Yeah successful women tend to be more self confident, independent, assertive, emotionally stable, self sufficient etc than someone dependant on a man entirely financially and some find this intimidating because she can't be controlled as easily

They don't mind someone with a good career on paper and smart enough to not be considered stupid but they want that to be as far as it goes as the other traits give her more leverage to be able to challenge him

The other day one guy was telling me I have to accept that the man owns me because he feeds me etc and when I told him I have my own money he had no other argument

I've also met a lot of Nigerian men that don't have this mindset but the ones that do definitely outweigh them

I see some ladies here clearly say out their opinion about NG men..

I admire the boldness of the lady,she has freely expressed herself here unlike other ladies who can't even dare do same!

**gboza gboza gboza** for op

U see every men has a choice just like I do!

But I think majority of men now especially nigerian men want an independent lady and at thesame time they are afraid to have one..

I agree some men too want jus sex from ladies jus as u noted and at thesame time some don't even need it...

Op u are bold I admire that in you,thanks for the writeup!

Safiaaa:
This is not to bash Nigerian Men at all. This is just an observation and I have every right to my opinion. I'm also not generalizing, talking about the majority.

Now I've observed something about most Nigerian men that I don't seem to understand. It baffles me and it's very distasteful. I've honestly come to the conclusion that you guys indirectly know what you want but cover it with deceit. I know every effing person has heard this phrase ' All Nigerian women bring to the table is pussy and nothing else, they're useless', but indirectly that's exactly what they want.

You see, a lot of Nigerian men have inflated fragile egos. They run after things that stroke their manhood, which is fine. The problem is that most of them are in denial. When a woman has nothing to offer but her pussy, she's dependent on you in every other aspect, especially financially. And as we all know most men find security and confidence in their pocket size. So when a woman depends on a man for her finances, it's almost like she's stroking his ego and confidence at the same time. He likes that superior/ dominant feeling. It's what most Nigerian men crave for. That financial dominance is a safety ego ground that they can always run back to.

On the other hand, when a women is financially independent got her life together and doing well for herself, what do Nigerian men do? Run the opposite direction. Why? Intimidation. Insecurity. Fear of feeling inferior. Calling her all sorts of names. A women who is independent will not NEED to beg you for money or ask you for anything. So in that case, they're not feeling as ' manly' as they would like. It burns them internally. Jealousy, envy and lies will begin to fall into the picture. If you don't agree with that you're on a long tin

So Nigerian men, stop being in denial. If you want a women who only offers her pussy and frequent emotional availability here and there, just be honest with yourself. A financially independent women is not for the emotionally weak minded. Indirectly, most of you want a woman who is financially dependent on you. You want that financial dominance, that superiority. My problem is that when she's offering that pussy to you, don't complain. Accept it like a ' man' and take on the financial responsibility. If not, change your class of women. Financially independent women should not intimidate you or scare you away. Go for the women who will compete with you in finances. The ball is in your hands, take responsibility for your damn actions, and stop acting confused all the time.

Dassal.

'



Okay, you caught my attention. I disagree 100%, many times it's anout mental posturing.When a person reaches sharp decision prior to evaluation,without any debate, it's clear to see some mechanisms have been employed in advance, " in the event of ",Once an individual has a psyche of, in-the-event-of, it wouldn't take much to begin to look for loopholes to validate fears and insecurities. I beg to differ that men don't want financially independent ladies, or want ladies they can manipulate at a whim, rather just as sad as it would be to see a lion reduced to a cat, quite a number of men are ( SEEMINGLY, ANOTHER MENTAL POSTURING THIS TIME IN THE CASE OF MEN ), scared of the outcome of such relationships, would it be healthy? When two captains are on a ship, i.e, two breadwinners, it takes humility for one to step down occassionaly for the other, which a financially independent woman may ascribe too much power to herself to want to take that two-ten seconds to relax to save that relationship, incidentally, men go for the kinds that won't test such boundaries. Hence, the mentality of never date a working class woman. This is half-truth, in the real world, relationships have been reduced to a game of power-control, hence the need to get a seemingly-less-powerful woman, who is liable to being more open, conservative,liberal, open to corrections, fixing issues without turning things upside down. Without saying more, if the financially independent woman loves enough, cares deeply to put the interest of the union to heart, and work towards a common goal, and put her heart and might to the " identity of both parties", and not on herself, who says a financially independent woman won't make a good wife,mother and supporter. I think you've been atracted to a clique of guys, hence they've coloured your thoughts and sharpened how you see all Nigerian men, date from outside the quadrant triangle you've been selecting guys from, and you won't be dis-oriented about the desires of Nigerian men.


