The issue with all this borderline rape cases is that when the other party claims it is consensual how do you validate your claims to rape when you have not been wise in all your decisions prior the incident. We may want to say questions like why did you sleep over, why did you allow cuddling, why did you allow head, why did nt you scream, why didn't you break his head are irrelevant but they are very relevant when you have a case to prove in court. The court will not just take it as rape because you said it is so. they will review all the facts to prove it was really non consensual. So everyone needs to be wise and not put themselves in an inappropriate situation!

Thanks to El Nathan, OP and the mods who pushed this to FP.

Ignorance of the law is not an excuse.

tunjilana:
The issue with all this borderline rape cases is that when the other party claims it is consensual how do you validate your claims to rape when you have not been wise in all your decisions prior the incident. We may want to say questions like why did you sleep over, why did you allow cuddling, why did you allow head, why did nt you scream, why didn't you break his head are irrelevant but they are very relevant when you have a case to prove in court. The court will not just take it as rape because you said it is so. they will review all the facts to prove it was really non consensual. So everyone needs to be wise and not put themselves in an inappropriate situation!

Exactly bro. In my comment on front page, I called it "surrounding rape with ideal circumstance". These are just perfect instances that people may not know constitutes to rape. By this weak criterion, Men will be raping their wife everyday. I think the society have just gone mad and ladies are trying to hard to define our society to suit their decisions prior to the incident just like you said.


I am not a legal practitioner, but I strongly believe there are instances where the court will not consider it as rape. Not from what is written above.

bad example.

you don't have to UnCloth your mouth for someone to shove a spoon in there.

In other areas of life, courts will actually look to the implicit conduct of a person to determine the truth. It is just that rape has become an overly sensitive issue.

We cannot ignore the realities of life. We as human beings are naturally more responsive to what people do and how they do it than to what they are saying while doing it.

A person who has every opportunity to prevent intercourse by saying no or by resisting to the extent that it lies within their power to do so, has not only the right but the responsibility to resists. This should be held as a civil duty, to prevent an abundance of aimless litigation that boils down to he said-she said.

zicoraads:
See why I didn't like the conversation of asking what took her to his house?

To me, it was an irrelevant question. Asking those questions detracts from the real conversation. The fact that a lady spent the night in a guy's house isn't license for anyone to force themselves on her. Boyfriend or not.

My only concern was the 'head' part. Even though it seems she already started pushing him away then.

In any case, I'm happy he has sued. I pray this case gets to the courts. We need to put to bed what constitutes consent and when a lady will be said to have been forced. Sleeping in a guy's house or not.

I hope ladies will won't agree with your post else they may get raped sooner or later.

Men's mood change in a split second.

There are times I have my wife without planning for it ahead. And some times she doesn't want it at all.

So did I rape her

A lady should never be in a compromising position with someone she doesn't want to have sexxxx with.

Compromising position implies staying together alone in a secluded area.

I dont condone rape in any form.

But lets be honest, before any girl accepts even pure water from a guy that has sexual intentions, it should be clarified what sort of relationship is happening.

Not that take uber, you take,
Take sharwarma, you take...
Take peoper soup you take...

but experience shows that nigerian girls like to say no, yea, easy, it hurts and all other shits when they mean otherwise.

ModsWillKillNL:


I hope ladies will won't agree with your post else they may get raped sooner or later.

Men's mood change in a split second.

There are times I have my wife without planning for it ahead. And some times she doesn't want it at all.

So did I rape her

A lady should never be in a compromising position with someone she doesn't want to have sexxxx with.

Compromising position implies staying together alone in a secluded area.

There's something called spousal rape. Just because she's your wife doesn't mean you don't need her consent to have sex.

As for the bold part, do you know that a majority of tape cases are not done by strangers?
What happens when an uncle decides to rape the niece?
Are you saying your wife should not come home when she doesn't want to have sex?

Laveda:


Lol. I hope they change

I am not going to promise you no "mounting"

ModsWillKillNL:


I hope ladies will won't agree with your post else they may get raped sooner or later.

