Daboomb:


maybe we should strip him of that one sef, since he wont even be able to provide her with those things we use to "entice and confirm" our affection for ladies in those days!

When my lady comes to visit me at the University in those days, the soup l prepare for her sef, (before her arrival), even my collagues in the hostel will be wondering whether na queen of England dey come visit me!
As in "Soup made to order", `not Eatery rubbish they eat nowadays!

I was not very rich then but my dignity would not allow me to even allow her pay for her transport back to her place. I have t pay the taxi driver in advance, with instructionn to drive carefully or eelse he would have to contend with me if l hear kpenken.

We even do Holiday jobs just to get extra money to trip our babes but guys of nowadays are wasting away their time, playing lottery (Baba Ijebu or NairaBet or wetin dem dey call am sef) and engaging in unproductive, idle talk... and still dem dey use whistle dey call women'a attention!

In my days, you deck heavily, with your Boogie Heels shoe, Afro hair-do and tight shirts to match and even the ladies will look at you twice before carrying-on with their shakara!
But last-last, you know she is already tripping for you but as a man, you still have to strutt and win her over.
Charming smile, decked up attire and nice perfume at to the glamour.

Abi, l lie my sister?

You no lie my brother chai! Good ol days when dignity mattered phew!

curvilicious:


Bro, you a real man

My wife, my love is the "real deal".
She treats me well, takes very good care of our homes, respects me like a king (massage my male ego wella-wella ) , she very attractive as well.
What more can l ask for, that l wont 'reciprocate the feeling'?
If a woman treats you like that, tell me, would you not go to the end of the world for her, even if she did not ask you to?
Do-me, l do-you, God nor vex;
Marriage is all about Respect, Responsibility and Reciprocity.
Love would naturally follow, if you have those 3R's

Are you not looking attractive any longer, cause the cost of makeup is very high nowadays?

Or you don't ride well on bed any longer? Y

It either any of the above reasons. For the fact that you've married him already, I would advise you seek God's intervention. Am sorry for the bitter experience.

400billionman:


You need to grow up.

Ok sir

Ladyhippolyta88:
You must be living in 1521 this is 2017 and we are almost in 2018.The truth is times have changed.

Issorite keep feeding your husband

stanliwise:
This one wey you dey give advises so o. Hmmm Remember we only know what she has type o

hmmmm, make I know judge ooooo thanks bro

Ladyhippolyta88:
It has not changed for the worst maybe for you but definitely not for me and what is there to be ashamed of if you don't like it you can always use a time machine and transport back to 1412 and leave us that like the 21st century world in peace.

I really dont need to!
Ofcourse, you dont know what you are mssing because you have "No Clue" how it is suppose to be, in the first place!
It is called BLISSFUL IGNORANCE.
Please keep enjoying what you have.


BTW: Someone postulated that "What do you expect, Mothers who have no proper home training for the purpose of motherhood, cannot be expected to produce children who become wives that have Home training and can impact such into their own daughters as well".
Its a "vicious cycle" and the result is what we are witnessing in todays marriage.

Daboomb:


Please STOP!
Their is a big difference in Working to earn a living (survival mode)...and working to just get out and. about and reduce boredom (fufilment ).

Wife of Dangotte or any first lady isnot working so she can feed her lazy-bum husband, they do it for fulfillment.
For many years, my wife refused to work because she said "how much are they going to pay me, what will it buy me that l dont already have"?
Eventually, l begged her to just do it for the fun of it as long as it does not interfere with her primary responsibility of taking care of the family (Me and her other children)
One day she came back and told me she will open her own company or nothing.
I asked why and she said she threw the folder at her Boss who was talking to her like she was her some desperate employee!.

I nearly died of laughter but as life will have it, her Boss of then, one day came to her office that she is running to seek sponsorship for one of their programs and was all smiles, thinking she has forgotten so quickly how she use to treat her employee back then.

