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My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Yoshy: 6:48am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff. This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy. Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad? 18 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by swiz123(m): 6:53am On Jul 27, 2017 |
And you posted this to romance section. 35 Likes
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Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Nobody: 6:58am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Borrow them your girlfriend first before I believe you. 14 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by madridguy(m): 6:59am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Paying for food and drinks is good so far it's not affecting your pocket. As for lending people's money, my advise is " don't lend anybody an amount you cannot let go " that is logic of lending people's money. Yoshy: 56 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by smartty68(m): 7:01am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Yoshy:Try reducing the numbers of friends you have. Take Madridguy's advise 9 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by sehin79(m): 7:07am On Jul 27, 2017 |
your HABIT of given create another habit of saying NO simply,the more you do something consciously you become better at it, and since you know you cannot ask for your money back always give and not borrow,logic is if someone ask you to borrow them 50k,you can simply tell them you cannot borrow them money and say you would rather give them,and simply give them what you have and note you cant help the whole world,as you are not jesus. thats just the fact of life EVEN GOD cannot please the world. and more so you can start given more of encouragement than money as most people dont have a money problem,but knowledge problem. 12 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by VargasVee(m): 7:13am On Jul 27, 2017 |
This is how people attract a lot of fake friends to their lives. Do not be surprised, the day you stop giving, they'll all disappear. 67 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Kondomatic(m): 7:18am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Do you truly make your money legitimately? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Nobody: 7:29am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Yoshy:Stop giving and flush out the fake friends from your life. When you go to drink, drop half of d money and ask dem to complete it. Just observe reactions. 21 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by MissRaine69(f): 7:47am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Why do you feel the need to be accepted? It's not that you cannot say no , you can but instead of saying no you feel obligated to placate. Unfortunately if you don't grow a backbone soon you will forever be taken advantage off there is no getting away from that. Being assertive and understanding self esteem does not come naturally to everyone. You have mentioned that you don't do it for glory that maybe so, but your behaviour has its roots in trying to fit in and money buys you passage. You are accepted by I suspect by the majority of your friends because you give them something and they know you are a walk over. Are you open to learning how to be a bit more assertive? 23 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Nobody: 7:50am On Jul 27, 2017 |
You are among the people that can't say No to people, I know someone that is like that. You need to bear it in mind that you are saying no to please yourself and not to displease yourself. Don't say yes out of fear or what the person will think about you. Even if the person say you are wicked or stingy cos you refuse, don't bother about the talk. That's how I do mine. Someone once said to me "Nawa for you, your No is always your No, no changing of mind". 16 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Elthugnificent(m): 7:50am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Kondomatic:how is this question relevant? Some people are just wired to give. 7 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by yanabasee(m): 7:50am On Jul 27, 2017 |
It's that simple... Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics came into my mind "somebody wants to use you, somebody wants to be used by you" 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Yoshy: 7:58am On Jul 27, 2017 |
MissRaine69: Wow! I never checked my behavior from this angle, this is surely an eye opener. Thanks 4 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by MissRaine69(f): 8:07am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Yoshy:The need to placate is a reflection of where our self esteem lies. You need to address the reasons behind this personality trait of yours. 4 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by pryme(m): 8:10am On Jul 27, 2017 |
MissRaine69: Don't you have any evil bone in your body? At least just lash out for once. |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Yoshy: 8:10am On Jul 27, 2017 |
VargasVee:Bros you no lie 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by psalmistkakah(m): 8:12am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Am having similar experience, infact dis hav cause me to keep away from friends because wen am in need dey all runaway but dey enjoy borrowing frm me.... 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Yoshy: 8:28am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Rorachy: It's not always that easy o. |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Yoshy: 8:32am On Jul 27, 2017 |
sehin79: I agree, the highest help I got from someone that materialised into cash, was a 10 minutes phone conversation. Many people don't value this kind of help. 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by infogenius(m): 9:22am On Jul 27, 2017 |
It's as simple as saying "I don't have to spare'. Or give what you can part with without squabbles. For all u care people will want to take advantage of your generosity and turn you to a mumu 6 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Evablizin(f): 9:51am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Op learn to say no,lemme tell you when you give any how they only see you as a fool that they can trick at any time,they wouldn't appreciate the fact that you are giving to them freely,be very careful. 8 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by awa(m): 9:52am On Jul 27, 2017 |
This is my problem too..Honestly |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by dust144(m): 9:52am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Keep giving God will make you bigger 2 Likes
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Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by PerfectlyPerfect(m): 9:52am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Nxkxkdkdk hdjdjd |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Sleyanya1(m): 9:53am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by ybalogs(m): 9:53am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Just say NO. The rule of lending money out is to only give what you can afford to loose. 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by MARKone(m): 9:54am On Jul 27, 2017 |
Yoshy: I like you already, let's be friends. 1 Like |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by oshe11: 9:54am On Jul 27, 2017 |
dem force u to pay ni |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by IgweBUIKE1(m): 9:54am On Jul 27, 2017 |
swiz123:didn't you see the word relationship in the op post? |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by LordKO(m): 9:54am On Jul 27, 2017 |
You're an altruistic and selfless person. Kudos. Now, you have to differentiate servility from loyalty. Lay your principles/set boundaries, and never cross the lines no matter whose ox is gored. Any relationship that requires servility to sustain is not healthy. So, neither intentionally make yourself servile to others nor allow others to subject you to servility. The world is made up of 99% of self-centered and selfish people and only 1% of altruistic and selfless people. The very moment anyone close to you - don't always mistake closeness with loyalty - begin to exhibit negative attitudes like envy, sense of entitlement, dissatisfaction, ingratitude etc, separate - but don't alienate - from the person. 6 Likes |
Re: My Giving Habit Affects My Friendship by Nobody: 9:54am On Jul 27, 2017 |
bad habit. reminds me of my father who dedicated his money to helping people (family, neighbours, workers) etc. his driver built house before him in Ota in the 90,s . my dad bought a vboot for our pastor when he first comot self. when he had financial wahala there was nobody to be seen, everybody waka. we had a bus that used to take us to school from home, from der we begin use leg. family only pulled thru with rent money from houses my mama built( labelled stingy my pple den) from my papa head. moral of the story, help ur self. pple are not worth it. I rarely help pple 9 Likes |
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