Hope this helps



Cc: Belafonte

Cc: Spasmic

Cc: Martin0

Cc: Lefulefu

Cc: Ubunja

Cc: Walepackage

I actually cant be bothered to argue. I created this out of boredom. So I have nothing left to say.

kazyhm:


i wont allow myself to be led by a woman irrespective whether rich/brilliant or have a career.........women tends to be emotionally attached to some silly stuffs and pay attention to trivial frivolity... they exercise power unnecessarily and always want show off indefinitely

look here,it is obvious you cant handle a woman being in charge. Work on your issues man

ibkayee:
Yeah successful women tend to be more self confident, independent, assertive, emotionally stable, self sufficient etc than someone dependant on a man entirely financially and some find this intimidating because she can't be controlled as easily

They don't mind someone with a good career on paper and smart enough to not be considered stupid but they want that to be as far as it goes as the other traits give her more leverage to be able to challenge him

The other day one guy was telling me I have to accept that the man owns me because he feeds me etc and when I told him I have my own money he had no other argument

I've also met a lot of Nigerian men that don't have this mindset but the ones that do definitely outweigh them

Assertive is a strong word and may be considered too strong in some relationships, how about plain boldness...? While these qualities you listedare bae, there's a thin line between being independent, confident, emotionally stable,self sufficient and being overbearing...which is why it's a drag for most average guy.Trust me, many guys don't mind a lady that earns more, but will the guy have his sanity intact, can a lady acquire so much and retain a healthy sense of self without using the other party as a channel to vent into? I guess you know the obvious answer....



Many guys exist that don't mind if a lady earns ten times her pay, but then it puts pressure on decision making that would have been easir if the lady earned lesser. i.e. a financially independent lady sees and feels she can move on with nothing to lose, and it influences how she reaches decisions, hence, is always more on the look out for herself and her interest in a relationship rather than the common good of both individuals. There's toomuch individualism in many relationships from the comments i've red so far this year, and to me, nothing kills a relationship faster than excessive individualism.



Supersystems...

Jupxter:


'



Okay, you caught my attention. I disagree 100%, many times it's anout mental posturing.When a person reaches sharp decision prior to evaluation,without any debate, it's clear to see some mechanisms have been employed in advance, " in the event of ",Once an individual has a psyche of, in-the-event-of, it wouldn't take much to begin to look for loopholes to validate fears and insecurities. I beg to differ that men don't want financially independent ladies, or want ladies they can manipulate at a whim, rather just as sad as it would be to see a lion reduced to a cat, quite a number of men are ( SEEMINGLY, ANOTHER MENTAL POSTURING THIS TIME IN THE CASE OF MEN ), scared of the outcome of such relationships, would it be healthy? When two captains are on a ship, i.e, two breadwinners, it takes humility for one to step down occassionaly for the other, which a financially independent woman may ascribe too much power to herself to want to take that two-ten seconds to relax to save that relationship, incidentally, men go for the kinds that won't test such boundaries. Hence, the mentality of never date a working class woman. This is half-truth, in the real world, relationships have been reduced to a game of power-control, hence the need to get a seemingly-less-powerful woman, who is liable to being more open, conservative,liberal, open to corrections, fixing issues without turning things upside down. Without saying more, if the financially independent woman loves enough, cares deeply to put the interest of the union to heart, and work towards a common goal, and put her heart and might to the " identity of both parties", and not on herself, who says a financially independent woman won't make a good wife,mother and supporter. I think you've been atracted to a clique of guys, hence they've coloured your thoughts and sharpened how you see all Nigerian men, date from outside the quadrant triangle you've been selecting guys from, and you won't be dis-oriented about the desires of Nigerian men.


