I have been a guest on this forum for a very long time and even after I registered earlier this month Im a silent reader who just observes Now I have a problem and need your help
I Met this young lady a while ago who is everything I can ever wish for, Highly intelligent, smart, really beautiful and very decent, she's also really sexually open and very frisky and I love that about her, she's never boring, we have a lot in common and we can have intellectual discussions on a wide range of issues, she makes me happy, she makes me feel light and content and she makes me forget about my problems, infact I think I'm extremely lucky to have met her considering how my past life was and how I thought I would never end up with a decent girl, I I don't even know how to say no to her as I always try to make her happy in my own little way and never want her to be sad or otherwise. She's still a virgin,something I found out myself and I have never pressured her to have sex with me as I believe when she's ready she will ask for it. Now my problem is this she's 22 while I'm 33 I really want to marry her and she has said she will marry me too if I'm ready but I fear that young girls are uncertain and she might probably leave me due to the age gap and she might later consider me too old, she is someone that I can't stop thinking about and do miss her dearly when she leaves me, she's been at my place thrice Now and when she left my whole house still had her presence and I began to feel lonely while still missing her also another problem is she lives in port Harcourt while I live in Abuja, I hear alot that long distance relationship can be tiring and stressful and I don't want to start something which will eventually end, she has no problem with the distance but I'm worried about it because I'm not getting any younger and really wish to settle down. Should I be worried about distance, how feasible is a long distance relationship also if you have any experience with a long gap In age during dating, please tell me your experience so I learn from it.
I think i should also make it known that she's a student at uniport, how will she being a married student affect our home since she won't be working or have a source of income, although I have a very good job and will soon get something even more better so taking care of a family isn't the issue, but I wouldn't want her to be depressed or begin to think later on that she missed out on alot because she got married early. She loves me I know she does and I have feelings for her too but I need to be meticulous in this and not allow emotions guide me, should I let her go or stay with her
P.s we are not dating only trying to get to know ourselves better but I feel like I'm leading her on and encouraging her
Please I need help as this is very crucial to my marital future.

Cc: Royalroy lalasticlala mynd44 ahnie mariesucre oyindidi martin0 Kathmandu mizmycoli bumbex sisisioge
tosyne2much
poshestmina

please try to ignore any grammatical blunder

First of all, I don't see any barrier in your age differences. Age is just a number so far she knows what she want for herself and also have her head on her shoulder.
As for the distance, all you need is transparency and communication.

Please hold your bride-to-be very well. I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Always be true to yourself, value each other’s trust. Stay happy and stay in love.

Marry her already

N

Help you how?
What is killing you inside?
Are u really 33?



With all due respect

most of our parents married at a younger age so she being 22yrs is not d problem.the issue should be if she is matured in the brain or better still does she reason like any normal adult?
then the distance problem......some say out of sight out of mind while some absence makes the heart grow fonder. it all depends on you two and how much you love each other and willing to make sacrifices to make it work.it isn't going to be easy but TRUST is d main key

You men love to rush things too much... Oga calm down, you're not the oldest bachelor in Nigeria.I do understand your fears that she might change and all that but if she considers you fit to be in a relationship with now then I don't see that becoming an issue later, it's just 11yrs difference which is not bad to me except of course you letter forget yourself and become overweight lol.

You said she's smart and intelligent and I can guess mature because maturity is not a function of age. Then date her first if she's comfortable with the distance and at least use the period it'll take for her to finish school to know her better and then get married.

I didn't know I was mentioned...
I saw the thread randomly.

In my opinion, there are youths who have this ability to behave like adults. I take it she is one of them.

You sound like you have come a long way in your life, what are her plans at the moment? What are her goals?
What does she want to do with her life? What has she been able to achieve?

I advice you to have a heart to heart discussion with her. The age difference between the two of you is already there. It cannot get any wider or smaller.
I know people who have that kind of gap between them and are doing just fine.

Please, you have met a beautiful soul, a shinning light, let her feel free to make her decisions. Let her desire marriage. Let her marry you because she wants to. There is no better way to know how to position yourself in her life than to talk with each other.

Please do not come off as overbearing or jealous or too protective. Try to respect her individuality.

I advice that you let her finish school...
Even if she agrees to marry you now now now, just let her finish school and live her life knowing that she has achieved something. Don't spoil her with too many gifts. I think the best thing you can do for her now is to be her friend.

You have some fears as clearly stated in your post...
Only time and meditation will help you decide if they were valid or not.

Do not go into marriage because you feel pressured to or desperately need to. If care is not taken, there will be regrets.

ebukahandsome:
Help you how? What is killing you inside? Are u really 33?


With all due respect

yes Iam

collinsebuka:



yes Iam

Namesake biko dont die inside, it dont worth it

What is most important to you in marriage? Excitement or the right spouse? All I read is how exciting she is, how she is a virgin and her age. Have you stopped to think that when she stops being exciting, beautiful and a virgin will you still feel the same way about her? Please let her finish school first, or you delay children till she is done with school because only few people can handle the stress that comes with running a home, having kids and going to school. Spend more time with her before you tie the knot. I am not an advocate for under 25, no job or skill marrying.

I can see you got really hit by the thunderbolt.Some men actually pray for the thunderbolt so theoretically,you are considered lucky.

I don't want to rock your boat so won't type further. Enjoy this moment.

I read this twice. U said she has been to your place only thrice. And boom you want to marry her. My advice is that you date her more, I mean get to know this lady very well. It requires time and a lot of seeing, being together for a long period, IMO nothing less than 1 year. Know all her moods, good or bad. Have you quarrelled before? had a misunderstanding? How did she react? How did you settle? Can she handle your short comings? We all have our imperfections. Never rush into marriage, keep learning new things about your partner and don't take the decision until you can live with the other person's bad side.

