Chai centino yaff kill me with laughter. Ayam earnestly waiting for part 2. Good work bro

Wow...this is amazingly interesting. I have followed all through. Nice work sir. Nice work

Thanks y'all. I must mention the new comers xaviercasmir, excelmerry, donblazer10, olumose001, SunFlow, AvatarMode. Great to have you guys and thanks for the interest.

the next person wey go quote d whole update jux to comment I go give am undertaker smack down

Lovely update however, centino na 2 doses you promise o.

Isn't mama Akunna a darling? .....come centino, you promised double dose na. Werrin happen

Centino:
Thanks y'all. I must mention the new comers xaviercasmir, excelmerry, donblazer10, olumose001, SunFlow, AvatarMode. Great to have you guys and thanks for the interest.

Bro i am not a new comer here ooo just the spirit of ghost reading is in me that time.

xaviercasmir:

Bro i am not a new comer here ooo just the spirit of ghost reading is in me that time.

Seconded... Have been here when it all started

Centino:
Thanks y'all. I must mention the new comers xaviercasmir, excelmerry, donblazer10, olumose001, SunFlow, AvatarMode. Great to have you guys and thanks for the interest.

thanks very much

xaviercasmir:

Bro i am not a new comer here ooo just the spirit of ghost reading is in me that time.

@ INDUSTRIALFAN and sheycrown. It's double na...look well. You'll see where the second dose starts

Centino has killed me with laughter o

Centino:
@ INDUSTRIALFAN and sheycrown. It's double na...look well. You'll see where the second dose starts

wait o.... So the introduction was supposed to be broken down into two? Oga oooooo..... Issorai.... We wee wait.

Centino. Nice Update #Gbayi

centino thanks for mention,
nice update
Maya i like this ur courage jare.
mama akuna i dey look you oooo , nothing must happen to that baby.

Honourable356

This centino guy is something else.. Just too good.. You won't kill me with laughter

kikiwendy:
This centino guy is something else.. Just too good.. You won't kill me with laughter

Thanks kikiwendi Nice to have you here.

Good job Centino

Centino:
Honourable356

In between laughter, I am asking you for the first time... you made all this things up, don't you??

Well I must confess plainly that laughter have controlled me when reading this.

I must also tell you this most solemnly, you are doing a good job here.

(in your words) I am asking.. You don chop?

Thank you for everything so far!

honourable356:
In between laughter, I am asking you for the first time... you made all this things up, don't you??

Well I must confess plainly that laughter have controlled me when reading this.

I must also tell you this most solemnly, you are doing a good job here.

(in your words) I am asking.. You don chop?

Thank you for everything so far!

100% fiction man, well except for the funeral in Italy

Guy, laughter the most essential commodity in the times we live in.

Glad you like my work

Yes o. He gave His promised daily bread

You're welcome man.

Centino:


100% fiction man, well except for the funeral in Italy

Guy, laughter the most essential commodity in the times we live in.

Glad you like my work

Yes o. He gave His promised daily bread

You're welcome man.

na undertaker part I dey like pass..very hilarious, bro u doing a very great job...keep it up

apholaryn:
na undertaker part I dey like pass..very hilarious, bro u doing a very great job...keep it up

Thanks apholaryn. Thanks too for showing face

Centino:
Thanks y'all. I must mention the new comers xaviercasmir, excelmerry, donblazer10, olumose001, SunFlow, AvatarMode. Great to have you guys and thanks for the interest.

me newcomer been here since day one, lol.

THE CELEBRATION

Achike and Josiah pursued and killed the dangerous reptile. Mama Tobi was still seated sobbing. Maya was still confused. I reached her side and took her hand and guided her to a seat. Other neighbors came closer.

“Where did it come from Ndi?” Maya said.

“Your armpit,” someone said. “You just raised your hand and it flew out!” We checked and saw that it was Willy-Willy, Castro’s precocious little brother.

“Shut up Willy-Willy. You don’t know what you are saying” I said.

“But brother we all saw it. Why do you think those people ran so fast?”

A bride to be that was able to produce a monitor lizard from her body when she clearly was not interested in the marriage was not a wife anyone wanted. But I did not say this out.

Maya suddenly stood and went and knelt before her mother, who was already being consoled by the women of the compound.

“I am sorry mama,” Maya said, her gaze fastened to the ground. “I thought I could, but when I saw him and heard the things that came out of his mouth, I knew I couldn’t.

Mama Tobi put her hand on her head and tore off her head tie and threw it in the air. She shook her head vigorously as if to wake herself from a bad dream. Then she stretched her hand and took her daughter in an embrace. “You don’t need to apologize, my daughter,” she said. “It is alright.”

Maya wriggled free of her and held her hands and looked her in the eyes. “It is not alright mama. I know you wanted this for me.”

“I said it is alright,” she said and started crying again.

