FortuneTeller:


You need to learn how to please your wife sexually. I quit having sex with my husband because he's terrible at it. I don't want to waste my time. He's a great person and very kind. But I've lost interest in him due to him sexually for various reasons. He has refused to improve himself in that area, so I don't want to be bothered any longer. If he has sex with another woman, I couldn't care less.

ETA: I just reread your other thread. From everything you say there, it's obvious your wife is cheating on you. She has another man rocking her bed. But then again, maybe not. She could just be angry that you are not the man she wants.

' She could just be angry that you are not the man she wants' This hs been my thoughts after all these. I think she deserves to be happy. I can not make life miserable for her. she has to come out clean.

joyAA:
Can you please ask her if she really wants the marriage?

Cs I don't understand...
It is well, please don't cheat...you swore till death do you part, don't cheat on her

That goes for you too fortune teller...
I don't really have any other advise except this.

May the good Lord help us all

You can always pray about it too

She doesn't even speak with me or any one for that matter, not even her family members

FortuneTeller:


Please don't speak negatively about my husband. He is not self centered. He's one of the most giving and kind people I know. This is my only issue with him.

Lol. I meant in the context of the topic
Apologies

lisbonabdulahi:
' She could just be angry that you are not the man she wants' This hs been my thoughts after all these. I think she deserves to be happy. I can not make life miserable for her. she has to come out clean.

You have to make her come clean. No one deserves to live like this, not any of you.

lisbonabdulahi:
' She could just be angry that you are not the man she wants' This hs been my thoughts after all these. I think she deserves to be happy. I can not make life miserable for her. she has to come out clean.

Think hard. What has she complained about in the past? What specifically did she say that she doesn't like about you? What is your standard of living? Are you making a good salary or is she forced to work to make up for your salary? I noticed you said she doesn't keep friends. It may be that once she compares the women's lives to hers, she becomes jealous. Are you fat? Do you have good hygiene? There are so many possible issues. I'm sure my husband would tell people he doesn't know why I get so angry with him unprovoked. But the provocation is our lack of quality sex. Sometimes I could spit fire when he says "I love you". It all goes back to that one issue. If you can't talk to your wife, ask her to write a list of things she doesn't like about you and tell her to be completely honest.

FortuneTeller:


Think hard. What has she complained about in the past? What specifically did she say that she doesn't like about you? What is your standard of living? Are you making a good salary or is she forced to work to make up for your salary? I noticed you said she doesn't keep friends. It may be that once she compares the women's lives to hers, she becomes jealous. Are you fat? Do you have good hygiene? There are so many possible issues. I'm sure my husband would tell people he doesn't know why I get so angry with him unprovoked. But the provocation is our lack of quality sex. Sometimes I could spit fire when he says "I love you". It all goes back to that one issue. If you can't talk to your wife, ask her to write a list of things she doesn't like about you and tell her to be completely honest.

hahahaa

FortuneTeller:


Think hard. What has she complained about in the past? What specifically did she say that she doesn't like about you? What is your standard of living? Are you making a good salary or is she forced to work to make up for your salary? I noticed you said she doesn't keep friends. It may be that once she compares the women's lives to hers, she becomes jealous. Are you fat? Do you have good hygiene? There are so many possible issues. I'm sure my husband would tell people he doesn't know why I get so angry with him unprovoked. But the provocation is our lack of quality sex. Sometimes I could spit fire when he says "I love you". It all goes back to that one issue. If you can't talk to your wife, ask her to write a list of things she doesn't like about you and tell her to be completely honest.

I have bought a diary and a nice pen around 18 months ago and encouraged her to write her grievances, but I waited and waited and waited, she did not write anything. She just ignored me and the diary. Till now the diary is in her room and empty. Ever heard of tabular rasa !

lisbonabdulahi:
I have bought a diary and a nice pen around 18 months ago and encouraged her to write her grievances, but I waited and waited and waited, she did not write anything. She just ignored me and the diary. Till now the diary is in her room and empty. Ever heard of tabular rasa !

