Sequel to the post about Funmi Iyanda wanting to remain single till eternity that graced the frontpage some hours ago (Read it here:
https://www.nairaland.com/4141787/must-girl-marry) , I have decided to write something to counter it.

I once nurtured the idea of not wanting to get married and just find some woman to have babies for me, continue to frolick around town with babes and friends till forever after reading several write ups online about disadvantages of being married. A particular Nairalander who goes by the moniker ‘killjoy’ helped fuel this thought even more.

But then again I started thinking deep and realized it will do me more harm than good if I stay single.

Life is full of problems, that’s the way the universe designed it. As human you will always be faced with challenges and problems, some bigger than you, others smaller. If you are married you will have problems from your spouse, kids, in-laws, etc, if you are not married you will still have problems from your baby mamas/fathers, the family of your baby mamas/fathers, your kids, at work, church etc. So I decided to get married and have problems rather than remain single and still have same problems.

Below are some of the many reasons you need to get married

You can’t beat nature
Yes, nature has designed we sapiens to be with one partner and form a family with children and you cant beat that. Trying to beat it will result in dysfunctional children. We are social creatures and we can only live a fulfilled life when we have loved ones around us. We are designed to by nature to live with spouse and children. We are not animals, we are humans

Loneliness
I will be 31 in few months and have friends within my age range. Most of my friends are between 29 and 33, and many of them are already getting married. I now attend their weddings almost every weekend, and I am always among the groomsmen or the best man. Very soon they will all be married and I will be left alone. They cant go to the club or bar with me like before, we cant hang out like we used to, once its 9pm they want to go home to meet their wife and kids or other times they are not just interested in going out, they want to enjoy the weekend with their family and I will just sit their lonely. No wife, no kids, nothing. If I have a baby mama, she most likely will be in custody of the kids.

As for ladies who want to remain single. 99 percent of Your friends will be married and that is when your eyes will clear. You will be lonely and probably miserable. They talk about how they are going on a vacation with hubby, you open your facebook to see their family pictures, you go to church to see them come in a family car and you are just there alone. You are hanging out with them and their hubby calls them to return home in time to get the kids dinner and get them ready for school, they leave you alone to wonder and wander.

Loneliness will set in one day, you will look back and blame yourself for walking the lonely path. Your chances of living long is even reduced. You will be 50, 60, 70 years one day, how will you cope? You might end up taking your own life.

Family pressure
Don’t take away family pressure. It will never leave. Your parents will attend wedding ceremonies of other kids in the family and will always pray to do same for their kids. Their fulfillment in life comes after they spend heavily on you to graduate with a certificate and finally get married and they can now give you their final blessings. They will never stop reminding you about bringing a wife or husband home. Your parents even stand a risk of being mocked by the society for having a child who hasn’t gotten married at age 50. I am even more sorry for you if you are a woman for family meetings will be called on top your head. Aunties, uncles, cousins etc will go to mountain because of you, and at family gatherings/meetings they must bring up your topic. In the end you will remain a menace to the family, you may never be celebrated despite even having lots of money.

You can’t win society
That’s society for you. A cliché goes thus “If you cant win them, you join them”. So just join the rest of the society cos you will never win.
Everyone expects you to get married once you hit 24 as a female and 30 as a man. You wont get the deserved respect from people, you will be mocked, you will always have to bury your head in shame. Everyone thinks it is abnormal for you to be Miss so and so at age 35 instead of Mrs. You will always have to explain your idiosyncrasies to people, always want them to see things from your viewpoint why you don’t want to get married. No matter how rich you are, everyone will think you are not complete without a man or woman to call a spouse. If you doubt me ask Linda Ikeji and Don Jazzy. Once Linda Ikeji says something not pleasing to people, they will bounce on her with this everly unchanging lines “Madam go and marry” same applies to Don Jazzy.

99.2 percent of the people will not buy your bullcrap idea. So oga, madam, you cant win us, never. Just join us.

Think about your children
It is so funny how many of you who don’t believe in marriage want children and that’s all. You are selfish. Think about yuour kids. They will grow up to see their friends returning home to their mum and dad but they have just one parent. It is understandable if you are divorced, widowed or separated, at least that some reasonable excuse and you can get married to another person later who will act as their foster mum/dad. But your kids ask you why is mum or dad not living with you and your answer is that you didn’t like the idea of marriage that’s why you only made their dad donate some sperm into your vagina to give birth to them. Your kids will be mocked at school and home, and the blemish might never leave them forever. Your kids are better raised by the two parents than you alone.

