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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. (42714 Views)
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Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 7:50pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
error4040: ![]() Porn scene? There have 3rooms. 1 is brother and sister. He was stay there(that room) and one time, also his brother(senior)'s wife's sister visited there. Then all of them sleeping @ that room.(total 4peoples) ![]() |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 7:57pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: Yes ![]() I was so happy! I just asked him about how about him and his family. I didn't ask any things. I wanna ask him face to face. I had kind of situation b/4. I was so mad @ that time. I don't wanna make same mistake like b/4. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:00pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: Thank you so much!! |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by error4040: 8:12pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
peacefull: Sorry what i mean was three of them sleeping in one room sounded like porn scene, i did not mean they were having threes0me. You said he do pay your Rent and he told you in nigeria he sleep in a room with 4 other people ? when next you talk to him Ask him what is he doing with the salary he earn from his job in japan since he sound like he is not sending to his relative in nigeria |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by TheManOfTheYear: 8:20pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
peacefull:Good. That's a wise move. Things like these are best not said over the phone but face to face. Follow him up and ensure when he gets back you two should have a heart to heart discussion about the situation of the marriage. By next Yuletide he must introduce you to his family physically if he really wanna keep the marriage |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by TheManOfTheYear: 8:22pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
error4040:hahahaha @threes0me ![]() ![]() |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by error4040: 8:32pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear:i just taya bro |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by error4040: 8:44pm On Jan 01, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear:Nicely Said @Peacefull here is what you should do 1 Like |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 2:43am On Jan 02, 2018 |
error4040: Oh! No! No! I have to say sorry. Bcoz I couldn't understand well. I had jealousy when I heard that. My fell like maybe he cheated with her. But I hadn't idea,three or four together ![]() I will try to ask him. Thank you. I really hope I can go to Nigeria with him. But he always tell me that I have to make money to buy ticket by myself. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:19am On Jan 02, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: Thank you! We have to discussion. But maybe difficult. If I'm telling him about money, he said he don't have money and telling me try hard, do your work. What he don't like is I can't do like his friend(Igbo)'s wife(Japanese). He always telling me that his friend's wife if husband is go back to Nigeria, they take care all of things by theirself. Even he go back to Nigeria by this time(3month) is bcoz his friends doing it. I told him I'm not married with them and I'm not their wife. And I never understand that somebody birth baby not up to 1year,husband leave them and go back to Nigeria. If work, I can understand. They never think about they loose work. Many peoples lost work bcoz of they took long time holidays by theirself. Not formally company holiday. In Japan who is foreigner get work is not easy unless if have professional skill. They demand them speak,read,and write Japanese. So they knows if lost work, life is getting worse. But they don't care. If wife and kids have hard life, if they are hungry, they still don't care about that. They can hear who is Nigerian. But they can't hear Japanese wife. I know Not all of them. Many Nigerian husband and Japanese wife are happy. I'm so happy with him. But once I remind how much hard my life, my fell like I don't have partner. 1 Like |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:30am On Jan 02, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: ![]() ![]() ![]() Japan have too many porn videos. Too many strange somethings. Is like crazy. Many peoples arrested bcoz of they did like... Disgusting! |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:33am On Jan 02, 2018 |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by adebayo3449(m): 4:30am On Jan 02, 2018 |
Honestly, i took my time to read this thread. Indeed you have gone through a lot, and its a pity that my fellow Nigerian did all these. Reading through all what you typed, i can feel how much you love him. Since you love him, you must be ready to accept the truth.(he is married in Nigeria) I knew how much you love him by seeing your comments. You are trying to defend him when people are telling you the truth. Now two things can be involved 1. Admit it that he is married, talk to him that he should tell you the truth, that you dont care. Tell him to treat you like a wife. Tell him to provide all your needs as his wife even tho it is 99% sure he has another wife in Nigeria. 2. Admit it that he has scammed you and opt out of the mariage. Pls dont be emotional here Admit it that you have been used and you time have been wasted. He is 40yrs old for God sake, and he told you he dont want a child becos of money . My sister even if u dont av any thing here in Nigeria, you will still give birth.(he has children in Nigeria) Initially i dont want to comment, but after reading all your posts i dont know when water rolled out of my eyes. I am very sorry for you. And i am sad I felt as if you were my sister. Honestly i am suposed to say a lot, but i can feel how much you loved him.And you still wish to be with him. I could have told you what he used you for. Note pls *The fact that a particular person is bad, does not make all the other people from his country to be bad* We have good people and bad people here in Nigeria. Every body is not bad. Since your still love him you can go for option 1. And try to enjoy our Nairaland. The biggest forum in Africa 5 Likes |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 5:15am On Jan 02, 2018 |
