consent! are nigerian men actually animals? i quit! i give up !!!!

What an animal! Only an animal would lay hands on his wife. Shameless baboon! And any one who supports him may their sisters, mothers and daughters suffer the same fate, amen!

PrettyCrystal:
A woman was allegedly punched and brutalized by her husband for reportedly refusing early morning sex. According to activist and human rights lawyer, Emeka Ugwuonye, she refused to have sex with her hubby that morning because she had a conference to attend. Read what was shared by the lawyer on Facebook.

She just refused early morning sex because she has to attend a conference early this morning. No argument. Nothing! He woke up and found her dressed. Before you knew It, punches began to rain on the woman. Now, she can't attend the conference. The man still took it by force after leaving some lumps on her face.

Source; https://www.nationalhelm.co/2017/06/woman-brutalized-husband-refusing-early-morning-sex-photo.html

Man-handling one's wife is wrong, but wives always find excuses to avoid sex with their husbands. Why? Those wives will go out there to spend money on their boyfriends just for sex. Women are the most confused creatures.

PaperLace:

Diplomacy: tact : ability to skillfully deal with people _ common sense should let anyone know it doesn't involve violence. What is difficult (or impracticable) in understanding how couples can tactfully handle marital issues?

Hey! I'm quite sure you know i don't have any problem with the definition of what "diplomacy" is, so stop trying to get any credit thinking my last mention was about it's definition. You suggested they use diplomacy without explaining in practical terms, "how" the couple in question shld resolve their differences amicably & permanently able to manage their marriage differences WHICH MUST STILL COME UP in the course of time. YOU DON'T COUNSEL SOMEONE SERIOUSLY WITH JUST A STATEMENT. Your comment about using diplomacy is simply too Impractical bro.
For clarity, my point is in matters as serious as this we should help folks by giving them our advice which they can work with NOT JUST MAKE COMMENTS SIMPLY BECAUSE ITS A DISCUSSION FORUM.
Ur style may differ, so stop getting me wrong.

discman2k2:

Hey! I'm quite sure you know i don't have any problem with the definition of what "diplomacy" is, so stop trying to get any credit thinking my last mention was about it's definition. You suggested they use diplomacy without explaining in practical terms, "how" the couple in question shld resolve their differences amicably & permanently able to manage their marriage differences WHICH MUST STILL COME UP in the course of time. YOU DON'T COUNSEL SOMEONE SERIOUSLY WITH JUST A STATEMENT. Your comment about using diplomacy is simply too Impractical bro.
For clarity, my point is in matters as serious as this we should help folks by giving them our advice which they can work with NOT JUST MAKE COMMENTS SIMPLY BECAUSE ITS A DISCUSSION FORUM.
Ur style may differ, so stop getting me wrong.

I didn't get you wrong, I agree with your suggestions. I only countered you saying people shouldn't walk away from an abusive spouse.

doskie:
azzz innnn.......
im so bewildered by the comments im reading
some are saying.... is it not his conjugal right?
what will it cost her?
just 10 minutes
blah blah blah blah rubbish!!!!
for heaven sake sex is a pleasurable sontin by mutual consent!
are nigerian men actually animals? i quit! i give up !!!!

I was also shocked at the comments. How can a man have sex with his wife forcefully? This is why lots of married couples have sex twice a year, they both stop doing the little things that used to turn each other on. I'm sure before marriage, he would have probably tried to cajole her, promise to drop her off and all that.

Married couples hide under conjugal right to take lot of things for granted. Imagine someone saying she should just spread leg? Noooo! Is that what marital sex has been reduced to?

PaperLace:

I didn't get you wrong, I agree with your suggestions. I only countered you saying people shouldn't walk away from an abusive spouse.

