dangotesmummy:
This is the major reason why s.u girls suffer vaginismus in marriage. The mothers have put fear in the heart of their young daughters and they grow up with such fear even in marriage thinking that as soon as her husband gets get pregnant he'll abscond. Unfortunately this happens because they have nursed and grown their fear that it becomes reality

African moms just dont know when to stop.they let their panaroia get the better part of their daughters that it's either their daughters get averse to sex in and out of marriage, become sexually uninformed or dysfunctional

dangotesmummy:
This is the major reason why s.u girls suffer vaginismus in marriage. The mothers have put fear in the heart of their young daughters and they grow up with such fear even in marriage thinking that as soon as her husband gets get pregnant he'll abscond. Unfortunately this happens because they have nursed and grown their fear that it becomes reality

African moms just dont know when to stop.they let their panaroia get the better part of their daughters that it's either their daughters get averse to sex in and out of marriage, become sexually uninformed or dysfunctional

supersystemsng:


Very true i accept... which is why every man is first of all seen as a beast...

Africlegend:

U've really spoken well.

Africlegend:


When I become a parent, I will tell my daughter(s), how falling in love is pretty. How it is possible to be in a relationship without giving in to sex. How beautiful Hanky panky is, when delayed till the wedding night.How sex is meant only for the married. How risky it is to make love before working down the aisle.How she should feel free to introduce to me her boyfriend and how I'm always available to answer her questions on Love, sex and relationship.

Ayeni Faith Damilola is a writer, public speaker and eulogist.
faithdamilolaayeni@yahoo.com

kimbraa:
I love the fact that you stated what you'd tell your girl-child.

First and foremost, you should know that there're mothers who had no education, came from very poor background and all they had was garbage in, garbage out. There're the crude parents you described in your first paragraph. So I don't blame them for their shortcomings 'cause people give what they have and not what they don't have.

Secondly, we have the educated and refined parents who know what to tell a girl-child and what not to but at the end of the day some of these kids still fall astray.

Obviously you won't be telling a 10yrs old sex education 'cause she may not grasp the whole concept while as you're waiting for the right time to, she may already be doing it under your nose.

Lastly, sex education is one of the most difficult conversation to have with one's child. It takes a lot for parents to do so.

dangotesmummy:
what's difficult about sex education? Look let me tell you something if you don't give your daughters sex education, the boys in the street and on campus including lecturers will give them sex education and while at it take advantage of their naievity.I work in a university environment, I know what I'm talking about. Wait first let one office clerk see her sitting alone on campus by the veranda department and she confides in that one and pours out her heart to him and watch how that office clerk starts making her feel loved,important and before you know it he's taking her to hotels to teach her the practicals of sex education

I don't know what's with women and thinking fear is an instrument that will last long instead of sex education forgetting that there are wolves lurking around and easily spot sexually naieve and ignorant girls

IF YOU DON'T GIVE YOUR DAUGHTERS SEX EDUCATION, PEOPLE YOU CANNOT EVEN STAND ONE ON ONE WITH WILL BE THE ONES GIVING YOUR DAUGHTERS SEX EDUCATION OR FOKEEN YOUR DAUGHTERS. THAT'S WHY WE HEAR OF SECONDARY SCHOOL GATEMAN FOKEEN JSS2 CHILDREN OR CORPERS LURING THEIR STUDENTS TO THEIR HOUSE TO Bleep THEM OR YOUR DRIVERS SLEEPING WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS UNDER YOUR NOSE.

THESE ARE THE KINDS OF PEOPLE THAT WILL GIVE YOUR DAUGHTERS SEX EDUCATION AND IN THE COURSE OF IT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.IF SHE'S LUCKY AND SHE DOESN'T GET PREGNANT SHE MAY BECOME SERIALLY PROMISCUOUS

LACK OF SEX EDUCATION IS WHY YOUR OWN DRIVER OR MESSENGER WILL BE FOKEEN YOUR DAUGHTER UNDER YOUR NOSE IN YOUR OWN HOUSE AND STILL TAKE HER FOR ABORTION AND USE THE SALARY YOU'RE PAYING HIM (YOUR OWN MONEY) TO CARRY HER FOR ABORTION

supersystemsng:



What an orgasm....