Hope this helps



Cc: Belafonte

Cc: Spasmic

Cc: Martin0

Cc: Lefulefu

Cc: Ubunja

Cc: Walepackage

i disagree with you 100%. You just dumped all the burden of a relationship onto the laps of the financially independent woman in your write up. That is the summary of your long episltle

Safiaaa:
I actually cant be bothered to argue. I created this out of boredom. So I have nothing left to say.

No one is calling you out to argue, but it's a great subject and plays vital role in marriages thesedays. Permit me to ask you to get involved in this discussion you started. I left the forum for five days now, and wasn't going to return, but seeing this thread brought me out of my sabbatical break, so please get involved in the discussion, who knows, i just may learn a few things from you and become your newest disciple ma !

ibkayee:
Yeah successful women tend to be more self confident, independent, assertive, emotionally stable, self sufficient etc than someone dependant on a man entirely financially and some find this intimidating because she can't be controlled as easily

They don't mind someone with a good career on paper and smart enough to not be considered stupid but they want that to be as far as it goes as the other traits give her more leverage to be able to challenge him

The other day one guy was telling me I have to accept that the man owns me because he feeds me etc and when I told him I have my own money he had no other argument

I've also met a lot of Nigerian men that don't have this mindset but the ones that do definitely outweigh them

Hmmmmmm

Well my opinion as to independent ladies and basically what it disadvantages is to..

Basically this writeup according to op leads to serious relationship and mostly tells the more reason why we ve more single ladies here and there!

There are a lot of pretty and smart single ladies out
there and you often wonder why they are not attached
to anyone or why no guy wants to be with them.
Clearly, some ladies are single because they choose to
be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious
relationship at this time in their life. For some others,
they are single due to circumstances.
Many ambitious and very successful women find it
hard to marry. There’s this notion that the more
successful a woman is, the more threatening she is to
the man. The assumption from men is that she will be
disrespectful, arrogant and proud.

Some ladies want to remain independent: Many women
out there are not willing to give up their independence
for anything. The ability to make their own decisions
without having to consult a significant, the joy of
doing whatever they like, how they like is one of the
major perks of staying single. Most ladies do not want
the obligations and responsibilities that come with
being in a relationship. They value their independence
and for that reason chose to remain single.


On this view I hope u will understand why most men will not go for independent ladies though they also need it aswell!

funmisticqueen:
i disagree with you 100%. You just dumped all the burden of a relationship onto the laps of the financially independent woman in your write up. That is the summary of your long episltle

On the contrary, i've always loved a financially independent woman, and would prefer marry a lady that earns a million bucks to one that's not working. It makes me a happier man. I addressed issues as honest as i could in my write up, and i suggest you counter points with points.

Thanks

richythePH:
Aunty i'm certain you must have been observing a very minutescule set of nigerian men albiet the wrong ones too


an average nigerian man is more attracted to a financially independent woman than he is to a financially dependent woman


majority of these financially dependent ladies mostly end up being side chics

Jeez!!!! This is a very reasonable and unbiased comment. The poster analysed the the issue objectively, without sentiment.

Unlike the op, your case no be here. You said this write up is your opinion and you are entitled to it. But when one of the posters said his own opinion, what did you do? YOU INSULTED HIM! To be honest with you, this your write up makes you look like a dependent lady.

This is one of the problems you Nigerian girls have. HYPOCRISY. You will commit an offence and expect nobody to bash you but when a guy commits that same offence, you will be the first to start bashing him.

