makydebbie:
Bashing Nigeria?
We could do this together.

I am Nigerian, I don't enjoy doing this.

baby124:

You, your friends and your family are fraudulent. Not the typical Nigerians. What did this guy do that was fraudulent for you to even type that nonsense about Nigerians. Please carry your frustration elsewhere and stop trying to tarnish the Nigerian name. Fraudsters are everywhere in the world. Your statement is ridiculous. Correct yourself instead of justifying your generalization. I doubt you are Nigerian sef.

I see now that you're a crazy person, goodbye.

Incrizz:


Lol...I saw a write up by Safia on front page. Nice.
But what I feel she doesn't get is this,
If it's true that men love financially independent women, then, men love it more that their financially independent women depend on them!
(Try not to get confused)
When a lady understands this, her life in a relationship may be easier.

Whether a man is poor or rich, he wants to be the man in the relationship. Financially.
There are exceptions.
Its better you show appreciation for his "crumbs" than take over the relationship financially.
Don't get me wrong, there are times to be kind and all that..

The males harping on a woman's financial independence on nairaland i feel are those who are only too painfully aware of poverty. Or who are broke.
On a general note, men don't care if a woman has money or not. Are you submissive as his woman?

Most financially stable guys with unskewed mindset about money push for a wholesome development of their women rather than just focusing on her financial development.

can we date already. nice piece babe

No, I do not squander my money nor do I seek for a means to squander the one belonging to others. Continue sipping your juice and let the mature minds engage in meaningful discussion. Adios!

Espada121:
All this epistle na wash..she is now forming good girl as if she would be any different...The OP is just mad she didn't partake in squandering the millions

Thanks for the advise friend, it is noted.

issylarry:


So sorry ms..but not all guys are like that.There are still real guys out there who need your support to be strong.Don't blame your self for every situation you find your self self.Everything happens for a reason,now you know the kind of person he is.You know what is best for you,but don't use dz as reason to believe all guys are same.We are not all the same,so choose wisely next time.He wasn't the right person for you and God must have showed dz to u even times before now.Goodluck to you

poik:




Some may say it's about the man, but I say its about what he does.

Your boyfriend is a betnaija addict and you let him?

Your boyfriend is an idolater and you didn't talk him out of it?


Come easy, go easy.

Prov 30:11Proverbs 13:11 (KJV) Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.


Its not him; its the spirit behind gambling.

2Million likes for your statement.She thinks that money can be use for something good, she LIE .Secondly, you and your guy did not talk for weeks, what kind of relationship is that ? Na abroad he dey ?Lady if you actual stood by him and you give him good pieces of advice,he will call you first before he will spend N100 from that money.Please check and reexamine your relationship with him very well.

Thank you very much. Have a nice evening.

Jethrolite:
Missali

It is really hard to see a person who can write for so long on nairaland and be coherent with proper English. What I can tell you is your ex never made it, N1m is not money in Nigeria of today, also you shouldn't hope the prosperity of a loved one will rub off on you.

The typical Nigerian is deceitful and will exploit whoever is involved in any form of dealings with them.

You are smart, I urge you to work out your own prosperity to afford you the life of your dreams. Achieving that life should be dependent on you and you alone.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

crystar:
I read your stories wit tears as I took reminiscent of a failed experience. The truth is that it hurt but that doesn't makes every struggling person (guy) to be the same .
My advice for you is pls and pls don't change your good personalities because you were once in the wrong boat , coz someone special who will wipe those tears away is already watching you. Both of you weren't meant to be , and that is the gospel truth .
I have seen girls who had failed good guys in the past just as a good guy has failed you .
You are willing send me pm let's talk.

Missali:
Thank you very much. Have a nice evening.

You too.

Missali:


Please sit her down and talk some sense into her, lest her case turns even worse.

Hello lady, I don't seem to like this act of yours. Please don't use what happened to you to blindfold the good ladies .There is a way a lady will support a struggling guy that he won't forget her when he finally "hammer".If you are just there with him but you constantly remind him by your actions or words that he is broke, he is going to forget you when the money finally comes.There is no way , a guy will forget a good lady that has been standing with him.So forget about what you are trying to portray here

Missali:
One of the qualities men look out out for in a woman is the ability for her to stay true by him during trying times and a woman who cannot do that is termed a non wife material and slay Queen at best and at worst, a gold digger.
It is believed that when a woman supports her man and he comes to, in turn he will respect her and share responsibilities as he should but often times, this is not the case.