“Then why are you crying?”

“It is tears of joy my daughter.”

Maya’s eyes widened. And the rest of us showed our surprise in equal measure.

“See how I would have used my own hand to send my daughter to purgatory,” she said and began to squeal again.

Maya started laughing and crying at the same time. It took a few moments for what was happening to register. As soon as we understood; a bedlam of laughter ensued.

Willy-willy took centre stage and began to imitate the groom. He bent to one side and hobbled about and then deepened his voice and bleated “I just came back from Libya to bury my gals.”

We all became hysterical.

“Please, where did that creature come from?” Mama Tobi said.

“Aunty Maya’s armpit” Willy-willy said.

“It looked like that but I know it is not so.” Mama Tobi said.

“Well, it doesn’t matter Mama Tobi. The Lord works in mysterious ways” I said.

Mama Tobi was now calm but she continued to hold Maya in her arms. I looked around and saw that almost all the seats had now been taken by compound members. Even Mr. Kingsley and Sister Esther were there.

“I think we dodged a bullet,” the returning Mr. Zubi said.

“Oga. No be God?” Mama Tobi said and covered her face with her hands.

“Where did he come from?”

“Hmmm, my brother. It is the one that was talking that I know. He came to me and told me their son wanted a wife. Well, you know the rest.”

“Their son indeed,” Castro said, “and you decided to sell your daughter like a cow.”

Mr Zubi removed his shoe and threw it at his son. Castro docked and ran round the gathering and returned to where he first stood.

“Em… let us not forget” Achike said. “Maya said she was pregnant.”

Now there was silence. Then I realized that I had remained at Maya’s side all the while. All eyes were now us. Mama Tobi opened her mouth and closed it again.

“The new Calabar boy has done it!” Lukman said.

Lukman’s love advances towards Maya was well known in the compound. He pestered her always but her interest in him was summed up in the fact that she called him One Eyed Sunday. That he did not stand any chance against me was also universally acknowledged. So he could not ignore this chance to put me on the spot.

Maya spoke up. “I am not pregnant joor. What did you guys expect me to do in the face of that?”

“You are not yet pregnant you mean, or that you don’t know yet” Lukman sneered.

“Mind your business! One Eyed Sunday.”

“I wish you had ended up with that baba. All your shakara would have ended tomorrow morning after he would have finished with you this night with that his bend-bend leg.”

“Have some respect Lukman. Maya’s mum is still here” I said.

“I think what Lukman is trying to say is that the new Calabar boy has been busy lately. So it may be that Maya was prophesying into her own life.” Josiah said.

“I am not pregnant. And everyone please leave Ndifreke alone.”

I did not quite know how to behave now. Standing by Maya was not where I would have wished to be at that moment.

“Why don’t we just marry them,” Josiah said. “Let’s not pretend we can’t see they are in love. And all was already set for a marriage today.”

“Stop it Josiah” I said.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes compound members began chanting.”

“Shut up all of you!” Mr Zubi said. “You think that is how they marry?”

There was a collective roar of laughter and I was able to gather my wits.

“Erm, but this was supposed to be a celebration, that means there was food prepared,” Achike said, rubbing his tummy.

“Ah, it is true. We made some rice and bought some drinks. Tobi! Clementina! Please bring the food and the drinks.”

Soon, Mama Tobi’s children began handing out packs of jollof rice and cans of malt to all gathered.

As the eating and drinking began, we formed groups and began talking about other things. I was in the company of Messrs Kingsley and Cosmas and Zubi. Irikefe and Castro stayed not too far behind. They knew that when I was in that company they were not welcomed. It had been a while since we spoke about important things as a group, and with Mr Cosmas especially, this was an opportunity for some of his unique illumination.

“Ah Mr Cosmas, you are still in this compound?” I teased. “Good evening sir. Mr. Kingsley, you too. You even came to join our celebration.”

“Good evening Ndifreke” Mr Cosmas said. “How could I miss this? The drama itself was worth it. What will we not see in this Lagos?”

Mr. Kingsley was quietly stroking his beard. I knew he was trying to draw the correct quote so I waited, then he said: “it is not healthy to stay with people that don’t even bother to ask how you are – Vikki Ziegler.”

“Haa Mr. Kingsley. You know it is not so. If I ask you now, you will not even answer me in English” I said and we all laughed.

“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply – Jess Todtfeld”

“Oh my” I breathed, as the others continued to laugh. Only Mr. Kingsley knew what he was now talking about. So I turned to Mr. Cosmas. “I have been meaning to ask, what is your take on this tithing controversy between Daddy freeze and the pastors?”

Mr. Cosmas shrugged and said, “they are all right and they are all wrong.”

