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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Health / Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk (8410647 Views)
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Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by oamronnie(f): 10:57pm On Jun 19, 2017 |
I just love this lady. Such a free spirit! Stay strong, sis. Like you always say, God got your back. Benignasweety: 4 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by nneejima(f): 11:29pm On Jun 19, 2017 |
Am sorry for all dz misery Nwannem @ Benignasweety, heaven knows how much you love ur husband despite all u are going through just to be with him. I have bn following ur diary, staying around him to make things work ll not be the best, some fil & mil are green snake in green grasses (u ll think that they are supporting u but they are the ones dealing with u behind ur back). Please go back to ur parents house, dey won't kill you, beg for their forgiveness. Prayer can do all things but dz tooth pick legged girls will go any length to get a man dey want wether single or married, These girls are diabolic. Person who fight & run away ll live to fight another day. U are such a beautiful young lady with a good heart, u are too young for all these wahala. Its not the end of life my sister,please be alive for ur Zion, its high time to let go u deserve the best in life. 9 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by mrking3(m): 11:43pm On Jun 19, 2017 |
This story of benignasweety and damsel is really heart breaking and sickening to say the least! Some men are beast in human form!! Really unfortunate! ! This is 21st century! If it's not working for you quit! !there's no point being in marriage where domestic violence is the order of the day! Marriage is beautiful and apparently the biggest blessing to mankind provided you're with the right partner. I don't get how couples sleep comfortably at night with grudges? The moment I have any issue with my wife it takes just 5 minutes to get it resolved! And that's all. No reason to hit your wife not to talk of a nursing mother that just got out of labor pains!! You see, I keep telling people take your time to get to know your partner before tieing the knot! Once you say I do! That's it!! Long courtship too can be very helpful hence you get to know all the hidden characters of your partner. Once the foundation is faulty, my dear! The marriage is bound to hit the rock!! No marriage is flawless! Yes! But all depends on how you go about resolving issues when they occur. There's no formula for a successful marriage! You both should make it work in your own way!! Insecurity is such a big issue when it comes to dating! But shouldn't come into marriage! If your husband can't trust or confide in you in marriage then something is wrong!! All through the 8yrs I dated my wife @mblizz we were on distance relationship. Her love and trust were never in doubt!! And she's the only woman I ever dated till marriage! !! No reason to cheat on a good woman. Everyone have a past either good or bad and shouldn't be used against you by your spouse! Not right!! ! I don't know what it is thats going on with you and your husband but what ever it is, keep your cool my dear!! ! Commit everything to God and find a safe place to put your head. When he's come back to his senses, he will come looking for you!! Men like initial gra gra well well. ... I tell you!! ! Follow your instincts! Decide whether to stay or walk out of the marriage after you've weighed all options... Takia my dear!! ! The lord is your strength! !! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and lo. 28 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by MMotimo: 11:58pm On Jun 19, 2017 |
Sorry to intrude here, I am not pregnant and have not been in many many years. The journey that led me here started with my checking the family section over the weekend and stumbling onto a post where someone was accused of tribal bigotry. As is often the case when a post piques my interest, I did a check of post history which led me to the diaries section and this thread. I spent quite a bit of time on that diary and I also flicked through Bennny's post history outside of diaries. I was worried about her yesterday when I checked her post history and that is how I landed here this evening. The main reason why I am posting a comment is because of posts suggesting having an income can help you when you fall for an abusive man or help you escape the abuse. That is a very popular myth. I have known a number of abused women in my lifetime and every single one of them has an income. In fact, they have all been very well educated with very good jobs. Anyone that has read Benny's diary can deduce very quickly that her husband is not loaded, quite the contrary as a matter of fact. I know stay at home Moms are not many in Naija as women have become convinced that it is some kind of servitude or victim position to turn a normal husband into an abusive one. In my years on Nland I have had cause, multiple times, to come out against such fables, when I see them. Your not having an income is not what turns your husband to an abuser. Your husband abuses you because he is an abuser. Abusers are predators, they pick their prey. Benny's profile, at least the online one I see, fits almost to a T what an abuser would look for. The fact that she's able to share some of his negatives with the outside world on a regular basis, is very atypical of that victim profile and that suggests to me she's a fighter and she can break the cycle. It has taken her time to voice out that he is physically abusive but if he has not been able to shut your mouth, you need to build very quickly on the strength that has helped you preserve your voice