All of you are wasting your time. The man does not love her. Period

dafeyankee:
Talk to him about it.

You are his wife and not his girlfriend. When you notice some un-husbandly character in your man, you bring it to his attention,and you might even be surprised he has no inkling that he is hurting your feelings.

Very right. This should be the starting point.

Are you sure you didn't force yourself into him via pregnancy? That's what one gets in that scenario.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

It is like your husband doesn't like you much. Did he get married because you got pregnant or you placed a gun to his head to do it?

Dear, what do you know about his past relationship? Are you sure he didn't marry you because he needed someone to assist him in moving on after breaking up from his ex?

The only time I have seen this happen was a man that ended up marrying someone he didn't really love because his ex broke up with him and he had to selfishly marry the next available girl in order to cover up the misery he suddenly found himself.

I think there's no love in this marriage, please think and act right. I wish you well

This is all too familiar. The average Nigerian woman rushes into a relationship because 'time is going.' After which they really have nothing else. To them, marriage is the sum total of their achievement or what they wanted to achieve in life. They are then left with the question of what next?!

Just some days back, some people were cheering a lady that accepted a guy's proposal of marriage barely three months of knowing him. Cases like that usually lead to incidences like this. Although I acknowledge longer relationships can also bring these things, but the chances are usually slimmer compared to the latter.

That said, I'm 100 percent sure you know where the problem is. Chief amongst which may be your lack of financial contributions to the family. You can't afford just 10k to treat yourself? Haba!

Ask to talk to him and gently and politely ask him where you've done wrong. That is assuming you didn't see all of these and ignored it. Ask to talk to him ams find out what the problem is. It'll be easier to move from there.

Oh, and I'll really advice you get a job and start leaving the house early to return later in the day. Work, work, work! Get in shape and look hot! No one ever punished a married woman for looking good.

By the way, how is your séx life?!

The, there can be many reasons why this new attitude of his could come up but you see, simple truth most of us shy away from is the fact that CHANGE happens. You may not have done anything! I've seen a couple of these instances and been instrumental in fostering peace. Young ladies, it is good feeling when your man dotes on you especially during courtship but you see, like Tope Alabi sang in one if her songs, that is what every the cock does. All these 'lovinto lovinto' things may not (note: this is not invariable) continue after marriage and especially with some changes to your physique after birth. It is just like nature of men to move on after a territory has been conquered. Don't let anyone hold your key to happiness. Find what gives you joy and pursue it. Continue being a good person, wife, mother to your baby and take food care of yourself. Believe me, he runs out of steam in no time and will appreciate you with time. Bym, town go still flog am come house. Peace

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

Better tell us the reason, he is behaving like that

MhizzAJ:
Marriage is really interesting Here to read comments and learn as well

Same here. what have you learnt so far? come teach me

Daboomb:


Money should never be a problem in marriage!
I am sure she is not richer than my wife, who is a CEO of a company that has grown to employing 34 adults as of today, 90% of whom are graduates but she never disrespects me nor try to rub it in my face that she can buy whatever she wants...she actually insists l buy her things she needs, as her husband, by her right as my wife.
So, l dont think it is just "the money" that causing the is wahala.
It is just "arrogance of the mind". I hope she will realise her folly and mend her ways, before it is too late
But her Parents, and this is why l always say that one must look properly at the parents of your spouse!
bad parenst cannot ever raise good children because you cant give what you dont have.
Home training is that training we get from our Parents and women will get majority from their own Mums while their Dad will supply the rest. Ditto with Men and their Dads too. If a Dad is too tempramental, it si slikely his son will have anger issues because that is what he lives with and sees everyday.
But a child brought up with love between both parents, who sees smiles, than you, l love you, you are beauitful and laughter all his life, will end up like that as well. Its not about money. it is about love.