adebayo3449: Happy New Year! Thank you for advised me. Pls don't waste your tears. But thank you so much. I'm happy woman.not pity woman. Yes! I don't have money that's why I'm poor. But I always trying to keep my mind(heart?) is not poor. Trying to never forget about keep it! If heart will be poor, can't have thankful for anythings. And always compare(contrast?) with somebody, something, have like jealousy all of the time. Always can't be smile, can't kind for somebody, always think about like"i'm only pity person in this earth" etc... I don't wanna be kind of human. If heart is poor, can't find out happy,joy etc. Kind of person never know that happy or joy whatever anything always close to(stand by?) them. They just can't find out bcoz of heart is poor. Sorry,I can't explain well. So Pls don't worry about me ![]() Life is so hard is true. Feel like lonely is true. But my heart is very cheerful! Of cause I'm loving him so much. That's why I'm still with him. But my life is not all of him. I'm his wife, I'm child's mother, I'm a woman, and I'm a one of human! And I still know how to find and share have fun with him. Pls don't misunderstanding him. My husband is good person. Doesn't matter if he is marry in Nigeria or not. I can't fall in love with bad person. His humanity is not bad person. I was really mad wife b/4. I used very bad words to him lots of times. We had fight. I had too much jealousy. Even I complained to his friend as like quarrel. Peoples knows how much bad wife and how much disturbed him. He demanded me to discussion not shouting @ that time. So I think that's why he don't wanna have discussion with me anymore. Bcoz maybe he think I'm gonna mad and shout him. I have reason why I did like that. But I don't wanna say excuse. So many times I made him feel so bad. That what I did is my fault. But he still with me. He is good person right? If everything is lie, I'm so sad. My heart will get too much damage. I don't want somebody will take him from me. But if his all of things are fake what I know about him, doing like actor in real life is not tired? If not, He can be movie star. So I still don't know what is he hiding me. But many peoples hiding small things or big things for partner. Sometimes that person wanna care for partner that's why hiding something. Coz they don't wanna give hurt to partner. They don't wanna break relationship with partner. (I don't talk about cheating.) So I hope he is hiding something is he wanna care for me. I can't understand many things what he told me. Maybe he is tired about explain me somethings. I made everybody feel like my husband is bad person. In fact, I am bad person for him. But he still with me. I am very sorry for made everybody feel so bad. I know that everywhere have good person and bad person. Even Japan have many bad persons. Thank you so much once more time. 6 Likes |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Lexmane(m): 8:05am On Jan 02, 2018 |
peacefull:not angry with u at all,BT at the agony your husband is causing you. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:17am On Jan 02, 2018 |
adebayo3449: Sorry for write again ![]() About baby. I'm already 38y/o now. I can't birth baby again. Many peoples still birth baby by my age. But in Japan, more than 30y/o will birth baby is high risk than 20's and more than 35y/o is more high risk than 30's. Get old is will get highly risk for both of them(mom and baby). I wanted have another baby again until 30y/o. That time my child already 12y/o. But I was so confused @ that time. Sometimes I want, sometimes I don't want. Almost everyday changed my mind. I was disturbing him so much. Why he doesn't get a baby @ that time, he said bcoz of money. He said that still can't take care of my child very well and get another baby is somebody like have no brain. But after sometime, I had like pregnant. I was so afraid of pregnant. Bcoz If I pregnant, I can't go to work and can't make money for sometime. I was around 32y/o @ that time. He was like happy when I told him. But I was not pregnant. My fell like half is peace of my mind and half is disappointed. So after that, I told him about my feel. He said you don't want a baby seriously to me. And after more times later and still now I say I can't do it anymore. So maybe he has no expect about have a baby with me. I also didn't know that I couldn't have a baby again. And I had experience about lost his baby. So if he already has a baby with somebody, that is more hurt to me than he has another wife. Even if his family never wanna accept me bcoz of can't birth baby, that is also hurt to me. Only me can't have a baby. Sorry, I can't talk about that. Is so much hurt to me. I just wanna tell you that he don't wanna make a baby is not only his fault. Bcoz of what I said and what I acted when we expected pregnant @ that time. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:33am On Jan 02, 2018 |
