The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken - Literature - Nairaland
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| The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 6:01pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
1... I spent the previous night on my Braveheart23 2go account , chatting up precious and promising to send her 100 go credits as Christmas gift..She was obviously excited and I was glad..I was beginning to like her and was just concluding plans to tell her to be my "Girl".. We chatted till around 2am before my sagem battery died and there was no light to boost the phone as the power holders held their light to themselves like a man without fuel holds his gallon at a fuelling station selling at 145 naira.At least I was able to engage her in a lenghty conversation today...I slept off happily with the hope of continuing our gist and fulfilling my promise to her as soon as possible the next morning �.. Boo. Boo...- My Elder sister called out my name like a woman on her MP stung by a scorpion.. Boo boo..she shouted like three more times.. I am coming ....I mumbled.. There was still no light ...God  .I got out of the room to see My father and mother in a seriously tensed ghen ghen kinda atmosphere.. Good morning ma..good morning daddy.- None of them answered me. Mum was in the kitchens sieving rice and Dad was in the living room ,one of his hairy yam legs was placed on the stool. ...Yes..boo.How are you - My Dad replied. I am fine Sir... I replied and prostrated again.. My mum did not bother to even reply or look at me . she continued her kitchen work.....as she sang Jesus na biggy man , u no dare call am small boy with so much vigour and passion.. " Lola, shey u will not come and find the palm oil for me now" ...She shouted at my sister who rushed in to help her find the palm oil which was just right in front of her ....directly..How she didn't see it amaze me.. I looked at my sister to find out the reason for the way mum was acting but she fled to the kitchen before I could communicate to her by matching her foot.. Boo.. Yes sir... Merry Christmas .. Thank you sir ... .. Many more of this in Jesus name.... Amen sir.. " You will see one chicken outside..White..with red crown like this ..beside the generator outside ...ehn ...Go and kill it.... ..I couldn't fathom what I heard ....Probably I wasn't hearing right ...... Kitchen ... ...."I said Chicken...chicken ..And be fast with it...We are going to the Church by 11am for the service.. He said and immediately walked out of the living room as I looked on , my mouth wide open ... I was just 15 ..!!!!! 87 Likes 5 Shares
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| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by KushyKush: 6:05pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
I don't even know how to kill a rat  Don't like taking the life out of anything. I guess it's a phobia.  50 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Temihatz(m): 6:10pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
Hahahaha. You don enter am today. Oya continue 1 Like |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Nobody: 6:13pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
Classcaptain, tuale for you. Carry on sir. 7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Khd95(m): 6:39pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
Ordinary chicken u cannor cook..but u will be laughing at gehs that run from cockroache  9 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by purem(m): 6:47pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
A moment of silence for people that can't kill fowl Awon omo ajebutter dede 197 Likes 11 Shares
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| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Nobody: 6:55pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
| come And Talk Your Story Finish Abeg 1 Like |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 8:02pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
1 Like |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Nobody: 8:11pm On Dec 25, 2017 |
Na one chalie kill my chicken for me,then no born me well make i put knife for the thing neck.. na him cook am self even + the rice. At this my age i no sabi cook except noodles. Chai. But christmas sweet die.. Thank God no fuel scarcity ruin anything for me. |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Oxster(m): 6:23am On Dec 26, 2017 |
Me that can kill human being 3 Likes |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by SunFlow(m): 8:17am On Dec 26, 2017 |
El capitain, we dey waiting. |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by LuvSwollenPussy(m): 8:18am On Dec 26, 2017 |
KushyKush:Scorpion never sting you before. That's why 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by CaptainStephen(m): 9:33am On Dec 26, 2017 |
I kill anything killable even cow sef4 Likes |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 9:49am On Dec 26, 2017 |
2.. For some minutes, I stood there dumbfounded like a girl 2face just cumed inside her..Why today ?? Why me.. Boo, better go and kill that chicken fast and do not delay me tori olohun" - My mum instructed as she continued with her cooking.. My sister was looking at me as she almost bursted into laughter.... She brought out her white tongue and widened her eye ,bringing her hands to her eyes ... I understood what she meant..she was making jest of me.. I was surprised ... The previous years, My father had always been the one killing the chickens ..when he was not around , we called uncle Dino, our neighbor to help with the herculian task.. But now we have moved to our own house..A silent ,mind your business, dey your own house kinda hood..Which neighbor we wan call on now to help us kill the chicken bai.. This was supposed to be the duty of a man...abi which kind family I enter so..I was just a boy..Jesus ...Jesus.. If u can save me from this one , I will serve you forever  Boo, I will not tell you again with my mouth...- My mum shouted again and went to take the knife ...Unfortunately for me, she picked the blunt yellow knife in the kitchen and gave it to me.. Oya, be fast so you and your sister can start pulling the feathers.. I could see tears of laughter almost coming out of my sister's eye ..... I went out to the back of the house , near the generator to meet my victim, adored in white and legs tied with Ankara ...Shit was everywhere..I looked into the victim's eye , the victim sef look back... This is the Chicken here staring at me!!!! Shaking its head..this living thing is what my Father has asked me to murder in cold blood 124 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 9:27pm On Dec 26, 2017 |