Marriage should be blissful, enjoyable and so comforting and you sound like a man with a good heart so, l will encourage you to keep faith, keep couselling her. Just try your best s that "your conscience" can be at rest that you tied everything possible to make it work.
You know that children can feel it, when Daddy and Mummy are at loggerheads and it affects them psychologically even though we adults are too engrossed in our ways to notice?
If theur are children in-between, try to keep things out of view (dont let them know thongs ar enot okay and you can even make excuses for her when they want to catch-on), just to protect their own health.

Pray also. God wont come down to change her but God can remove some of the "issues molding her" this way.
I wish you well. merry Xmas and happy new year.
I feel sad for you right now,

.l wish l have way to contact you and tell you more. You have actually given me a good advice, there is little l can say in this forum. Things l face l cant open up and discuss with anybody or complain to. If I tell my people how she behaves, they will take side and support me and hate her.

Thats the reason l cant complain to them. It will divide us the more.

YOU NEED ADVICE BAA!!!!

1) I know this writeup is a lie
2) So is here in nairaland where we have mostly ss3 students and jambites you are seeking for marital advice?
3) Advice i will give you is, dont just forge article for writing sake and if actually this is true, nairaland is not the place. seek professional advce not nairaland advice

nothernstar:
Are you sure you didn't force yourself into him via pregnancy? That's what one gets in that scenario.

That is what might have happen.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa

---

. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

In your early 30s and married for two years and yet still talk using language like HE CAN LAUGH AND GIST FOR AFRICA. my sister the reason he acts like that is not far fetched. Pls look inwards.you are probably acting like a girl instead of a woman

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

I will advise that you visit a marriage counsellor, PASTOR BISI ADEWALE. He will counsel you for free.

jagugu88li:
....and I thought I have heard it all. If seperation of plates and cups between you and your household means special attention in your dictionary, I don't understand you at all.

Sir, I think you are just trying to have complaints unnecessarily. Your case is surely different.

I get that she is practically unreasonable for asking way above affordable, everything else sounds like nagging to me (do excuse my choice of words). You have no problem with your wife, you just fell out of the union. Amen. Mind you, at times there are no viable reasons to explain why our feelings change, they just do and one will then try to find reasons, literally making them up. Your case.

Have a good one.

you are a lady, l dont know if you are married but dont take any of this l mentioned for granted. It will help your marriage. Thank you.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

I suspect you may not be pulling your weight.

How's your dress sense? Has it been lost since you got married? I am not saying you should dress like a LovePeddler but you can dress very appealing.

What of your body? Have you lost shale since you got.married? Do you have flab here and there? Start jogging and other exercises. There are some exercises you'll do for maximum 10inutes a day and you'll look dazzling.

Do you go out of your way to pet your husband? The way you did when we're dating? Do you call h endearing names or just daddy junior.

Are you submissive? Do you treat him like the head of the house. Men value respect more than anything. That's why the bible advises women to be submissive to their husbands.

You duty is too meet up to your duties as a wife. Are you?

Then again, the fault or some fault maybe from your husband?

Question is, did you notice such behavior in your husband before he got married? Did you overlook it then because of your eagerness to settle down? That would have been a big mistake.

He might also be taking you for granted now that you ate his wife. He's no more chasing you.

I would advise you take my first few suggestions about how to make yourself far more appealing to him.

My cousin said that she was always fighting with her husband. She later chose to change and be submissive towards. She said because of her submissiveness and respect, any thing she asked for she always got. If he couldn't afford, he'll borrow to get it for her.

Don't take him for granted that you're now his wife so no more sisi eko.

Show him what you gat!

Ketima:
YOU NEED ADVICE BAA!!!!

1) I know this writeup is a lie
2) So is here in nairaland where we have mostly ss3 students and jambites you are seeking for marital advice?
3) Advice i will give you is, dont just forge article for writing sake and if actually this is true, nairaland is not the place. seek professional advce not nairaland advice

l am very sure you are single. You may not understand. Wait for your turn

What I have learnt so far about life is,we don't have the power to change anyone but we have the power to change ourselves.

