dingbang:
Biko madam the std you contracted is curable.. Its not like you had Ebola.. Na you go use your hand take spoil your marriage o

u talk like an Igbo man

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Forgive your husband please...

Look how they've ganged up against the poor woman. I'm sure their opinions would have been different if it waa the reverse.
The husband messed up, has he tried to fix things?
He comes home late, why? Drinking, having fun?

ireneidiva:

If his people get to know that he sleeps around, got std and died, what will happen?

Will you throw the water and baby in the bath because the baby popped inside? Just asking.

dingbang:
but as a matured man he has begged for forgiveness which is normal. To err is human.. She is acting childish.. To forgive is divine.

Will u forgive ur wife if she gives u std?? Easier said than done o. I've been married for 12years. I don't know how I would react if my spouse should pull shìt like this.

this is one of the numerous issues couples face in marriages, marriage is not a bed of roses as small people might think. there are challenges, problems and even pains. it is how we face them that will either make or mar our marriage

your husband cheated and even gave u an STD, that is very shameful, sinful and something worth getting mad over.but he has acknowledged he sinned against you and God, and has gone further to beg for forgiveness...

why not forgive him for the sake of love, God ,the children and even for ur self. this is a year and counting,..wow!..i wonder how u manage in ur home, looking at him and pretending all is well. if u dnt intend to forgive him why not divorce him and put urself and him out of that miserable union.

people go through worst and are still together, what message are you passing to your children...are u saying God shouldnt forgive u also wen u err?..do u even love him?..how about your peace of mind??..if something can be fixed why not fix it?..

am sorry for the long epistle, i dont like seeing marriages crash..

pcguru1:
The hypocrisy is strong here, if it were the other way round I'd be hearing divorce.

Don't mind these hypocrites, the majority are not always right. The just left the man completely and focused on the woman. If the op was a man that reported his wife, I'm sure the same people saying all these gibberish would have rained thunder and lightning and even curse the woman.
So minds here are warped with shit.

MissJoy29:

You call a married man who isn't remorseful that he infected his wife who gave him 4 kids STDS and who still probably sleeps with his numerous chicks outside "balling?" Seriously!!!! . How did this generation of men get to this point of selfishness & despicable sense of reasoning? And you are even asking whose loss that is...Let me answer you that. If the woman dies from heartache or high blood pressure or one of the deadly diseases the man might be carrying around, do you think that shameless man can take care of those lovely kids? The woman knows this so....it's better to be safe than sorry.

@ she will come begging & the man will deal with her. If you were the OP's husband & you have this mentality after everything you have done to her, then you are wicked & hopelessly irredeemable. So, after infecting her & not taking steps to treat your mess, you will still deal with her? Do you seriously think you can take this easy advice of yours if your wife infects you with STD and still has this sense of entitlement that you must forgive her immediately and continue the way things were otherwise she will "deal" with you?

Please note, that the man owned up doesn't mean he's sober and remorseful. Remember the man ONLY confessed when she confronted him with her test result. She even asked him just few seconds before then & he denied. The randy man is not sorry he cheated. He's only sorry HE HAS BEEN FOUND OUT! So, just because the wife found out is not enough to keep him from continuing to cheat. And that's what the wife knows.

PS: I like real men who own up to their mistakes no matter how hard it sounds. I keep telling people that my problem is not with cheating. My problem is the lies behind the cheating (the lies before, during and after). That's what will determine your fate with me

Am not here to pander to singles who feel marriage is a kiddies playground. Marital couples go through a lot of shit and this isn't the worst case scenario.

If my wife should infect me with an SD and confesses, certainly I will be pissed and have two options to play with which are: Leave that marriage or learn to forgive her. But staying put in that marriage without conjugal bliss is complete nonsense. Why punish the other party that way. Where do you feel she will be getting her satisfaction from.

What happens to insisting on using condoms with him to drive home the point he is a cheating scum and you haven't trusted him yet. What if the husband plays a counter game by accusing the wife of cheating cos 1 year is too much a gap.

The OP is allowing stupidity take over her and she will lose out if she is still interested in the marriage. There are no two ways. You either ship out or work it out.

The husband is there bidding his time and until he strikes she won't see it coming.