I am Nigerian, married to a Nigerian man and I stayed home for years when our kids were young because my husband and I agreed together and it made sense. Everyone's family is different, it will never make sense in some families especially the economics of it. However, a lot of families still pull it off. It is for the sake of the latter group I am posting. Please do not start imagining your spouse turning into a beast because you are staying home. It doesn't work that way. The first rule is to know whom you are marrying and please, please, please, plan together as one unit. Staying home is very mathematical, amongst other factors, calculate whether or not it makes sense and make sure you are both in agreement. It is not a matter of compulsion. Reading Benny's diary over the weekend, I could tell the abuse started a long time ago and reading several other posts, it was obvious she made several mistakes in the relationship, including getting pregnant multiple times for an unemployed graduate when she has no job herself, even when he already expressed the opinion that he did not want a child. Again I read non diary posts to sum up the picture. My people, romance without finance is VERY tough. Neither of the 2 parties is very mature and in the end, I am not sure how much thought and effort they put into planning and their union. If she got a million dollar job today, he would still be abusive towards her. He might love her in a way he understands but he does not respect her. Respect is a major pillar in any healthy marital relationships. Benny, I don't blame you for everything, I sense there is a lot to your story stemming from your parents' home and I suspect a culmination of several events or non events have led you to the present state. I was very happy to read that your parents will welcome you back home. I think that is where you belong right now. I am not sure why you are waiting till month end, that does not sound like a good idea. I would think a baby should be able to make the trip but maybe I am under estimating the rigors of road travel from Lagos to the East. Please, go and work on yourself before you consider any form of emotional entanglement with the same or another man. You need to clean yourself up emotionally and build your self esteem. You are made in God's image, a beautiful girl by any standards. You are worth a lot more than a punching bag. Your husband needs help too and I pray you both get it. I am not saying leave or don't leave your husband, that advice is beyond me but I am saying go back home, surround yourself with love on every side and rebuild. May God help you. If there are no stay home Moms here, feel free to ignore my epistle. Once again, apologies for the intrusion and do excuse the length of my post. I cannot but advocate for the SAHM model because I have lived it and a lot of the people in my social circle have as well. Benny's main problem is an abusive husband, not her lack of a job. Even now, it is going to take a lot for her to leave him if that is what her head tells her to do. It goes beyond not having a job. Let us not confuse issues. Thank you. P.S Apologies for any errors, I really suck at reading over 68 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 12:09am On Jun 20, 2017 |
nneejima:Thanks... D girls he is seeing doesnt even know dey are married... Please everyone, is it true if couples split when baby is still tender, d baby always dies? Datz what my inlaws told me dix nyt wen dey wia tryin toreconcile us... Dat one entr my body o but my hubby took me to d room after I said am sorry to him and told me we should continue to pretend we are good in d presence of his parents and when we get to d East, we sort out ourselves... I was pained I had to be d one to kneel and beg (itz a mans world) chai I don suffer but d aftermaths gahn is shocking me... Truth is I cnt deal again with his wicked attitudes to me but again, how true is d spliting stuff? 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by mrking3(m): 12:21am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Benignasweety:you love this man!! !! Well, never heard of such. We've seen or read about couples going their separate ways when baby is still tender. Tonto dike and tiwa sef wouldn't risk it if it were true. |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Onegai(f): 12:30am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Mmotimo, God bless you for this. (It's nice to see Family landers here from time to time). Benignasweety, carry your load back to your parents for now. And absolutely nothing will happen to your baby if you leave. I wanted to speak to you much earlier because I knew they would make you beg (and that would make things so much worse for you and he). If your baby is upto a month, he can make the road trip (he can even fly sef, though that's not an option for now). Just go home and don't let anyone make you try and fix things. All you need to do is focus on yourself and your kid. Try and avoid talking to him and if you want to speak to anyone about him, pick someone you trust or you know you won't see too much after this, so you can vent to your heart's desire. Just go back home, don't even think about what he's thinking. It is for him to fix things, he's the head. 11 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 12:30am On Jun 20, 2017 |
