Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

In the part of the world where I come from, when couples start having issues like this, the first step is to invite someone she respects. Let the person talk to her and advise both of you on how to live with each other.

An a experienced man or woman not your pastor. A pastor may claim to be a good counselor but a pastor is a pastor and counselor is a counselor.

If that fails then report to elders back home, that's why we have them.

If that fails too then time to separate. Someone people will never know the value of what they have until it becomes what they had.

I wish you best of luck in your marriage and I want you to continue being the man you're. It is just unfortunate that two good people hardly fall in love.

when you see men dating a woman for 8 years dont blame them. i wonder how you were bilnd not to notice these things before you guys got married. My advice it that you tell her to

Just two years marriage with all this drama?. I thought she's been relived of her duty, what job does her father keep referring to?. Your marriage is too young for all this, and you've been holding on to a lot against your wife. Instead of involving a third party which she may or may not take their advice, seat her down when she's in her right senses and have a heart to heart talk with her as regards her attitude. I don't think her parents did a good job in training her.

this is complicated, marrying without a good source of income is not too good, secondly u tolerated her from d beginning so she is used to it. u started what u can't finish

hmmmmmm. . just passing. . this one is too much for me...

holy spirit fall on you and your wife......

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.
We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).
Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.
My parents live in thesame town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.
After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.
When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.
At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.
Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, my she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back laye last year, he repeayed theaame thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.
My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I dont talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.
My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If shes angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.
This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).
I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.
This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.
PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

[quote author=Papiikush post=58524164][color=#000099][i][b][font=serif][size=10pt]Bro, you opened pandora's box! You married the devil

I don't even know where to start from? Were you not in any form of relationship/courtship with her before marriage?

I courted her for a little over a year.

VampireeM:
From your write up it's seems your wife is getting tired of the marriage for her to be threatening to leave you and also I don't think she really loved you. I won't be suprised if she is older than you or her biological clock was ticking when you came along.
IMO, I think the root of your family issue is finance, incompatibility and lack of communication. Frustrations from both sides. You shouldn't have gotten married when you not financially stable.
Bluestreams, I think you and your wife needs to have a quiet for yourselves alone ie spend time with each other alone. You both have a heart to heart conversation and tell each other what and what you don't like or can tolerate from one another, how you both can improve and make your marriage stronger.
It takes two to tango and its only you both that can do that. COMMUNICATION is a vital ingredient needed for any marriage or relationship to work.

Thank you

Prognose:


I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

God bless you sir. Thank you

Your marriage is young,and you two are swimming to safety against the storm and tides.

This happens in the early stages of most marriages,I can relate.

Hold forth!

Hold forth! !

Hold forth!!!

Ignore your wife's attitudes and stop taking her utterances personal...Women like to talk and nag and forget the good things you did and done for them when the going gets tough.

I am a woman.

Five years from now and more babies,you will start to see some changes.

As for not going back to work,don't stress it bro,continue to bring your bacon home and when she not cool wid'it...she gon rustle to hustle

Finally,if you believe in God,talk to him,just talk to him.
May you find Love and peace with thy wife.

Well bro, no body married 100 percent good woman. we just dey manage them lols!!
Bros your marriage is a goner trust me! since she said she would leave and you replied her to do that.the marriage is already crashed that is the worst remarks for any couple.
The solution is:talk to elders, both from her family and yours.
separation never a better option! !
good luck

GodnGold:
Your marriage is young,and you two are swimming to safety against the storm and tides.

This happens in the early stages of most marriages,I can relate.

Hold forth!

Hold forth! !

Hold forth!!!

Ignore your wife's attitudes and stop taking her utterances personal...Women like to talk and nag and forget the good things you did and done for them when the going gets tough.

I am a woman.

Five years from now and more babies,you will start to see some changes.

As for not going back to work,don't stress it bro,continue to bring your bacon home and when she not cool wid'it...she gon rustle to hustle

Finally,if you believe in God,talk to him,just talk to him.
May you find Love and peace with thy wife.

I'm grateful. Thank you

you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

try and seat your wife down and take to her pls don't involves third party ,course she might not like it .ask her what really the problem .and to does that are bringing income in u are rough I have been married for 4years now ,we move from Lagos to warri and things turn bad despite the fact DAT I got married to a Yoruba girl .and she not conplaining

i am not married though. but hearing that one's marriage is a sinking ship is scary. I am hear to learn though now that i am planning marriage at an early age and i dont want a situation of had i known, i wont God bless your marriage . I know everything will come back to normal soon by God's grace.

how did you not see all of these during your courtship?

WiredLeggings:
how did you not see all of these during your courtship?

Love i guess

yvesboss:


Love i guess

i guess so. love is blind, or so I've heard.