Go ahead and be the change you want to see in him,you want a super romantic husband? Be one yourself, learn hot romance and show him how to be one.

About pet names? do you call him one? Like Baby,Honey,Sweet, Sugar,Mine,my Love,My Ki ng,My Prince...See,if you do,before you know it,he would reciprocate,at first it would be like it is not working, trust me ,he is thinking and he would respond to you unexpectedly.

Respect him,treat him like a king in his own house and you would receive the kind of love you never imagined from him.

Lastly,tell God about it.

You would be fine.

Compliments of the season.

Mariangeles:
When you truly fall in love, believe me...you'd want to be possessed by her, you'd be angry when she doesn't get jealous when you're around other females... YES, the LOVE of a WOMAN is that powerful!

Different people with different personalities. I have seen what jealousy can do. I have seen jealous spouse do crazy things in the name of love. Have you forgotten, love is not jealous.

though i dont have the whole story and facts but from these..
well, as someone rightly asked, did this start after marriage.. and it is know that well for some people, the love they have for each other dwindles after a few years in marriage. Its actually a good thing that you've spoken out, I think the next thing is if you are a believer Pray and talk to him about these and if you are not, talk to him still about these.. Its quite normal for the dislike to set in in this kind if scenario but before it grows into hate, pls talk with him and iron things out

You know in most cases when a woman gets married and give birth she relaxes and feels she has arrived. It depends the type of man you fell into my dear, there are men who can ignore your laxity and take whatever they see, some will start giving you attitudes. Men build houses and women build homes. Just cool down and work on yourself and determine that this marriage must work, Give him positive attitude, play fool and pretend as if you are not seeing his ugly behaviours, identify his good mood and with lower voice talk to him and point out the areas you want him to change things.

At times involving third parties in marriages doesn't work and can worsen things., it is two of you can make it work, but you have to play the major roles, spice it, garnish it with true love and prayers.

It is the woman that owns marriage and you are the one that can make it work with your prayers. If you divorce him and did not work on yourself now, you may see similar attitude on your future partner.

Mind you in divorce is the woman that suffers most. Be supportive both mental, financial and otherwise, because any mistake from your side, there are more beautiful hundred of girls out there ready to take your place and treat him more better no matter how bad he is. I have spoken. Shalom!

curvilicious:
I get really irritated when i hear men looking for a financially stable woman nd expect to be well respected. You NL men keep saying maybe she has nothing to offer. I can't remember my grandma offering my grandpa financial support. All she used to do was advice him in the right direction nd take care of the home with what he provides.
The Bible didn't call the woman who cannot provide for her family as worse than an infidel but the man.

Na wa o shame on today's men tueh!

I no knw which side you from come but my own grandma dey follow grandpale go farm steady, till soil together.My grandma also they carry stuff go market on market days and she dey coordinate sale of their farm produce. she popular so tey she chop iyaloja for villa. ...Most men will pick a woman who has all the good qualities of a wife + hard-working and independent.As for what the bible says pls read proverbs 31 very well. That verse speaks about a cool headed and hard working business woman. My dear that is the kinda woman God advised his sons to pick not the one who sits pretty and believes advise is all she should give. I laugh when I hear this advise thing sef....how many brain dey babes of this generation head wey den wan take advise correct guy to success

Prepare his favorite food, when he's done give him a good bl*w job then discuss it with him...... Wish you de best

Maybe the reason he married you wad cause you got pregnant for him, or you became too fat and less admirable to him, or you just too annoying or he has tried to be romantic with you and he always get negative results. I just feel you the cause of the whole shit since you the story teller you have painted yourself to look like the victim.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

Hope you are not the sloven type that will insist on you attitude till it gets out of hand.

