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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poetic Heart (17612 Views)
A poetic story by a nairalander / The Other Woman- A Poetic Piece / Poetic Words Rhythmic Pleasing To The Ear (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Poetic Heart by Alennsar(f): 5:32pm On Aug 09, 2017 |
hi dear please don't give up jare. Weldon once again. |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 5:51pm On Aug 09, 2017 |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 5:55pm On Aug 09, 2017 |
CHAPTER EIGHT “Just because he isn’t groveling at your feet like the other guys doesn’t mean he hates you.” “Shut up.” “Look who’s getting all touchy.” She teases, “But on a more serious note, do you realize that that’s the most you’ve said about any guy, and you’ve known like three hundred!” Sophia, always one to exaggerate. “So you know,” I say into the speaker, “I just rolled my eyes at you.” I hear her characteristic chortle. “I would have sworn you did.” “And the only reason I talk about him,” I explain, “is because he’s the only one who has given me much to say anything about. He confuses the whole theory.” “Uhh, come one Nini. Not that stupid classification of yours again.” “Well, it has worked so far.” “Or maybe the guys you have been with have been really predictable.” I stare with my mouth agape at my phone for two seconds, considering I met half of them through Sophia, I find it hilarious she’d say that. “Hello…hello?” “I can hear you.” “Hello, am I speaking to Sophia?” “What did you eat this morning?” I laugh. “By the way, how’s Damian?” Her voice becomes barely audible. “Fine.” She says. I can hear the tenseness in her voice. “Is everything okay between the both of you?” She exhales slowly, “I made a mistake.” I keep mum, waiting to hear what she says next. “I’m such an Idiot.” “Sophie…what happened?” I ask when she bursts into tears. In between sobs, she whispers, “I made a mistake, a big stupid mistake.” “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you both would work things out.” “Yeah, I hope so.” She bursts into a new round of tears. “You don’t even know what I did.” “You burnt his house down while attempting to cook?” I ask, hoping to get her to laugh, it only produces a half-hearted snort from her. “That would have been better.” She pauses, presumably testing how best to say it. “I made out with Chris.” I let out an involuntarily gasp, and she starts pouring out words to quell my shock. “He kissed me. I was drunk – He had just dropped me home from a party, Damian couldn’t make it – My thoughts were fuzzy, all I remembered was he smelled so much like Damian. I – “ “Did you sleep – “ “No, I didn’t, thankfully my phone rang. It was him, he wanted to know if I had gotten home.” “I – “ “And now, he keeps dropping subtle hints about it around Damian.” “He is blackmailing you? The pig! You’re his brother’s girlfriend.” “It’s all my fault.” She whimpers. “It definitely is. How many times have I told you off about getting drunk? And if you had listened to me and stayed in Abuja; instead you dropped off your log-book with your Dad’s secretary – “Her whiffs get louder and it dawns on me that she is already going through a lot, and a reprove would be the last thing she needs to hear right now. I take a deep breath, “– don’t you think you should tell him?” “I wanted to.” “Okay?” “I went to his house yesterday. He wasn’t home, and so I used the spare keys he gave me to let myself in. I found a ring case Nini. He is going to ask me to marry him, and now I feel like such a sham and a liar.” “When did this other thing happen?” “Last weekend.” “Okay, so this is what is going to happen. You’re going to take a break.” “A break, as in time off?” “Yes, you need space. To clear your head and most especially distance away from that mongrel.” “But what about Damian, what if Ch- hris tells him while I’m away.” 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 5:59pm On Aug 09, 2017 |
“He won’t, he is too devious to let go of the only rein he has over you. And if Damian loves you enough to want to get married to you. A few weeks without seeing you won’t make him change his mind.” “But I don’t want to go back home, Dad’s not in the country.” “You can come down here. I’m sure Mom wouldn’t mind.” “What would I ever do without you?” “Nothing.” I say matter-of-factly. Immediately I go over to Mom’s room to check out with her. “Of course she can come over. What time would she be here?” A trick question, Mom is only trying to find out if I’ve already told her to come without asking her permission first, knowing she’d give her consent anyway. “I’m not sure Mom. Let me call her first. I don’t know what flight schedule she might meet up with.” “Alright.” Mom has really been quiet these last few weeks, a condition I feel partially responsible for. Ever since what ensued the evening we had Dad over or better yet, the morning after that, she has been quite reserved. She looks up from her tablet, “What?” “Nothing Mama, just wondering if I’d look half as beautiful as you do when I’m your age.” A smile plays on her lips. “Go and prepare for your friend’s visit. I haven’t got time for your banter.” I sit up from her bed, shuffling my feet into my slippers, “Now you’re the one chasing me away, when she comes around you’d be the first to complain I no longer have time for you.” Her smile widens to a grin, and she shakes her head in thoughtful agreement. Sophia arrives the afternoon of the next day. I smuggle in her three-wardrobe-sized traveling bags into my room before Mom has a chance to see them. We spend the whole after catching up on everything and anything that didn’t have to do with the main reason she came over. In the evening, we – Mom inclusive, all drive to the local bar to buy sticks of roasted meat. Sophia tries too hard not to look at the bar section, and once when the waitress came to take our orders, Sophia’s snappy retort in turning down the alcohol offer was a little too obvious. Mom seemed to take a different meaning to it, and I could see how pleased she was even though she tried to look indifferent. 2 Likes |