I noticed you didn't answer any of the questions I asked you. I'm not a writer, so I feel your approach was wrong. The diary would have irritated me as well. You should have told her directly to write down her grievances that day. The two biggest issues in most marriages go back to sex and money. I truly believe it has to do with one of these issues or both. Honestly you may have to leave your home for a little while to get her to open up. If your wife is having an affair, you won't be able to compete with the other man until you leave and she sees him for who he is.

@ FortuneTeller

Tell youe husband to take more fruites. Like water mellon , dring more water , and try having sex in the morning,

Secondly. he should try positions that dont give him too much excitment. HE shoudl let you get the satisfaction before he gest the excitment, pissibly you be untop cow gril position

formular11:

@ FortuneTeller

Tell youe husband to take more fruites. Like water mellon , dring more water , and try having sex in the morning,

Secondly. he should try positions that dont give him too much excitment. HE shoudl let you get the satisfaction before he gest the excitment, pissibly you be untop cow gril position

LOL. He eats fruits every day. I thank you for trying to help but it's not as simple as that. .He is a "puritan" and he doesn't believe in anything tjhat is supposedly sinful. He believes there are some things married couples shouldn't do based on the whatever rubbish the Catholic church was teaching him. Whatever you can think of, I've already tried it. I'm done with trying. I can't waste any more energy on the matter. Life goes on. If it gets too bad for me later, I'll find someone.

FortuneTeller:


My husband declared he was a sexual expert before we married as well. Men often overestimate what they can do, because women never tell them. I don't think his wife would be sleeping in another room if he was really that good. I'm sure his wife gets the urge to have sex at times, so why not use the available man at home? She's not attracted to him.

As a for medical help, there is nothing wrong with him. He gets hard as a rock. He just doesn't want to do anything except his regular 5 minutes. I'm not dealing with that until I want another child.

then do him na. If you think he's not good enough, why don't you just turn the table around and instead of him directing the action, why don't you become the active person while he become the passive partner?

MiddleDimension:


then do him na. If you think he's not good enough, why don't you just turn the table around and instead of him directing the action, why don't you become the active person while he become the passive partner?

Do you not understand when I say I tried everything? You don't think I've tried being the initiator. There are some things he does not want to do. There are some ways that you cannot touch him because it is deemed as being sinful. Can you imagine a man who does not believe the woman should be on top? Can you imagine a man that believes a wife giving him mouth action is sinful? My husband is old-fashioned and he does not want to try anything that is new.

FortuneTeller:


I noticed you didn't answer any of the questions I asked you. I'm not a writer, so I feel your approach was wrong. The diary would have irritated me as well. You should have told her directly to write down her grievances that day. The two biggest issues in most marriages go back to sex and money. I truly believe it has to do with one of these issues or both. Honestly you may have to leave your home for a little while to get her to open up. If your wife is having an affair, you won't be able to compete with the other man until you leave and she sees him for who he is.

hehe! This is really revealing. Is this what goes on in the mind of some women? Why then do they like keeping quiet as if we can read their mind. I really like your style for being so open and honest. I wish more women can be this open, but they just prefer to say less and expect you to decipher what's in their mind. Nothing is more frustrating than a woman refusing to tell me what's in her mind.

FortuneTeller:


Do you not understand when I say I tried everything? You don't think I've tried being the initiator. There are some things he does not want to do. There are some ways that you cannot touch him because it is deemed as being sinful. Can you imagine a man who does not believe the woman should be on top? Can you imagine a man that believes a wife giving him mouth action is sinful? My husband is old-fashioned and he does not want to try anything that is new.

i don't know where hubby got his ideas from but i can tell you it is not from the catholic church. The only thing i know the catholic church forbids is the use of contraceptives. They prefer the billings method of natural contraception.

I have attended marriage classes with the catholics before, so i know this. Infact, they are told to explore.

FortuneTeller:


Do you not understand when I say I tried everything? You don't think I've tried being the initiator. There are some things he does not want to do. There are some ways that you cannot touch him because it is deemed as being sinful. Can you imagine a man who does not believe the woman should be on top? Can you imagine a man that believes a wife giving him mouth action is sinful? My husband is old-fashioned and he does not want to try anything that is new.