Your sexual life
So you don’t want to get married but want to keep enjoying sex. You will contract infections, life threatening infections. As a man, today na tall girl you carry come, tomorrow short one, next tomorrow dem see you with light skinned, the next time na dark babe, for how long would you live that way. You want to continue to live an irresponsible lifestyle till 35, 45, 50, 70 years of age? All your friends are married and enjoying fine sex with their wives but you are chasing everything under the skirt. That’s not a good life bro.

As a lady how would you cope with sexual gratification. So after getting sperm donation into your vagina from men to give birth to children you hit the street to start sleeping with every Tom, D!ck and Harry. Once you reach age 40 your beauty is already greatly diminished and men of your age range wont find you appealing again, you are now left with no choice than to hang out with young boys of 25-30 years of age, paying them for their service as a sugar mummy and that’s if you have the money to maintain such life. So it’s a life of sugar mummy you want to be living abi. Soon your news will spread all over the metropolis and everyone will know how irresponsible you are. By the time you are 50, 55 your body don old finish, you will sit down and think abut your miserable life in pity.

Conclusion
The advantages of getting married far outweighs the opposite option, so by all means my brethren, marry.
And I read how many of you think it is only the African mentality that states that a person must be married. You are wrong. I expect you to know better. You watch movies, read books, novels, read stories on social media etc, you should know that even whitepeople in advanced countries think like this. White parents wants their kids to get married. The white society largely think it is foolishness to remain single, ladies from 30 years of age are mocked in America and England for being single, their families are worried for them. It is a general thing and not pertinent to Africa. The other day I read on DailyMail Uk how a 33 years old lady commited suiced because no one has asked for her hand in marriage. Even their celebrities who we think don’t give a hoot about marriage end up settling down, they might get divorced a thousand times but they belive so much in marriage they don’t mind doing it 10 times in the course of their lives. Do your research well before drawing any conclusion.

PS: I am single and searching, ladies dont be shy, send me PM and lets roll. Who knows, I might find a wife here. Me I won marry abbeg

Whatever rock ur boat bro. Ur happiness is paramount in life, just do whatever makes you happy.

Nice write up.
Op, this traditional marriage cake is yours...... May you find your better half at the right place and at the right time.

Amen.

Your Problems. All I want is to be HAPPY

Ain't moved with the crap up there


None of the above sh*t can make me think otherwise

why must you tell me how I'm gonna live my life

QueenSekxy:
why must you tell me how I'm gonna live my life

Don't mind the OP

To slap him dey hunger me sef

Awesome submission. I am still mystified how some claim marriage is overrated yet they want kids. The same goes for gays n lesbians. Marriage is not Eldorado nor is it paradise but can anyone tell me how living single is a beta choice. Like everything in life human should endeavor to make a success of marriage. Marriage does not make success of itself. Married parties should watch and learn practical things that will ensure their is a success.

1. There are lonely pple in marriage, husbands who leave there wives at home to hangout with friends and side chicks are very common
2. There are kids who withnessed domestic voilence or dsfunctional homes. Dat a kids sees odas being taken home by mum or dad means nothing. Do u knw wat goes on in der?
3. U can win society if u want- rita dominic is der, former sec boss arouma oteh is also der. Onyeka onwenu, olisa adibua etc. Only a weak person allows family or society control him or her.
4. Being married doesnt stop ur spouse from giving u STI or Aids.
Ur write up is trash

HeWrites:

Don't mind the OP
To slap him dey hunger me sef

yeyerolling:
1. There are lonely pple in marriage, husbands who leave there wives at home to hangout with friends and side chicks are very common
2. There are kids who withnessed domestic voilence or dsfunctional homes. Dat a kids sees odas being taken home by mum or dad means nothing. Do u knw wat goes on in der?
3. U can win society if u want- rita dominic is der, former sec boss arouma oteh is also der. Onyeka onwenu, olisa adibua etc. Only a weak person allows family or society control him or her.
4. Being married doesnt stop ur spouse from giving u STI or Aids.
Ur write up is trash

So you have already imagined your marriage to be full of problems. Its good how you already think your own union will have all the problems you stated above. Kudos to you Mr. Negative

saasala:


So you have already imagined your marriage to be full of problems. Its good how you already think your own union will have all the problems you stated above. Kudos to you Mr. Negative

He is just being realistic.