Men's mood change in a split second.

There are times I have my wife without planning for it ahead. And some times she doesn't want it at all.

So did I rape her

A lady should never be in a compromising position with someone she doesn't want to have sexxxx with.

Compromising position implies staying together alone in a secluded area.

No. No rape there!

Ichoooookay....

If you don't have plans why allow her sleep at all. You could easily have kicked her out. Whether she sleeps naked so far she doesn't consent keep your eku (permit me) to yourself. An olosho spreads her legs for money. Once money stop-leg go close. You have no right opening them afterwards cause it would be rape.

I really can't say for sure if it was consensual and she's trying to blackmail him. Maybe he doesn't want to oblige her. And if so she deserves the insults she's getting.

But if even for a moment he forced it on her. Then even if she loses that case in court, God would scourge that eku with hot iron.

But how many girls do u wanna have sex with for the first time wouldn't first do initial gra gra in an attempt not to seem cheap. Sometimes a girls no no might actually mean her yes not in every case doh. The case is not as easy as u think.

So once a girl says no no, u will just zip up and not try to persuade with the lemme just put only d tip line....so after all that line and saying heaven and earth, den she allows only d tip and she's enjoying d tip, den u decide to go in, after enjoying everything, she now says "oh oh what have I done, I have a bf!!!.....I have been raped".....that kind girl really dey mad!!!!!?

AZeD1:

There's something called spousal rape. Just because she's your wife doesn't mean you don't need her consent to have sex.

As for the bold part, do you know that a majority of tape cases are not done by strangers?
What happens when an uncle decides to rape the niece?
Are you saying your wife should not come home when she doesn't want to have sex?

She will indeed give me her consent in the end as I can never force myself on her. Whenever she is determined, I let go.

Incest is a different case. All the same, I won't entrust my daughter into an uncle's care.

If husband and wife won't have sexxx anytime, why sleep nude on the same bed

any Hindi language speaker is needed for urgent interpretation of this article cos I no understand at all

Any wife that considers sex against her will or looking at dos and dont of rape against the husband is a mad woman. There's no love

If he removed her shorts forcefully and opened her legs forcefully.... then there is a case. The lady in question never said that happened. How can a man perform MouthAction without consent? He needs to use force to remove shorts, panties and open her leg... the issue looks like seduction/persuation, then the girl started having regrets and screamed rape.

If she willing allowed him to remove shorts and panties, then allowed him to spread her legs (or she did all these herself) that automatically signals consent.... she is going to have a hard time proving it was rape.

Kissing without consent is possible without force... but not with MouthAction.

desreek9:
when a lady is being given head especially without consent, you will be stunned at that moment, your next thought will be to fight but u just wudnt be able to, that is how very sensitive the clitoris and vagina is, so yall shud stop blaming the lady,

There is nothing wrong sleeping over in a guy's place, so many of us have done it before and nothing happened, the issue is already in court so we'll all see what happens

As per the original post.... if you engage in normal penetrative sex and the guy insist you change it to anal in the same sex session... the court is NOT going to consider that as rape... because of the previous consent for normal sex.

desreek9:
when a lady is being given head especially without consent, you will be stunned at that moment, your next thought will be to fight but u just wudnt be able to, that is how very sensitive the clitoris and vagina is, so yall shud stop blaming the lady,

There is nothing wrong sleeping over in a guy's place, so many of us have done it before and nothing happened, the issue is already in court so we'll all see what happens

Are you for real!!!

I know your type. You belong in the category of "all men are beast and all women are saints" crew. Since you have completely exonerated the woman from all blames, I suggest you get a gun and go and execute the guy yourself.

Stoopeed olodo wey you be

Foolish people

You presented yourself for rape

If you were not there would you have been raped?

You compromised your security and you're shouting up and down social media.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

If you no wan Bleep no show your punny.

Laveda:
Following the ongoing rape saga, Nigerian author Elnathan John has come out to address the issue of sexual consent using this analogy, read below.