[b]Point is, let your wife work but let her know that she is not doing it because she needs the money. Give her every thing a woman who is working 9-5 has (Nice car, a higher salary, apid Holidays trips, e.t.c) so she knows that hwat she earns at that work place is inconsequential and can be forgotten at a moment' notice[/b

You've just written a wonderful piece,but laced with bumps with mines.
A man might have a fantastic paying job/business and out of sheer ignorance or inexperience advice the wife to stay at home and take good care of the children,without any plan for support,if something should happens to the man or his business..
This action has brought down and tore most marriages to shreds.
I know big time entrepreneurs who still run totheir wife(hardworking housewife) for financial support.One of them told ne that his wife is his last Banker.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

Fortunately, I have seen yore exact problem before. The problem is your looks.

simply put, you now behave as mama Bolade instead of the fine babe he courted and married.
I bet you can't say I,m wrong.

Lesson number 1 .... a man is turned on or off by what he see!
NEVER FORHET THAT!

Hmmm......husband doesn't gist with you..... he never took you out since married..... you are in your early thirties...but married for 2 years. I strongly believe this man was trapped into marriage..... there is nothing you wrote that even hint that the man was ever interested in you being his friend let alone his wife. If you let us know about how this marriage came to be...maybe we can advise you better.

Caprigal:

Honestly, I was just reading and shaking my head. This site has many immature and sexist males its appalling. No one is even showing sympathy for the woman, they are all apportioning blame and asking her to solve the problems her husband caused.
If the tables were turned this thread will be 20 pages long with men insulting the wife for flirting outside and ignoring her husband at home.

Nobody is exactly blaming the woman actually. They are just asking her to look back at the possible root of the problem cos a man won't act dat way normally unless he either never loved his wife or smtn went wrong along the way or he just a demon... We need to ask questions b4 lashing out on the man. Same
Thing wud apply if a woman started misbehaving for no reason at home.

Lady let me tell you something.


1.Change the way you dress, start dressing like a 'single', not loose dressing ooo, but dress as though you're still a young lady, the kind of beautiful lady he would definitely have fallen in love with in the first place.....There's a VERY VERY HIGH RISK you've become physically unattractive to Him.......

You said He tells you to walk in front, He's getting ashamed of being seen with you.

2. Don't act like you're vulnerable near Him,act composed AS THOUGH YOU DONT RECOGNIZE HIS PRESENCE BUT THOUGH RESPECT HIM when He addresses you.


CONGRATS YOU GOT YOUR HUBBY BACK

I'm confuse and don't know what to say regarding this, find some elder to speak to him there's obviously something in his mind that's making him to act in that manner

Caprigal:
Many men are naturally wicked and hypocrites. I say that with no remorse. So what if she is jobless or not contributing financially? The normal thing to do would be to encourage her to get proactive like a supportive partner instead of this obvious disrespect and wickedness.
I bet if a woman decides to maltreat a man or flirt around because of the fact that he doesn't cook for the family or run after kids, everyone would converge to insult her not make excuses like they are doing here.
Rubbish.
@op, talk to him or ask a family member he respects to talk to him. I wonder how you ended up with such a heartless person in the first place.

Who gave you the authority to call another person's husband heartless? Do you think that because the op shares her experience, she now wants us to disrespect her husband?

But why do you have to come here and share whatever issues you have in your marriage?
I pity this generation.

Ladyhippolyta88:
It was superb no be small chopping ooo,with wetin I chop today I nor sure say I go chop for one week.Mine was really amazing and I hope your's was great as well and complements of the season to you.

That's great.

Caprigal:
Many men are naturally wicked and hypocrites. I say that with no remorse. So what if she is jobless or not contributing financially? The normal thing to do would be to encourage her to get proactive like a supportive partner instead of this obvious disrespect and wickedness.
I bet if a woman decides to maltreat a man or flirt around because of the fact that he doesn't cook for the family or run after kids, everyone would converge to insult her not make excuses like they are doing here.
Rubbish.
@op, talk to him or ask a family member he respects to talk to him. I wonder how you ended up with such a heartless person in the first place.

