This lines were 'kidnapped' from Shortgun it is deep...
Three things my father warned me about when I was just 13.
1. Never underestimate anybody.
2. Never sleep with another man's wife.
3. Never deny anyone his/her legitimate due.
he said going against any of the 3 will make life unbearably terrible.

.

I came across some jokes from Krystal. I will be kidnapping some. Krystal.... Permission to fire on?
I kept two cubes of sugar on the table. One smart Ant came...saw it,was all over the sugar licking it and was so excited. And left! I know it has gone to tell other Ants about the sugar. So I'm going to hide the sugar and clean that place, so that when they all come... They'll beat him up and think he's a liar! LOL. Am I wicked

Daughter: Daddy, I want to go and collect my notebook from my classmate.
Father: My friend, Go and sit down! That's what your mother used to tell her father when she wanted to visit me.

# NAIJA POLICE BE LIKE
Oga why are you walking on the road with singlet in this cold weather You want cold to enter your body so you can go and look for somebody's daughter to rape abi??
You are under arrest for attempting rape in advance my friend enter motor.......remember any word you say here will be used against you in the court...

Wahala - dey oooo
If your man is cheating on you......don't argue with him my sister because you will not win..Save your self from High blood pressure....Just change all the names of the girls on his phone.....do not delete the numbers... Mix them...... replace Natasha with Lisa...Nikki with Grace....so on and on.........wait the moment he's gonna call or sms them one by one......Make your self a cup of coffie and relax.. you'll thank me later.

Finally your boyfriend accept that you have stretch marks and tries to be romantic, and be like "come here you sexy zebra"

Am laughing because Here for naija there is nothing as painful as seeing light in ur neighborhood while u dont have in ur compound So once nepa takes the light U will smile with satisfaction

"I was in a Taxi typing a message to my friend and I realized the dude next to me was reading everything I was typing.
I then change my mind and wrote:
"Dear Sangoma,the Snake you gave me is giving me a problem now,it wants to get out of the Bag.so I am afraid it will bite the guy sitting next to me.Suddenly,the guy shouted..."Driver! Driver Please Stop!

okikiosibodu:
# NAIJA POLICE BE LIKE
Oga why are you walking on the road with singlet in this cold weather You want cold to enter your body so you can go and look for somebody's daughter to rape abi??
You are under arrest for attempting rape in advance my friend enter motor.......remember any word you say here will be used against you in the court...

