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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. (62317 Views)
Virginity Doesn't Guarantee A Stable Marriage (a Must Read for young ladies) / My Wife's Sister Is About To Crash My Marriage, Please Help / My Marriage; A Blessing Or A Curse. Please Advice (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by nams77: 6:51pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Prognose:You said everything I wanted to say. I have nothing more to say. Bluestream,. Here is your answer. Lastly, don't ditch your marriage so soon. The first two to three years in a marriage are the most difficult. If you can weather it, then you are almost there. It's well bro. Keep your hustle going on and release all the grudges from ur mind 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Originalsly: 6:51pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Before I can advise.... I need to have the family secrets... you need to spit them out right now. |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Nobody: 6:52pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
99.9% men are going through such. Good u opened up & i pray u get solution here. 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by AreaFada2: 6:54pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Dude, having a little kid gives the whole thing a new dimension. Please do not have another kid yet. Because as in most modern marriage troubles, money is the root of it. Are you ready to make it work? If yes, then identify what you can do better. Correct your own faults. Then have a genuine talk with her. Find out what she expects. How she sees things with you in the next 2 years, 5 years, 10 years. Then state your expectations from her. In a calm way. Tell her every family has issues. And spilling family secret to others is disrespecting own family. Both of you are now just being yourselves. The veil has falling. Actually better to be oneself, pretty or ugly. It now a supremacy battle. It needs not be. You're both complementary, not boss/servant thing. At least you can know each other's flaws now, work on them & accept those you cannot change. If she has an aunt or uncle she's fond of, involve that person with her consent. She might heed his/her counsel. Separating temporarily should be last resort. You might enjoy your new freedom so much and not even want her back again. She likewise. But what about your son?? Keep working hard. Get an economic uplift. Persevere. It is your home to save. If you feel constantly driven towards violence, then perhaps time to reconsider things. Sadly. |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by immortal145: 6:54pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
firstly bro, i want u 2 remove from ur small mind that u want 2 divorce ur wife...u shouldnt jst because its d easy way out...u r already married now, so dats no longer an option 4 u or ur wife... its time 4 u 2 man-up bro!...u need 2 decide how u really want ur marriage to become...marriage is all about HARDWORK!...4get d cake n jollof rice n wedding activities...marriage is beyond all dat one little advice i can share with u now is to study books on marriage, how to make marriage work 4 example!... d mistake dis our generation make is dat they can study books to pass a common 100% exam...but will hardly open any book on marriage!...dats strange!... i can bet neither u nor ur wife read a page on marriage let alone book...yes counselor will help with advice, but any true knowledge u acquire when u study marriage books cannot be 4gotten... change ur vibe to a positive one 2day...u will see ur wife will change hers to match with urs too...jst try it 2nite!... I love ur family God bless u.. 2 Likes |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by free2ryhme: 6:55pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Bluestreams: You created a new moniker to post this? So you are ashamed of using your true ID So what is the difference between you and your wife Evening don reach make we go drink garri 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Jeffobinna1(m): 6:55pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
[b][/b][i][/i]THIS PERSON HAS THE SAME CHARACTER AS YOUR WIFE IF YOU LOOK INTO HER LIFE VERY WELL. BY THEIR ACTS WE SHALL KNOW THEM. PLEASE NEGLECT THIS HER COMMENT AND LISTEN TO OTHER'S. QUOTE ME AND I WILL RELEASE 11 PICTURES THAT PROVES WHAT I SAID. THANKS Evaberry: 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by goingape1: 6:56pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Bluestreams:you married a black devil and reaping it! my advise for you is to send that black biitch outa ya house and employ new biitches! always wonder why good guys fall for this kind of biitches! BLACK TRUTH! NEVER MARRY A BLACK WOMAN AND TREAT HER LIKE A QUEEN! TREAT THEM LIKE SOME KIND OF PIECE OF SHIIT AND YOU WILL HAVE A REST OF MIND. those who have hear should listen to the wise ape 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Reference(m): 6:57pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
When I emphasize the need for proper courtship folks think it is a joke. They prefer live fire exercises and story telling before a judge. A broken courtship is a hundred times better than a broken marraige. Ten months of proper courtship will position you for ten years of marraige for the deeper the foundation the higher the aspiration and the stronger will the resistance be to the elements. If you don't want to appear before Igando magistrate do the needful. All the things the poor chap has elucidated are standard courtship prerequisites of which if they had been discussed, agreed and apended to in black and white will not be an issue today. |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by crisycent: 6:59pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
blessingee: na there see finish dey pass enta marriage. |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Nobody: 7:01pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Nma27:the guy is doing well and he is weigh down by her attitude .let her contribute and due to her staying at home ..soon she will turn to num one gossiper for str.the last thing i hate in this world is when i share mua secret with outsiders.what was she thinking when she spilled it... It willl be used against her in future |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by baby124: 7:02pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
goingape1:You need to check your sanity and stop disrespecting black women. You obviously either don't have a black mother and sisters or you don't have respect for the women in your family. Don't project your personal failure or family failure on other's. Be guided and grow up. Or better, get mental help. 2 Likes |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by goingape1: 7:03pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Evaberry: the devil is among women!