Lexmane: Oh! Sorry, I misunderstood. Thank you so much. But if he already married with someone, he still wanna keep hiding to me. Bcoz he knows if I will know about that, how much I will get damage and how much I don't like it. Even he knows I 'm gonna mad ![]() |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by TheManOfTheYear: 9:44am On Jan 02, 2018 |
peacefull:What you and your man have is lack of communication. Though I ain't married but I believe a couple must understand each other to have a successful marital life. You two should come to an agreement regarding finances and the likes. Maybe you should work too because you're interested not pregnant nor disabled. Don't you think? Who knows, perhaps he came down to Naija because he wasn't making enough money in Japan? And he felt you're a burden. After all you two don't have biological children. Lastly,you're 38, which means you're still able to conceive. So I'd advise you to try and get pregnant for him to improve the bond between you two. No African man like being childless. We love and value children. We don't joke with it |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 11:41am On Jan 02, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: I'm working. I didn't work more than 5years b/4. I lost work bcoz of I got sick and why I didn't wanna work @ that time is kind of mean back to him. I also paying to life since when I married unless I didn't have work. He demanded me to pay more than my wage. So I worked daytime and sometimes went to night work after finished daytime work b/4 I got sick. I told him that is so hard to me and nobody can pay for more than wage. When my money is finished, I always ask him to pay. Then when had discussion about money, he always said he is paying more than me. Yes. Is true. But if I didn't ask him, he just ignored. even if he saw our food is no more. Can you imagine that how much my feel like miserable. I was crying over and over when I told him. That's why I stopped look for work after my sick is gone @ that time. Bcoz I knew that if I'm working, just make for his playing money. And @ that time when I worked, I asked him if my situation is you, How will you pay? teach me how to do, I will try! that I said. And I gave him very simple question that somebody have 10 and have to pay20. like that. He said can't do that. Took 2years to get that answer. So I thought we solve. But when I started work, he do again. What I'm using my money to life. I can only use for myself is buy tobacco. (Sorry! I'm smoking tobacco woman.) And since when I married, my mom is save our life. She bringing food for us till now. He also helped my mom b/4. But which one is more? Answer is my mom! She always worry about my condition and worry about my child(her grand child). I'm feel so sorry about my mom. What about now? Same like b/4. He will not pay any money for our life in this month. And I told him that I can't pay everythings when I heard his travel plan. How can somebody can't go to hospital and can't buy enough food have to pay everythings who have a healthy husband? If I always wasting money for buy expensive dresses,shoes,bag, whatever like that, I can understand how much he don't wanna pay, how much feel so bad, how much he don't wanna care. But I have no money to get luxury things. Even I didn't go hung out. I bought his socks,underwear when I found out getting old or wear out after my pay day instead of buy own. I never demand him to give me luxury life. I just wanna have normal life. Sometimes I just wanna have dating with him as like normal wife and husband. I don't wanna have feel like miserable. What can I do for him again about money? I stopped talk about money. I just begging him to help me. That i'm doing now. So miserable... But I think marriage is not for only money. 2 Likes |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by TheManOfTheYear: 1:28pm On Jan 02, 2018 |
peacefull:You really don't have to narrate every bit that transpired. I would love to hear feedback about your future conversations with him. Let's see if the marriage is improving or heading to the rocks |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by kristen12(f): 1:57pm On Jan 02, 2018 |
I feel really bad for you after going through the whole post. The truth is bitter and hard to accept most times but the earlier you accept it, the better for you. Please listen to the advices above. I really hope you move on with your life and find happiness. Please be fine for us. Pele my dear. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by adebayo3449(m): 5:26am On Jan 03, 2018 |
May God be with you peacefull: |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:03pm On Jan 03, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: I really hope I can get more good relationship with him and more understand for each other. I will tell you when after I will have discussion with him. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:22pm On Jan 03, 2018 |
kristen12: Happy New Year! Thank you for advised me. I think I'm beginning to move now. That's why I came here(Nairaland). This is my first step. Next is I have to talk with him face to face. Yes. Sometimes truth is so hurt. I'm so scary now. I know that if I will ask him about he is married in Nigeria, he will feel so bad and maybe will angry with me. But I think I have right to ask him truth. So I will try to find out truth. I'm listening every advised for me and I'm appreciate for all of them who gave me advice. I'm feeling like I have especially Nigerian friends. Even feeling like I'm not alone. Thank you so much. Pls just give me more time. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 3:26pm On Jan 03, 2018 |
