smellingmenses:

Only iddiots gets locked up in the past. Everyone has some unpalatable history

Dudeweedlmao:


I don't think you understand how the brain works. This has absolutely nothing to Do with being "locked up" in the past. Its her reality, its already embeded deep inside her subconscious mind, she can't even control this hate. I have a best friend like this. It's literally impossible to change this girls mind. Stop looking at it from your angle and enter into her experience (not even sure you can do this) most people had a loving childhood hence its impossible to visually what they never experienced especially at such young age.

Your childhood is your foundation if you fxcked it up, you have to take down the entire house to fix it, she's already a grown woman, you can't reverse this kind of damage, except make her forget it.

smellingmenses:

You know nothing about me. She's capable of growing out of this mess

Amarabae:
Look at her mouth .my father this, my father that.
Let us hear word abeg. Lack of home training can be a problem to many grownupz.
Yes her mother suffered domestic abuse and she is traumatised, why not book a date with a Psychologist?after that, work on her to reconcile things up!
And believe you me, she will transfer the anger to her husband if she don't work on herself.

missyadorable:

Of course,all men are not like my father
my husband is not like my father because I am not like my mother
the moment I start showing him love,care, attention, he will start behaving like my father.
Men don't appreciate good women,they take advantage of them and punish them

My husband as my next of kin? what manner of stupidity will that be?
So that he will kill me and use my money to marry a new wife?
God forbid.

NwaAmaikpe:


MissyAdorable you seem to have gone through so much pain, same as your mom.
You also sound fairly cerebral.



I have only one question;

Who cooks for your dad?
That person holds the key to your happiness.

Nma27:
Nofin anyone says can change Adorable's view of men. Her childhood experience has really formed a bigger part of her view of that reality. She needs to see a shrink and spill out the venoms of her past and probably Jesus. Her experiences has left a scar that can't easily be removed by mere talk.

Victornezzar:
d person I pity is ur hubby and most especially ur son
U can't just love ur Hubby cos of wat popsy did 2 u

Jazzlite:

She has been to yaba psychiatric hospital

Nma27:
And you know this how?

Jazzlite:

Read through the OP's posts... It is amazing what you can​ learn by calming down to read.

Nma27:
OK.

missyadorable:


My dad used to hit me and my siblings on the stomach,head,anywhere...I once passed out for days and was eventually managed @ Yaba Psychiatry Hospital.
I missed SSCE that year because of a broken arm,thanks to my dad.

The wickedness that men do lives with them.Today,my sibs and I are successful and independent while he lies in hospital due to prostate cancer.May he not recover from it.Amen

Jazzlite:

The hubby is doomed. That's why it is important to investigate your would be inlaws very well​... before committing

I888:


Madam, it goes both ways. I have a showed girls love and I have been humiliated and terrified. Many times I go around with the notion that girls love bad boys more than a girl that pamper and shower her with love. I don't know any girl who hasn't abused me for being so loving? I had an ex who shredded me to pieces such that I hated women for 3 years. 3 GOOD years.

This is a girl I had often starved myself denied myself many things just make sure she has what she requested for.

What did I get? I was taken advantage of. There was a girl before her and there was another before her and all took advantage of my gentleness, loving and understanding personality for granted, money wasted in all 3 circumstances because I have a notion that a relationship deserve as much sacrifices as possible. May be I was just ahead of them mentally as I was being serious but they were being unserioous.

What did I do? I decided to turn bad and arrogant towards ladies. I became spiteful towards women and even here on Nairaland I attacked women such that most ladies started calling me misogynist. Some will say I am a wife beater or that my wife will suffer.

But everyone said one thing: "you have not forgiven your ex, you have not moved on, you are tormenting yourself"

They were all right.

One day, a certain Nairalander told me this: "If you close your eyes because you don't want to see the devil, you won't know when an angel will pass"

I disregarded those words and they truly came to pass.

I met a girl, I wanted to start something and she displayed the usual shakara. In those days, I was very very impatient with girls. I flare up in their slightest error.

Immediately she came up with her those yanka, I aborted the idea. This was even within 3 days or a week of starting convo. I didn't give the chance at all. She called me twice, a call I didn't know was to determine if I was still interested.

And I lated discovered she is the kind of woman I had always wished for: Hardworking, diligent, focus, well informed, independent... but much too late. Because I allowed my past to chain me and hold me in captivity.

At that point, I remembered the advice I was given long ago: "if you close your eyes because you don't want to see the devil, you won't know when an angel will pass"

Please, do not let your husband suffer the crime that he didn't commit.

I understand you perfectly and I understand how you feel because I have been there. In fact the memories often come flooding me anytime a thread relating to a girl taking advantage of a guy that truly loved her is created like the one created last week wherein a guy do send a girl money but she use the money to date another guy. You can check nairaland.com/smellingfinger 's thread to read it.

Please, don't let the hate from your past ruin your present and future.

I had to share my story with you because you think it's only men who take advantage of women that show them love. It goes both ways and it's fair to say it's human nature.

Please, I beg you, let the past be. Find a way to forgive your father for abusing your mother. Please, I beg you.

Cc: ginaz

missyadorable:
why did the girl even buy him gift in the first place?

I rather buy expensive gift for a good male friend/colleague...No strings attached,no dumping,no heartbreak,I have nothing to lose but once romance is involved,all the bills and gifts he provides.

Can't give my body and still my money

#DoubleTragedy

missyadorable:

Am a christian.and am for real

missyadorable:




just this? and you are broken?Your dad is very "nice".The

best thing you can do is to make your own

cash and live on your own.Afterall u are a


male! become successful and ur dad will come looking for you.My dad said n did worse to me.i

proved him wrong by becoming successful.frm final year till after NYSC,we didn't talk.I totally avoided him.Even at

occasions attended by extended family.He called for a

family meeting n begged for forgiveness and I pretended all

was

well.But I know after next month,no condition in heaven and

earth will make me relate with him in anyway! And I trust

my siblings and thank God for my mother(who now lives

away frm him)..He must live and die a wretched lonely abandoned man

missyadorable:
That's good.The most important thing is to acquire the title Mrs Somebody and gain societal respect and approval..What happens indoors? Personal business!


Being single is a source of ridicule in Nigeria,most especially

26/12/2015: My title acquisition date...Loading

ojun50:
smellingmenses u did the right tin , i hv this believe she will come out of it that why she has come out to speak.

missyadorable:
Nice post! That No 2 is perfectly fine...Until I cheat on my husband, I will not be a happy wife!

Fkforyou:
Wow....so much bile and hatred.

Funny enough she is a lawyer, Omo as a guy, don't pray she is your prosecutor, if not, you are doomed.

She is the kind of person that makes ordinary folks think feminism is about hatred for men.
(No offense ma)

Ma, behind that cold exterior of yours is a heart filled with love yearning to be compassionate but don't know how to show it without be reminded of the pain you've tried so hard to suppress. Don't you think it's time for you to heal?

There is russian saying (from the comic series, arrow)

"A shark that does not swim, drowns"

Maybe it's time for you to move on.


Cc: Mindfulness