How lovely look the twins
We call ‘Day’ and ‘Night’!
So identical, only that
One is dark, the other light.

They don’t quarrel, they don’t fight
Always in harmony,
They never fail to be at work
Though not for money .

Such a constant, enduring pair
Never late for duty;
When you look at each of them
You see a unique beauty.

While they work they keep silent
Perhaps they lack a tongue
And as all human beings get old
They are ever young!
M. A.
19.11.2017

Wish me happy birthday all nairalanders for today my birthday...


Good write up

Click like for a successful year for you and I.

Excellent

I have read this your piece more than 10 times. Despite it is written in line and stanza it seem more like an essay than poetry putting in mind that in poetry ideas and words are used in a manner that is suggestive. Too much surface meaning when compared with metaphorical meaning. In line 2 of the poem, one would have expected you to use an object or idea to symbolically represent "Day" and "Night"
The last stanza is cool but in the preceding stanza one would have expected more use of 'Use of contrast'. While making use of contrast you could be more favourably disposed to either Day or Night that has being symbolically represented.
The above is my critique of your work and this criticism is NOT meant to 'bad mouth' your piece but to pass judgement on it in a manner that is objective. Wouldn't be a bad idea should you decide to rewrite the piece i sincerely look forward to more of your works. I title of your piece got my attention
Recommendation: I will recommend you read Adeoti Gbemisola poem titled "N.a.k.e.d Sole" although his poem and yours are on different subject matter you could learn alot from the poem and on the "Use of Contrast" i made mention of earlier you could read Gabriel Okra poem titled "Piano and Drums" .

this is deep, nice work there, keep it up dear. But what are the criteria for front page?

But they do quarrel, during eclipse?
Darkness and night coming together?
Crappy poem !
Leave it for the wole Soyinka's
Men who wrote things that had meaning!
SMH

castrol180:
this is deep, nice work there, keep it up dear. But what are the criteria for front page?

Thank you dear for your encouragement.

Threebear:
But they do quarrel, during eclipse?
Darkness and night coming together?
Crappy poem !
Leave it for the wole Soyinka's
Men who wrote things that had meaning!
SMH

Thank you for taking your time to point at those areas. That should help for improvement. Even the great poets like Keats and Coleridge improved with time and practice. Thank you once again.

amnesty7:

Thank you for taking your time to point at those areas. That should help for improvement. Even the best poets like Keats and Coleridge improved with time and practice. Thank you once again.

You'd be doing yourself a disservice minding me.
You're very talented. The poem is great. I especially love the last stanzas.
Just hassling you, don't take it to heart. I'm usually mean.

Threebear:
You'd be doing yourself a disservice minding me. You're very talented. The poem is great. I especially love the last stanzas. Just hassling you, don't take it to heart. I'm usually mean.

Thank you. I appreciate.

Nice one br0 Amnesty7

amnesty7:

How lovely look the twins
We call ‘Day’ and ‘Night’!
So identical, only that
One is dark, the other light.

They don’t quarrel, they don’t fight
Always in harmony,
They never fail to be at work
Though not for money .

Such a constant, enduring pair
Never late for duty;
When you look at each of them
You see a unique beauty.

While they work they keep silent
Perhaps they lack a tongue
And as all human beings get old
They are ever young!
M. A.
19.11.2017

aside quatrain, which form did you intend the poem to take?. Judging from the way it's arranged when I quoted it.

It's a nice poem. Well done.

OP, I like the fact that your poem is an attempt to characterize the concept of Day and Night.
I'd like to ask though:
What specific attributes of Day and Night made you refer to them as "twins" ?
Is your poem a comparison of Day and Night as 'twin' to the human twin?
Nice effort by the way.

candyguyofficia:
I have read this your piece more than 10 times. Despite it is written in line and stanza it seem more like an essay than poetry putting in mind that in poetry ideas and words are used in a manner that is suggestive. Too much surface meaning when compared with metaphorical meaning. In line 2 of the poem, one would have expected you to use an object or idea to symbolically represent "Day" and "Night"
The last stanza is cool but in the preceding stanza one would have expected more use of 'Use of contrast'. While making use of contrast you could be more favourably disposed to either Day or Night that has being symbolically represented.
The above is my critique of your work and this criticism is NOT meant to 'bad mouth' your piece but to pass judgement on it in a manner that is objective. Wouldn't be a bad idea should you decide to rewrite the piece i sincerely look forward to more of your works. I title of your piece got my attention
Recommendation: I will recommend you read Adeoti Gbemisola poem titled "N.a.k.e.d Sole" although his poem and yours are on different subject matter you could learn alot from the poem and on the "Use of Contrast" i made mention of earlier you could read Gabriel Okra poem titled "Piano and Drums" .

What a constructive, lengthy review! I really appreciate your corrections and suggestions and will look for the recommended poems. I can show you more of my little efforts, privately. I will contact you via your registered email here. Thank you.

Interesting...

Anyone ever wondered why night falls and day breaks?

Beautiful

Thanking the poet for accepting correction and Nairalanders for the constructive critism #i don't know it all but certainly we fly by crawling first.

Threebear:
But they do quarrel, during eclipse?
Darkness and night coming together?
Crappy poem !
Leave it for the wole Soyinka's
Men who wrote things that had meaning!
SMH

wole start from somewhere with this ur comment discouraged young writer if wole show the poems he wrote dat don't make sense

AHCB:
aside quatrain, which form did you intend the poem to take?. Judging from the way it's arranged when I quoted it.

It's a nice poem. Well done.

Thank you. That was exactly how I composed and arranged it as a quatrain.

naijacartoon:
Thanking the poet for accepting correction and Nairalanders for the constructive critism #i don't know it all but certainly we fly by crawling first.

You are very kind. We thank you too. I appreciate all the reviews and encouragements.

amnesty7:

Thank you. That was exactly how I composed and arranged it as a quatrain.

Alright. You should learn and explore other form/structure of poetry.

Nice..

What do you guys think about this?

AHCB:
Alright. You should learn and explore other form/structure of poetry.

I will. Thanks a lot.

amnesty7:

I will. Thanks a lot.

you're welcome.

Please search the forum before creating a new thread on Nairaland.

.

amnesty7:

What a constructive, lengthy review! I really appreciate your corrections and suggestions and will look for the recommended poems. I can show you more of my little efforts, privately. I will contact you via your registered email here. Thank you.

It would be my pleasure although the mail attached to my NL is flooded once I get your mail I will send you an alternate mail id. The poem I made mentioned of was actually censored by NL it's actually"N@ked Sole" by Gbemisola not Unclothed Sole

candyguyofficia:

It would be my pleasure although the mail attached to my NL is flooded once I get your mail I will send you an alternate mail id. The poem I made mentioned of was actually censored by NL it's actually"N@ked Sole" by Gbemisola not Unclothed Sole

You may check the mail. Thank you.

ever young