mrking3:Tnx sir... my baby is not upto one month sha.. please help me ask about it, I need all d information I can get. I love my husband and after d whole talks dix night, I found out itz not about me but he is plainly tired and jex wants me out of his life... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 12:34am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Onegai:Chai, na dat oya kneel before your husband and tell him you am sorry... it weakened me cuz I deserved d apology not him... He got it and conscience no even tell am to say am sorry, itz we should pretend. Nothing will happen to my son, for respect sake, we go reach d next week we planned travelling. LAWD I PRAY FOR STRENGTH THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH FOR BENNY TO HANDLE 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by mrking3(m): 12:41am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Benignasweety:I'm lying close to my wife right now on bed with a teary eye as I type!! ! Just can't sleep over this your issue. So you had to apologize again and only for him to say you guys should pretend like all is well before your in-laws? What a man!! Pls just as the poster above me rightly said, make haste and leave his house. Don't wait till month end.pls!!!! Find a safe place to cool off. Will find out more about the split stuff and get back to you. 2 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by nneejima(f): 1:29am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Benignasweety:Hmmmmn, see human beings. So u that received the beating doesn't deserve sorry but him, lord have mercy. My sister anyone that tells you dt splitting with him ll lead to death of ur baby z a lie from pit of hell, they are trying to tie u down to dt man. Ur baby can be affected if only u sleep with another Man (according to Enugu & Abia state tradition) please believe that nothing ll happen to ur baby. Reject it, people carry 3days baby from North dey come back bc of boko haram and their babies are alive today. One more thing, as far as u are with his parents don't ever think they will support you leaving their son, in one way or the other dey ll make u see reasons to beg him and that ll give him the moral to behave as he like. Biko gaba be nna gi, rapu tydi. 7 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 1:47am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Na wa o! It is well 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by ahnie: 1:53am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Naomi14: Ayam telling you! 2 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by queenhecate: 3:52am On Jun 20, 2017 |
My kids woke me up and after settling them, you were the first thing on my mind. I pray for you this morn benigna.... the Lord who seeth all things and knows the innermost heart of man shall guide, protect and counsel you.. He that is the okwuru umu ogbenye shall be your advocate... The Unshakable God shall be ur strength and guide you out from this tunnel that may seem unending to you right now.. Uncommon peace is your portion, peace of mind and body shall be with you. Amen You shall laugh at last and it shall be permanent in Jesus name I pray, Amen God bless you and your baby. 13 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Rhemy2013(f): 4:49am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 6:03am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Mmotimo, In this case being a SAHW is one of the reasons o. SAHW... Not mom. It is working out well for you and many women out there because you have a good man walking the road with you. Not so many women are that lucky. She's living with her in-laws and her husband. So they're all at home all the time.... Together! Think am ..... Do you know what happened the day she was to deliver? 1. She should have walked out a long time ago. 2. Since she didn't, she should have got herself busy by leaving the house. It's not about the income, it's about a little bit of independence and a fresh breathe of air. 3. She can't come here airing her woes when she knows her husband will see this and counter at home. Considering he has all the power at the moment. 4. Your in-laws won't want you to leave. With their grandbaby. 5. You begging means you're not really ready. He's making you make this decision. In fact.... I'm going to sit this one out. I've learnt that women in her shoes will only act when they've had enough. I wish her well. In other news, Her husband is already under fire from NLers.... Choi! It sucks to be him right now? ![]() 20 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by mrking3(m): 6:11am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Benignasweety:Like I said, I just had a discourse with my wife on this splitting stuff. So she explained that it does happen in most cases. Children too have emotions! I remember when we were TTC part of the advice was to live in peace and love with DW because babies don't like a fighting and quarrelling environment. Also, if the baby has gotten used to his dad at such a tender age, the split might affect his health adversely and in rare case, the baby might die if the case isn't handled well and timely. The issue with your DH is similar to that of my wife's parents. Her mum walked out Of marriage because of the promiscuous nature of Her DH. So it affected her growth as a baby! Always sick and down. So the elderly persons In the community told her mum that her frequent illness is as a result of her split with the husband. So they had to use blade to cut most part of baby's body (dw) just to remove the bad blood causing the convulsions. I'm not saying all this to scare you or justify your stay with a man that doesn't value you. This is just the reality. Babies destiny are different. What affects one baby might not affect another. Your case is that of irreconcilable differences with your DH! Hence he has fully made up his mind at this point. Just for the sake of that innocent baby! Plead with him to come check on the little child once in a while where ever he is. My dear, move on!! !! Also pray for God's direction and guidance he won't forsake you. 2 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 6:16am On Jun 20, 2017 |