Fantastic viewpoint...

dangotesmummy:
parents keep shouting, threatening and making their children feel abnormal because they tell them about how their bodies feel.why won't people you don't envisage listen to them when you're not ready to listen to them.many parents are drama queens and drama kings any small thing they're yelling and shouting. Every little issue is blown out of proportion so you think the girl will not rather talk to a male lecturer who's ready to listen to her or her boyfriend Rather than her parents?

Like I said earlier I work in a university environment so I saw a girl who was pregnant by a boy who sells phones and phone chatger in school.throughout she refused to go on holiday. Once she hears or sights her parents are coming, she will run away. She was so scared of her parents. Eventually she gave birth in school.

It was after she gave birth that the mid wives were able to beg her and pet her that she shouldn't worry,she should give them her parents number that they won't shout at you or disgrace you.don't worry I'm here,we will defend you.that was when she was relaxed to give them her parents number.

So they called her mom and congratulated her that she's a grandmother now.the mother said she doesn't understand, grandmother as how? She said her daughter with the name abcd has given birth that she's in so and so hospital

As typical, the mother was coming spitting fire and venom,creating drama and shouting all over the place.she had to be educated that that's why your daughter cannot even trust you or confide in you because you're too lousy.you make everything chaotic.it was at that point she calmed down.for 9 months they were looking for the girl not knowing she was avoiding them

Now would the trust issues or pregnancy have arisen if she wasn't someone that emotionally and verbally abuses her daughter?

supersystemsng:




Oh my God...May God help us raise good children, you know when ladies fall in love, nobody cans top them....what a terrible story...I hope to raise Goldy females and will talk to them like my father talked with me daily until i reached 11 years old...still building my life around the stuffs my dad thought me....

dangotesmummy:
parents keep shouting, threatening and making their children feel abnormal because they tell them about how their bodies feel sexually.why won't people you don't envisage listen to them when you're not ready to listen to them.many parents are drama queens and drama kings any small thing they're yelling and shouting. Every little issue is blown out of proportion so you think the girl will not rather talk to a male lecturer who's ready to listen to her or her boyfriend Rather than her parents?

Like I said earlier I work in a university environment so I saw a girl who was pregnant by a boy who sells phones and phone chatger in school.throughout she refused to go on holiday. Once she hears or sights her parents are coming, she will run away. She was so scared of her parents. Eventually she gave birth in school.

It was after she gave birth that the mid wives were able to beg her and pet her that she shouldn't worry,she should give them her parents number that they won't shout at you or disgrace you.don't worry I'm here,we will defend you.that was when she was relaxed to give them her parents number.

So they called her mom and congratulated her that she's a grandmother now.the mother said she doesn't understand, grandmother as how? She said her daughter with the name abcd has given birth that she's in so and so hospital

As typical, the mother was coming spitting fire and venom,creating drama and shouting all over the place.she had to be educated that that's why your daughter cannot even trust you or confide in you because you're too lousy.you make everything chaotic.it was at that point she calmed down.for 9 months they were looking for the girl not knowing she was avoiding them

Now would the trust issues or pregnancy have arisen if she wasn't someone that emotionally and verbally abuses her daughter?

DarkRebel69:


I venture to say that religion is the root-cause of why so many African parents are obdurate prigs in re the issue of bequeathing sexual education to their female (and male) children.
When even a mention of the word "sex" in a typical Nigerian church stirs tension amongst the congregation, causing them to shift their buttocks on the pews in a fit of ''uncomfortability'' - as if to say the act of sex is not a natural phenomenon but some vile, alien, and physical manifestation of human degradation in the nth degree.

I think the problem that the OP talked about stems from the fact that we've afforded too much undue sacredness and reverence to something that's only a biological imperative, something that's arguably as mundane as the act of urination - no thanks again to religion and its attendant morass of arbitrary moral fiats.

Even you –dangotesmummy– are guilty in some way of the very misdemeanour you deplore, even though you do not realize it. In one of your spiels on this thread you used the phrase "serially promiscuous" - a phrase which bears the unmistaken undertone of derogation.
Tell me, if one were roundly intimated with the dangers of having multiple sexual partners and is also up-to-the-nose on the various prophylactic measures that significantly lessen the risks of contracting STDs, would it constitute a moral crime if such an individual – male or female – decides to be unsparing in the quantity of his/her sexual partners?