The husband is there having a swell time while she is at home mastubating her life away.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

Do u have a home or should I say are I married? how can u advice such . anyway as much as i dont like interfering in marriage issue my advice to u is that u call ur husband and tell him how deeply u are disappointed and how sorry u are for ur dicision and that u want a perfect home. i bliv he can change for good .be more sexy and attractive .
one year is just way too much or are u having ur somewhere else and as for the house even if its a 10 storey bui’ding was that the reason u got married in the forst place? settle the issue or walk away finally afterall the guy is sti’l good cos from ur explanation he still pay the bills and feed u all’ mayb he cant resist the temptation afterall he is only human.

pcguru1:
The hypocrisy is strong here, if it were the other way round I'd be hearing divorce.

LOL. Women are suffering o...
I dey imagine if this thread were by a man

pocohantas:



LOL. Women are suffering o...
I dey imagine if this thread were by a man

yes woman cant have more than one man if i need to remind u if she desire more than one then she stay off marriage moreover if the sex is important and the one u have is not good enough for her she walk away. as for men ...... king solomon is a good example.

f*k the guy is a good guy he never denied and still does his marriage duties for one year off radar

donkaz2:


yes woman cant have more than one man if i need to remind u if she desire more than one then she stay off marriage moreover if the sex is important and the one u have is not good enough for her she walk away. as for men ...... king solomon is a good example.

f*k the guy is a good guy he never denied and still does his marriage duties for one year off radar

Women can't have more than one man legally? Do I need to remind you that some of them, have more than one man...illegally

No, she won't stay off marriage.
So many of them are married and running their shows. Fortunately, they are hardly ever caught. Smart women if you ask me

Easier said than done...


Children of anger are insulting this woman because they believe men are free to cheat & be forgiven but forget that they had a vow on the altar to love one another & not hurt one another.

Computer age children that are still sagging self,,,they give advice smh...

Madam I would have told u to cook for him with your menstration,but because I serve a living God don't do it instead call him sit him down & discuss everything with him I believe he will change for good.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

.
Nice submission. Let me just add this. If you want this marriage (which I guess you do), forgive him. Let him get the needed tests and treatment and also ensure both of you do routine comprehensive medical check up, let say quarterly (bill to be handle by him, if it cheap to cheat, tell him this is part of the cost). Then when he has been medically certified ok, allow him please and continue your lives. Every marriage will have one issue or the other. Just call him and lay the condition before him. Pray for him too. People here will ask why. But please pray for him that he will will not allow the devil to truncate his future and send him on journey of no return for something he can get at home any time any day. Some people dont want to cheat because they know how great a gift they have at home, but some daughter of EVe will not allow you to rest. No matter how good a man is, he cannot f*ck every pussy he crushes on and when he realise a hole is a hole and nothing but a hole, he will stop wasting time and money looking for what is not lost. If you are reading this please, the most expensive f*ck should be with your spouse. Don't settle for anything less. You have permission to explore and experiment to your satisfaction. Nothing give comfort when you know you are drinking from your very own well. Whatever comes out of it should satisfy you.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

30billion likes

Hmmmmm it was a right decission but ??

UjuJoan2:
I think people are missing the point here. . . . It's not just about the cheating, it's the gross betrayal! They had a great relationship and exciting sex life and yet the man still decided to cheat. Not just cheat, cheat without protection!

What kind of sick, weak and irresponsible man does that

If he's running around doing women without protection, who knows how many ladies he would have impregnated by now. Oh and HIV is definitely looming him his near future. But I guess all that doesn't matter, she has the glorified position of a wife and should not dare raise any objections to his wayward lifestyle.

Forget the physical and emotional trauma she had to go through a year ago.

I personally think OP is doing the right thing. Does it ever occur to you guys that this is exactly what she wants? Who says she has to get a divorce? They have a cordial relationship so why ruin that. Let him continue with his cheating ways while she preserves her own life and health. . . It's a win win for everyone.

If it were me, I'd do exactly the same thing. And I'll also cheat. I'll find someone he knows and sleep with him just for the fun of it. No need to be celibate for life just because of a man who is out there having fun.

My sister, you were right up to that point where you said you'd sleep with someone he knows just for the sake of it. If you are capable of doing this in real life, then I conclude you as a person with very brittle self-esteem.

The only options are to forgive or divorce. Every other stuff na wash. Your reputation gets on the line if you sleep around just to spite him, and your children are seriously going to bear the brunt.

Conclusion: Women, get busy. Hustle as the men are hustling. Chase your goal determinedly. Get financially independent. That way, you won't really worry about the future when your partner starts misbehaving. I for one person cannot cheat on a person I really love, even if another girl tempts me with her kitten wet and wide open. Anything I have, I'm contented with it. This explains why I would not forgive if my girl does not abide by the same standard. I would break up with you on the spot.