Bro, i don't know ur background or spiritual inclinations & beliefs. Bt as a matter of fact, i must tell u that running away from any marriage basically it seemed not to work ISN'T IT! I mean, u knw it takes 2 to tango, so it takes 2 pips 2 have a quarel or misunderstanding. Dont Imagine its only one party that creates a fault in any marriage. The other must have done something either as to revenge or as to fuel it instead of calling the their spouses & sitting down trying to understand eaxhother & mutually agree on the way forward (the diplomacy u suggest ), but when issues continue 'cos of obvious selfishness then the other party shld not loose hope but see respected individuals I'm the sphere.
You may already be away that many kids lives have been destroyed basically 'cos of broken homes. Many women have suffered abuse but patiently worked at the marriage, & it always may turn out good for then, because by nature Males alwaya stubborn streaks but as they age, they realise they DEPEND on the same women they once abused & the children thereof.
Advice : Try to learn about marriage first before jumping into it. Also, get to KNOW your potential mate. Lastly, understand that no relationship is devoid of issues but that couples with patiently developing mutual respect & honor for each other are able to work out their DIFFERENCES TO A MATURED MARRIAGE OF TOLERANCE & ACHIEVED BLISS IN RAISING KIDS.

amarabae is dis right

discman2k2:

You may already be away that many kids lives have been destroyed basically 'cos of broken homes. Many women have suffered abuse but patiently worked at the marriage, & it always may turn out good for then, because by nature Males alwaya stubborn streaks but as they agsame women they once abused & the children thereof.

No need for the long story, nobody should endure abuse. Regular marital issues is different from battery. I'm all for working out issues, but battery? Leave and live.

More kids have been destroyed by growing up in an abusive home.

PaperLace:

I didn't get you wrong, I agree with your suggestions. I only countered you saying people shouldn't walk away from an abusive spouse.


I was also shocked at the comments. How can a man have sex with his wife forcefully? This is why lots of married couples have sex twice a year, they both stop doing the little things that used to turn each other on. I'm sure before marriage, he would have probably tried to cajole her, promise to drop her off and all that.

Married couples hide under conjugal right to take lot of things for granted. Imagine someone saying she should just spread leg? Noooo! Is that what marital sex has been reduced to?

see what a foreigner wrote about the comments men were making on this issue in the page of a popular blogger Becky Madojemu from my state. i shame.

menxer:

Na wa to you ooo, so as a married man you want to include buying sex in the to do shopping list?

Read my comment again, then read the comment of the guy I quoted with it.

One thing I've noticed by reading comments is that most males don't care about female opinions and so many of them do not understand females

It's a vicious cycle, if you raise your sons to make them feel better than your daughters they won't value female opinions and they definitely won't listen and can't understand us

If marriage is truly about tolerance and flexibility the man should have been nice enough to consider that his fully dressed wife was in no mood for sex, exercise some self control and wait, she's not a sex doll

I hope he gets the punishment he deserves.

Emdeejay:

I made that statement because I do not understand the current situation in Nigeria regarding marriage. The last time I was home was when I was 14. But I have seen the trend in my families and neighbors and I was almost excited about the thought of change. I will not sit here and criticize our men because our parents especially our mothers has failed to correct the situation. They need to teach the sons a better strategy to treat women. Because these sons become husband and fathers in the future. Therefore, the cycle continues. I wonder if these things are discussed in school, do you know?

Exactly my thought. They don't train their sons to value females instead they teach them to oppress, it's pathetic. So who's to blame? It's a vicious cycle that will never end in Nigeria

myking95:


Will u keep quiet! Its women like u that use sex as a bargaining chip against their husbands. As much as I'm against the wife battery, if u as a woman tries that stuff with me, I'll start treating u as a roommate and probably impregnate a family member of yours to prove a point and sorry will never come out of ny mouth to show i wasnt being stupid. With time, il just consider u as a threat and u can leave and screw around...its ur body., the marriage institution be damned, i won't be blackmailed into unhapiness. Imagine a lifetime of struggling to make a woman happy and she calls me a fool.

Hey, reread what you posted, what type of man are you? I'm in shock. Feel free to impregnate whosoever you chose but there's something called nemesis and she usually gets men above 55, you'll surely be another victim and when you become frail, worn out and helpless that same woman who you maltreated will have the upper hand and God help u she's the mean type, you'll be done for.