“Meaning…”

“They all draw their arguments from a Holy book they all supposedly believe in. If they accept that their Holy book is flawless, then there should be no more argument. Now even if as Freeze says that the scriptures are wrongly interpreted in favour of paying tithes today, we all know that you cannot argue with a man that has a conviction. And no one has the right to tell another how to spend his money. People have paid tithes and have seen wonders in their lives. You will never be able to convince such that they should stop paying. For all his sound argument, go to facebook and see the renewed testimonies of the tithing warriors. I am not even talking from the pastors’ point of view. In the same vein, there are a few others who had always felt the weight of the world on their shoulders when they had to part with these moneys as tithes. The good news for such is that thanks to Freeze, they now have scriptural backing to comfortably pocket their cash without any feeling of guilt. In all, we all have freewill to do as we please. If the pastors are fleecing people, surely they will meet their reward. But if it works for me, then sir, wetin concern you?
He is not the first to carry out this campaign. Femi Aribisala has been writing about it for decades. Check today’s Vanguard. Maybe because he is a celebrity and hangs out with Hushpuppy that is why Freeze’s campaign has this kind of momentum.
So this is what I say: It is a good thing Freeze happened, because anyone paying tithes now cannot say he has not heard that it may be a scam. There is Biblical argument to back this up. But the truth is this: Sowing and reaping is a law of creation. Truly it is in giving that you will receive; whether it is ten percent to the church, or giving to the poor on the streets, or donating to a cause, or helping a person in need. When you give, whether you are a Christian or whatever, you sow a seed. The rain will fall. The sun will shine. The seed will germinate. And one day the harvest will come. There is no discrimination in it. Pastors recognize this and have built a cult around it and people play it like the lottery and see results. Others do not see results because their own jungles are yet to mature.
Now the question is, is this the will of God? What happened to the mansions Christ went to heaven to prepare for us? How about the streets that are paved with gold we are supposed to aspire to? How dare we turn around and build our treasures here on earth? Well, that is an argument for another day.
So my brother Ndifreke, if you want to pay tithe, pay. If you want to spend all your earnings the way you want, by all means, do so. Never forget Christ in Mt 23:23. There are weightier matters of the Law. Many who pay tithe and ignore the other things will perish. And many who do not pay will definitely have space in the bosom of Abraham. It is all a matter of choice.”

By now Mr Cosmas audience had grown. He had captured all of our attention. At the end of his position, there was silence again. Then Mr. Kingsley said, “Religion indeed is the opium of the people.”

“Karl Max!” Castro screeched. I know that one.

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is Kindness” Mr. Kingsley said and looked at Castro. Neither Castro nor anyone else knew who said that. Then he added “Dalai Lama” and stood up. He had in his hands his own share of the rice and malt.

Mr Cosmas also stood and patted my shoulder.

Then I noticed Mama Akunna seated demurely in the back row and then went over to her.

“Mama, thank you God bless you. You don save person life. That man for kill Maya. Dem no give you food?”

“I no want their food. Rice na for fowl. I go cook soup after.”

“Thank you mama,” I said again.

“My pikin make I give you small sense.”

“Yes mama…”

“Give am belle.”

“Haa mama.”

“I say make you give am belle.”

“But mama I have no job.”

“She shook her head and said, “you see that woman?”

“Mama Tobi?”

“Yes.”

“When she comot here she dey go find another man for hin pikin. Una think say hin dey happy? Na shame make am dey laugh so. Hin go find another man for am quick quick. Me I see say you like de gal. Whether you get work or you no get work, una no go die.”

Mama Akunna smiled again and I thought her smile was beautiful.

“But mama even if I give am belle, you no see say dat man been wan marry am with de belle?”

“Na because hin no get preek.”

“Haa mama. How you take know?”

Then she looked at me. She looked at me in a way that convinced me that truly, Mama Akunna knew everything.


TO BE CONTINUED.

nairalanders, centino is starving me o,i will soon get a revenge

Well done Centino!
I love this chapter, especially your arguement about tithing.

Well, well it is obvious that comedian centino story flows or should I add is a combination of his imagination and the current happening of the nation abet told in a very hilarious way and at the same time indirectly lecturing his auidence with his opinion and what he believes in.....

This certainly didn't escape my notice in spite of the overwhelming laughter it brought... and that is,i repeat strategically brilliant.

Know what I think??
I tell you this audience will continue to laugh but more importantly many who read deeper into this will learn.

I for a moment thought that the said Mr. Kingsley might end up quoting apostle Johnson Suleiman recently quote ft ex edo state governor. (I have increased my tithe to 30%: Satan go and die).

Back critically to the story...
Where did the reptile came from?
How was it even possible? is it some sort of magic or mama Akuna''s doing?? or Maya planned it all long?

Yeah, I thought it would have been addressed in this new episode but obviously it was not. I doubt it fell from her armpits without her even feeling it was there all long.

Good job Centino..
Happy New month!

Centino... Thank you