WiredLeggings:
i guess so. love is blind, or so I've heard.

Havent yu ever felt the blind love before?

CrescentMoon:


Why do you think a woman can suffer with me? I'm my house of 4 families, I'm the most financially beter. Family with least number of children has 3. And I know tent dwellers that are married.

Don't expect everyone to be rich at the same time. If everyone is rich, who will mount cranes used in building skyscraper ownes by the rich? Who will sweep the streets? Who will work with Lastma? Life is in stages?

To the moniker above, this is what I was trying to explain to you. You cannot go into a marriage as a poor man and think everything is going to be okay. Times are different and you are setting yourself up for problems. Please go into marriage as a financially stable person if you can. Otherwise you are creating problems for yourself.

OP, sorry for the tough time but all I heard is about how you are doing this and that. Read your write up 10times and you will see that there is no where you identified your own flaws. It takes two strong headed goats to destroy a marriage.

Your wife is obviously young and unrealistic. She does not understand the responsibility that comes with hustling to make a living or being a wife. The marriage is still young and you both will grow with time. Next time she threatens to leave please call her bluff. She has no right to threaten you as you did not force her to marry you.

As for your inlaws kindly tell your wife to talk to her father and be sincere with him that she is the one that refused to go back to work.

Stop trying to force your wife to stay with your mum at any time. Please... to avoid conflict. Just let her be. Don't hit her physically again such wounds are so deep that they can destroy your home.

Understand that you are a man and you must go out for your daily bread. You don't have to be there for every pregnancy appointment. You can organize someone to take her or get her Uber. You have no excuse for losing all those jobs and you can't blame it on your wife, I leave that to your lack of planning and lack of respect for your employers.

Even if your wife is slow and lazy, leave her alone to do her chores. It may annoy you but ignore it. When she sees you no longer rescue her she will adjust to managing her own chores and house.

You are trying to do everything at once and you guys are fighting because you are resenting her while she is resenting you for picking on everything she does. Learn to have patience and overlook a lot of things.

You are probably older than her so act like the mature one so you can be respected. Stop trying to frustrate her into changing. She will grow up and change.

You must try to make sure she has something serious doing. So she can take up some responsibility in the home and understand financial responsibility as it relates to her family.

I will advise you to give the marriage time and tone down on your expectations. You are expecting too much and if you put yourself in your wives shoes you will be frustrated too.

You both have a child now, try to act like adults and stop insulting and beating each other. If you both cannot sit down and have a conversation without fight or insults then you both are too immature for marriage.

FortuneTeller:


To the moniker above, this is what I was trying to explain to you. You cannot go into a marriage as a poor man and think everything is going to be okay. Times are different and you are setting yourself up for problems. Please go into marriage as a financially stable person if you can. Otherwise you are creating problems for yourself.

You won't agree but you have to understand that money is not the problem in this relationship. He married a devil. She stopped working and he could still afford an apartment that has a guest room. Maybe you are a breed of that woman or you have never lived among the poor. Whatever, you can't see the world the way I see it. I'm 36 and I'm very sure of what I'm saying. I was in the University with neither a parent or a job. For you to still remember me in this thread, you obviously felt concerned for my predicaments. Will you be my friend as I apologize for my earlier condescending response to you?

baby124:
OP, sorry for the tough time but all I heard is about how you are doing this and that. Read your write up 10times and you will see that there is no where you identified your own flaws. It takes two strong headed goats to destroy a marriage.

Your wife is obviously young and unrealistic. She does not understand the responsibility that comes with hustling to make a living or being a wife. The marriage is still young and you both will grow with time. Next time she threatens to leave please call her bluff. She has no right to threaten you as you did not force her to marry you.

As for your inlaws kindly tell your wife to talk to her father and be sincere with him that she is the one that refused to go back to work.

Stop trying to force your wife to stay with your mum at any time. Please... to avoid conflict. Just let her be. Don't hit her physically again such wounds are so deep that they can destroy your home.

Understand that you are a man and you must go out for your daily bread. You don't have to be there for every pregnancy appointment. You can organize someone to take her or get her Uber. You have no excuse for losing all those jobs and you can't blame it on your wife, I leave that to your lack of planning and lack of respect for your employers.

Even if your wife is slow and lazy, leave her alone to do her chores. It may annoy you but ignore it. When she sees you no longer rescue her she will adjust to managing her own chores and house.

You are trying to do everything at once and you guys are fighting because you are resenting her while she is resenting you for picking on everything she does. Learn to have patience and overlook a lot of things.

You are probably older than her so act like the mature one so you can be respected. Stop trying to frustrate her into changing. She will grow up and change.

You must try to make sure she has something serious doing. So she can take up some responsibility in the home and understand financial responsibility as it relates to her family.

