favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

xendra:
ptff in marriage they are help meet. the woman shouldn't waste her time, that man doesn't want the marriage to work.
he was the one that got irritated first, he should have talked about it.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

MidNightHunter:

Wow ! Really not expecting these.... ..was kind of looking forward to ur "counter"..
Your humility & gut to accept the truth just melted my heart,sir...all the best sir .. Good wife fall on ur u if not married ...If married already, GREAT children that will give u less headache fall on u....
#Festive greetings

MidNightHunter:

Wow ! Really not expecting these.... ..was kind of looking forward to ur "counter"..
Your humility & gut to accept the truth just melted my heart,sir...all the best sir .. Good wife fall on ur u if not married ...If married already, GREAT children that will give u less headache fall on u....
#Festive greetings

Diademk07:


Lol. Yeah I love my tribe too well but you would hardly see me be the first to insult a tribe on any thread though. I give as much they give. You would even see the contents of the posts I often quote to give response worse than mine.

However this particular topic spoke close to home. I was reading it and it was like an event I've seen already and when I looked up to see the OP moniker, I wasn't surprised. I wouldn't have said anything on this thread because I hardly say anything on family issues but for someone who said the OP is not independent and had lost her shape as the reason why her husband constantly humiliates her because that's not true in our Tenant's case. I have to tell the poster that it's an Ibo thing. Our tenant's wife even talked about how people are envious of her after interacting with her husband. Her friends and church members would say she's lucky to have such a nice husband not knowing he's a demon at home. He's always moody, uncultured, drawing one stupid line between his wife and himself as well acting all mighty in the house even when himself doesn't look all that good whereas his wife looked far classy and educated than him. I still don't know why the wife married him in the first place.

Topestbilly:


Since we don't have his part of the story, I will advise you to be honest to yourself because it's going to do you a big favour.

*Check yourself if you've done something wrong that led to all this maltreatment

*Check if there are some particular doing of yours that irritates him.

*if you find any of the above, sit him down, beg him, tell him u wil make amends but if you truly check yourself and your hands are clean. Remember your life and happiness are your priorities.

May God help you.

LecciGucci:


Op neva mentioned she is married to ibo anywhere and u had to bring that in.
Every tribe has good and bad people stop saying "ibo thing"..
There are irresponsible and responsible men everywhere in the world.
mind u I stay in lagos and i have withnessed many family chaos and that wont make me condem any tribe.

U people should stop all this tribal stuff..
We are not enjoying it.

Mixola:


I really wish I can answer all these questions. I admit that I brought all this on my self (her too). I had been careful all my life til I met her. I was only taught about commitment in marriage. Love/passion/ affection/friendliness were secondary until few weeks I signed the dotted lines. We have two kids. Their age difference is quite much, almost four years and it's simply because I don't wanna father another child in this hapless harmony. Courtship was a disaster. I felt my real self was mummified. Despite all these, I wanted to make it work but there was no oil in the mill. I feel terribly bad cos I broke up with ladies amicably when I observed things I couldn't cope with. This caught me pants down. I take responsibility even though there were pastoral influences. Persons i respect in the church but I can't start to blame them.

Like the other guy said, I don't get any erection on sighting her. I wouldn't go violent. I will rather drive to sambisa. I was considering divorce but for the kids and my old mother. My mum raised five of us alone till adulthood. I was 5 when dad passed on. Divorce will shatter her even though my wife has little or no regard for her. My mum will call her and she will never pick or acknowledge or return the call. I keep in touch with her parents and siblings yet mine are abhorrent to her.

I don't know why I am still here really. Death seems sweeter though I can't initiate myself. I really wanna be free

Jman06:
You are a wise lady for being able to detect his misogynistic attitude early enough. An average Nigerian lady would be carried away by the guy's wealth or looks and "mumuishly" follow him until marriage while claiming to be in love.
Then after a few months in marriage, they start behaving as if the scale just fell off their eyes while those attitudes have been their all along.

This was why I didn't pity the Op in my post. Most times the attitudes were there from the onset but were ignored.

GraGra247:
All the things you listed points to one thing and one thing mainly:

Your husband has developed chronic dislike for you.

Finding out the cause is now left for you.

Diademk07:


Her moniker gave that out.

Btw, I did mention some Yoruba men's flaw on this very thread as well but that Op details speak about one tribe I quite know.

I don't even think I've ever seen a Yoruba man act not so friendly towards his wife or domineering as well as acting all mighty to the extent that his wife can't even converse with him on issues regardless of whatever scuffle they had prior to that. They may fight and even if such scuffle deteriorate to the husband beating the wife, you wouldn't definitely see relatives or friends stand to watch on the sideline while encouraging the husband to continue to beat her to teach her lesson. That's quite odd.

mrphysics:

What you wrote here is true. Very true and there is no doubt about it especially the first paragraph.

Truth is, it might not be because OPs husband do now love her. Some men see their wife as their own, they expect her to understand the way they do and leave their life. The husband may not even be taking care of himself and spent most time helping others who are far from him and his wife.