That's got nothing to do with Catholicism but his preference. I'm Catholic too and I've never come across such teachings.

Have you told him point blank that you're not happy with his technique and that as a woman you need to experience ôrgâsm?

Sometimes the direct approach is the best. Sex is not just for procreation.

MiddleDimension:


hehe! This is really revealing. Is this what goes on in the mind of some women? Why then do they like keeping quiet as if we can read their mind. I really like your style for being so open and honest. I wish more women can be this open, but they just prefer to say less and expect you to decipher what's in their mind. Nothing is more frustrating than a woman refusing to tell me what's in her mind.

I see some people saying that these are not Catholic teachings but I have run across other men who believe the same things. So maybe it is the area where he comes from. I have never minces words with him when it comes to my sexual preferences. At this point I'm tired. Other than that he's a great husband. You can't get everything you want so I'm not going to bother with this issue too much anymore.

EfemenaXY:


You compromise and make allowances for everything else (values, etc) not sex.

Sex is the deal breaker.

Why not?
Many of our mothers compromised na, with cheating husbands who wouldn't touch them for years that was one of the secrets to their long lasting marriages , even wives of successful men, and men of God are sex starved

FortuneTeller:


I see some people saying that these are not Catholic teachings but I have run across other men who believe the same things. So maybe it is the area where he comes from. I have never minces words with him when it comes to my sexual preferences. At this point I'm tired. Other than that he's a great husband. You can't get everything you want so I'm not going to bother with this issue too much anymore.

Take him to a priest.
He is the only one who can correct his twisted mindset.
One who is older than him.

FortuneTeller:


LOL. He eats fruits every day. I thank you for trying to help but it's not as simple as that. .He is a "puritan" and he doesn't believe in anything tjhat is supposedly sinful. He believes there are some things married couples shouldn't do based on the whatever rubbish the Catholic church was teaching him. Whatever you can think of, I've already tried it. I'm done with trying. I can't waste any more energy on the matter. Life goes on. If it gets too bad for me later, I'll find someone.

Go and find someone who cares! Imagine what is coming out from a supposedly madam perfect... All I understood from your ranting is that he is not fingering you, licking your ***(giving u head) and all those new generation way of love making. Many guys out there are ready to help you out and eventually help tear your home apart. Imagine saying "whatever rubbish the catholic church was teaching him".. women worst insatiable beings. And I ask again, what can one do to satisfy creatures who removed all natural things God gave them and put up artificials?

FortuneTeller:


My husband declared he was a sexual expert before we married as well. Men often overestimate what they can do, because women never tell them. I don't think his wife would be sleeping in another room if he was really that good. I'm sure his wife gets the urge to have sex at times, so why not use the available man at home? She's not attracted to him.

As a for medical help, there is nothing wrong with him. He gets hard as a rock. He just doesn't want to do anything except his regular 5 minutes. I'm not dealing with that until I want another child.

Sweetheart thank you for saying this. At least this will open the eyes of men a majority of whom can be egoistic and forget that sex is a two way thing, the other persons preferences matter. They will loose their women to guys who know how to observe, and give girls what they want.

Men really think lavish spending is all a woman needs?

FortuneTeller:


I see some people saying that these are not Catholic teachings but I have run across other men who believe the same things. So maybe it is the area where he comes from. I have never minces words with him when it comes to my sexual preferences. At this point I'm tired. Other than that he's a great husband. You can't get everything you want so I'm not going to bother with this issue too much anymore.

eiyah. Didn't you guys have sex before you married? You should have known his kind of man from that.

But which church do you attend?

generationz:


Why not?
Many of our mothers compromised na, with cheating husbands who wouldn't touch them for years that was one of the secrets to their long lasting marriages , even wives of successful men, and men of God are sex starved

I'm not going to respond to this.

FortuneTeller:


Do you not understand when I say I tried everything? You don't think I've tried being the initiator. There are some things he does not want to do. There are some ways that you cannot touch him because it is deemed as being sinful. Can you imagine a man who does not believe the woman should be on top? Can you imagine a man that believes a wife giving him mouth action is sinful? My husband is old-fashioned and he does not want to try anything that is new.