[b]"Seeing some disturbing tweets on my TL. Rape doesn't have to be violent. Rape can happen AFTER one has given consent for an act of intimacy & not another (for e.g.: I only want to cuddle. I don't want to have sex. Or, I don't want anal. Or, I just want to kiss. No penetration.)

Also, "what were you doing in X's bedroom" is a stupid, unhelpful reaction to "X raped me".
You can be raped by your lover, your spouse, your friend, your sibling, your relative.

How to know when the next step will be rape (just a few examples):
1. Someone has said any of the following:
-stop
-no
-not now
-I don't like it
-it hurts
-I want to leave

2. Someone is clearly refusing to participate in the activity
3. Someone pushes you away

Things that are totally IRRELEVANT in wondering if it is rape or not:
-They allowed be have sex with them before
-They allowed me to touch them just now
-They spent the night at my house
-They slept in the same bed as me
-They wore revealing clothing
-They didn't scream or fight

Imagine this conversation with a waiter:
Waiter: Glad you chose this restaurant, would you like our Tiramisu?
You: No I am happy with my meal thanks
W: I mean, you came to our restaurant. Why come if you don't want Tiramisu?
You: I am fine really.
W: Ok, just the tip of the spoon

You: *baffled as waiter pushes teaspoon with Tiramisu into your mouth*
W: See I told you you'd love our Tiramisu
You: You just forced me to eat your Tiramisu
W: Nah. You walked in here. If you hated it, why didn't you scream? Look at your belt, unfastened, shows you wanted more.

Afterward...
You: *speaks to a policeman about incident*
P: What were you doing when the waiter was pushing the teaspoon into your mouth
You: I was stunned.
P: And you just sat there? Didn't scream or anything?
You: Huh?
P: Why were you there even? Thought you had a kitchen.

You: I like the restaurant. I wanted to eat out.
P: So why are you complaining about the Tiramisu
You: I didn't go there for Tiramisu. I already had my meal. Waiter forced it on me.
P: So you ate their meal but now complain about the Tiramisu. Is it that it tasted bad?[/b]

Share your thoughts!

More here;
http://orjisblog.com.ng/2017/11/30/rape-beg-nigerian-author-elnathan-john-addreses-sexual-consent-using-this-analogy/?

dat means I Ve been raping my wife cos she will never give in easily

tunjilana:
The issue with all this borderline rape cases is that when the other party claims it is consensual how do you validate your claims to rape when you have not been wise in all your decisions prior the incident. We may want to say questions like why did you sleep over, why did you allow cuddling, why did you allow head, why did nt you scream, why didn't you break his head are irrelevant but they are very relevant when you have a case to prove in court. The court will not just take it as rape because you said it is so. they will review all the facts to prove it was really non consensual. So everyone needs to be wise and not put themselves in an inappropriate situation!

If she says 'No' and you continue, it is RAPE.

If you lie to have sex, it is rape.

I think the issue is simple.


Do not even bring up the opportunity to say no.

Never ever sleep in a guys house or a hotel with him.

Men generally consider investment in sex. The food, clubbing, drinks are all investments to take off your pants.

Rule 1 try as much as possible to define the lines clearly when you are asked out. It may appear prude but you've already set boundaries.

2. How would you bath, wear a t shirt and sleep nude with a guy and say he should control.himself. what is wrong with you?

3. Pay for your hotel room and sleep solo. That's the knock out punch.

Laveda:
Following the ongoing rape saga, Nigerian author Elnathan John has come out to address the issue of sexual consent using this analogy, read below.

[b]"Seeing some disturbing tweets on my TL. Rape doesn't have to be violent. Rape can happen AFTER one has given consent for an act of intimacy & not another (for e.g.: I only want to cuddle. I don't want to have sex. Or, I don't want anal. Or, I just want to kiss. No penetration.)

Also, "what were you doing in X's bedroom" is a stupid, unhelpful reaction to "X raped me".
You can be raped by your lover, your spouse, your friend, your sibling, your relative.