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Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by repogirl(f): 7:03pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
OP, The root of the matter is money. Solve the money issue and all will be well. Goodluck. And pls if you cant endure anymore, its better you return her to her father's house because if you stay together, you will give her more than slap very soon. 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by discman2k2(m): 7:03pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Firstly, your marriage IS NOT PECULIAR. I mean, urs is not d only one experiencimg thia kind of marital issues. I am almost 10 in my marriage, & i already have several kids, wt my first kid over 7 yrs & in Prim 3. So, i think I've had a little bit experience in marriage to say one or two piece of advice. Bro, u must LEARN to be patient with women. Especially, newly married women. They act like kids if theyre the type that gor married at a young age - they lack appreciation of what marriage is. I'm not judging but speaking out of what i've seen. Also, your marriage is STILL INFANTILE so dont rush DIVORCE, pls. Boy/Girlfriend relationship isn't same as marriage relationship. You both need to BE PATIENT WITH EACHOTHER & concentrate your love on your first child & LEARN. Learn what youll say! Pls speak to your wife about the need for bothering of you to learn ABOUT EACHOTHER: each Weaknesses & Strengths - and COMPLEMENT eachother in every single opposite way. Meaning if ypur wife is weak, be her strength in that area; & if every area she's strong in, develop it more by encouraging words & complements, etc. See, someone once told me when my marriage was less than 5 years, that it requires about 5 years for a marriage to mature to the point of couples tolerating eachother. Truly, now some of the things i used to do tht irka my wife, she now tolerates, & vice versa. ALWAYS LEARN A MORE DIPLOMATIC OR WISE WAYS OF TELLING HER ABOUT HER WEAKNESS & HOW SHE SHLD IMPROVE ON IT. This takes tact, but i must encourage you both to be faith pursuers, therefore, praying together. If you are a Christian, then I'd say: build your home on the foundation of Christ. 1) Always pray together holding hands, morning & before bed 2) Always call eachother pet names, no real name calling 3) Always discuss issues together intoto (boosts communication) 4) Always make sure YPU DONT INVOLVE 3rd PARTIES TO YOUR ISSUES, U CANT WASH YOUR DIRTY LINEN IN THE PUBLIC (it'll backfire later on & ull both regret it). Dont forget YOU'RE TEAM, NOT ENEMIES. 5) Anyday you querel in the day, encourage making up by initiating Love making at night ( Morning shld not meet u in strife ) 6) Strive hard to meet your family needs, give her gifts, buy her surprise Suya, Iced cream, goodies, etc. Women love gifts, & the giver too. DEVELOP A PRINCIPLE OF NEVER COLLECTING FROM YOUR WIFE, not all women are considerate in evaluating your situation. A MAN'S PRIDE IS TAKING GOOD CARE & PROVIDING FOR HIS FAMILY. God will always give you if you're wont to giving his treasure entrusted in your domain. 7) PLAY TOGETHER, DINE OUTSIDE ONCE IN A WHILE, PLAY EASY GAMES AT HOME, VISIT FOLKS TOGETHER, WATCH PROGRAMS TOGETHER : bottomline, do things TOGETHER, it strengthens relationship & makes u miss eachother when separated. FINALLY, BE REAL GOOD FRIENDS TO EACHOTHER. DON'T SEEK FOR A WIFE IN HER, SEEK FOR A FRIEND. YOU'LL FIND IT EASIER TO TOLERATE A FRIENDS SHIT THAN A WIFE S. FRIENDS LAST LONGER. AFTERALL YOU STARTED AS FRIENDS. May God pour a new wine on your marriage & give it a freah zest of life & light. Amen. 7 Likes |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by deefem81: 7:04pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Evaberry:keep d damn pit of hell rotten mouth shut, d level of ur stupidity render me speechless and next time, just try to insert brain b4 u comment here !!!!!nitwit |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Nobody: 7:06pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
alexanderkings:I think she disrespects him cos he doesn't have much and she pays d bills too... Its a blessing to get a lady that won't disrespect a man when he's financially down and can't seem to provide to his family. Giving "some" Ladies part of the financial burden is the License to Disrespect ... |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by goingape1: 7:07pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
baby124:come and check my brain since you know who have a mental problem or not ![]() do black women respect themselves? if them respect themselves things will be going smoothly, for example check your family and yourself, you can find that you are sick in the head and your family is an example of personal failure. my advise for you is that you keep your smelly mouth to yourself. ![]() have a nice day |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by MaziOmenuko: 7:08pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