3... I stood there looking at the innocent chicken ....and my mind could not but flash back to chigozie , one of my school mate whose chicken killing experience went viral. Chigozie was huge and a bully in school.. Not untill the news of his adventure with a chicken went viral after his sister shared the news...Chigozie had been asked to kill a chicken and even had to be beaten to execute the mission...He eventually felt pity for the chicken and let it go.. All attempts to recover the Adiye proved abortive..Oh my God..The way his sister narrated how Their father flogged chigozie that day, you will wonder how he survived that episode. Till date, one of his most renowned nicknames his Chigozie Fowl yansh. all those thoughts flashed my mind as I stood face to face with the chicken... Boo,boo...my mum called me... God please help me oh....I closed my eyes , took a deep breath and grabbed the cock...sorry fowl from the ground.. kuku kuku kuku....kukuk u..... The hen was chanting and pleading with me to temper justice with mercy but no....I cannot afford to be disgraced like chigozie... Mummy. how do I hold it to kill it... boo, you mean you are still there..Do they bring the skill of killing a chicken from heaven... ehn..u can eat the chicken nobody taught u but to kill it now , u want lesson... ....biko answer me.. ..Jesus ...I couldn't but wish at that point I had a elder brother ...or that uncle Dino was around... Can't this chicken just vex and die by itself ...I placed the chicken sideways as it widened the eyes...I took another deep breath... lola Lola , please come and see something..... I beckoned on my sister ....At least to see someone that would motivate and strengthen me but my mum held her back.. Lola Lola... this time , they didn't even bother answering me.. Tor. I asked God for the forgiveness of my sin and told him I have no choice..I beckoned on him to grant the chicken a place in the eternal home and for the chicken to forget my face when we get to heaven ...... So.help me God.. with that I carried my knife ... 75 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Citykings(m): 9:55pm On Dec 26, 2017 |
cont..... |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Okaakoko(m): 11:38am On Dec 27, 2017 |
Its Classcaptain again. Wow! |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Gofwane(m): 2:28pm On Dec 27, 2017 |
Too much of unnecessary explanations and suspense to make the story longer. Anyway, nice work. E no easy to write story. Meanwhile, here is my own experience.... I've always watched how my cousin brother slaughters chicken and i came to believe it was an easy task. So it happened on that Christmas day that my brother wasn't around, so me being an extra ordinary stubborn boy quickly volunteered to slaughter the chicken. My grandmother was not all that convinced that i am up to the task, but i assured her that i can even slaughter a goat or ram sef  I even went ahead to lie that me and Victor once slaughtered a cow for his father whose sells meat at kwata  And so i was given the green light! Like all these American soldiers invading Iraq, i went to the cage and picked out the Osama-bin-FatAgricChicken and headed for the backyard. I layed the chicken down and dug a small hole for the blood to pour into. I remembered being told that if you want to slaughter an animal, you must do the sign of the cross or else a snake will come out from the animal and bite you. I quickly did the sign. Some of my home boys were there waiting for me to finish so that we can go out for morning session of our shayo. I grabbed the chicken hands, joined them together and held them with one hand. But that position was not comfortable for me because i will have to use one hand to hold the neck and the other to hold the knife, so i decided to use my legs to match the wings. I was putting on my timberland boots as i was about to go out before i got the contract of slaughtering the chicken. As i match the hands with my left leg i just heard kraakkk! I used my right leg to match the chicken legs, i still heard kraakkk! Oboyyeh, i don break the chicken feet and wings oh all this agric chicken sef no strong at all but no worries, shebi dey will still have to break the wings when they are peeling off the feathers. I don even save them too much wahala. Naso i put knife for the neck and started pulling it up and down. Half through, i realised the knife was not sharp enough so i turned to sharpen it on the wall, the chicken started vibrating and that scared me so jump away from the chicken. Oboyy, na so chicken pick race with broken wings and feet with the head half cut and falling backwards on the shoulder . The chicken was limping and running aimlessly without eyes to see where it was going Everyone there burst out with laughter! I was embarrassed and confused, so i chased the chicken but the thing was just dribbling me and i was still scared to grab the chicken so i used my timberland boots and kicked the chicken up like say na John Terry i be. Unfortunately, my granny rushed outside to see what was going on and she saw when i kicked the chicken. By the time the chicken landed beside our well, it was dead already. My grandmother asked me to throw away the chicken but my hommies quickly carried it to go do barbecue. The kind quarrel i collect that day almost made me commit suicide. 149 Likes 9 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Gofwane(m): 2:29pm On Dec 27, 2017 |
Citykings: I don share my own experience |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Gofwane(m): 2:33pm On Dec 27, 2017 |
SunFlow:i don drop mine. ,,,,,, abeg Oga Classcaptain, no vex sey i use your thread oh. But you know we are in the season of sharing and caring nah2 Likes |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Nobody: 3:32pm On Dec 27, 2017 |