Firstly I think your initial action was very excellent:
Not having sex with him anymore &
Treating yourself

A part of the story that is not clear is you sounded much like you never noticed any sign of infidelity until this incident (this is one of the areas that bothers me but i am left to make assumptions on that area and assuming you have been 100% faithful to him). This means you are both not 100% accountable for each other and the strength of your LOVE as a couple is questionable. If he genuinely loves you, he will be fully accountable and cannot freely sleep with someone else without his conscience pricking him (something must have gone wrong somewhere IF he has never always been like this). Its almost certain he has continued with his infidelity more because of your decision which is to protect you (on the flip side, its damaging your marriage further).

But going forward, there are basically 2 options:
staying in that marriage or Divorce (staying under same roof and not having sex with him is definitely not an option, this is just deteriorating the already distressed marriage situation)

You need to look at the +ves and -ves of either leaving or making that marriage work (remember your decision should not be about yourself alone because you have 4 wonderful children together).

Though your thoughts will have a lot if If's which is on probability but some things are almost certain:
Your explanation only picks your husband's infidelity as his fault (he is probably great in other areas)
Every man/woman you see have serious issues which they are struggling with (are you willing to risk meeting another man with a lot of unanswered questions. You lived with your present husband for 5years only to discover this now).
Are you ready to settle as a single Mum for the rest of your life? critically analyze the challenges of a single Mum before choosing this option.

If you decide to make the marriage work, please consider the following:
You need to psychologically be prepared to love him again and erase some mindsets: like you mentioned ''you both own the house and the land was bought in your name'' so he cannot push you out, ''he comes home late & you don't care'').

You have to learn to start seeing him again as your husband & father of your wonderful children.

You must genuinely confirm to yourself that he is remorseful, get him to test & treat himself and you need some serious background checks on his hidden identities (since it took you 5years to know he cheated & if not for this STD, you may never have known which is dangerous for you). if you would be matured enough to handle it, i would have said you should ask him to know who he slept with.
Also, if you are a christian please get closer to God and talk to Him. seek His face and counsel in all you do (times are not easy to live by your own understanding alone).
Please visit a good counselor and do not discuss this with people, even your family.

YelloweWest:

Will u forgive ur wife if she gives u std?? Easier said than done o. I've been married for 12years. I don't know how I would react if my spouse should pull shìt like this.

You have been married for 12yr and still common sense is lacking from your brains. I thought the longer u stayed in marriage, the more experiance u will become....but urs is absolutely a different story. Why are some women so wired and talks without reasoning, and this particular fellow should know that is not everyone that has a stone heart as her's.. ( 12yr and u dont know how u would react if it happen to be your husband), it means u have been living with that poor fellow in absolute discomfort. I piety ur husband and i peity women with this kind of silly mind set like the OPs and urs.... Marriage is all about endurance, love and forgiveness. Don't cheat because ur spouse is cheating, rather u find an amicable way to solve ur problem.
Make peace with him or u divorce him, u guys should stop pretending .... Marriage is never a do or die affairs.

You have the proven your point, now get back to being the submissive wife in the bedroom. You can't deny him sex for a whole year and still believe he would be emotionally satisfied. Pls don't listen to those crap from those telling you to divorce him

pocohantas:



LOL. Women are suffering o...
I dey imagine if this thread were by a man

I've let things be, have come to realize that most of the silly statements are from teenagers.

The only thing I see here is an unrepentant husband and stubborn wife.
So all this while, you guys haven't thought of reconciling_ u say u really don't care,likewise your husband...

Plz fix ur home
The kids are watching

lxvi8xii:
For other posters blaming her, cheating is not ordinary cheating. It's shows following.
Lack of self respect
Lack of spousal respect
Lack of respect for your children
Loss of loyalty and trust
Betrayal
More than 2 people has now become 1
Illegal cos it's a breach in contract.
No fear of God
Stress trying to maintain to secrecy
Loss of finance
Waste of time (get a hobby and spend time with kids)
Reduced longevity

People the time you use to chase after side chick and side boys use it and invest in yourself.
Learn craft,
Learn new language
Make more money,
Visit countries and travel,
Enjoy this blessed earth God has given us.
Spend time with kids, siblings even parents
Visit orphanages
Play games and sports
Learn a skill

There is too much to get out of life that it's even a sin to me not to.

Why spend 5 mind chasing skirts and young blood that isn't happiness.

Intimacy with anybody? Don't u guys get irritated?