Many at times we have heard experiences from family, friends, colleagues or even gone through it.
Here's mine: I had this boyfriend that was struggling in every sense of the word. We kept on despite his financial shortcomings and I would travel a long distance to see him knowing fully well that the trip expenses and all that came with it were on me. I did not hesitate to oblige favours that I could give and ensured I went out with him during his jobs just to give that moral support.

Things seemed to be going on well until the day I was sitting with some friends and one of them asked how I was enjoying with my boyfriend. I responded with a light laugh and he asked "now that your guy has made it, what is the way forward?"

Me: Made it how?
Guy: Your guy hit over one million in that online betting promo.
Me: Yes yes, it's not easy... Such an unexpected favour at a time like this.

I pretended to be aware and happy but I wasn't myself till the end of the day. Everybody knew the good news except me.
One week, two weeks, one month passed and I got no call from my estranged boyfriend to even tell me what had happened. I refused to call too.

I heard news about how he had become the man about town, declaring free drinks for people he met at our street bars, dashing money to those who came to celebrate with him etc. Whenever someone who knew us sighted me they asked, "are you not M's girlfriend?" and I mumbled any answer that came to mind.
Months later I got a call from him begging to see Me. After many refusals, I decided we meet. He went on his knees apologising, saying he knew I was aware of all that had happened but was too ashamed to contact me. He went on about how he rented an apartment for one girl, was giving out money with reckless abandon, purchased an expensive mobile phone which he ended up selling at an abysmally low price (due to hardship) and how he was popping bottles at bars et al.

The length and breadth of the story was that the money was all gone. The business idea we had brainstormed he made no use of the money to invest. All his friends and girlfriends had left him for good and he felt lonely, he remembered the one who stood by him sincerely.

At the moment he had not a penny, with an empty stomach and looking for a way to get a small job. I could tell he was miserable from his looks alone. If only he had the right company who would have advised him at such a critical time, he'd never have had to go hungry again. I took him to a restaurant and we had a nice meal. He called me a good girl, a loving friend, a confidant blah blah blah.

Ladies, they will come at you with twisted words tell you they want a good woman, a patient woman, a supportive woman etc. Some will even tell you that they can never respect a woman who does not struggle with them. Do not fall for it. Most times, what they want is someone to take their excesses while they move on to cast their net elsewhere. For tens of stories about men who stick by their women when the going got smooth, there are hundreds of untold stories about men who looked the other way.

Playing the supportive role is the case of it may work and it may not. It is not stated anywhere that after standing by him and he leaves for another woman, he will be mobbed. You will simply be remembered as 'the one who once was', that's all.

It is a case of driving into a place with the words "cars parked at owner's risk." Nobody will tell you not to park your car but you hold yourself liable should anything happen to it. Hence, stand by your man at owner's risk.

I have learnt that if a woman choose to stand by a man through tough times she should do it as unto the Lord. If you do it for what you hope to gain /the favours that will come in future then you will die of cardiac arrest.
My 10cent

Thanks to everyone who took time out to contribute go this thread one way or the other. Some have sympathised with me, some have advised me, some have hurled abuses and some have even questioned my character in the relationship such as, "were you submissive, why didn't you call, why did you act so caring?" etc.

Some men here have gone ahead to say men like to be depended on even when they are with financially dependent women and are financially incapable as well. Oh surprise! That is so beautiful to know.

I've learnt a thing or two anyways. I want to have dinner now to have a great evening/day (whatever your timezone is).

What he did was wrong, but that was his first million, friends will cluster around him, but I still maintain that you should have called him maybe your advice will give him a rethink, but the problem we young ones have is waiting for who to call first and this is the reasons why we have many problems in our relationship today.. Don't mind my English

karlie4nia:


I believe u meant to say 2017.
The lady is apparently hurting real bad.. And i supoose opened this thread hoping to get some " make me feel better" comments...i guess she got some..i only hope she can be sincere enough to probe herself and depend more on herself for solacae than resorting to all these labyrinth of conjectures that mostly amounts to nix.

Yeah 2017
Thanks for the correction.
Your comment is so on point �

Missali:
One of the qualities men look out out for in a woman is the ability for her to stay true by him during trying times and a woman who cannot do that is termed a non wife material and slay Queen at best and at worst, a gold digger.
It is believed that when a woman supports her man and he comes to, in turn he will respect her and share responsibilities as he should but often times, this is not the case.