Gofwane: you didn't say anything about the blood, if a chicken is half cut by the neck, blood is sprayed everywhere, how come ur tims didn't get stained while pursuing the oku-ko 8 Likes |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Citykings(m): 3:45pm On Dec 27, 2017 |
Gofwane: Funny. Nice one 5 Likes |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 5:18pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
4 .... I looked at the chicken for the last time and I could hear the chicken plead with me to temper justice with mercy.... I closed my hand and held the chicken as I brutally danced shaku shaku with the knife on the chicken necks. I felt the struggle of the chicken as the innocent chicken moved the legs in a bid to escape.. I just kept cutting and cutting and cutting.... And at a point, my hands were shaking and I was breathing fast..I could feel my temperature rise..The chicken's red blood was spilled all over the sandy soil.. I hurriedly dropped the knife and stepped back a bit...I was already perspiring and sweating hard..I could feel hot salty tears drop from my eyes... I was about covering the blood and taking the dead chicken inside when I saw the chicken flapping the wings and trying to do a come back to the world of the living probably in a bid to oppress my loved ones for its death.. I didn't know what came over as the chicken 's eyes seems to be rotating up and down in an attempt to sight me probably, I quickly picked and smashed the chicken 's head repeatedly.. At this point, myself and the chicken had climaxed at the same time as I could feel a trickle of hot urine straight from.my bladder drip down my trousers and the chicken had also released a hot shit .... I had just killed a chicken ..with a knife and smashed the head with a stone...I knew I had committed another big sin as the favorite part of the chicken for my Father was the roasted Head of the chicken ....... and here was the white fowl I was ordered to kill, totally headless like a song of Sinzu ft burna boy 40 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 5:45pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
5.. I quickly covered the shattered chicken 's head with sand and took the lifeless body inside..My sister was already rolling with laughter as she spotted my wet zip area .... I was sweating profusely and praying that God forgives me of my sins ... " boo, where is the head ...my mum asked smiling..I was quite surprised.. " The knife was too sharp,I butchered the head , Dad cannot eat it... I was expecting an outburst of words on how angry dad will be and all that but to my surprise , my mom.was just smiling and chuckling.. I was sad and it felt like my innocence has been taken away..I was thinking of all the chicks the chicken would have given birth to if I had not brutally murdered it like one useless criminal ... I.was still ruminating about my sin when my dad came outside smiling too and questioned .. He killed it - he said looking at my mom.my mom nodded in affirmation .. "That's my boy "... My Dad shouted in joy and ecstasy.. It was as if his son had won a million dollar ..I saw the joy in his face... He came close to me, rubbed my head and patted my back as my mum shined her semi white teeth in admiration and my sister too , that one was just blushing anyhow.. " You are now becoming a man...I would have killed it but you did "..That was brave of you '"........ .... Mehn, mehn , mehn....I could hear a Goat bleating and someone knocking on the door. Tayo, is that you - My dad asked ...yes sir , - The person responded.. Alright come in ... The young man came inside with a black goat spotting a nice goatie and tied with a pink clothing around the neck .. meh, meh, meh.- ....The goat sang melodiously My Dad went inside as I just stayed there, wondering what was happening?? He came out and gave the Tayo some money ... Tayo left and did not leave with the Goat .... At this point , My Dad looked straight into my our eyes and said this was this year's surprise for Us and that he had been saving for this year's present for us.. He stated that instead of buying clothes for us every time which we usually spoil and misuse , he thought it wise to buy a goat so that we can resolve the issue of not having plenty meat to eat during Christmas as the chicken meat is not enough ... my mum and sister were so happy as they jumped up in excitement and in anticipation of the death of the new goat ...My mum went to hug my dad and my sister followed too while I just stood , watching and wondering what kind of family God decided to put me like this.. , Thank you daddy...Thank you my husband.. this was what I was still hearing when suddenly I heard a masculine voice which seems to belong to my Dad.. " Boo, OYA Goan and untie that Goat and kill it..... That was the last thing I remembered before the black out !!!! THE END ...... 181 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by ClassCaptain(m): 5:46pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
Cc lalasticlala |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by SunFlow(m): 7:26pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
Good job el capitain |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by hemucology(m): 8:22pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
Hummm |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by dublok: 8:24pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
Story |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by MrsNwaAmaikpe(f): 8:24pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
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| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Nobody: 8:24pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
KushyKush: 3 Likes
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| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by queenfav(f): 8:24pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
My son! Nice story... You are still uninvited anyways,I am yet to forgive you! |
| Re: The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken by Fynestboi: 8:25pm On Dec 31, 2017 |
 3 Likes 1 Share
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