I totally agree with you ma'am! She is so not ready. Most women who experience domestic violence usually look for one or two reason to stay back. Advice won't change nada! I have seen many like that! That's by the way! I love those cute shoes ![]() zaynie: 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Dazzle86(f): 6:17am On Jun 20, 2017 |
MMotimo:Thanks for your contribution ma'am. Nobody said her not having a job is the cause of the abuse. Advocating that a woman should have a source of income is for her to be able to at least feed and also take care of her kids should the need arise in any form, it could also be death of the man. If you are are not aware one of the major ways men abuse their wives and kids is to withdraw financial assistance. Having a job helps a woman, in many ways apart from the financial aspect It clears your mind, you have somewhere to go to that keeps you sane. You meet people also. All that is better than staying at home wallowing in pain. 13 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Dazzle86(f): 6:23am On Jun 20, 2017 |
zaynie: Lmao really 4 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Giddyperson: 6:51am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Rhemy2013:Lol that's no problem, got our first one at 8 weeks |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Nobody: 6:53am On Jun 20, 2017 |
zaynie: For real?? Please is it in family section? I even saw his comment yesterday morning on a post on fp saying so we should fry sperm, I believe he just finished showing his foolish manly strength on his wife before he made the comment. Wasted sperm, I hate women/wife beaters especially someone that just gave you an end product of your watery sperm. She just gave birth for heaven's sake. Spouses can argue that one is inevitable but beating up. Kai e just weak me. To even think the In-laws told her to ask for forgiveness when the fault is from their son and even want to wash her brain with superstitious belief. Robbing Peter to pay Pan (hope am correct ![]() 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 6:56am On Jun 20, 2017 |
cherrymum1: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Babes.... How you dey? Lami nko? ![]() Been a while o. Pop in more often ![]() |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 6:57am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Prettyhurts: LMAO! @ watery sperm.... ![]() Just type his name in the search box and see how people have been shutting him up... 2 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 7:00am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Naomi14: 7 weeks is too early o.... Let the baby's feet breathe except it's for photoshoot. I don't wear shoes for my kids till they are like 6m or ready to crawl except when we're going to parties and want to do maximum shakara ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Dazzle86(f): 7:23am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Heavy down pour in Ibadan. No work for me today. Lying on my bed sipping on some hot milk and nairalanding. Let the rain kwontinue. ;DHeavy down pour in Ibadan. No work for me today. Lying on my bed sipping on some hot milk and nairalanding. Let the rain kwontinue. 8 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 7:25am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Dazzle86: Heavy downpour in Lagos. At home.... No work today No school today No market today. I think I'll just let the kids stay back home... Seun Osewa, we need a dancing emoji! ![]() 11 Likes |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by Graciouscharis: 7:26am On Jun 20, 2017 |
Giddyperson: I think she meant 7 weeks not months. I can bet with my left butt that her baby is far from being 7 month old. I know when she announced her BA if my memory doesn't fail me. If it's 7 weeks, rotavirus is still possible. |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by clinik: 7:38am On Jun 20, 2017 |
All this things just weak me...... Kai,some people are just mean. @ benny and d other mama my prayers are with u. @benny i travelled with my 3weeks old baby from d north to d west and nothing happened to him,na paracetamol suffer d stress,no let anybody use dat one tie u down please. God will be u and Zion please mama zaynie wats d guys name? Regards to ur kids |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by zaynie(f): 7:48am On Jun 20, 2017 |
clinik: t.y.d.i Remove the dots. I don't want him getting mentions from here. 1 Like |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by ifyalways(f): 7:49am On Jun 20, 2017 |
For two women with marital crises, I have very little to say. You guys are luckily in lagos, so many resources and organisation's that you guys can reach out to and get help. Praying and hoping for a change won't stop the abuse. I can never love any adult more than they love themselves, even a goat retreats and seek refuge in a safe place when it's been beating so what excuse does an adult with two legs have? I'm not in y'alls shoe and don't know whatever your reasons and excuses are but sister, life got no duplicate. Save your head first then come back to fight or sort it out. I wish you both well. @Topic, team September and November for two of my DILs. ![]() 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pregnancy Are You Pregnant Or Going Through A High Risk Pregnancy,,lets Talk by ahnie: 8:06am On Jun 20, 2017 |
I don't know why I never liked that guys BA on behalf of his bae....guess the hybrid of a duck was just garnering for cheap likes whereas in the real world he's nuttin but a meerkat.His post alone shows how sick he is. Pls you guys show stop quotin his sobriquet make the iddiooooot no go continue to spank benign for house. 5 Likes |
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