In your post, you made it seem like marriage would answer problems of loneliness and sexual infections when not all marriages answer them. There are lonely people in marriages sometimes and one promiscuous partner may even infect the other partner with STDs.

saasala:


So you have already imagined your marriage to be full of problems. Its good how you already think your own union will have all the problems you stated above. Kudos to you Mr. Negative

negativity or positvity does not negate reality. Marriage is a combination of good and bad. Abi ur parents marriage was smooth all thru

@Post

I hate to break it to you but not everyone will or must marry. Marriage is a CHOICE. Some people do better with a spouse and some people do better on their own. Let me tell you why marriage isn't for everyone.

1. Some people don't like sex. Their dislike for sex might come as a result of suffering from a past traumatic experience such as rape or other forms of sexual abuse. Forget counseling. Once a person has been sexually abused especially in childhood, it affects them even in adulthood. Sex abuse survivors struggle to trust others with their bodies and genitals after experiencing sexual abuse. So what should such people do? Go and marry and stay miserable while their spouse traumatizes them further each time the spouse demands for sex? I don't know about you but that is a crappy way to live. Many people don't mind love, hugging and mild kissing but not everyone likes the idea of having to deal with genital secretions like sperm or vaginal fluids. Not everyone wants to have someone disturbing their genitals. Such people can still enjoy intimate relationships without the sex and the sexually transmitted diseases and sometimes unplanned pregnancies that come with marriage.

2. Not everyone can have sex, literally. I know you may not know this but there are some illnesses that make having sex impossible. When you get a chance google the following medical conditions:

A) Vestibulodynia
B) Vaginismus
C) Vulvodynia
D) Peyronie's disease

Let me just stop at the above 4 illnesses. So, patients suffering from any of the above illnesses and can't have sex should do what? Go and kill themselves? I know of someone who suffers from vaginismus. The lady's condition makes having sex excruciatingly painful and practically impossible. The lady, knowing her condition and lacking the necessary funds to seek specialist treatment in Europe or North America has decided to remain single. Has she committed a crime? I know the bloody Nigerian society will judge her for not being married not knowing her case is more complicated than they can ever imagine.

3. People with mental issues. So since you feel everyone should get married, I guess people who are mentally challenged or suffer from a mental disorder should also get married?

4. People with violent tendencies. So, people with violent tendencies should also get married so that they can beat their spouses to a pulp everyday and raise traumatized children? Do you know why domestic violence is so prevalent in the Nigerian society? Because Nigerians are only concerned about forcing every Tom, Donald, Harry and Jane to get married. Nigerians don't care about creating healthy and happy families because if they did, they won't go about expecting every soul to get married.

Let me tell you, there are many lonely married people out there. It is not advisable to expect your spouse to be your cure to loneliness. That is asking too much. If you stay productive by working, helping out by volunteering in your community, being an active member in any of your church's many departments, traveling worldwide and meeting new people, learning a new culture or language, gardening, writing books, taking care of the elderly etc, you can never be lonely. There is so much to do to keep a person busy.

I will never want to depend on just one person, a so-called spouse for sole companionship because human beings can disappoint you at any time. If the person decides to pack up and leave you today because you are too emotionally needy and clingy, what will you do then? It pays to be emotionally independent and stop depending on mere mortals for your happiness. This is why many Nigerian relationships feel like prison. Nigerians demand too much from their spouses!

As for the Nigerian society, screw them! Why should anyone sacrifice their own happiness all to please society? A society that cannot even boast of providing uninterrupted electricity, access to good affordable healthcare, world-class universities, first class infrastructure, decent affordable accommodation and basic amenities to its citizens? I will never bend backward to please any bloody Nigerian society because I have only one life to live.

And stop lying about Americans and Europeans discriminating against single people. I was born in western Europe, grew up there for a while, lived in USA for over 13 years. Never did I witness discrimination based on marital status from any westerner! The discrimination only came from nosy Nigerians who can't seem to mind their own business. The good news however is, when you live overseas, its very easy to avoid Nigerians like the plague that they are and live your life as you see fit. The average American and European under 50 can honestly care less if you are married or not. They are intelligent enough to know not to dictate to other people how they should live their lives.

At the end of the day, let those who wish to marry do so and those who don't want to should be allowed to live their lives as they see fit. Thank God, some of us do not have to live in Nigeria. If the pressure from bloody Nigerian family members become too much, cut them off! Just change your phone number and have your peace. Avoid Nigerians and their toxic meddlesome obnoxious character and live long abroad. Adopt children or have your own, marriage or no marriage. Who cares? After all, my own father who married my mother - the first wife - and 2 other women did nothing for his children. He left the entire parental and financial responsibility for his wives. Is that not selfish? Those of you who cannot even afford to take care of yourselves yet go and marry and bring innocent children you can hardly fend for into this wicked world, are you not selfish? Those of you who have children because you plan to become a burden on your children in old age, are you not selfish? Children should not be born so that they become your retirement package. This is why some people now abandon their aging parents in the village and flee abroad. Una think say una get sense!