Many at times we have heard experiences from family, friends, colleagues or even gone through it.
Here's mine: I had this boyfriend that was struggling in every sense of the word. We kept on despite his financial shortcomings and I would travel a long distance to see him knowing fully well that the trip expenses and all that came with it were on me. I did not hesitate to oblige favours that I could give and ensured I went out with him during his jobs just to give that moral support.

Things seemed to be going on well until the day I was sitting with some friends and one of them asked how I was enjoying with my boyfriend. I responded with a light laugh and he asked "now that your guy has made it, what is the way forward?"

Me: Made it how?
Guy: Your guy hit over one million in that online betting promo.
Me: Yes yes, it's not easy... Such an unexpected favour at a time like this.

I pretended to be aware and happy but I wasn't myself till the end of the day. Everybody knew the good news except me.
One week, two weeks, one month passed and I got no call from my estranged boyfriend to even tell me what had happened. I refused to call too.

I heard news about how he had become the man about town, declaring free drinks for people he met at our street bars, dashing money to those who came to celebrate with him etc. Whenever someone who knew us sighted me they asked, "are you not M's girlfriend?" and I mumbled any answer that came to mind.
Months later I got a call from him begging to see Me. After many refusals, I decided we meet. He went on his knees apologising, saying he knew I was aware of all that had happened but was too ashamed to contact me. He went on about how he rented an apartment for one girl, was giving out money with reckless abandon, purchased an expensive mobile phone which he ended up selling at an abysmally low price (due to hardship) and how he was popping bottles at bars et al.

The length and breadth of the story was that the money was all gone. The business idea we had brainstormed he made no use of the money to invest. All his friends and girlfriends had left him for good and he felt lonely, he remembered the one who stood by him sincerely.

At the moment he had not a penny, with an empty stomach and looking for a way to get a small job. I could tell he was miserable from his looks alone. If only he had the right company who would have advised him at such a critical time, he'd never have had to go hungry again. I took him to a restaurant and we had a nice meal. He called me a good girl, a loving friend, a confidant blah blah blah.

Ladies, they will come at you with twisted words tell you they want a good woman, a patient woman, a supportive woman etc. Some will even tell you that they can never respect a woman who does not struggle with them. Do not fall for it. Most times, what they want is someone to take their excesses while they move on to cast their net elsewhere. For tens of stories about men who stick by their women when the going got smooth, there are hundreds of untold stories about men who looked the other way.

Playing the supportive role is the case of it may work and it may not. It is not stated anywhere that after standing by him and he leaves for another woman, he will be mobbed. You will simply be remembered as 'the one who once was', that's all.

It is a case of driving into a place with the words "cars parked at owner's risk." Nobody will tell you not to park your car but you hold yourself liable should anything happen to it. Hence, stand by your man at owner's risk.

Men have always loved hoes....... I don't even want to tell my own story!

Jethrolite:
I see now that you're a crazy person, goodbye.

Only a mad man makes sweeping generalizations like yours. You and your family are obviously mad people who think others are mad like them.

Dear OP,

Please run for your life that guy is not worth your time
He is an ingrate and has no future plans

Missali:


I took him to a restaurant and we had a nice meal. He called me a good girl, a loving friend, a confidant blah blah blah.

Ladies, they will come at you with twisted words tell you they want a good woman, a patient woman, a supportive woman etc. Some will even tell you that they can never respect a woman who does not struggle with them. Do not fall for it. Most times, what they want is someone to take their excesses while they move on to cast their net elsewhere.

So, it is a story with a happy ending after all.

HeWrites:


Neither do you

here I was thinking you've gotten some sense. Yet you're still sounding like my toilet when flushed. If you've got nothing to say keep quiet.

Good thing you learned from experience and not a very costly lesson at that. Many men are with their women today because rhtue can’t afford the high maintenance girls. Once they feel like they have a little money, they’ll go after those ones they have been talking smack about. Two faced. Many of them are.

Mypeople2:
Hello lady, I don't seem to like this act of yours. Please don't use what happened to you to blindfold the good ladies .There is a way a lady will support a struggling guy that he won't forget her when he finally "hammer".If you are just there with him but you constantly remind him by your actions or words that he is broke, he is going to forget you when the money finally comes. There is no way , a guy will forget a good lady that has been standing with him. So forget about what you are trying to portray here

I agree with you that she shouldn't use her bitter experience to discourage other ladies from enduring with their boyfriends/fiancee/husbands. But a man who will be ungrateful will be, whether the supportive woman has a fault or not. You can't use your character, who you are to assume that other men are like that too.