this response is one of the reasons i detest people bringing family matters to nairaland.....because people just give advices without applying logic to it and would just generalise!
Because this lady is the first to run here for advice doesn't NECESSARILY make her innocent. Why not let her answer the obvious questions first or let's hear from the husband before we jump into conclusions? In the absence of the other side of the story, why not ask this lady what really happened? Did the husband just wake up to this attitude or there has been some flashes of such attitudes before wedding but she chose to go on thinking she would change him?....what if she doesn't bring anything to the table but still nags at the little the man brings? What if this man was forced to marry her by being pregnant for him or something similar? There are a billion and one questions we can ask her before passing blames or jumping into conclusions abeg! 2 years is just too early to start having such problems in a home! Divorce might not be the problem to this lady's problem....she might be the solution to her own problems!!!
I am not in any way supporting this man but sometimes the solutions to our problems lie within us but we still run outside looking for help! I have tried to put myself in this man's shoes and i can't think of a reason i won't be proud of the woman i married....well that's me sha!!

peacettw:
Let me tell you something that no-one will ever tell you especially if not married... Give it time.... Time is your best friend now.... In 10 years time, you will look at your post and wonder why on earth you were concerned about your husband's behaviour. I can bet that half of your sufferings are based on what your young mind set
is imagining now but as you age, your mind toughens as well and then you can sieve out the wheat from chaff and learn to be less irritated.

Until u attain that maturity, why don't you get urself busy.... If you are not working, engage yourself and do some online courses. Learn a skill.. For Christ sake, live your life, love yourself, OWN IT and stop relying on your husband to be your source of happiness. That should come from within and when you have attained that, believe me, nothing your husband does will ever irritate you ever again. And please quit complaining...Learn to be self sufficient emotionally.

I doubt if any of this will make sense now but trust me, as time passes, you will understand...

We are twin souls...

curvilicious:


Issorite keep feeding your husband

Your mentality is truly sickening,your problem is just pride or ego because you are a man you feel you can't be taken care of.I am not saying men should be lazy or not provide some men may loose their job and the responsibility may fall on the woman and they didn't plan for that.There is nothing wrong if a woman is the breadwinner some marriages are like this and they are still going strong and don't try and use gender here of man this man that.And also I am not marrying my husband because I expect him to care for me financially I can do that myself.Maybe that is your line of thought but it is definitely not mine or the thoughts of other people.And with the economic situation in this country two heads are always better than one.And believe me in this century world your line of thought is really rare,you provide if you are capable and willing to and not because you are a man.To you that kind of person is not a man fine but if he has what I want in a husband and is not financially strong to me he is a man.

selfmade22:
when last did u tell ur hubby 'u loved him'

Someone is irritated, you're saying "tell your hubby you love him"... What do you people take Women for?

curvilicious:

Gimme beer first

e be like say u no dey ready to drink






Abeg other customers dey wait for me

curvilicious:
I get really irritated when i hear men looking for a financially stable woman nd expect to be well respected. You NL men keep saying maybe she has nothing to offer. I can't remember my grandma offering my grandpa financial support. All she used to do was advice him in the right direction nd take care of the home with what he provides.
The Bible didn't call the woman who cannot provide for her family as worse than an infidel but the man.

Na wa o shame on today's men tueh!

Read that verse again in context it was not referring to men.


God created a help mate not a parasite.

Caprigal:
Many men are naturally wicked and hypocrites. I say that with no remorse. So what if she is jobless or not contributing financially? The normal thing to do would be to encourage her to get proactive like a supportive partner instead of this obvious disrespect and wickedness.
I bet if a woman decides to maltreat a man or flirt around because of the fact that he doesn't cook for the family or run after kids, everyone would converge to insult her not make excuses like they are doing here.
Rubbish.
@op, talk to him or ask a family member he respects to talk to him. I wonder how you ended up with such a heartless person in the first place.

Lol.

It's not about being financially independent. That's how Ibo generally behaves. Funny enough, he could be the reason the wife never had a job. Some Ibo men, especially those with village mentality always love treating their wives as second class citizens while treating their bro and their wives far better than their wives. They believe in suppressing and oppressing the wife in order to gain some form of control over her.

Can you imagine the one at our house was expecting his wife to wash his younger brother's cloth and almost beat her when she refused until we intervened? There was even a time one of his brothers and his wife came to the apartment to beat the wife while the husband was on the sideline supporting them. He's often more at home with his brother's wife than his own wife! Funny enough his wife sound more like a literate than himself, his bro and their wives. I don't even know why she married him in the first place and the said man never allowed her to seek for any occupation.