With such attitude, how do expect us to take you serious. We men, at least me i always try everything possible to dominate the ladies because when faced with reality, their sense of judgment na disaster!

Also, men admire independent ladies. It is not intimidation but regards and respect for such ladies. That's why independent ladies will only be approached by serious men not the ones that want to hit and run.

funmisticqueen:
i disagree with you 100%. You just dumped all the burden of a relationship onto the laps of the financially independent woman in your write up. That is the summary of your long episltle

So what is ur point miss?

funmisticqueen:
look here,it is obvious you cant handle a woman being in charge. Work on your issues man

i laugh but i think you have a point............i'm independent and i have dated an independent ladies....its a matter of choice due to experience


I personally feel the op narrative is an irony of reality............all the independent ladies i have dump keeps trying to get back why ?

Martin0:




Hmmmmmm

Well my opinion as to independent ladies and basically what it disadvantages is to..

Basically this writeup according to op leads to serious relationship and mostly tells the more reason why we ve more single ladies here and there!

There are a lot of pretty and smart single ladies out
there and you often wonder why they are not attached
to anyone or why no guy wants to be with them.
Clearly, some ladies are single because they choose to
be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious
relationship at this time in their life. For some others,
they are single due to circumstances.
Many ambitious and very successful women find it
hard to marry. There’s this notion that the more
successful a woman is, the more threatening she is to
the man. The assumption from men is that she will be
disrespectful, arrogant and proud.

Some ladies want to remain independent: Many women
out there are not willing to give up their independence
for anything. The ability to make their own decisions
without having to consult a significant, the joy of
doing whatever they like, how they like is one of the
major perks of staying single. Most ladies do not want
the obligations and responsibilities that come with
being in a relationship. They value their independence
and for that reason chose to remain single.


On this view I hope u will understand why most men will not go for independent ladies though they also need it aswell!

Brilliant comment.


I almost stooped low to dating a makeup-artist recently bro...

I told myself maybe make i date the one wey no get money, like we both say many times, many of these ladies don't understand the needs of a man. Many of us pass throuh horrible adolescents, and becoming a man wasn't easy, we want a peaceful home where we won't lose our minds, but these ladies at times comes with serious disclaimers, not that many aren't sweet, but then....Argh...Bros you said it all


Happy Festive Seasons. We suppose dine together when you visit Lag o!

kazyhm:


i laugh but i think you have a point............i'm independent and i have dated an independent ladies....its a matter of choice due to experience


I personally feel the op narrative is an irony of reality............all the independent ladies i have dump keeps trying to get back why ?

all the independent ladies i have dump keeps trying to get back why ?TELL US !

Jupxter:




Assertive is a strong word and may be considered too strong in some relationships, how about plain boldness...? While these qualities you listedare bae, there's a thin line between being independent, confident, emotionally stable,self sufficient and being overbearing...which is why it's a drag for most average guy.Trust me, many guys don't mind a lady that earns more, but will the guy have his sanity intact, can a lady acquire so much and retain a healthy sense of self without using the other party as a channel to vent into? I guess you know the obvious answer....



Many guys exist that don't mind if a lady earns ten times her pay, but then it puts pressure on decision making that would have been easir if the lady earned lesser. i.e. a financially independent lady sees and feels she can move on with nothing to lose, and it influences how she reaches decisions, hence, is always more on the look out for herself and her interest in a relationship rather than the common good of both individuals. There's toomuch individualism in many relationships from the comments i've red so far this year, and to me, nothing kills a relationship faster than excessive individualism.



Supersystems...

Bro I agree with you on this

The problem is how most ladies will react if they earn just as much or more than their bf/husband?

The main problem is the way ladies tag financial independence with greater control in relationship. it is definitely not the same thing.

Jupxter:



On the contrary, i've always loved a financially independent woman, and would prefer marry a lady that earns a million bucks to one that's not working. It makes me a happier man. I addressed issues as honest as i could in my write up, and i suggest you counter points with points.

