I am not Nigerian, and I'm in my early 20's expecting a child with my now ex-boyfriend, who is Igbo and Yoruba. His mother called me and insisted that the child is not his, and he went on to also deny the pregnancy all together. My parent's are also Africans, and as strict as they were even they managed to take the situation well and have agreed to see me through the rest of my education and make sure the child is taken care of. I would've thought in a situation like this the parents get together to talk about it? But instead when his mom found out she came straight for me and told me I will never be able to have her son (she's igbo) and told me to back off completely. He then completely disappeared and we haven't spoken in weeks. What would the better solution be besides court proceedings for child support once the child is born. Is it normal for mothers to behave like this? I just want to understand

1. How old is the individual in question?
2. His mother does not determine paternity, a competent hospital (sic DNA test) and a court issued subpoena does.
3. You can take it up from here.

He's 20. That is one of the steps already being taken into plan, but I don't understand why his mother had to go about it in such a way when it could've been dealt with in the normal way.

BroZuma:
1. How old is the individual in question?
2. His mother does not determine paternity, a competent hospital (sic DNA test) and a court issued subpoena does.
3. You can take it up from here.

skressed1:
He's 20. That is one of the steps already being taken into plan, but I don't understand why his mother had to go about it in such a way when it could've been dealt with in the normal way.

In Nigeria, a 35 year old is seen as a child by the parents... literally, some go as far as living with their parents and getting financial aid (pocket money) at that age.

And it's worse with Nigerian mother's from some regions where they rule and command their children's lives for them.

Your case is not strange, just be strong.

I'm sorry about this dilemma you're in. Your parents are great for standing with you in this very difficult time. Don't think too much about your ex-boyfriend's childish attitude because doing so might affect the baby in your womb. Concentrate of the brighter side of life, your health, the support of your parents and the future of your unborn child. Your baby's going to be born whether your ex and his mom like it or not. And after the baby is born, you may seek for a DNA test to prove the child was fathered by your ex. In the meantime, enjoy every moments of laughter that come your way, and don't give in to depression. God luck!

I appreciate your kind and encourage words. Thank you so much

chukxie:
I'm sorry about this dilemma you're in. Your parents are great for standing with you in this very difficult time. Don't think too much about your ex-boyfriend's childish attitude because doing so might affect the baby in your womb. Concentrate of the brighter side of life, your health, the support of your parents and the future of your unborn child. Your baby's going to be born whether your ex and his mom like it or not. And after the baby is born, you may seek for a DNA test to prove the child was fathered by your ex. In the meantime, enjoy every moments of laughter that come your way, and don't give in to depression. God luck!

This is true, he is still under her roof and he is a mommas boy, so she got heavily involved in our relationship prior to finding out the pregnancy and made decisions regarding us for him. He was supportive up until I told him he should tell his mother because my family were looking to reach out. Then his mother started speaking words against me and against the pregnancy, and he followed

BroZuma:


In Nigeria, a 35 year old is seen as a child by the parents... literally, some go as far as living with their parents and getting financial aid (pocket money) at that age.

And it's worse with Nigerian mother's from some regions where they rule and command their children's lives for them.

Your case is not strange, just be strong.

BroZuma:


In Nigeria, a 35 year old is seen as a child by the parents... literally, some go as far as living with their parents and getting financial aid (pocket money) at that age.

And it's worse with Nigerian mother's from some regions where they rule and command their children's lives for them.

Your case is not strange, just be strong.

Absolute nonsense! I'm guessing you are not Nigerian so your ignorance is forgiven. Like everywhere else in the world, there may be ( I do not know any) 35 year old men in Nigeria getting parental support and being treated like kids but it is not the norm in any part of the country.

In the same way, way domineering, controlling mothers abound in every culture, it is not at all peculiar to Nigeria and you can't blame a mother who kicks against the possible derailment of her son's life because he foolishly allowed his hormones to take over his brain.

As for the topic, children are denied everyday in every culture by unwilling young men who did not plan to be fathers but were foolish enough to entrust contraception to their sexual partners. The deed is done, mistakes happen but often times, we still have to pay for them so he has to deal with the responsibility. Best wishes!

MMotimo:


Absolute nonsense! I'm guessing you are not Nigerian so your ignorance is forgiven. Like everywhere else in the world, there may be ( I do not know any) 35 year old men in Nigeria getting parental support and being treated like kids but it is not the norm in any part of the country.

Same way domineering, controlling mothers are not all Nigerian.

As for the topic, children are denied everyday in every culture by unwilling young men who did not plan to be fathers but were foolish enough to entrust contraception to their sexual partners. The deed is done, the ball is in your court. Best wishes!