How to know when the next step will be rape (just a few examples):
1. Someone has said any of the following:
-stop
-no
-not now
-I don't like it
-it hurts
-I want to leave

2. Someone is clearly refusing to participate in the activity
3. Someone pushes you away

Things that are totally IRRELEVANT in wondering if it is rape or not:
-They allowed be have sex with them before
-They allowed me to touch them just now
-They spent the night at my house
-They slept in the same bed as me
-They wore revealing clothing
-They didn't scream or fight

Imagine this conversation with a waiter:
Waiter: Glad you chose this restaurant, would you like our Tiramisu?
You: No I am happy with my meal thanks
W: I mean, you came to our restaurant. Why come if you don't want Tiramisu?
You: I am fine really.
W: Ok, just the tip of the spoon

You: *baffled as waiter pushes teaspoon with Tiramisu into your mouth*
W: See I told you you'd love our Tiramisu
You: You just forced me to eat your Tiramisu
W: Nah. You walked in here. If you hated it, why didn't you scream? Look at your belt, unfastened, shows you wanted more.

Afterward...
You: *speaks to a policeman about incident*
P: What were you doing when the waiter was pushing the teaspoon into your mouth
You: I was stunned.
P: And you just sat there? Didn't scream or anything?
You: Huh?
P: Why were you there even? Thought you had a kitchen.

You: I like the restaurant. I wanted to eat out.
P: So why are you complaining about the Tiramisu
You: I didn't go there for Tiramisu. I already had my meal. Waiter forced it on me.
P: So you ate their meal but now complain about the Tiramisu. Is it that it tasted bad?[/b]

Share your thoughts!

More here;
http://orjisblog.com.ng/2017/11/30/rape-beg-nigerian-author-elnathan-john-addreses-sexual-consent-using-this-analogy/?

This Tiamiyu or what is it analogy jus weak me. The Policeman no get work oh

Anyway, rape is bad, but it is a menace that is here to stay, like it or not. All u can do as a potential victim is hope it doesn't happen to you and try to keep yourself secured as much as you can because out there, there abound apes with the skin of a man all they know and care for is pussssie and food. Many special cases of homo erectus evolutionary dead ends . Be scared ladies, Be on the watch out, men are bloody beasts!

obowunmi:


If she says 'No' and you continue, it is RAPE.

If you lie to have sex, it is rape.

I understand clearly what constitutes rape. My post addresses a concern. If the other party claims it was consensual sex how do you prove it is otherwise when all the facts, intents and actions leading to the incident cannot clearly prove rape. Or do you think the judge will act based on claims only. My point is don't put yourself in a situation where the evidences of a crime against you cannot be proven!. If it is unavoidable it is different not when it is. Also if you lie to have sex it isn't rape, provided she consent. It can be sexual harassment for instance if you insist sex prior giving her something she rightly deserves(like a job or pay raise etc) but it isnt rape cos she consented to the sex but sexual harassment

This is what happens when we try to be smarter than ourselves.

Common sense tells us that if you do not want sex, you DO NOT give out verbal and non-verbal cues suggesting otherwise.

It is also common sense not to sleep about in men's houses you do not plan to have sex with. If you are constrained and must sleep there (going to download films with free wifi doesn't apply), you conduct yourself properly if you do not want sex.

All these will interestingly backfire on women as most women would want to be seduced/persuaded/chased before giving in to sex.

Except a husband injures his wife during trying to have sex with her, 'rape' doesn't really apply because the marriage institution is designed to provide everlasting consent to both parties.

When you said 'I Do', It was a blanket consent except in exceptional cases.

FYI, A lot of men are also 'raped' if we go by the definition in the OP. Even in the family section, a lot of wives have been advised to cook, wear red pant and bra, and in extreme cases spike their husband's food if he refuses to have sex with his wife.

And I honestly doubt that a guy will sleep over the house of a lady or strip himself to his boxers in the room of a girl he doesn't intend to have sex with.