Archaic folks!

emmyluizzz:

e be like say u no dey ready to drink







Abeg other customers dey wait for me

Ok take moni

Daboomb:


Some times, l feel like slapping th eheck out of some of our young men of today!
Among their list of "wife material" is that she must be working in a coirporate environment...when they themselves dont even have a job!

Foolish Gigolo, l call them.
Why wont their wife turn them to "collect-wrapper-hold-for-me"?

Everything is so upside down nowadays, it is so annoying.

If your grand Parents lived in the Village and never went to the farm then your know something was terribly wrong with her.

peacettw:
Let me tell you something that no-one will ever tell you especially if not married... Give it time.... Time is your best friend now.... In 10 years time, you will look at your post and wonder why on earth you were concerned about your husband's behaviour. I can bet that half of your sufferings are based on what your young mind set
is imagining now but as you age, your mind toughens as well and then you can sieve out the wheat from chaff and learn to be less irritated.

Until u attain that maturity, why don't you get urself busy.... If you are not working, engage yourself and do some online courses. Learn a skill.. For Christ sake, live your life, love yourself, OWN IT and stop relying on your husband to be your source of happiness. That should come from within and when you have attained that, believe me, nothing your husband does will ever irritate you ever again. And please quit complaining...Learn to be self sufficient emotionally.

I doubt if any of this will make sense now but trust me, as time passes, you will understand...

this definitely sounds like a matured mind! Sometimes there is no problem anywhere, we create those problems ourselves and we still run around looking for solutions that lie within us already!

Ladyhippolyta88:
You must be living in 1521 this is 2017 and we are almost in 2018.The truth is times have changed.

My brother , time has not changed. They are making it look like that.

Most grand mother joined their husbands in the farm, harvest and keep the family. How is that different from a woman having a good job?

Balkan:
Let me be honest with you, l am married for ten years now. The atitude your guy is giving you is exertly what l give my wife

In my own case, it started well but there so many things she does that l dislike which l told her that it irritates me but she always nags why l tell her that.

1. She is always unclad in the room. I mean always. She never covers herself.
2, When ever she inters the toilet to poo she never shuts the door of the toilet in our room.
3 She always fart in front of me
4 She always ask for things she knows we cant afford.
5 She does not give me any spacial attention eg. No saperation of things l use from the things everbody use in the house like plates and cups

So many littles things that matter to guys she does not observe them and when l bring them up, she will tell me that l hate her.

The truth is that l dont get errection again when l see her. So to make love to her is difficult because l dont get erection. But when l see ladies she is much more finer than, my dick stands

We hardley sit to talk because she irritates me. But l am just praying for God to help me. I am not ready to marry another woman. But the love is dead. She does not respect me bc l cant perform but l cant take vigra for her because l am BP patient.

She is in her 30s and l am in my 40s

But she is just a pretty lady with good sense of dressing. A dream of every man but worths nothing to me

Jayzus Christ!

How do things get to this stage and nobody can take corrective action?
I can imagine what you are going through...l mean, even l, a ,man, cannot fart in front to my wife or even my children, it will be so embarrassing but we all fart and know to excuse yourself to some place where you can do it discreetly!
Common courtesy demands that you don tleave the En Suit Toilet door open and allow the smell of defecation to return back into the bedroom! Infact, you must open the windows and use deodorant immediately any of use use our common En Suit bath/toilet, so as to keep it clean for your spouse!
And I will find it very disrespectful if even my eldest son uses my Jug to drink!
Everyone in the house will tell you , "That is Dad's Jug, drop it down". No stories
We all have our plates and personal things that we all respect and wont use that of others.... and there are more than enough of such stuffs anyway so, there isno need to use what others are "used to suing". It is an unpsoken rule that we all observe.
I cant imagine my wife using my own plate to serve a visitor. The kind "red eye" l will throw in her direction sef, she will know that a line has been crossed.