When you use the phrase "serially promiscuous" aka "olosho", you telegraph the idea that keeping multiple sexual partners is by itself a sin and morally unhealthy, and I don't see how that makes you any different from those prude African parents who sermonize to their daughters on the depravity of sex as a way of deterring their blithely naïve minds from indulging the act --- except of course that all their sermons prove in the long-run to be royally counter-productive.

dangotesmummy:
try and understand my message.I'm not downplaying sex or anything of sort.by serially promiscuous I mean a boy of girl having casual sex with just anybody just because he or she is ho" rney at that moment and mind you there's nothing wrong about have sex albeit be responsible about it as opposed to engaging in casual reckless sex with multiple sex partners who you don't know their sexual history. Now this isn't for morality or religious sakes,its about putting your health on the line for fre minutes pleasure.

I'm an advocate of if a girl has a boyfriend or if a boy has a girlfriend she/he should face their partner only and not be engaging in promiscuity for the sake of your HEALTH I.e being vulnerable to STDs, HIV and sexual diseases that's my point

Do you understand?

DarkRebel69:


Now that you've laid it out in unambiguous terms your position is understood much better.

dangotesmummy:

DarkRebel69:


Who's the woman in the picture, the one in green dress?

DarkRebel69:


I venture to say that religion is the root-cause of why so many African parents are obdurate prigs in re the issue of bequeathing sexual education to their female (and male) children.
When even a mention of the word "sex" in a typical Nigerian church stirs tension amongst the congregation, causing them to shift their buttocks on the pews in a fit of ''uncomfortability'' - as if to say the act of sex is not a natural phenomenon but some vile, alien, and physical manifestation of human degradation in the nth degree.

I think the problem that the OP talked about stems from the fact that we've afforded too much undue sacredness and reverence to something that's only a biological imperative, something that's arguably as mundane as the act of urination - no thanks again to religion and its attendant morass of arbitrary moral fiats.

Even you –dangotesmummy– are guilty in some way of the very misdemeanour you deplore, even though you do not realize it. In one of your spiels on this thread you used the phrase "serially promiscuous" - a phrase which bears the unmistaken undertone of derogation.
Tell me, if one were roundly intimated with the dangers of having multiple sexual partners and is also up-to-the-nose on the various prophylactic measures that significantly lessen the risks of contracting STDs, would it constitute a moral crime if such an individual – male or female – decides to be unsparing in the quantity of his/her sexual partners?

When you use the phrase "serially promiscuous" aka "olosho", you telegraph the idea that keeping multiple sexual partners is by itself a sin and morally unhealthy, and I don't see how that makes you any different from those prude African parents who sermonize to their daughters on the depravity of sex as a way of deterring their blithely naïve minds from indulging the act --- except of course that all their sermons prove in the long-run to be royally counter-productive.

Africlegend:

Morals is necessary in building humans. Even outside the risk of STDs, ladies can still be decent, but, being sexually decent and/or modest should be a personal thing. The problem with Nigerian Mothers is, they exagerate moral laws. The fact that you don't want your daughter to be promiscuous doesn't mean you should make her ignorant. I will teach my Children morals but won't go beyond basic principles of living. I will teach them morals but won't force it on them. I will also reveal sex and sexual urges to them in their ordinariness. I will not yell at them but be attentive. I will not shout at them but be quite sparing. In fact, I will let my daughter know the beauty of preserving her hymen for her husband. In all, When she's old enough, I will let her make decisions but will be there to always guide her.

DarkRebel69:


Sex is a biological activity, and when you begin to affix morality with it you're in essence attempting to superimpose a constraining cap on the course of nature. We might as well reason that "breathing" is a staple postulate for living but that "breathing too often" is an immoral avocation, since that's precisely the same ratiocination used to justify the demonisation of "promiscuous sex".

Another thing, who decides what is moral and what is immoral?