This Elnathan fellow sounds like someone who patronises prostitutes a lot. You want to bed a Nigerian woman and you expect her to just part thighs at first request? Are you serious? Every Nigerian male knows you have to press further and if she really isn't down for sex you will know and back down. How many times has a girl said "no" only for guys to find out later she was only trying to not look too cheap? Elnathan should shut his trap.

So, if my woman asks me to give her money and I initially said no but give in after persuasion she has stolen my money? Let's use our brains please. Let us not become foolish like Americans.

Ladies, if you do not wish to sleep with a man do not go visit him at home, not to talk of passing the night at his place. If you are homeless, go sleep at your girlfriend's or family place. Stop being disingenuous.

Nonsense, the only rape I know is the one done by force(involving tearing of clothes).

.

I strongly oppose rape but we all personally owe it to ourselves to keep ourself from harms way.

Laveda:
Following the ongoing rape saga, Nigerian author Elnathan John has come out to address the issue of sexual consent using this analogy, read below.

[b]"Seeing some disturbing tweets on my TL. Rape doesn't have to be violent. Rape can happen AFTER one has given consent for an act of intimacy & not another (for e.g.: I only want to cuddle. I don't want to have sex. Or, I don't want anal. Or, I just want to kiss. No penetration.)

Also, "what were you doing in X's bedroom" is a stupid, unhelpful reaction to "X raped me".
You can be raped by your lover, your spouse, your friend, your sibling, your relative.

How to know when the next step will be rape (just a few examples):
1. Someone has said any of the following:
-stop
-no
-not now
-I don't like it
-it hurts
-I want to leave

2. Someone is clearly refusing to participate in the activity
3. Someone pushes you away

Things that are totally IRRELEVANT in wondering if it is rape or not:
-They allowed be have sex with them before
-They allowed me to touch them just now
-They spent the night at my house
-They slept in the same bed as me
-They wore revealing clothing
-They didn't scream or fight

Imagine this conversation with a waiter:
Waiter: Glad you chose this restaurant, would you like our Tiramisu?
You: No I am happy with my meal thanks
W: I mean, you came to our restaurant. Why come if you don't want Tiramisu?
You: I am fine really.
W: Ok, just the tip of the spoon

You: *baffled as waiter pushes teaspoon with Tiramisu into your mouth*
W: See I told you you'd love our Tiramisu
You: You just forced me to eat your Tiramisu
W: Nah. You walked in here. If you hated it, why didn't you scream? Look at your belt, unfastened, shows you wanted more.

Afterward...
You: *speaks to a policeman about incident*
P: What were you doing when the waiter was pushing the teaspoon into your mouth
You: I was stunned.
P: And you just sat there? Didn't scream or anything?
You: Huh?
P: Why were you there even? Thought you had a kitchen.

You: I like the restaurant. I wanted to eat out.
P: So why are you complaining about the Tiramisu
You: I didn't go there for Tiramisu. I already had my meal. Waiter forced it on me.
P: So you ate their meal but now complain about the Tiramisu. Is it that it tasted bad?[/b]

Share your thoughts!

More here;
http://orjisblog.com.ng/2017/11/30/rape-beg-nigerian-author-elnathan-john-addreses-sexual-consent-using-this-analogy/?

Most people here have no idea of what constitutes rape. Rape is penetration of the genital or anus without the consent of the victim, while touching of other sensitive areas without consent, but without penetration constitutes sex abuse or molestation.

You example of withdrawing consent after consenting to penetration would not hold in any court in the world. One you give consent to penetration by a Dick, a tongue or a finger, you cannot claim you changed your mind and then allege rape. It is even more absurd to claim that you can withdraw consent in the middle of actual sex, maybe just before the guy reaches climax. If the guy holds you down forcefully to erupt under that circumstance, that can never constitute legal rape.

Men are not robots to be switched on and off at random, men are animals complete with all the animalistic instincts and behaviours. If a woman does not want any sexual relation with a man then do not taunt, blackmail and humiliate him.

Lol! I love this. Vey explicit explanation.