With what you wrote, it shows you are a devil incarnate and you don't deserve to be married and have kids. You are evil! I hope you are not religious because it will be an insult to any religion. Tufiakwa for you! *spits*

myking95:


Will u keep quiet! Its women like u that use sex as a bargaining chip against their husbands. As much as I'm against the wife battery, if u as a woman tries that stuff with me, I'll start treating u as a roommate and probably impregnate a family member of yours to prove a point and sorry will never come out of ny mouth to show i wasnt being stupid. With time, il just consider u as a threat and u can leave and screw around...its ur body., the marriage institution be damned, i won't be blackmailed into unhapiness. Imagine a lifetime of struggling to make a woman happy and she calls me a fool.

SnowJay92:


Read my comment again, then read the comment of the guy I quoted with it.

you should be able to decode when someone is joking, But to write sex in your to do shopping list is not a joke.

segzy0i:
as much as I hate woman battering what the man do was very wrong but our woman too should be wise to give to the man when needed if he has allow the man to have his way under 20 mins he should be through and if she condition her mind she might not even ejaculate and she will be free to attend to her conference now that she has been battered will she be able to go to the conference 10-20 mins of sex will not ruin her conference some men are wild when it comes to sex so understand and study your partner well

On NL, itmust turn out to be the fault of the woman. A responsible man wont think that way. There is a place for consideration in marriage. I can't imagine my husband acting that crazy. There are other days and besides i can make up for it. But acting like it is now or never is not the way to go.

Most men that make this chauvinistic comments are not even married and dont understand how a marriage is run.

Hmmm men and sex tho'.

Quinn22:
With what you wrote, it shows you are a devil incarnate and you don't deserve to be married and have kids. You are evil! I hope you are not religious because it will be an insult to any religion. Tufiakwa for you! *spits*

So u now determine what and what I don't deserve....like u can control my life. Take care

Quinn22:
With what you wrote, it shows you are a devil incarnate and you don't deserve to be married and have kids. You are evil! I hope you are not religious because it will be an insult to any religion. Tufiakwa for you! *spits*

So u now determine what and what I don't deserve....like u can control my life. I cant even think of an appropriate response for you.

Pidgin2:


Hey, reread what you posted, what type of man are you? I'm in shock. Feel free to impregnate whosoever you chose but there's something called nemesis and she usually gets men above 55, you'll surely be another victim and when you become frail, worn out and helpless that same woman who you maltreated will have the upper hand and God help u she's the mean type, you'll be done for.

...I choose to be happy and on a normal day I'm a very nice person...but I dislike the way humans take good people for granted, I av promised myself that no one, not even a wife will put me in that situation...and if you decide to make my life miserable...I find my happiness
elsewhere. U people sef, always wanting control over a man, and when u do...u can NEVER use it to better him, rather its to manipulate and destroy...

It is you that NEMESIS will catch up to...all the women ruining men through matriarchal family and divorce laws in the west, nemesis has not caught up with them yet abi? Yeye people...u think its everyone that can be emotionally blackmailed...I love everyone...butnif u got daddy issues...deal with it before getting married to me.

Your own words will be ur own portion..it is you that will SURELY be a victim. See your typical women behavior? I just stated what I will do if I shud end up with Jezebel instead of beating her and the next thing u can do is curse? If things go your way: Manipulate, if things don't: curse....I pity your eternity.
Go make your terrible choices now and live in bitterness later. Hopefully no man will be stupid enough to make himself your victim.

doskie:
see what a foreigner wrote about the comments men were making on this issue in the page of a popular blogger Becky Madojemu from my state. i shame.

Let the foreigner shut up. Its the same people that cry on reddit about women not giving them sex sometimes for a full year, bunch of weak people who cannot stand up to their women. See threads like this...what manner of evil. http://www.mamamia.com.au/man-makes-spreadsheet-for-denied-sex/

https://thetransformedwife.com/giving-men-a-voice-on-being-starved-for-sex/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/31jhjw/a_rant_on_sexual_denial_in_marriage_20/


One more thing MR. If at your age you still believe that the white man's way of thinking must be standard across all facets...u need psychiatric help from a chronic case of inferiority complex. Nonsense.