Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

Your decision is childish. A whole fucking year Cuntinue

How long will you wait? You have 4 children between you so divorce really isn't an option here so the question Is simply, how much longer? You need to actively work towards forgiving and trying to forget. Start enjoying life again.

So u think u ar doing ur husband?
He will just be lookin at u like God bless u for d freedom.
ur hole go just dey rust for Africa

Sister, Look ur husband made a mistake and he apologised, it's been a whole year, how about u just forget the whole issue and love your husband again... please let go of the hate and anger..if he's truly remorseful, forgive him.. No marriage is perfect

The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

Biko madam the std you contracted is curable.. Its not like you had Ebola.. Na you go use your hand take spoil your marriage o

The punishment took too long. Why didn't u demand him to do tests,get treated,forgive him,accept him and move forward although the forgiveness part is painful? If u leave him and go for another man,what guarantee do u have that the new man won't be worse? U better take action before it becomes too late.

But where is lalasticlala sef

Next will be to create another thread to cry that your husband has married another wife..

oscallins:
So u think u ar doing ur husband?
He will just be lookin at u like God bless u for d freedom.

She has the wrong people advising her. She's giving her husband exactly what every corrupt man dreams of: a good wife at home and an unhindered sex life outside with his side chick.

Very foolish lady. Thinking u are d only one with pussycat. If no me I no go bother u I go enjoy tire outside and laugh with u at home...

After all u will reach menopause soon. U given birth already so just be watching each other.

desreek9:
please take time to read this, i really need your advice. I am a working mother of four kids(2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; i and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great(we explore diff. styles)and i make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought. How i found out he was cheating I noticed i didnt see my period for two months which is weird, i checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then i noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had std, i was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an hiv test. After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic , it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldnt give any reason because he knows everthing was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i cant risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat. My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he cant chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really dont care since we have separate bedroom. He said he cant leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesnt want the embarassment. Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified? cC; lalasticlala

Just ask him to go for a test to confirm his status and you guys can resume where u stopped. You have to forgive and move on. Jeez one whole year

Married men who sleep with chics outside without protection are just plain dumbos with fish brain....

Quote me if you are one.

Adaumunocha:
Married men who sleep with chics outside without protection are just plain dumbos with fish brain....

Quote me if you are one.

see as the face be like benita27 own.. If she get the power sef she for don fry the husband for groundnut oil.


Abeg o na joke o... Before person write epistle for me

Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

Op your decision is good. Never tolerate a cheating man. How i wish you are in America, you would have easily have him thrown out of the house. Imagine, the useless man is not even remorseful hence he continued to cheat. If he was geniunely repentant he would have endured till now. One year of abstinence is not too much of a sacrifice to make to show that he has truely changed.

Op since he is not ready to change, get yourself a man who is ready to stay faithful to you. Don't throw in the towel unless you see genuine repentance in him, else he Will take his infidelity to a higher level.

Better still, go to court, get a divorce and have the property sold so you can have your own share of the money recovered from the sale.

It's high time ladies stopped taking sh1ts from men but have them lead responsible lives.

dingbang:
see as the face be like ben.ita27 own.. If she get the power sef she for don fry the husband for groundnut oil.


Abeg o na joke o... Before person write epistle for me

Take a second look at yourself, and do the comparison. She looks more like you. Not pun-intended.

Benita27:
Take a second look at yourself, and do the comparison. She looks more like you. Not pun-intended.

e pain am

dingbang:
e pain am

You clearly don't know what would pain me. Do as I said.

Benita27:
You clearly don't know what would pain me. Do as I said.

taaaaaa... Si eba puoo... You too dey form tough chic but one day na one day I go open ya yarnsh for this nairaland wey we dey so.

YOUR DECISION ISN'T "HARSH".
1.Women are not robots. Cheating hurts them. It isn't enough to use condoms, you have to be psychologically prepared to have sex with him.
2. Forgiveness is gradual, it isn't instant.
3. No one should coerce or threaten you into forgiving.
4. Don't make yourself feel bad, he is the cheat.