"Preserving her hymen for her husband"...? Don't you think you'd unwittingly be inculcating the notion in your daughters that their "hymen" is akin to a mere commodity, one that needs to be preserved up till the point of marriage, otherwise they risk venturing into marriage not as complete women but as "half-used chattel"?

DarkRebel69:


Sex is a biological activity, and when you begin to affix morality with it you're in essence attempting to superimpose a constraining cap on the course of nature. We might as well reason that "breathing" is a staple postulate for living but that "breathing too often" is an immoral avocation, since that's precisely the same ratiocination used to justify the demonisation of "promiscuous sex".

Another thing, who decides what is moral and what is immoral?

"Preserving her hymen for her husband"...? Don't you think you'd unwittingly be inculcating the notion in your daughters that their "hymen" is akin to a mere commodity, one that needs to be preserved up till the point of marriage, otherwise they risk venturing into marriage not as complete women but as "half-used chattel"?

Mindfulness:


Girls are not supposed to have any s.exual desires. And if it happens, it is the devil's work, it must be killed by fire by force.

Mindfulness:

Girls are not supposed to have any s.exual desires. And if it happens, it is the devil's work, it must be killed by fire by force.

dangotesmummy:
exactly my point. That's why you see virgins bereft of character because you've made them assume Virginity is the only sustainable way to make your marriage work and then later the hypocritical men will come and be ranting about how Virginity is iverrated .the same people always judging women about being sexually loose will be the same person judging her she's inexperienced

If she marries as a virgin-shes green and naieve
If she no marry as a Virgin- she's loose

So in essence societal standards have failed.just set up your own standards and live by it.shikena

DarkRebel69:


Men who castigate single women who do not draw the reins on their sexuality and yet get into marriage with a virgin while expecting her to be as sexually dexterous as a Cherokee d'ass would be, are like HRs who want to employ a 22-year old with 35 years of working experience. Outrightly ridiculous.

Virginity? Pfft! It's only shallow and simple-minded individuals who would use something as triffling as the state of a woman's hymen as an index of her personality. Why do you think such metric only has firm rooting in African soil? Africans are leagues behind the rest of the world, so it shouldn't come as surprise that while countries in enlightened continents are making scientific in-roads and inventing cutting-edge technology, Nigerians are in a little corner of the world, squeaking like a family of rats and debating effusively over the tensile strength of a woman's hymen. Talk about grand misplacement of priorities.

Take for instance these two women:

I.) Woman A was born with a very low libido and maintaining her virginity until marriage would require little effort from her

II.) Woman B's libido on the other hand is on over-drive and it would require more effort and self-discipline on her part if she intends to keep her hymen in pristine form.

If Woman B, in two or three instances of blind lust, has sex with two different men, would we then say that makes woman A the better of the two?

I can't predict the future, but I can predict what my future self would want, and that is: a woman who can stimulate me mentally in many-sided ways, a woman who is of quiet and studious habits, who is beautiful and generous in those areas of the female anatomy that my lustful eyes have always found most appealing; a woman who can offer me adequate emotional buffer in those trying times when my wits and nerves fail me; a woman who is caring, loving, and who is a repository of worldly knowledge, and on whose wisdom I can rely on to serve as salutary and edifying influence on my kids.

Virginity does not make a woman have all those qualities I've listed out, and since I'm not one to rank exterior trivialities over inner qualities, I unapologetically say: "To hell with virginity".

DarkRebel69:


That explains the steep differential libido between male adults and female adults in the world today, and precisely what goads the popular misconception that men think more about sex than women do - an assertion that couldn't be more wrong.

It's an hypothesis of mine that both men and women used to be shameless, ultra-sexual animals, who frolicked beneath the sheets with whomever they wanted and whenever it tickled their bestial fancy. I theorize, too, that mileniums of "slut-shaming" have deadened the sensual carapace of the female folks, coercing them into a shell of sexual reticence, so that they're mandated to keep whatever sensual thoughts they might conceive of to themselves or risk being branded a slut.

It's a form of sexual natural selection, I think i.e. the more society "slut-shamed", the more females had to stifle their sexuality as way of calibrating their dance steps to the tune of the slut-shaming flute. But I find elation in the fact that the pattern is being deviated from, to some extent at least.