I will advise you to give the marriage time and tone down on your expectations. You are expecting too much and if you put yourself in your wives shoes you will be frustrated too.

You both have a child now, try to act like adults and stop insulting and beating each other. If you both cannot sit down and have a conversation without fight or insults then you both are too immature for marriage.

You have outgrown being a slayqueen, this is obvious from the way you write. This woman has to be given time to grow. Most young women are naturally daft. If it's me, I will simply leave the house for her. I won't raise my finger at her, never! I can't remember me shouting at a woman even in the face of the most spontaneous provocation. God did blessed me with such 'siddon dey look' trait.

FortuneTeller:


To the moniker above, this is what I was trying to explain to you. You cannot go into a marriage as a poor man and think everything is going to be okay. Times are different and you are setting yourself up for problems. Please go into marriage as a financially stable person if you can. Otherwise you are creating problems for yourself.

I am not "poor". We live in a 2 bed apartment, I have a small car and we feed well at least.
Although my wife was born with a silver spoon.
More so, I am of the believe that money isn't a permanent guest. Hence my decision to get married even with my meagre resources of which my wife also encouraged me we get married back then.

CrescentMoon:


You have outgrown being a slayqueen, this is obvious from the way you write. This woman has to be given time to grow. Most young women are naturally daft. If it's me, I will simply leave the house for her. I won't raise my finger at her, never! I can't remember me shouting at a woman even in the face of the most spontaneous provocation. God did blessed me with such 'siddon dey look' trait.

The only time I reacted it was just out of reflex. I apologized afterwards. I regretted that very action however.

baby124:
OP, sorry for the tough time but all I heard is about how you are doing this and that. Read your write up 10times and you will see that there is no where you identified your own flaws. It takes two strong headed goats to destroy a marriage.

Your wife is obviously young and unrealistic. She does not understand the responsibility that comes with hustling to make a living or being a wife. The marriage is still young and you both will grow with time. Next time she threatens to leave please call her bluff. She has no right to threaten you as you did not force her to marry you.

As for your inlaws kindly tell your wife to talk to her father and be sincere with him that she is the one that refused to go back to work.

Stop trying to force your wife to stay with your mum at any time. Please... to avoid conflict. Just let her be. Don't hit her physically again such wounds are so deep that they can destroy your home.

Understand that you are a man and you must go out for your daily bread. You don't have to be there for every pregnancy appointment. You can organize someone to take her or get her Uber. You have no excuse for losing all those jobs and you can't blame it on your wife, I leave that to your lack of planning and lack of respect for your employers.

Even if your wife is slow and lazy, leave her alone to do her chores. It may annoy you but ignore it. When she sees you no longer rescue her she will adjust to managing her own chores and house.

You are trying to do everything at once and you guys are fighting because you are resenting her while she is resenting you for picking on everything she does. Learn to have patience and overlook a lot of things.

You are probably older than her so act like the mature one so you can be respected. Stop trying to frustrate her into changing. She will grow up and change.

You must try to make sure she has something serious doing. So she can take up some responsibility in the home and understand financial responsibility as it relates to her family.

I will advise you to give the marriage time and tone down on your expectations. You are expecting too much and if you put yourself in your wives shoes you will be frustrated too.

You both have a child now, try to act like adults and stop insulting and beating each other. If you both cannot sit down and have a conversation without fight or insults then you both are too immature for marriage.

Thank you

CrescentMoon:



You won't agree but you have to understand that money is not the problem in this relationship. He married a devil. She stopped working and he could still afford an apartment that has a guest room. Maybe you are a breed of that woman or you have never lived among the poor. Whatever, you can't see the world the way I see it. I'm 36 and I'm very sure of what I'm saying. I was in the University with neither a parent or a job. For you to still remember me in this thread, you obviously felt concerned for my predicaments. Will you be my friend as I apologize for my earlier condescending response to you?

You're sure of what you're saying although you've never been married. Okay. Contact me one year after after your marriage.

Mehn, this ur wife matter na to take am go elders place o.

Now.. From the whole long epistle, it's evident that Op was never in any courtship with the said lady before taking her to the alter. That's the first mistake.

Second... You're weren't stable financially and yet, you decided to kick a ball you didn't know where it will land.

Third.. You're wife phlegmatic sanguine while you are melachonic.. These two personality traits are incompatible as long as marriage is concerned.

Fourth.. Your wife talks before she reason while you face each day without tomorrow in mind.. I have evidence for this purportion.

Fifth... The two of you were never in love. You barely know her ...

Sixth.. You're confused and sad.. Such state will never gear you into making the right decision.

Seventh.. You don't have money.. No matter how much a woman loves you. She won't be happy if you're a broke ass.. Check my signature for business ideas. Stop working for people when you can be your own boss..