"I Have Been Thinking He Will Change" This Is What Is Killing Marriages. He Didnt Just Start This Atitude Suddenly, It Was There Wen U Were Dating N U Refused To Walk Away. Why Complaining Nw? Naturally, A Gal Can Play Hard To Get But With Time She Will Love Wholeheartedly But Wen A Man's Heart Says No, It Remains No. If You Buy Him Bugatti And Give Birth To Angelina Jolie For Him, He Wont Stil Love U 100%.
Sister, You R Married And You R Married. So Enjoy Ur Marriage Bitter Or Sweet.

my dear, I can't say u are completely innocent cos I Dont know his own part of d story but I have seen d same case in in other homes, even my sisters husband is guilty of it. I wonder y, all I can say is to Ignor him and when he fall sick, do d same to him. call him by his name till he is forced to ask y, pay his family and friends attention but dont 4get to play ur wifey duties. goodluck

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

you didn't offend him and he is acting this way ? If yes, then he is playing a mind game with you.. To make sure you do not feel so 'special' and start misbehaving. This is common in men and it is what we call attract n repel but I see he is doing so much of repel/annoying/ unattracting part to you since he concludes you are already atrracted to him but what he doesn't realise us that overdoing it can be backfiring just as it is now seeing that its giving you a headache.

This is what I think you should do : Don't just ignore, go to him and tell him plain that you feel JEALOUS when he calls other girls his love and that YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT... (YOu might not wat to say you are jealous, then don't say it but MAKE SURE YOU RING IT IN HIS EAR THAT IT MSKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE POLITELY).
He would try to make it look like a non issue, don't give in... Let him get it that you are not comfortable with it. If he persist in that attitude, then he has unconsciously let kniwn to you his stance and that is that he doesn't respect _ I mean, respect you at all. Then from there, sit him down. Ask him why he has no respect for you as a wife politely.
If he stops the attitude, just then or a few days, very few days I mean, Tell him that you are carrying out a self examination and that he should tell you where you need to improve ,,, whatever he says, make sure YOU DO THAT. VERY IMPORTANT...

Wish you best of luck

ivolt:


Please be reasonable, the man is deliberately ignoring her like some play kids
do when they quarrel.
Adults are supposed to voice their concern and not engage in cheap games.
It doesn't matter if she "trapped" him with pregnancy or if his family member
don't like her.

All he needed to do is sit her down and tell her his problems so they can
decide if to resolve it, stay together or separate.

This is one of the reasons I don't pity some men who are abandoned in
their old age because many have played god in their youths not knowing
that power is transient.

@favouredAda
Sit him down and also inform his closest family about his behaviours and if he does not change
after the discussion. You must start acting like he doesn't exist and stop expecting him to be
good to you. He is apparently enjoying his silly games. Find something worthwhile to do and not
kill yourself with thinking.

how did u know d bolded... I can never decide a case until I hear from both parties... Abeg use ur brain...

etenyong:
There are reasons ur husband dislike you. Maybe you pressured him to marry you or you use pregnancy to have ur way in his house. However, try check ur self and what you might have done that makes him behave that way. Do u nag? do u disrespect him? or what are those things he compliant about you? Find out and work on those things and you will surely get positive result.

I am suspecting she forced herself on the man with a pregnancy. Desperate women are like that. That's how one wanted to force someone's else child on my head and make me marry her. Thank God I escaped that trap

Like other posters said, maybe he is no more attracted to you. Maybe you have grown too fat or smell bad as you stopped taking care of yourself.

Topestbilly:


Since we don't have his part of the story, I will advise you to be honest to yourself because it's going to do you a big favour.

*Check yourself if you've done something wrong that led to all this maltreatment

*Check if there are some particular doing of yours that irritates him.

*if you find any of the above, sit him down, beg him, tell him u wil make amends but if you truly check yourself and your hands are clean. Remember your life and happiness are your priorities.

May God help you.

May God bless u for the advice and add more knowledge to your modular.

...