As to the walking unclad within the house, if it is just two of you in that house and there is "extreme privacy" ....l wouldn't mind if l were you but then, when you dislike a woman to the point two of youare right now, the things that are supposed to trip you, will be so annoying to you!
She is just not appealing to you anymore.
When we really dont have anything to do on a weekend, me and my wife can be inside our "honeymoon space" (as we call our Master bedroom) from the previous night till 4pm in the evening! naked all through! Sleep, sex, wakeup, drink sole liquids, sleep, sex, talk, e.t.c, just the two of us (children know not to knock more than once, if not opened, then they use the intercom to say whatever they want and then bleep-off).
Husband and Wife must have their private and quiet times always, to BOND further.
But when "love dont live hear-anymore, it is another story!

If your wife asks for what SHE KNOWS both of you cant afford, then tell her to increase her work and income so she can afford it herself.
You should not steal just to satisfy the avarice of your spouse or kill yourself while trying to. That is not love. Love shhould be understanding and protective of the other spouse and not push them too hard.

As itis now, what do oyu think can be done to re-awaken this love that died or did you not love her at some times in the past?
Does she do all these things back then?
marriage is a very serious matter than can make or mar both of you so it has to be handled with some determination and effort.
For eample, when you talk to her about farting in your presence, what is her response?
Is it that she finds nothing wrong in that behaviour (probably due to fualty upbringing, some homes dont see it as anything wrong)
Have you tried to educate her on the need for respecting others, even your spouse, to keep certain things private and not cause odiferous odour to return back into the Master Bedroom? Whats her reaction?

Can she change?
can other women talk to her?
What about her parents, when things are really getting out of hand, can they be of help or is it a case of "bad in-laws worse than a bad wife""?

I dont like couples to break over matters that can be resolved, it really brings me down.
Both of you are at an age when you should begin to really enjoy each others company

Ladyhippolyta88:
Your mentality is truly sickening,your problem is just pride or ego because you are a man you feel you can't be taken care of.I am not saying men should be lazy or not provide some men may loose their job and the responsibility may fall on the woman and they didn't plan for that.There is nothing wrong if a woman is the breadwinner some marriages are like this and they are still going strong and don't try and use gender here of man this man that.And also I am not marrying my husband because I expect him to care for me financially I can do that myself.Maybe that is your line of thought but it is definitely not mine or the thoughts of other people.And with the economic situation in this country two heads are always better than one.And believe me in this century world your line of thought is really rare,you provide if you are capable and willing to and not because you are a man.To you that kind of person is not a man fine but if he has what I want in a husband and is not financially strong to me he is a man.

She is a lady.. A hungry lazy one.

She is begging on the thread already.

Freebuzz girls. Their stock in trade is to insult men forgetting that MONEY HAS NO GENDER.

JustCryptos:


Hello Op, I didn't bother reading all the advise people may have given above, but trust me, o have seen your case first hand.

Your husband does not value or respect you, and do not be surprised if he cheats. He is probably ashamed of you. What you need to do is start taking your stand on things. If you do not have a job and have a remarkable stream of income, get one. Stop depending so much on him, get things done yourself, learn a new skill, learn a new language, and while at it, flaunt it at his face. And like someone said above, pray.

How will learning a new language help?...oh, or maybe she should learn Spanish so when she's angry with him, she can call him names like "perro" and feel therapeutic, maybe that will help her sanity...LOL

Daboomb:


I really dont need to!
Ofcourse, you dont know what you are mssing because you have "No Clue" how it is suppose to be, in the first place!
It is called BLISSFUL IGNORANCE.
Please keep enjoying what you have.


BTW: Someone postulated that "What do you expect, Mothers who have no proper home training for the purpose of motherhood, cannot be expected to produce children who become wives that have Home training and can impact such into their own daughters as well".
Its a "vicious cycle" and the result is what we are witnessing in todays marriage.

That is your problem sir and I am sincerely grateful to God that I don't have problems like this one.So in other words it is only the mother that trains the children no wonder a lot of children are closer to their mothers.Well as for me my parents taught me everything I know and I am very close to my dad it is not blissful ignorance.My mom is a strong confident and determined woman who not only has a job but owns a business as well.Which one is supposed to be in the "first place" man made laws are always subject to change.Which one be vicious cycle you always seem to look at the negative and I do not go with that line of mothers training daughters alone I believe it is parents training children.Me I have a lot of clues,I don't need to agree with you to prove that I have clues.

Macgreat:


Read that verse again in context it was not referring to men.


God created a help mate not a parasite.

A help mete not a full time provider