If you’re going to leave negative comments, do not bother yourself.

I am asking what generally happens between families when a child is born out of wedlock to young parents in their 20’s because the father of my child is Nigerian (we aren’t together at the moment), and I don’t know what else is expected within his culture, since I want to be respectful and know what to expect. What expectations are there, and what arrangements are typically made? What traditions do Yoruba people have when a male child is born besides naming ceremony and baby dedication, or what else do I need to know for when those events take place? I’m trying to educate myself. Thank you

I will take care of the child ..op are u alright at all

4theloveofkj:
If you’re going to leave negative comments, do not bother yourself.

I am asking what generally happens between families when a child is born out of wedlock to young parents in their 20’s because the father of my child is Nigerian (we aren’t together at the moment), and I don’t know what else is expected within his culture, since I want to be respectful and know what to expect. What expectations are there, and what arrangements are typically made? What traditions do Yoruba people have when a male child is born besides naming ceremony and baby dedication, or what else do I need to know for when those events take place? I’m trying to educate myself. Thank you

Op, I guess your not a Nigerian? Well after naming and baby dedication at the church in the presence of your baby father and 2 or 3 of his well known relatives. The Yorubas believe the first male child of a man becomes his leading heir. So long the man is married to the baby mother, they both become recognized in the man extended and immediate family.

If your yet to be identified by the man family please do so, to avoid you and your child been called outcasts. I hope this helps you

No I’m not Nigerian. Thank you so much for the information. His family knows about me because we were in a relationship for a while and his father approved of me. Does this mean we have to marry or everything is still ok?

periphetes:



Op, I guess your not a Nigerian? Well after naming and baby dedication at the church in the presence of your baby father and 2 or 3 of his well known relatives. The Yorubas believe the first male child of a man becomes his leading heir. So long the man is married to the baby mother, they both become recognized in the man extended and immediate family.

If your yet to be identified by the man family please do so, to avoid you and your child been called outcasts. I hope this helps you

4theloveofkj:
No I’m not Nigerian. Thank you so much for the information. His family knows about me because we were in a relationship for a while and his father approved of me. Does this mean we have to marry or everything is still ok?

Yes, you need to be married to your baby father as a proof. This signify to his people that your his legal wife and his child will have rights in his family.
Without legal marriage and during unforseen circumstances to your baby father (death) , his immediate and extended family may still deny you and your child major rights to the family.

Moreover for the future of the male child it will be right thing to get married. Unless you plan to cut off your child from his father origin. This might not turn out well in future.

Would the marriage take place now or can it happen later in future? Because we are both young and there are complications (his mother is very controlling and she doesn’t want him to take responsibility) meaning if I marry him she will always be around that’s why I wanted to find out if it has to happen.

periphetes:


Yes, you need to be married to your baby father as a proof. This signify to his people that your his legal wife and his child will have rights in his family.
Without legal marriage and during unforseen circumstances to your baby father (death) , his immediate and extended family may still deny you and your child major rights to the family.

Moreover for the future of the male child it will be right thing to get married. Unless you plan to cut off your child from his father origin. This might not turn out well in future.

4theloveofkj:
Would the marriage take place now or can it happen later in future? Because we are both young and there are complications (his mother is very controlling and she doesn’t want him to take responsibility) meaning if I marry him she will always be around that’s why I wanted to find out if it has to happen.

You do not have to marry him.From what you wrote,I doubt he is even suitable for you to marry.
Do you stay in the same town with the baby daddy?Does he want to take full responsibility for the child?If your answer to the questions is no,I'll say you shouldn't really bother yourself with traditions or arrangements.Name the child and make plans on raising him.

A brotherly advise too,learn about contraceptives and be on a plan when you are in a sexual relationship.Children are better raised in a loving home with both parents present and involved with the children.

4theloveofkj:
Would the marriage take place now or can it happen later in future? Because we are both young and there are complications (his mother is very controlling and she doesn’t want him to take responsibility) meaning if I marry him she will always be around that’s why I wanted to find out if it has to happen.

As you earlier mentioned that your baby daddy father is aware of your relationship with his son. This is good. Now, if you both consider yourselves too young and not yet ready for marriage. No need rushing or enforcing it, it is very important both of you have to be sure you really love and care for each other.

About the mother controlling her son is very normal, most African mothers behave that way to there sons. Her worries maybe the following:

1) She's sees you both too young
2) Her son still needs to accomplish lot in life to become independent before having a wife.
3) Also maybe your not nice, respectful and calm to her.

For now, focus on your future and the baby. keep good relationship with your baby daddy. If he truly loves and want you, he will settle the difference between his mother and you.

If you also have good communication with your baby daddy father, keep it good. And for his mother just be calm and respectful.

Don't be scared, worried or filled with regrets, the deed has been done. You still have got alot more to live for.

I wish you well

In igboland,the girls family adopts the child whether male or female. Its that short and simple!

It’s a complicated situation. He wants to but he can’t because his mom doesn’t want him to be involved. I got pregnant on birth control actually.

thorpido:
You do not have to marry him.From what you wrote,I doubt he is even suitable for you to marry.
Do you stay in the same town with the baby daddy?Does he want to take full responsibility for the child?If your answer to the questions is no,I'll say you shouldn't really bother yourself with traditions or arrangements.Name the child and make plans on raising him.

A brotherly advise too,learn about contraceptives and be on a plan when you are in a sexual relationship.Children are better raised in a loving home with both parents present and involved with the children.

I see. Thank you so much! With his mom, it’s neither of those things, I wish it was because she cared and it was for wellbeing but she generally has a manipulative and controlling nature. She doesn’t want him to be with me because I am seen as a threat to her plans for him as she wants him to be with someone who’ll do whatever she wants for her and she realized with me if she does something she shouldn’t be doing, I notice it and call it out. In the beginning she pretended to like me though until the relationship got serious.

You are right. Thank you so much for your kind advice and help! I wish you well also

periphetes:


As you earlier mentioned that your baby daddy father is aware of your relationship with his son. This is good. Now, if you both consider yourselves too young and not yet ready for marriage. No need rushing or enforcing it, it is very important both of you have to be sure you really love and care for each other.

About the mother controlling her son is very normal, most African mothers behave that way to there sons. Her worries maybe the following:

1) She's sees you both too young
2) Her son still needs to accomplish lot in life to become independent before having a wife.
3) Also maybe your not nice, respectful and calm to her.

For now, focus on your future and the baby. keep good relationship with your baby daddy. If he truly loves and want you, he will settle the difference between his mother and you.

If you also have good communication with your baby daddy father, keep it good. And for his mother just be calm and respectful.

Don't be scared, worried or filled with regrets, the deed has been done. You still have got alot more to live for.

I wish you well

4theloveofkj:
It’s a complicated situation. He wants to but he can’t because his mom doesn’t want him to be involved. I got pregnant on birth control actually.

He's not matured and man enough then.