This literally makes me sad, yeah I noticed it some people are spiritually so uptight , for me sex is vital if I meet a spiritual uptight person like that I will leave the person oh.

EfemenaXY:

I'm not going to respond to this.

You just did

DaniDani:


Go and find someone who cares! Imagine what is coming out from a supposedly madam perfect... All I understood from your ranting is that he is not fingering you, licking your ***(giving u head) and all those new generation way of love making. Many guys out there are ready to help you out and eventually help tear your home apart. Imagine saying "whatever rubbish the catholic church was teaching him".. women worst insatiable beings. And I ask again, what can one do to satisfy creatures who removed all natural things God gave them and put up artificials?

Its not too much yo ask her husband to be sexually explorative , so you'd prefer she'd be frustrated and which new love making this has been ancient since the days of man. She's looking for ways to make it work with her hubby rather than sleeping around and yet all you can do is to chastise her instead of advising.

MiddleDimension:


eiyah. Didn't you guys have sex before you married? You should have known his kind of man from that.

But which church do you attend?

Is this the advice you would give your daughter? No matter what happens, Nigerian men always blame the woman lol.

generationz:


Why not?
Many of our mothers compromised na, with cheating husbands who wouldn't touch them for years that was one of the secrets to their long lasting marriages , even wives of successful men, and men of God are sex starved

From your comment its obvious you are an unfortunate fellow

FortuneTeller:


Is this the advice you would give your daughter? No matter what happens, Nigerian men always blame the woman lol.

Sometimes nairaland is the worst place to get advice , I prefer reddit you will get answers without the Nigerian backwards mentality

pcguru1:


From your comment its obvious you are an unfortunate fellow

Naa it's just reality I'm a lady by the way

I'm not saying compromise iseasy, but most of the marriages we see that have lasted long weren't built on a bed of roses, there is a lot of cover up and patchwork

generationz:


Naa it's just reality

It doesn't have to be your reality or any body's you can't or shouldn't be enduring in marriage. Do you know what it is to be frustrated everyday in a marriage that frustration leads to resentment and from resentment it leads to hatred and from there its easy for any marriage to pack up. People think its all prayers yes prayers is vital but you have your role to play too to ensure you keep your partner happy. You don't see that way because you assume women's happiness is irrelevant that's the way society treats things. And that's terrible

pcguru1:

It doesn't have to be your reality or any body's you can't or shouldn't be enduring in marriage. Do you know what it is to be frustrated everyday in a marriage that frustration leads to resentment and from resentment it leads to hatred and from there its easy for any marriage to pack up. People think its all prayers yes prayers is vital but you have your role to play too to ensure you keep your partner happy. You don't see that way because you assume women's happiness is irrelevant that's the way society treats things. And that's terrible

I'm a lady sir now read my comments again .
Fairy tale is finding a prince charming / Cinderella that after marriage it's all gonna be enjoyment no stress

Reality is opening your eyes, hears etc wide before settling down with someone and expecting the worst in them. If you want a long lasting marriage with every day thing there
The world is messed up and the reality is that very very few people if any would end up with people who ticks all their list spiritually, sexually, financially, socially, mentally etc the list is endless

Even if you do there would be deep shot along the way would you always take a walk.

generationz:


I'm a lady sir now read my comments again .
Fairy tale is finding a prince charming / Cinderella that after marriage it's all gonna be enjoyment no stress

Reality is opening your eyes, hears etc wide before settling down with someone and expecting the worst in them. If you want a long lasting marriage with every day thing there
The world is messed up and the reality is that very very few people if any would end up with people who ticks all their list spiritually, sexually, financially, socially, mentally etc the list is endless

Even if you do there would be deep shot along the way would you always take a walk.

Oh sorry I thought you were a guy, I apologize for my insultive comment. The last part of your comment is true and for the taking a walk, if for some reason I end up with someone that will frustrate my life I will keep taking a walk, I grew in a troubled home so am not gonna spend a single day of my life living in frustration esp if its something that van be remedied.