I was kinda sleepy while typing...

@op. I want to advice you.

You have no problem with the age issue. The only problems I for see here are

1. her family

2. the distance.

And believe me, you need a resourceful woman within the age of 24 to 27.

Finally don't spend your money training a girl in school with the hope that you will get married to her afterwards.

Uniport girl? be careful

Huhhhh!!!! Ebuka nna, be careful biko. Don't be carried away with all those stuff you just mentioned about her because marriage is a different institution from courtship or friendship. At this stage of her life, I can easily term her baby oku, not really because she is wayward but because a lot of guys will be running after her at this age and been an undergraduate, nna jiriya nwayoo ooooo. Free your mind and just court her first, study and watch her personality before knowing if you will propose to her or not. My advice for you is that you guys should study each other first before saying I do. I am kind of feeling sleepy now but just couldn't ignore your sincere desire for a sound advice, so make una for give any blunder sighted. Ebuka, relax ooooo. Una goodnight.

Mumu

FortuneTeller:
Mumu

why the insult?

Its very good to marry a lady who has something doing or has a certificate. Allow her finish school, study her and allow her be herself. Know how u spend on her cos that's d major thing girls of nowadays use in judging a good man. Take your time as those your gears are normal and expected.

who is everything I can ever wish for, Highly intelligent, smart, really beautiful and very decent, she's also really sexually open and very frisky and I love that about her, she's never boring, we have a lot in common and we can have intellectual discussions on a wide range of issues, she makes me happy, she makes me feel light and content and she makes me forget about my problems, infact I think I'm extremely lucky to have met her considering how my past life was and how I thought I would never end up with a decent girl, I I don't even know how to say no to her as I always try to make her happy in my own little way and never want her to be sad or otherwise.




MARRY HER

collinsebuka:


why the insult?

Aha! Welcome to Nairaland.The faceless forum where your 14 years old niece/nephew is probably lurking behind a moniker,ready to haul insults at you.


It's the order of the day here.Get ready to deal with it,bro.

Sexually open ,how? Considering she is a virgin . My own is this, if it is too good to be true, it certainly isn't true.

Like many here already said , I can understand the fact that you are not getting younger but yet " To wait Long is better than to marry wrong " .

Take your time to know her well sir , She is still young ... ever consider the possibility that she is with you because you are Already working or could cater for her needs and not for deep Love or feelings ? am not asking you to doubt her, just to see reason why you need to give some time to know her very well.

Wow! You are too extravagant with words mehn! From your choice of words for the topic to the various descriptions used for the babe. Frisky...asexually opened...whew!

I haven't seen anything that could be causing you a slow death here. She's cool, you're cool...both of you could be cool together. Distance shouldn't be much of a problem for you two since she's ready to marry you. Wherever the husband goes , the wife follows tinz.

Haba, are we going to live with you and your bride in the same house?,I see no reason why you should be dying inside unless you've gilted someone you promised to marry in the past ajf noe you sense karma coming back to get you

I was simply looking for the problem, I did not see any...
<<< You were afraid of Age, she said it was alright

<<<You were afraid someone will arrive Jerusalem..the holy city before u right? if she can keep the city clean and pure @ 22, then what is your problem?

<<<you were afraid of long distant relationship. she said it was ok, then why not believe her

But why are u using other failed distant relationship to compare a new chapter of your life...are u for real? why not try it first..if it doesn't work out then u will know it doesn't..If my guess is right, i think u were an Art student right..Science students always do their own experiment...when it doesn't workout they will know.. but an art student will depend on someone else's theory...

I am just hoping u do not equally expect NL to tell u to let her finish her education..

You would deliberately start problem. There are several working class who are near you and ages above 28. You want to go for 22, student who lives far away. You might be lucky but you want to go the hard way. Study her family background. You can tell a lot about how she would turn out from her family background. People like you like to deliberately make your life difficult. many people have been successful where the odds were against them.

You would deliberately start problem. There are several working class who are near you and ages above 28. You want to go for 22, student who lives far away. You might be lucky but you want to go the hard way. Study her family background. You can tell a lot about how she would turn out from her family background. People like you like to deliberately make your life difficult. many people have been successful where the odds were against them. [color=#000099][/color]

Blissquare:
You would deliberately start problem. There are several working class who are near you and ages above 28. You want to go for 22, student who lives far away. You might be lucky but you want to go the hard way. Study her family background. You can tell a lot about how she would turn out from her family background. People like you like to deliberately make your life difficult. many people have been successful where the odds were against them.

He will be back in a year telling us how he sponsored her studies, while she had a boyfriend living in a nearby hostel and was dating married men. He can't see anything except that she is 22 years old. He bypassed all the women near him, all the women his age, and all the women he knew from his school days. Just watch and wait.

FortuneTeller:


He will be back in a year telling us how he sponsored her studies, while she had a boyfriend living in a nearby hostel and was dating married men. He can't see anything except that she is 22 years old. He bypassed all the women near him, all the women his age, and all the women he knew from his school days. Just watch and wait.

Sounds fishy to me too. Maybe he wants someone who he can control 100%

Sexually open virgin.... roighttttt

FortuneTeller:


He will be back in a year telling us how he sponsored her studies, while she had a boyfriend living in a nearby hostel and was dating married men. He can't see anything except that she is 22 years old. He bypassed all the women near him, all the women his age, and all the women he knew from his school days. Just watch and wait.

But it is not compulsory he must settle with someone close by.. 22 years old man or woman is a mature adult that can vote and be voted for....U don't have to downplay matters of the heart...No one can question matters of the heart...Just Maybe those ladies close by were not doing it for him (attraction wise)...I don't think it was wrong for him to seek happiness where his heart is