adebayo3449: Thank you so much! |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by darkid1(m): 5:34pm On Jan 03, 2018 |
peacefull: You seem a really great and wonderful person... Geez, love is scary . Tell him what you typed here . Tell him even if he is married in Nigeria and you are not accusing him that he is, you still want to make things work with him. You might just be suprised at how he opens up . Nigerian marriages have ups and downs . And I can tell you (thought I'm not married ) , many people just stay in the marriage cause if their kids . If this is how you truely feel, then what you guys have is beautiful. Cheers . 1 Like |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by darkid1(m): 5:39pm On Jan 03, 2018 |
Seun: That came to mind too. I wish she had other Nigerian friends (preferably female) , outside her husbands circle to talk to. I know how ladies like to help ladies on such matter . The truth would be revealed |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 2:12am On Jan 04, 2018 |
darkid1: Happy New Year! Thank you for advised me. I really wanted have kind of relationship with him. I asked him b/4, why I can't get happy with husband? why no one good thing can't have it with husband? what is wrong if I wanna hang out with him like dating? what is wrong if I wanna be happy with him? etc. I blamed him so much and I made him feel so bad.I was talk like somebody forgot what did it b/4. That is my mistake. My heart was poor @ that time.bcoz I forgot what he still with me. Many times he tried to make me happy. I must thankful for him. I know everybody have different marriage style.and everybody have good times and bad times.sometimes I really tired acting like I'm happy front of him. Now we are separate living. once I see him,I try to keep my smile. Bcoz no good to have quarrel when we meet. I wanna have good time with him.In fact, Im feeling like lonely and I can't rely(relies?) on him. Maybe bcoz of I'm selfish. Maybe I'm tired to tell him my feel. Maybe I have no expect about him. But I'm sure I'm still love him. That's why I'm still looking for how to make more good relationship with him. I don't know if he want too or not. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 1:25am On Jan 16, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: Hi. How are you? I hope you are fine! He dropped message to me.bcoz I couldn't answer the phone.He said no light in there. I tried to understand him b/4 when he told me same thing.I sent him a mail about more than 10days ago.he was no reply and no call me since when I spoke him last time.I tried to sent him a mail again.then he called me and dropped a message.what kind of place more than 10days w/o light? Village?is so difficult to trust his words by this time.if he go back to Nigeria, take contact is so difficult. He always say no money and no light.that's why he can't call me and send me a mail.is there have kind of places? |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by TheManOfTheYear: 5:50pm On Jan 16, 2018 |
peacefull:Nice to know. Well that's how most villages here are. There is lack of electricity or good network connection. But that shouldn't stop him from calling you even once or twice a week. My suggestion is that you should ask him when he will be back to Japan. That's the main issue |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 9:04am On Jan 17, 2018 |
TheManOfTheYear: Thank you so much! He will be back on middle of next month what he told me b/4 he left. I don't know any details. This time is very hard time to me.I'm so confusing since when many peoples told me he is married in Nigeria. Trusting him is difficult now. Bcoz many peoples can connecting in here(Nailarand). Why only him can't connect to his mail? I wanna trust him.but what he said and doing are making me doubt him. I know this my thinking is too bad for him. |
Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 11:57am On Feb 20, 2019 |
Thank you for everyone who gave me advice. I'm appreciate. I'm sorry for very late to say Thank you. I'm still with him. But still not living together. Because of his work. I asked him about if he has a wife and kids in Nigeria. I was not angry or mad when I asked. I was trying to calm down and told him I have learned about Nigerian cultures and marriage. I even tried to explain about how my feel and thinking. I told him that I can understand if he married in Nigeria. But his answer is No. Sometimes I still ask him about that and telling him I can understand. But he always say No and that is my mindset. I was so hurt when many peoples told me that he is married in Nigeria. But I really appreciate for everyone who gave me advice and taught me about Nigerian cultures and marriage. My feeling is changed when I was getting fine from hurt. I told him one day I wanna try to live my life. He was laughing and not take serious and said Ok. I tried to make money. I got second work. But after sometime I got sick and lost main work. But still not give up. I already gave up many things like have a baby with him. Something like that. I don't hate him. I can't. Even if he is married and has kids in Nigeria, I can't hate him. Because I know he is a good person. How he treat me bad is doesn't matter. I just can't hate him. I still wanna know the truth from him. But I don't wanna always doubt him and feeling like hurt. That's why I need to try to live my life. I think I'm little bit move on. I'm sorry for my English. My English is still very poor. I'm really appreciate everyone who made me try to move. I'm not so hurt now! I'm sorry if I made irritated for everyone. 1 Like |
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