I find it hard to believe that I read the last sentence from a guy.....it's actually beautiful coming from one.
Nice one

EVILFOREST:

Her HUSBAND may have accepted under duress from his wife, just to allow peace reign.
How are you sure the MAN gave it to her....?
It could also be possible the lady got it from another infected partner..?
She may also be sleeping around..
I have encountered cases, where LADIES claim it was their husbands that gave them HIV....but on convincing such men to donate blood to their babies, we ran tests and discovered that they were completely SERO-NEGATIVE. Many came crying that we shouldn't disclose such to their husbands.
However we counseled them to let them know.

LADIES can lie....
The worst is that they shed tears when Lying.
I have encountered several of them.

U may be shocked she just has an ordinary vaginal thrush, which she may have contracted from poor personal hygiene.
And since her HUSBAND cheats, he doesn't have any excuse than to accept.
Don't be surprised the other Lady may be neater than the man's wife.
I'm sorry,
I'm a scientist...
I don't just conclude...

accepted to cheating under duress? are you kidding me? So the woman na naija police in torturing mode? lwkmd!

Adaumunocha:
Just ask him to go for a test to confirm his status and you guys can resume where u stopped. You have to forgive and move on. Jeez one whole year

The most reasonable and matured advice on this thread. Ma'am pls listen to this advice. One year no be beans.

YelloweWest:

Will u forgive ur wife if she gives u std?? Easier said than done o. I've been married for 12years. I don't know how I would react if my spouse should pull shìt like this.

So you are an agent of divorce and assunder abi... No be me wey you go find partner in crime.

If you can look the other way and him you both go for a test today and 3 months later. Within that 3 months, it should be his time to soul search and ask him self if the risk is worth it, his kids, his wife, during that abstinence, he better keep his shit together. if the final tests come out negative. let him know if he wants the love life he should always remember what's at stake, remind this punkass that you are doing this because you love him (though you have also calculated na you get land, and house things...bla bla bla) and you miss him being a complete husband, but the risk of him not being straight with you. Except you married a devil, he will be the one asking for you gets to be tested regularly to earn your trust and act accordingly.

Dear Married men, even if you are going to cheat on your wife, at least where a condom, wear 2 sef for those of you that got big blokus issue. consider your wife and kids (if you got), i know hitting it raw is just something else from experience, mistakes bla bla bla, also going to the hospital and waiting on a test result. You are almost running mad as to what the outcome is, how will you tell your kids, your wife, family, wondering if the village people have succeeded in your case......those are the things that should make you wear a CONDOM, and if it breaks, avoid your wife and get tested and make sure everything is in order before you get all sexual. one week avoidance isn't that bad to get a test and for the aids one, you can form back pain, that you need be taking traditional agbo to help with that, it will take 4months ( you handle the scoping). in that period you buy correct sorboton jedi jedi or if you are the buttey type, you can buy wellman, to be cleansing your system and exercising, whilst praying your test 3 months later is negative. 3 months later, result is back as negative snd make sure you do the sign of the cross to thank baba God, you told your wife 4 months, so imagine 3 months of excising and system on point, when you knack your wife the preek, she will go to church and give thanks giving, and not press you if she a good wife because you considered them first even if your actions are wrong. but try and try as much as possible wear a condom. You don't bring shit home, give her that respect and she does to you.

and to those that will read this and think it's why your hubby gave 3 months break, so he cheated, ode think again, he must have gone for preek enlargement, or work on his stroke game or 2 mins cumming thingy or when he wants some that's when you will have pain somewhere because he didn't give you money for school fees or soup money, just calm down.....

to OP i still believe you will make the best decision that benefits you and your kids......and it starts with what do you really want?

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Hmmmm madam..that is hash..intact a relationship is built on love... What is love...should be ur question...I wonder why u married him knowing fully well you can't forgive him when he commits the worse sin...
I tell u di..u don't love him enough...

Joy1706:

What is wrong with what he posted? Isn't it the truth?

It is the misleading truth.

@Op, I really understand how you feel.I know you are hurt, angry and disappointed that hubby could cheat on you. Thank God he didn't give you HIV, please sit down and ask yourself if you still want the marriage. If you do, then living like this will do both of you no good.
Call hubby, sit down with him and discuss the future of the marriage.let him go for tests and you guys can start picking up the pieces afresh. If you don't want the marriage anymore then do the needful and leave cos this action is subjecting both of u to emotional trauma.

Royal155:
Next will be to create another thread to cry that your husband has married another wife..

Hey, come back here.

Where u dey go?