Thanks

most nigerian men think that they are comfortable with a woman who earns more, but it is human nature that he/ she who has more money has more of the final say and the other party is more subdued. Men are just getting used to more women being in control of finances and they are not coping well. This is why you hear statements like "she has become proud". They didnt know that when the ball was in their court they behaved the same way, and even worse, women just didnt complain too much because it was the status quo

kazyhm:


i laugh but i think you have a point............i'm independent and i have dated an independent ladies....its a matter of choice due to experience


I personally feel the op narrative is an irony of reality............all the independent ladies i have dump keeps trying to get back why ?

i dont think that has anything to do with whether they are independent or not

greiboy:
Bro I agree with you on this

The problem is how most ladies will react if they earn just as much or more than their bf/husband?

This main problem is the way ladies tag financial independence with greater control in relationship. it is definitely not the same thing.

Such a beautiful lie...

funmisticqueen:
most nigerian men think that they are comfortable with a woman who earns more, but it is human nature that he/ she who has more money has more of the final say and the other party is more subdued. Men are just getting used to more women being in control of finances and they are not coping well. This is why you hear statements like "she has become proud". They didnt know that when the ball was in their court they behaved the same way, and even worse, women just didnt complain too much because it was the status quo

When a woman becomes proud, she is proud, it's the reality, they are not lying.


FYI, I have married sisters, all are financially independent, infact at a time, they all earned more than their husbands. I am yet to see my sisters fight their husbands in over ten years of marriage, they don't give their husbands headache. Upbringing matters....Not many men are this lucky. Trust me. Many men run far from financially independent ladies and it's because of the perceived baggage they come with.

Safiaaa:
Really? Please tell me more, I'm interested.

heres where you got it mixed up in ur write up

men (naija men in this context) prefer and would always choose a financially independent woman over a financially dependent woman


the reason u prolly think othewise is cos men like submissive ladies and these dependent ladies are usually the most submissive ones cos they are the ones ddpending on the man and they know what they'd miss if they aiint submissive


naturally, literally, practically and rightly so, men like independent ladies more (esp if shes a little submissive too) but may end up keeping financially dependent ladies as side chics / concumbines

Jupxter:



When a woman becomes proud, she is proud, it's the reality, they are not lying.


FYI, I have married sisters, all are financially independent, infact at a time, they all earned more than their husbands. I am yet to see my sisters fight their husbands in over ten years of marriage, they don't give their husbands headache. Upbringing matters....Not many men are this lucky. Trust me. Many men run far from financially independent ladies and it's because of the perceived baggage they come with.

nope it simply means your sisters' husbands have learned to swallow bullshit in the name of marriage. It is simple human nature to behave like a boss once the opportunity shows itself.

Jupxter:



Brilliant comment.


I almost stooped low to dating a makeup-artist recently bro...

I told myself maybe make i date the one wey no get money, like we both say many times, many of these ladies don't understand the needs of a man. Many of us pass throuh horrible adolescents, and becoming a man wasn't easy, we want a peaceful home where we won't lose our minds, but these ladies at times comes with serious disclaimers, not that many aren't sweet, but then....Argh...Bros you said it all

:Ds


Happy Festive Seasons. We suppose dine together when you visit Lag o!

.

No wahala u see anytime I enter lag for an runz na ur side I go first visit,atleast make we spend some cool time

I assure u certainly I go enter lag february

greiboy:
Bro I agree with you on this

The problem is how most ladies will react if they earn just as much or more than their bf/husband?

The main problem is the way ladies tag financial independence with greater control in relationship. it is definitely not the same thing.

Can i postulate? Many financially independent ladies date guys they earned more than at some point, and felt the need to be in control, so even when they move on to serious relationships, it has become enshrined in their doctrine to be in control and maintain the upper hand. Even when equality is given, it's never enough for thei unsatisfied souls that crave for more than absolute control over a man, the end product is lack of desire for financially independent women, but then they find men who crave for fianncial gain, marry these kinds and then use their financial prowess to manipulate them as they see, but what happens when the guy hammers?