Re: Poetic Heart by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 10:58pm On Aug 09, 2017 |
Debbietiyan:OK. |
Re: Poetic Heart by jupitre(m): 8:18am On Aug 11, 2017 |
Wow!! You're doing great ma'am 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 8:58am On Aug 11, 2017 |
1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by thestevens: 9:11am On Aug 11, 2017 |
I don't usually comment on people's work but your narration pull me out, this is nice and don't even think of stopping. lol. |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 10:03am On Aug 11, 2017 |
thestevens: Thanks a lot ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by pizzy77(m): 10:44am On Aug 11, 2017 |
Sensible write up op. More ink to your pen. Patiently awaits the concluding part of the story deb. Bravo! 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by sofiaelvis(f): 11:54am On Aug 11, 2017 |
you've got a nice story here ma'am
more ink to your pen 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 1:27pm On Aug 11, 2017 |
pizzy77: sofiaelvis: Thanks ![]() |
Re: Poetic Heart by Nobody: 11:59pm On Aug 11, 2017 |
Interesting.... 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by jupitre(m): 12:03pm On Aug 12, 2017 |
When should expect the next update mam? |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 3:07pm On Aug 12, 2017 |
jupitre: In four days time. I update exactly a week from the last update. |
Re: Poetic Heart by GentlePirot: 3:39pm On Aug 12, 2017 |
Nice work, really love it. Please drop the update ASAP |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 3:57pm On Aug 12, 2017 |
GentlePirot: aww, thanks dear. |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 4:26pm On Aug 12, 2017 |
Debbietiyan: |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 7:22am On Aug 16, 2017 |
CHAPTER NINE “Hold on, let me re-check the other folders.” Still nothing. “It couldn’t possibly have disappeared or did I dream up completing the slides…” I mumble to myself. We have barely an hour to our Network communication presentation and my slide, which I worked on all through the night has mysteriously vanished from my computer. “Go through power-point application to locate it,” Alphonso suggests. He is sitting across the table from me. “You think I haven’t tried that?” “Well then, quickly prepare another one. The materials are still in your computer right?” “No, they're in my fla- ahhhh.” I throw my hands up, hitting my temple with my right hand on its way down. “It should still be in my flash.” I lurch my bag closer to myself and begin to dig into the compartments, which is no use because my mind’s eye is already visualizing it on my bed. I slowly raise my hands in futility, “I left it at home.” “If you leave now, you won’t make it in time for the presentation,” Philip says, looking up from his computer. “She can take bike na, abi is she too big to take okada.” Adanna laughs out. I ignore her, instead, I pick up my phone and head to the door. “We aren’t allowed to leave without permission.” “I didn’t say I was going anywhere. I just need to make a quick phone call.” I put a call through to Sophia and beg her to bring the drive to the office. She agrees after I promise to follow her to the salon to make her hair during the weekend. Thirty minutes later, I try her line again, but she doesn’t pick, already I have constructed a skeletal framework of what my original presentation looks like. And I am certain my assessment would be messed up if I so much as attempt to open it up. I dial her number for the fifth time and she finally picks up. “It’s called a mobile phone for a reason,” I hiss, “I must have called like a million times.” “Sorry love,” she sings out. “Where are you? I’m downstairs.” “Thank goodness, I’d be there in a sec.” “Waiting...” She laughs giddily. I wipe the call-drop icon on my screen, wondering at her sudden mood swap, one minute she was all grumpy that I dragged her out of the house, the next, she’s sounding like a little girl who got paid a visit from Santa. 2 Likes |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 7:31am On Aug 16, 2017 |
GentlePirot Jupitre Micharmony Sofiaelvis Pizzy77 Thestevens Official welcome callup ![]() Thanks for commenting, and there there...an update ![]() |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 7:34am On Aug 16, 2017 |
A few seconds later, I am at the receptionist’s table, craning my neck looking through the adjoining passage. The receptionist isn’t on seat and Sophia is nowhere in sight. I go over to the lounge to search for her, guessing the receptionist must have directed her there. There are three people, none is Sophia. Swelling, I head back. Right as I am about to reach for my phone in the side of my jeans pocket, it rings. I speak up as she starts to talk, cutting her off mid word. “– where on earth are you?” “Downstairs – oh, I should have said outside.” “Sophia!” She starts laughing again, but this time it is really annoying. “I have only got like 10 minutes, and I need to go over that stupid flash. Stop messing around and come in!” “We’re coming, we’re coming.” “We? -“She drops the call without saying another word. Their outline becomes visible. I see him first, and then I see her or could it be her, I squint, which is something considering my eyes are half the normal size. This can’t possibly be happening. The sliding door opens, and my miniature girlfriend saunters in, dwarfed by her gangly partner, all thirty-two of her white teeth visible... I don’t know which is more shocking: that he can actually smile, or that Sophia is acquainted with him. There aren’t looking up, maybe if I just – “Nini!” She screams my name, just as I turn my back to race, hopefully unnoticed, back upstairs. “It’s Anita,” I groan with clenched teeth, as I turn back slowly. She dashes to where I am and drags me forward. “There is someone I want you to meet.” She screeches with a mischievous glint in her eyes and before I can say Jack, I’m standing in front of him. “Denola meet Ni – Anita, Anita – Denola.” She says in one breath. “I don’t think there’s any need for that. We are quite familiar with each other.” His lips curve into a smile, and crinkles form around the edges of his eyes. “Isn’t that right Anita, or should I say…Ma’am?” Sophia’s eye balls expand to twice their initial size, and she turns to stare at Denola. “You’re Him.” 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 7:35am On Aug 16, 2017 |