I really do not know what else to say. Nairaland this days is filled with guys and ladies who just want to blame their opposite sex. Nairaland ladies have been overpowered by the guys, hence the advise that the op should move it to bellanaija or whatever. The argument on nairaland is aimed at destructively criticising women.

alexialin:






My dear, women like the op ignored such signs. Especially when they see his fancy house, and automobile .

Even two of my friends said, I get mind o! How could I drop a rich good looking tall young guy like him! He even lives in a duplex given to him by his dad.. Mehn I have mind!

I laughed at them then just shook my head and I said babes, it's not about the duplex, or his fleet of cars.. The guy is damned arrogant. Who da fucvk, does he think he is? Am not a pauper myself. Because I appear humble and I didn't show off my car on our first date, does not mean am hungry or looking for a rich guy to leach on. Abeg I deserve better.

And it's true I deserve better. A good hardworking loving man. My neighbors next flats, who got married to very comfortable humble men, are so enjoying ehnn? I just pray God lemme not miss my way marrying the wrong man. They so much as pamper their wives. It's incredible.

While women in the op's shoes, living in a grand massive house, they look so sad, dejected and withdrawn.. Mehn I can't live the remaining years of my life like that .. Heavens forbid.

MrBrownJay1:

I want to believe you are not married. As a married man i know what am facing in my marriage. Infact, atimes i begin to imagine is she the kind of wife i married or someone else. Please before you termed anyone wicked, think deep because you don't what the guy had gone through before he resorted to kind of behaviour is exhibing
FIXED

by the way, do you really think that contributing financially and helping that demon would change anything?! this man has absolutely NO LOVE for this woman, and dont even want to be seen by her side... a smart person would ask what is going on, and thus divorce the demon who treats her like common garbage. end of misery.

LecciGucci:


I can see u are unrepentant tribalist.
Continue.
Besides Yorubas has the highest divorce rate in nigeria..
u can start counting with the celebrities all and the ones i have witnessed here.

All cases involved cheating and man beating up wife.
So dont even go there

Diademk07:


Lmao.

Hear yourself, celebrities. Lol. Besides, only mercy aigbe's husband was violent with her. The likes of tee bliz, 9ice never did. Even Churchill made more sound evidence than Tonto's moonlight tales which showed that it was Tonto that was violent in the marriage, not him although Churchill may have acted out of self defense on some occasion.

That said, Yoruba would rather annul an unsuitable marriage rather than continue to subjugate and demean the wife in an unfruitful home. If our tenant's wife knew her worth, she would have been out of that scam called marriage but I guess she has no where to run to considering her parents already sold her into marriage.

And yes, I say it as it is. If you don't like it, goan sleep.

alexialin:






True I notice the destructive critising mentality here.

I simply ignore them. I have a mind of my own. They can criticize from now till tomorrow, I don't care. It doesn't get to me.. I may be angry but afterwards I ignore and follow my mind.. Am that stubborn. Cause I know what's right and wrong and what's applicable and what's not.
So badmouthing and critising wrongly don't get to me. Have already grown a tough skin!.

loneatar:
nah virus

loneatar:
nah virus

correctguy101:
You dey mind that yeye girl?

But I wouldn't call him a demon, at least not yet.
I'm very sure I can't keep enemies with anyone I see regularly, especially when we stay in the same house, come even be the mother of my child.

BadLuckonmyGame:
have u heard the man side of the story? Remember who first judge no dey ever do wrong o... If the man comes up with his story na u will start calling the woman demon...

slineik:

Let's be careful how will jump into conclusion on matters like this.
If you hear the husband part of this story your reaction mint change.
Experience have thought me never to judge until I hear from both parties.
Merry Christmas Nairalanders

Mariangeles:
If she is still interested in the marriage, at least she should try fixing things first before walking out.

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

mattodunsi:
I want to believe you are not married. As a married man i know what am facing in my marriage. Infact, atimes i begin to imagine is she the kind of wife i married or someone else. Please before you termed anyone wicked, think deep because you don't what the guy had gone through before he resorted to kind of behaviour is exhibing

Jman06:
Please keep it up. Never settle for a misogynist because i believe that it is misogyny that makes some guys think they can treat a woman any how.
Always look out for those little signs when you are courting a man. The signs of misogyny are always there! Run away from any guy that feels that men are lord over women. Even by their utterances you will know. Observe the way he treat other women, his mom and sisters inclusive. Any guy that utters such sentences as "Do you know I am a man?" Or "Why don't you act like a woman?",Or "Women are evil!" etc, is a misogynist and you should run away from them.
Also, guys raised in an all-boys home have greater tendency of being misogynists, so watch out!


I wish you luck in your search.

buddie:
And you think or feel this number of men can all be wrong abi?

She had better wake up and start finding better means of improving her marriage before more damage is done instead.

alexialin:











Amen.

Thanks dear My search has stopped since early this year.

The guy am dating is nowhere close to such kind of men. Hes not extremely rich but he's comfortable and he's doesn't Lord over me, he respects and adores me. And I like am, like that.

It seems you are married?

Jman06:
Ok

I'm not yet married o. Still preparing the grounds for a better marriage.

alexialin:






Eeyah

U think like a man who has very good experience in making ones wife and home balanced.

I like you ways of thoughts.


And I wish you the very best of luck in your aspirations and plans. Nice thoughtful dude, I will say.

Chek!.