Do you talk to people with this mouth of yours this early in the morning or you are too blind to see "some" being used or the context it was used. Just give her your advise and butt off my mention Dan Allah.

skressed1:
I appreciate your kind and encourage words. Thank you so much

You're welcome. Stay safe and happy.

That is an ignorant thing to say. I was taking precautions for myself to ensure I wouldn't get pregnant, and it was working. None of us would plan it. But you don't know that, because it's not relevant to the fact of the matter. That is personal. However, strange things happen and I took responsibility as an adult to face the situation on my end and figure out how it'll work for me, because I still will be who I am going to be, it just means I have a child, who was made out of love and is a new blessing and will bring fresh energy and joy to my family. I am motivated to work harder and be better for this kid. You sound like those people in such society who simply blame the woman. If a woman isn't conceiving, instead of looking at whether the man has issues, you say its the woman's without taking into consideration the man also has his part to play in the situation. That is what you sound like. The facts are the facts. I am facing the situation and trying to understand if some things happened as a result of cultural difference or simply reaction.

MMotimo:


Absolute nonsense! I'm guessing you are not Nigerian so your ignorance is forgiven. Like everywhere else in the world, there may be ( I do not know any) 35 year old men in Nigeria getting parental support and being treated like kids but it is not the norm in any part of the country.

Same way domineering, controlling mothers are not all Nigerian.

As for the topic, children are denied everyday in every culture by unwilling young men who did not plan to be fathers but were foolish enough to entrust contraception to their sexual partners. The deed is done, the ball is in your court. Best wishes!

I modified before I realized I had been quoted so I have a longer version up there but still in the same vein.

"In Nigeria, a 35 year old is seen as a child"

I will wait for someone whose English is first class to show me the "some" in that statement.

skressed1:
That is an ignorant thing to say. I took precautions to ensure I didn't get pregnant, as none of us had planned it. However, strange things happen and I took responsibility as an adult to face the situation on my end and figure out how it'll work for me. You sound like those people in society who blame the woman. If a woman isnt conceiving instead of looking at whether the man has issues, you say its the woman fault. That is what you sound like. With all due respect, you only know what I've shared which are facts of the matter.

Ordinarily, I would not respond, you have enough to deal with already but for the sake of other young people who may potentially find themselves in this situation, I will say more.

I am a woman and I was once 18, 19, 20 or whatever age you are now. No, I never got pregnant outside wedlock because I had bigger plans for my future, no boy told me he was interested in having a baby with me and I was raised by old school parents who taught their children there is no dignity in getting pregnant or having kids before he put a ring on it. Maybe yours is a case of failed contraception maybe it was not, only you know for sure.

I am going to be brutally frank, I may sound harsh. Assuming the pregnancy can be blamed on failed contraception, you still took the foolish risk of having sex with someone that is simply not all that into you. If he was, he would not be avoiding it. He might be scared but he would not just deny and run.

If you must sleep with someone, mitigate the risk of becoming an involuntary baby mama by at least making sure you have the emotional maturity and discernment to ensure he's not the runaway type. If you don't have that confidence in him, the sex is simply NOT worth it!

MMotimo:


Ordinarily, I would not respond, you have enough to deal with already but for the sake of other young people who may potentially find themselves in this situation, I will say more.

I am a woman and I was once 18, 19, 20 or whatever age you are now. No, I never got pregnant outside wedlock because I had bigger plans for my future, no boy told me he was interested in having a baby with me and I was raised by old school parents who taught their children there is no dignity in getting pregnant or having kids before he put a ring on it. Maybe yours is a case of failed contraception maybe it was not, only you know for sure.

I am going to be brutally frank, I may sound harsh. Assuming the pregnancy can be blamed on failed contraception, you still took the foolish risk of having sex with someone that is simply not all that into you. If he was, he would not be avoiding it. He might be scared but he would not just deny and run.

If you must sleep with someone, mitigate the risk of becoming an involuntary baby mama by at least making sure you have the emotional maturity and discernment to ensure he's not the runaway type. If you don't have that confidence in him, the sex is simply NOT worth it!

Keep your self righteousness BS to yourself. Nobody goes into a relationship to get be impregnated, except in few cases, so, it was a mistake and the OP has moved on.

@OP
I think such behavior is prevalent in the African society. The mother knows that the baby is probably for him but in the usual ways of mother protecting their sons, she will deny the baby because she sees it as something that can truncate her son's bright future. That notwithstanding, i thnk you should persist and its only a matter of time before they come around.

The absence of a paternity test gives him the freedom to deny his responsibility of the pregnancy. Once the baby is born, get a DNA paternity test done to prove to his family that he's the Father. I'm sure they would simmer down then and would have no choice but to face reality.