OP, my problem with your lack of forgiveness is that, it's coming from a place of revenge;
1. You mentioned dual ownership of the house, you haven't let go _'cos you feel you are seated pretty and he can't do anything. Enviable way to sit for a NIGERIAN WIFE.

2. You mentioned he comes home late. Do you feel he isn't remorseful ENOUGH?

Whichever one it is, forgive your husband, he has apologised. Call your husband and tell him your grievances, if he loves you _he'll do things to make the weight easier on you.

He should go for necessary tests. Your good health is more important than the marriage or his libido (harsh but true). You both can also see a professional counsellor to guide you through this. Don't mention it to any unprofessional third party, it should remain a secret.

Op you asked if your decision is justifed and yes it is,
Don't let anybody make you feel bad about your decision, you were the one wronged, not only did he cheat, he also gave you an STD, The decision you took is justified.

Daeylar:


I don't know for op but if I was in the op's shoes, I will be gone, it's bad enough, too bad to cheat, but to cheat so recklessly, not giving a damn about his wife, going raw, infecting his wife and not giving a fuçk at all, he must have known at a point that he had an std, but he didn't say a single thing, continued sleeping around and coming back to sleep with the wife, she had to find out from the doctor, it just doesn't seem like her husband gives a Bleep. It's too bad.


If she doesn't want to leave. The best thing to do is what she is doing right now, at least she can say that she has slept well for the past one year not bothering about STDs or even HIV from her husband. If she was sleeping with him I wonder if she would have that peace of mind.


Wish the op good luck in whatever she wants to do concerning this marriage. She is wearing the shoe, she knows where it's pinching her, let her do what she considers best for her (this is the most important part). I wish her well.

Forgive him and move on. Woman, save your marriage.

If u like stay for a decade without sex. It's non of our business. The dude is still enjoying himself outside while u are complaining

dingbang:
taaaaaa... Si eba puoo... You too dey form tough chic but one day na one day I go open ya yarnsh for this nairaland wey we dey so.

As I never fùck any Nlander yet, there's nothing to be scared of. Save your threats for that day.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

She is already preaching divorce. We know your type.

Simply divorce him. Dis one no be marriage again. Ur pics even dey ur profile. Ur husband go soon see dis

Benita27:
As I never fùck any Nlander yet, there's nothing to be scared of. Save your threats for that day.

wait...who is talking about fvck...


Cleanse your thoughts Benita

desreek9:
please take time to read this, i really need your advice. I am a working mother of four kids(2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; i and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great(we explore diff. styles)and i make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought. How i found out he was cheating I noticed i didnt see my period for two months which is weird, i checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then i noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had std, i was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an hiv test. After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic , it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldnt give any reason because he knows everthing was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i cant risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat. My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he cant chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really dont care since we have separate bedroom. He said he cant leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesnt want the embarassment. Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified? cC; lalasticlala

U ran a test and SOMEONE told you STD, and the next thing you thought was how to get your husband Killed.

..and you think every burning Sensation you feel when you wee is associated with STD...
When I hear of what LADIES nurse in their mind, I weep.

What's wrong with you ladies especially when it comes to DOCILITY, GULLIBILITY and Jumping into conclusion...?
Please, there are several Micro organisms that can cause such symptoms when they inhabit the vaginal mileu.....although they are never categorized under STD.
Have you verified your HYGIENE....??
How has it been over time...??
Do you wear Nylon pants or undies....??
I have come across so many Ladies who don't really know how to wipe after urinating...??

different style, hmmmm,as if you are making porn.

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

I hate when people are unreasonable and unrealistic,it burns my blood. So,our moral decadence has gotten to this level where everyone believes it's right for the husband to cheat and for the wife to just forgive. This generation has failed in marital issues already.