Martin0:
.

No wahala u see anytime I enter lag for an runz na ur side I go first visit,atleast make we spend some cool time

I assure u certainly I go enter lag february

Come with an empty stomach bro. Make we sit down chat and gist jare...Kegites style

Safiaaa:
This is not to bash Nigerian Men at all. This is just an observation and I have every right to my opinion. I'm also not generalizing, talking about the majority.

Now I've observed something about most Nigerian men that I don't seem to understand. It baffles me and it's very distasteful. I've honestly come to the conclusion that you guys indirectly know what you want but cover it with deceit. I know every effing person has heard this phrase ' All Nigerian women bring to the table is pussy and nothing else, they're useless', but indirectly that's exactly what they want.

You see, a lot of Nigerian men have inflated fragile egos. They run after things that stroke their manhood, which is fine. The problem is that most of them are in denial. When a woman has nothing to offer but her pussy, she's dependent on you in every other aspect, especially financially. And as we all know most men find security and confidence in their pocket size. So when a woman depends on a man for her finances, it's almost like she's stroking his ego and confidence at the same time. He likes that superior/ dominant feeling. It's what most Nigerian men crave for. That financial dominance is a safety ego ground that they can always run back to.

On the other hand, when a women is financially independent got her life together and doing well for herself, what do Nigerian men do? Run the opposite direction. Why? Intimidation. Insecurity. Fear of feeling inferior. Calling her all sorts of names. A women who is independent will not NEED to beg you for money or ask you for anything. So in that case, they're not feeling as ' manly' as they would like. It burns them internally. Jealousy, envy and lies will begin to fall into the picture. If you don't agree with that you're on a long tin

So Nigerian men, stop being in denial. If you want a women who only offers her pussy and frequent emotional availability here and there, just be honest with yourself. A financially independent women is not for the emotionally weak minded. Indirectly, most of you want a woman who is financially dependent on you. You want that financial dominance, that superiority. My problem is that when she's offering that pussy to you, don't complain. Accept it like a ' man' and take on the financial responsibility. If not, change your class of women. Financially independent women should not intimidate you or scare you away. Go for the women who will compete with you in finances. The ball is in your hands, take responsibility for your damn actions, and stop acting confused all the time.

Dassal.

are you speaking from experience

Martin0:



So what is ur point miss?

i summarised his long epistle finish. Men be trying to eat their cake and have it since creation

funmisticqueen:
nope it simply means your sisters' husbands have learned to swallow bullshit in the name of marriage. It is simple human nature to behave like a boss once the opportunity shows itself.

Lol, indeed, you stay with my family, or you must be the holyspirit assistance. It's called humility, something that may be above you to understand. Intelligence doesn't make a good wife, submissiveness doesn't make a good wife, financially independence doesn't make a good wife. A good wife is one willing to join hands together to build a lasting legacy, anything short of this is a facade

funmisticqueen:
i summarised his long epistle finish. Men be trying to eat their cake and have it since creation

And what made u think it is so?

funmisticqueen:
i summarised his long epistle finish. Men be trying to eat their cake and have it since creation

You ladies should stop this confusion!
If I may ask do u ve and exact idea of what u actually need or want from a man?

greiboy:
Bro I agree with you on this

The problem is how most ladies will react if they earn just as much or more than their bf/husband?

The main problem is the way ladies tag financial independence with greater control in relationship. it is definitely not the same thing.

This is my biggest fear. If not, marrying a lady that earns ten billion isn't my headache. It even makes me happy if chick earns much



They are unwilling to negotiate decision and are rigid. I think this subject needs to be addressed carefully, it may help some us reach intelligent conclusion

Jupxter:



Come with an empty stomach bro. Make we sit down chat and gist jare...Kegites style

Hahahahah empty stomach ke na wa for u ooo

Nor worry make dat time dey come