For the first time in my life, I wish I could disappear. How can she say that loud? Say that to him? His unnaturally white teeth comes into view, and his face transforms into an animated one, “Him who?” She stutters and falters as she tries to undo the damage she has caused. ”Errr, him, him err…wait.” She makes a pout at him, “Why didn’t you mention you own –work here? What happened to your gallery?” It’s hopeless. There is no covering that up. “I have to get back now. The presentation should have started.” I stretch out my palm to her and she stares at it for a fraction of a second before she remembers. “Right, the flash-drive.” She reaches into her pink purse and hands me the drive. I make sure her eyes catches mine, then I give her the: I’d kill you when next I see you eyes. As I walk away I catch snippets of their conversation but my head is too fuzzy to process anything other than the direction back to the Intern’s common-room. 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Kusibe77(m): 8:03am On Aug 16, 2017 |
you are good. I haven't read it all, but with the part I read, you are cool. And don't stop 'cos Nlnders are selfish, and stingy with comments. Would have critize constructively but what did a learner like me know? keep the good work, ma'am. |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 8:56am On Aug 16, 2017 |
Kusibe77: Thanks love. ![]() |
Re: Poetic Heart by nawtielizzie(f): 11:19am On Aug 16, 2017 |
Good job. More ink to your pen |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 12:05pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
nawtielizzie: Thanks dear |
Re: Poetic Heart by Kusibe77(m): 12:06pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
Debbietiyan:You can improve on 'getting to the character's head' |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 12:08pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
Later that day, when I get home I meet Sophia lying on the couch in the sitting-room. “Welcome, how did it go?” She asks as soon as I walk in. “It would have been great, if I wasn’t distracted, trying to figure out the best means of murdering a certain someone.” Sophia bites her lower lip in mock fear. “How could you have ratted me off like that?” “How was I supposed to know he was ‘Him’? You never told me his name.” “Well, I think I remember saying – oh wait, tall, looks a little too young, arrogant, then not so arrogant…given he tried to hide his position, MD of the company where I intern, snobbish and annoying.“ “You just described the male version of yourself.” “That’s not funny Sophia. You’ve ruined everything. Tell me, how am I ever going to face him without cowering in embarrassment?” “What are you talking about?” “He’s going to think that I…I…you know…like him.” “Do you like him?” “What kind of question is that?” A thought dawns on me, “How do you even know him, wait let me re-phrase that. Is there any guy that I am yet to meet that you do not already know?” “Don’t blame me, blame Dad for being a senator. His dad is dad’s friend and business partner or investor or something. We used to tag along on business trips.” She turns excitedly to me and winks. “Don’t you want to know what he said about you?” “No.” I reply because she would still tell me. But she folds herself back on the couch and shrugs. “Okay then.” I stare at her as she begins to hum an inexistent song. My curiosity and my pride begin an internal war but my pride wins. I yank my bag from the settee, and stomp my way to my room. 1 Like |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 12:09pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
Kusibe77: Okay, my character's 'head'...how exactly do you mean? |
Re: Poetic Heart by Kusibe77(m): 12:40pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
Debbietiyan: |
Re: Poetic Heart by Debbietiyan(f): 1:56pm On Aug 16, 2017 |
[quote author=Kusibe77 post=59528644][/quote] Ohh, I think I get what you're trying to say...The text was just dialogue, her current emotions should have been better emphasized right? But if you'd notice, the story is written from Anita's point of view, she describes what she sees and how she feels about it. "Welcome, how did it go?" was asked by Sophia but since Anita has the rein over the story, the question was related to us by her (Anita). “It would have been great, if I wasn’t distracted, trying to figure out the best means of murdering a certain someone.” The narrator replied Sophia's question. By the response, you can tell she is sulking over what Sophia did. She bites her lower lip in mock fear. Written in continuous tense (the action is taking place), Anita describes Sophia's reaction to her reply. The idea of my choice of tense is to enable the reader watch the Main character metamorphize, for example: She can only tell us what she thinks but since its her opinion we can't agree to everything she says, but if you follow Anita's character aptly, she tries to come off as tough given her background and all...so we mostly get her witty retorts but not necessarily her emotions as she tries to mask them. So far, she has lost it once (when her Dad came over) and you'd notice how she tried to hide what she really felt. So hopefully, in the future, she'd let us in again. |
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