The faults were there to be seen during courtship; it's either u weren't observant enough, or u chose to overlook them. I had enough time to court my wife b4 we got married; I knew her strenghts and weaknesses when it comes to house works (She loves washing and cleaning but detest cooking). I weighed it all and realized I could live with that. She never insulted me for one day all through our courtship and knows I hate confrontation to a large extent. Till today, she has not as much as raised her voice nor confront me. Now that you are halfway into the ditch already, you have to imbibe the principle of damage control. But your last paragraph is rather discouraging as it sounds like u have already given up on the marriage which is bad. I know U must have tried most of the suggestions given already on this thread like having a heart-to-heart chat with her and informing her parents. I don't know how much u can tolerate else I would have asked you to tolerate her, concentrate on yourself and get a better job irrespective of the distance from home. Don't sacrifice your career for that marriage nor family again. When u get a good paying job, u will realise that 80%of these issues will die a natural death 4 Likes |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by SIRWILLIAMS7: 7:09pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
You need a war room in ur house i recommend you see these movies before you take further advice 1 war room 2 fire proof |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by ZAWs: 7:10pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Your wife is a very nonsense woman. Beat the hell out of her. |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by baby124: 7:12pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
goingape1:You are frustrated and obviously going ape. No black womab will ever give such a low life like you the time of day. That is why you are here typing nonsense. Probably and obese low life loser. Nuisance |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Nobody: 7:13pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Nma27:true talk nma. I was surprise cos u didnt support ya felloow woman. Keepp it up misss mma . |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by goingape1: 7:14pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
repogirl:so he should go and kidnap or do ritual to solve the money issue ![]() why are ya all women self-centered? so you are indirectly telling us that you can't love someone without money? black women , black women black women mentality! I only pity those who keep marrying ya! 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Vasilias: 7:15pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
WiredLeggings:When you're in courtship for short period a woman can pretend to be heavenly, when u're in courtship with them for long a year/over &see bad behaviors eventually, u're hooked for life the world would say u wanna run stay & tolerate, meanwhile there are some attitudes that can be tolerated but some u just have to run from. ##poster Look for someone she respects a married elderly person so both of u can communicate. Make sure it's someone who wont pick sides |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Nobody: 7:16pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Dear OP, Your marriage is very rosy, because the issues you described here are non-issues to mature minds. It becomes a different kettle of fish when demons are involved, but clearly here, it is just the circumstances which you never expected and ofcourse your wife is an excellent woman. Do not allow anyone to tell you that your wife is bad, she is a fantastic woman and I will state my points. First off, you did not pay attention to the signs. She rejoiced and told friends that you got a job at oil company when you didn't. That was when you guys accelerated the marriage, not really because that job was going to come or not, but because she expected that you will finally land a job on that echelon. So, my guy, you are just overreacting because you have worked damn hard and your wife is not seeing it, so you think. Hell no, she sees it, she knows your efforts and she is tired. She is tired of everything. She is tired that life has become struggle for her and she never bargained for this. Secondly, you mentioned that she is not secretive. You married a saint, and you want to make a devil out of her. You want to make sure family secrets stay secret, but she is not the type to cover things up. That is not a vice, this is a great truthful woman. Thirdly, you said she talks a lot. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. This woman is tired, it is too much for her. Talking is therapeutic to her. Do not accuse her of nagging, it is the only way women know how to vent their frustration. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO; Disband your ego, and become emotionless. This is very tough but not impossible to disable the flight-fight mechanism of the sub-conscious mind. Learn not to allow yourself to get excited or upset at impulse. Certain psychedelia were created to help people manage emotions. You can research on the ones that are healthy for you. Like I said, this is what marriage is all about. The union of unique individuals working out life. Do not run away, life is not sexy, this is what life means. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by goingape1: 7:20pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
baby124: low life! but low life guys will be phucking and deceiving ya! ![]() well! a lowlife guy like me who is financially OK caring will never be seen by ya black women! no wonder we lowlife guys are dating a foreigners who see value in us (lowlife guy as you may say) and the highlife black women will be suffering from highlife men. something is wrong with you! |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Sterope(f): 7:22pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Pele |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by AceRoyal: 7:22pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Evaberry:May God help your future husband cuz he's gonna be living in bondage! ![]() |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by Ezionye(f): 7:24pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
EntMirror: Phlegmatic sanguine ko, melancholic ni. U decoded their temperaments from the write up bah? Or u knw dem personally? Experts everywhere 1 Like |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by mark2sunny(m): 7:25pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
The beginning of marriages are like this. Tough times never last but tough people do. This just training. You guys are young and will succeed. Don't give up. Most beautiful married women you see everyday are just like your wife. Outside you think they are angels. Only their husband's can give you the true picture. This is marriage. And you have to make it work. When she leaves, you'll realize how much you love her. There is no woman without a fault. Nagging and talking and gossiping is a feminine thing. Just hold on. Tease her when she tells you she wants to leave...tell her you will follow her to the end of the world. Tell her you love her and this too shall pass. After 5 years, things must change. You both will understand yourselves more and do things together. Its too soon to quite. Don't ever quite. Marriage is like going to school, you don't quite when things become difficult. You persever. You've come, seen, then make sure you conquer. Lack of patience and availability of money and options is the reason for quick breakup. You have come this far, don't let her go. Both of you or you alone should take some time to fast and pray. Seek the face of God and destroy every root of disunity and confusion around your marriage. Something has to make you pray and become stronger and this is it. Don't give up Keep up the fight Remember you have a son. Don't destroy his life. 2 Likes |
Re: My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. by oloriadebusola: 7:26pm On Jul 17, 2017 |
Read your write up and I would like to point out some things.. Was she so outspoken before you married her cause from what you wrote that's the major issue you have with her or did she become outspoken after you got married, when a couple isn't financially buoyant you start seeing each others fault, you wrote you got married when you didn't have a job, that means she must really love you. She quitting her job doesn't mean she is lazy,maybe she doesn't want to be away from you, insecurities and stuff, since you said it's in another state am married to a military man and I know the toll it takes on a marriage. To live with an in law is not easy, goes both ways Her talking with the neighbor might have been taken out of context, she might have needed someone to talk to at that point in time and the wrong neighbour came at the right time, sometimes you just want to offload things from your chest and you don't want it to be with a family member. Don't let anyone mess with your mind, to take care of a child isn't easy, it's like you are zeroing only on her flaws, she must have some good qualities. Appreciate those...work it out, I wish you the very best, please don't let it all fall apart. |
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