ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

Zither:


Hmmm. Once again, impressive comment. Your hubby must be very lucky.

ImaIma1:


Zither are you stalking me?

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

pabostt:


The highlighted sentence is superb.

Back to the Op's question

Relationship sometimes can be likened to politics. Some guys will promise anything and pretend just to get a lady that can discern. People don't change in marriage, marriage is just a revealer. But if you are smart and not emotinally carried away, you would have gotten some tips you needed in the early days of your relationship.

bukatyne:
1. Spouses just begin to see what 'love' blind them to in courtship

2. One of the party discovers he/she was deceived into the marriage

3. Spouses begin to discover themselves and actually change.

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

ImaIma1:


Hahaha. You are obviously a funny and interesting person. See you around

greatwomenworld:

I don't think she meant it that way.. see the emijo, she was only joking .

Zither:


True. It is quite obvious she was but I couldn't leave it to chance hence my response.

Zither:


Funny, those are the same words I would say.

greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.