He didn't abandon you because he made it. He did so cuz he never really loved you. And I'm pretty sure the signs were there but you chose to ignore them and kept forcing it.
Now you want to blame it on something else, claiming he left you after he "made it". Abeg how much is N1m worth that a man who loves you would totally change his attitude towards you?
The r/ship was long gone before he made that money but I guess you kept forcing yourself on him.
And why is it that girls like to date jerks yet when thing go sour, they'll blame it on all men claiming "all men are scum, evil" bla bla.
Yet there are some nice guys asking you out somewhere, and they keep saying "he's not my type".

Anyways the bottomline is, if a guy loves you, he would NEVER leave you if you struggled with him.
if a guy doesnt love you, he MIGHT leave you even if you struggled with him.
How can your so-called bf win a lottery and he wasn't even at least excited to share the news with you??
So you think as soon as he won the N1m, a spirit instantly entered him and he decided, "I'm not even gonna tell her" ??
Just accept you were naive and he didn't love you, don't make it sound like most guys are like that, cuz we are not.

360command:


I know of a Lebanese friend back in gh, he is a low life. Thank God he married a good woman who labours to cater for the family. It is funny though, the children don't see the father as the father but they see the mother as the father. The Lebanese man loves to gamble, he is a disgraced to the Lebanese community back in gh. Everyday he plays the sport betting and he does not have a real job... But the man is so into his wife, not that he loves her which he claims he does but the fact that he is a loser and has no friends around him.

Lol...ROTFL

Missali:
You are incoherent really. Even if you want to throw insults, do it in comprehensible writing. Thanks.

I have followed your responses to most of the preposterous comments with absolute courtesy even though the comments are quite provocative.

You are a good person with great spirit. Even from afar, I can see humility, maturity, discipline and focus through your replies.

My advice to you is to keep being yourself. You can still help the young man if you have the means but NEVER contemplate continuing the relationship. It's bad enough that he was/is a gambler (THERE IS NO SUCCESSFUL GAMBLER ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD), but it's heartening that God revealed his true nature to you. That alone is worth thanksgiving.

God will reward you with a partner who deserves you. Believe me, you will look back some day and thank God for all that has happened.

invinzible1:


can we date already. nice piece babe

Lol...thanks.

BenShammer:
Inspite of your sarcasm I agree wholeheartedly with your points, especially the whole men loving financially independent women to 'depend'on them and women been enjoined to appreciate whatever crumbs he can afford. That's just how we're wired, just like every woman desires to be cherished which usually manifests in the form of gift giving etc. No matter how rich a girl is, getting a gift from a guy she truly loves makes her feel all mushy on the inside.
Concerning men wanting financially stable women, its not so much that we want to eat her money, people (male and female) are drawn to successful people (not wealthy). I'd be more fascinated with an orphan who swept the streets until she saved enough money to start a business than a billionaires daughter who can't do anything (not that all children of rich people are lazy). So you see its not about how much or how little she has, its about how she was able to combine hard work, discipline and industriousness to make something of her life, as opposed to making a living as a slay queen who uses her sexuality to get money from all sorts of men.

No, I wasn't been sarcastic. How?

@bolded I have been trying to understand how this generalisation came about?
Do you mean that the term "slay queen" is some one who uses her sexuality to get money from men?
Because what I understand is that a slay queen is a beautiful girl who is fashion forward?

Josephamstrong1:

Blackfyre:
incrizz

come oh..i got a question to ask your opinion.

Okay...

Incrizz:


Okay...

Picture that sort of female we were talking about earlier.

Now she is the type that is liberal. You know in terms of spirituality she is just, is as it comes. How do you make such person see spirituality as we discussed on that thread that talked about the sacredness of sex and its spiritual implications when she basically sees it as an activity that both parties enjoy and nothing more.

I don't know if you get what i am driving at because i can't seem to find the right words to explain. But basically, her spiritualty is non existent so to speak? Most attempts at trying to make her see is termed being sanctimonious or trying to force things upon her.

Do you think there is any success? How best do you think one could approach female on that front? Should one just desist entirely from such undertaking.
Especially since there seems to be a constant friction on such things...

Blackfyre:


Obviously he is otherwise. But please don't feel the need to partake in that betting money oh. Just leave him be....

"Not partake in the betting money", Please can u elaborate on it? Thanks.

baddooski:
"Not partake in the betting money", Please can u elaborate on it? Thanks.

If you kindly proceed down to the end of the first page, you will see a quote from the book of proverbs that perfectly explains it...