Marry if you wish but no son of Adam or daughter of Eve can force anyone into doing anything they are not quite ready for. Let the worse happen!

yeyerolling:
negativity or positvity does not negate reality. Marriage is a combination of good and bad. Abi ur parents marriage was smooth all thru

BluntBoy:


He is just being realistic.

In your post, you made it seem like marriage would answer problems of loneliness and sexual infections when not all marriages answer them. There are lonely people in marriages sometimes and one promiscuous partner may even infect the other partner with STDs.

I get it now. So because people die in motor accidents I wouldn't buy a car or enter any vehicle again. My mother died on the Lagos Ibadan expressway some fifteen years ago and I have plied same road more than 50 times since then. Because some have died in plane crash then I would not travel outside the country for fear of being killed by the Wright brothers' invention. Because gas cooker has killed so many people and burnt down buildings I wouldn't use one in my house. My neighbour was eating fish the other day and he got some bones stuck in his throat, he had to be rush to the hospital and spent 4 days there,he almost lost his life. Guess what he asked his wife to prepare for him after returning from hospital, rice and fish stew.

I like the way you guys think.

Lalasticlala and mynd44 dont you think this post is front page worthy?

.

OP
Marriage doesn't work for everyone but it will surely work for me. if 99% of marriages fail mine will be among the rest 1% .

saasala:


I get it now. So because people die in motor accidents I wouldn't buy a car or enter any vehicle again. My mother died on the Lagos Ibadan expressway some fifteen years ago and I have plied same road more than 50 times since then. Because some have died in plane crash then I would not travel outside the country for fear of being killed by the Wright brothers' invention. Because gas cooker has killed so many people and burnt down buildings I wouldn't use one in my house. My neighbour was eating fish the other day and he got some bones stuck in his throat, he had to be rush to the hospital and spent 4 days there,he almost lost his life. Guess what he asked his wife to prepare for him after returning from hospital, rice and fish stew.

I like the way you guys think.

Lalasticlala and mynd44 dont you think this post is front page worthy?

Your post attempted to give reasons why everyone must marry. You said everyone must marry so as not to end up lonely and we told you that some have married and still ended up lonely which means that marriage does not guarantee a fun life.

I hope you get us now?

saasala:


I get it now. So because people die in motor accidents I wouldn't buy a car or enter any vehicle again. My mother died on the Lagos Ibadan expressway some fifteen years ago and I have plied same road more than 50 times since then. Because some have died in plane crash then I would not travel outside the country for fear of being killed by the Wright brothers' invention. Because gas cooker has killed so many people and burnt down buildings I wouldn't use one in my house. My neighbour was eating fish the other day and he got some bones stuck in his throat, he had to be rush to the hospital and spent 4 days there,he almost lost his life. Guess what he asked his wife to prepare for him after returning from hospital, rice and fish stew.

I like the way you guys think.

Lalasticlala and mynd44 dont you think this post is front page worthy?

lol typical Nigerian shifting the goal post. shebi na u say "MUST" , all those tins u have a choice of doing and not doing it. same goes for marriage its not a must and ur reasons don hold any water

Must?? Oya go force those destined to be single to marry na. Everything na by force for this country

Your first point is invalid. Nature was not designed for us to marry... It is designed for us to procreate. You can have babies without marrying. So, your point holds no water.

This is my first time of reading bull crap.. Op, don't get married because people are getting married, or because you want to fit in the status quo. Look down inside of you, will marriage make you happier? If not, you better not make the most hideous mistake of your life.. If you choose wrongly, be ready to open a new account on NL only to seek for marital advice.. Sometimes, we have to learn to stand alone, to prove to the world that they are wrong. Good luck..

Marriage is not for everyone..

'Lol'
Everyone 'must' abi? OK na. . . maybe someone will come and beat me when I eventually choose not to get married.

ok

con catch me now

Sighs! Rather effort must be put in writing "Why Everybody MUST be economically prpductive".

Nothing op writes up there is convincing.

Just came back from a weddings ceremony and yes yes OP is on point. You can't just beat the appeal to get married.
No man is an island and we must socialize, even secret agents got caught tangled in love with their supposed enemy. Still single and pray to get married to my lady someday.

beautiful summition..truth is,i think the only purpose i'll be getting married would be for procreation..

K