LOL

```My boss thinks that I am a fool,he sent me to buy 2kg of sugar but I only found 1kg so I didn't buy it but came back to tell him that they only have 1kg. Very pissed he asked why I never used my brain and that I should have bought two of 1kg to make 2kg.

So today he sent me to buy slippers size 6 but I only found size 3, so this time I used my brain and bought 2pairs of size 3 to make 6 and took it to him. Anyway,he instructed me to wait outside,I can see him typing I guess it must be a promotion letter .```

Sense will not kill me

I almost got into trouble at the library today cos I stumbled on this thread when I got bored and ur jokes got me laughing uncontrollably

Sugar97:


I almost got into trouble at the library today cos I stumbled on this thread when I got bored and ur jokes got me laughing uncontrollably

Thank you for your encouraging words, you have my respect

That ugly moment when your girlfriend throws you on the bed, trying to be sexy, but you hit your head on the bedstead and die...
Hell fire straight....

The Way A Nigerian mum Sends Someone On An Errand will leave U confused!
MY MUM : Go and buy me bathing Soap. If Lux is N70 buy it, but if there is no Lux, buy Joy soap. If there is Lux, but they are selling it at N80 and Joy soap at N70, buy Joy soap. But if Joy and Lux are both at N80 each, buy Lux soap. If the two soaps are not available, buy anyone good that is N70.
ME: Sorry Mum, what did you send me to buy?

Corruption is when you fart and you still join others to look out for who farted. My brother God will judge you..

You call me with a private number and expect me to speak first? We will do breathing competition till your airtime finish..

I Went for a Night Prayer at One Church..
So in the Midst of the Prayer Session,a Member of the Church touched my Shoulder and said,"You Will Walk!"
I didn't understand because I don't have any Disability on me!
When I got out of Church. I noticed that my Transport Money has been stolen!!

okikiosibodu:
The Way A Nigerian mum Sends Someone On An Errand will leave U confused!
MY MUM : Go and buy me bathing Soap. If Lux is N70 buy it, but if there is no Lux, buy Joy soap. If there is Lux, but they are selling it at N80 and Joy soap at N70, buy Joy soap. But if Joy and Lux are both at N80 each, buy Lux soap. If the two soaps are not available, buy anyone good that is N70.
ME: Sorry Mum, what did you send me to buy?

So funny and kinda true ..... you will now be like which one did you say I should buy?

https://africanentertainment.info/articlepurpose-precedes-marriage/
PURPOSE PRECEDES MARRIAGE.
THIS ARTICLE IS LONG BUT IT WORTH READING TO THE END ESPECIALLY TO YOUTHS......
"In you I find more than what I seek for in a woman. I wish to have a sister like you close to me for the rest of my life. You are godly and Godfearing, beautiful and wonderful. I will only be a liar and a pretender if I look away from you. Will you please be my wife?" He finally landed. The garden was very peaceful and colourful that afternoon, as Michael and Oluchi took a walk round the flowers. Her heart melted when those words landed on her ears, and of course she could not say a word at that moment. When she finally spoke, "I will think and pray about it," was her reply.
.
She got home that day, knelt down and she prayed. "Lord, is he the one? Is this your will for my life? Lord please open my ears to hear you, give me your word as usual. Speak to me in the language I will understand, Lord." This she continued day and night. Her heart was drawing closer to him. Yes, he was handsome, committed and spiritual, but those qualities does not take the lead when it comes to knowing the will of God. One has to seek God's face in the place of prayer and in the study of His word, to know His mind.
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"Lord, what is your mind?" She continued her request. The more she prayed, the more it appeared as if God is saying yes, but God has not yet spoken. One night she laid on her bed to catch some sleep, and then she had this dream of herself and the brother walking down to the altar. This was not from God, it was only a thought inspired dream. When she woke up, she gave no attention to the dream, she already knew that her heart desired him, and that dreams could come from one's desire, thought or imagination. This made her to pray the more, and then God gave His reply. As she was meditating one evening on the word of God, she slept off, but quietly, the Holy Spirit woke her up by dropping a scripture in her mind. When she opened and read the scripture, she was cold. "Not everyone who say to me 'Lord, Lord', we enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father which is in heaven." Matthew 7:21.
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She didn't need any other interpretation, she already understood what God was saying to her concerning him from that scripture. But as a wise sister, she met a matured Christian sister who was overseeing her life and explained everything to her. When this other sister prayed, she heard God speak to her about the brother in question having no vision. This was a confirmation from God that the brother was out of His will for her.
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Hmm! so lack of vision could make someone not to be approved by God for marriage. This brother was spiritual and committed, yet God saw an empty future in him. Probably he has been so occupied with religious activities, but never care about what heaven is saying concerning his life.
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Excuse bro! Are you like him? Many of our brothers in their early or late 30s, even 40s, are praying down fire for life partner, but they have no vision in life. Are you one of them? Please what is your purpose for living? Where are you heading to in life? You desire a sister like Oluchi, but do you even pray like her to get instructions from God for your life? What will be your position in that marriage if God should give you such a sister? Won't you quench her fire and passion for God and then turn her into a full house wife? Think about it you who is looking for a wife. Have you discovered the reason why you needed help in your life? Have you yet seen your areas of weakness where she can fit in? Why were you born a male? Have you discovered that fact? Do you yet understand the responsibility of the man in the home? Listen! You may be clustered with spiritual activities like brother Micheal, and committed in so many things in your church, but yet, God is seeing a man scattered inside of you. A man without clear direction in life.
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And to you my dear sister, how do you go about this issue of choosing a life partner? Is it just his spirituality you are looking at? The way he leads worship and prays? The way he handles Sunday school, preaches or play instruments? Perhaps, his fat salary, expensive car and his outfit? Don't be tempted by looking at those things. Yes, they are nice and wonderful, but what is God saying concerning him? What future are you seeing in his life? What purpose of God is he fulfilling that you will have to be a help to him? Think about it, and don't think God is in support when you have not been able to settle these questions.
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Are you already making a mistake? Why the rush when you can retrace your step and seek His face? A broken courtship, even at the point of marriage, is still better than a broken marriage.
Read Full article via the link below
https://africanentertainment.info/articlepurpose-precedes-marriage/

Please if you know anyone that wants to sell a Lexus Jeep 2010 or Toyota Venza on this fateful Black Friday for 20k, please let me know. I want to buy .

Some of you guys Here are like Mugabe, ever since this forum was created, u have over stayed as Mods n refusing to hand over power
#NaJokeIDeyO

okikiosibodu:
Am laughing because Here for naija there is nothing as painful as seeing light in ur neighborhood while u dont have in ur compound So once nepa takes the light U will smile with satisfaction

Na so

Am I the only one that sings "30 days hath september" to confirm if a month has 30 or 31days?

okikiosibodu:
Am I the only one that sings "30 days hath september" to confirm if a month has 30 or 31days?

No, you are not the only one.
.... sometimes when one is a bit confused about which is which, you just sing it silently

Shervydman, I guess you don't sing it, you na effikko na.

okikiosibodu:
Am I the only one that sings "30 days hath september" to confirm if a month has 30 or 31days?

Certainly not

vivie01:


No, you are not the only one.
.... sometimes when one is a bit confused about which is which, you just sing it silently

Sherv.ydman, I guess you don't sing it, you na effikko na.

I dey recite am silently na, who be effikko?? me dey follow u for back na.

Good day friends, I found this in my Grandmama’s rooom......pls should I blow whistle?

shervydman:

I dey recite am silently na, who be effikko?? me dey follow u for back na.

Someone is not saying the truth here ....

vivie01:

Someone is not saying the truth here ....

That's the op .

shervydman:

That's the op .

okikiosibodu:
I was invited to a wedding reception. When I reached the hotel, I found two doors with these inscriptions written on them:
1. bride relatives
2. Groom relatives
I entered the one written bride relatives and found another two more doors written:
1. Ladies
2. Men
I went in through the one specifying my gender, only to find two more doors again with:
1. people with gifts
2. people without gift
I went through the one written "people without gifts" and found myself outside the hotel through the back door.
At the exit it was written:
"So in this time of recession you want to just come, eat and drink without any gift? No Way!

Laugh out loud at this

Shervydman, come and learn a lesson here ooo 'cos na wetin me and orgzeyn go do for you and invited guests be that oo