imasong005:
I have this little story to tell you. I visited my friend many years ago, and saw a beautiful young lady in her elder brother's house, when we came out, I asked her if the lady is her brother's wife, she said no, that she is her eldest sister. She began the story that brought about the sister coming to stay with her brother. She said her sister was in a relationship with a guy, when the guy took her to the mum, the mum insisted that she must get pregnant before they will get married, mind you, my friend's sister was a virgin. The guy finally was able to convince her, against other people's advice. The guy told her that as soon as she gets pregnant, the wedding will be conducted before people gets to know of it. Gbam, she took in, and she was expecting marriage plans to kick off immediately, again the boy's mother said she should just wait to give birth, that she doesn't want the girl to lose the pregnancy as a result of stress that will come during the wedding. The girl felt so bad, cos she has been deceived and she was was been gossiped all over the place. When labor pain started, she was rushed to the hospital and gbam, there was complications, and they have one option, remove the woman's womb or she dies. Off course you and I know what decision they will go with. The moment her womb was removed, her baby died, right there in the hospital. I didn't need to tell you how the story ended. The family of the boy outrightly opposed the guy from marrying the girl because she doesn't have a womb again. The story went everywhere. Six months later, the girl went visiting a friend, and saw the guy's wedding card. When she got home that day, she attempted suicide, that was how they brought her to the elder brother's house, so that she can be far away from the guy and his family. As I type this today, the lady is almost 45 but still very single. While the guy's first son is already in SS3. Sorry for the long post .Please girls be careful, don't let nobody put you under any kind of pressure because of marriage.

This your story is touching. I have shared it on social media for others to learn.
Hope you won't mind?

pcguru1:
At 36 you needs mommy's input , did she also decide it was time for you to marry too. That's a major red flag.

Exactly what I was thinking. How effectively can a man build himself up to be a decision maker in a family set up. Surely a red flag to perhaps other matters of marraige. The wise book says to marry, a man must 'seperate' in order to 'cleave'. This includes exchanging old influences for new ones. I think all parents need to do is to teach their children the right ways and let them take the critical decisions. If the mother has issues concerning conception she should have ironed them out during his courtship but once dates are set, am afraid the horse has bolted.

Uyi168:
If i ever decide to get married,my wife to be must be pregnant first before doing the needful...e get y

Nonsense. Na your type women do decive tire

valentineuwakwe you gat to get busy in the other room resume work at once, forget al those forming good christians here but do worse tings

imasong005 why u too dey lie like this e good for ur eyes

Why the wahala. Wetin carry your leg go find babe that is 3 years older and 39yrs to marry

Well it could work for you but note that you are going against to odds. Don't come here and complain about disrespect later

Getting pregnant is least of my concerns, living together and doing social functions concerns me more

Her friends should be her age mates so don't think you will get same respect from them too

Infact I don talk too much. Carry your cross for head o

FOR ALL YOU CALLING THE WOMAN NAMES JUST WAIT TILL ITS TIME FOR YOU TO BE A GRANNY. THEN COME AND TYPE THIS RUBISH HERE. YOU WILL DO WORSE. THIS PEOPLE HAVE SPECIAL LOVE FOR THIER GRAND CHILDREN MAKE UNA FREE THE WOMAN SHE IS ACTING ACCORDING TO AGE. A WOMAN AT 39 IS AT RISK. WAT IF EARLY MENOPAUSE SETS IN ? IS THE GIRL A VIRGIN WHAT IF SHE DON SPOIL HER WOMB EARLIER ON. ABEG LOOK AT IT FROM MANY ANGLES. EVEN THE OP IF YOU SAY UR NOT MORE WORRIED THAN YOUR MUM, YOU LIE

Another line women use thisdays,i quickly have gone to the doc when that came up,we went home and abroad.and the accuser became the accused then the story turn to you should be showing support.

Daisy17:


Have you checked yourself, you may be the one with fertility problems?

i no fit dey talk story.fact na fact .i tell every young man test every spirit in a woman before your marry am,test the belle if the thing dey work,then test the pikin when come out to be sure say na your own,women na devil them be .na only man dey fall in love woman them always get plan

salmonkas178:

You don't mean these right? Don't tell me it true

bedspread:
Listen bro,
You and your Fiancée should CUT-OFF anything or anyone that wants you guys to go against your Faith....

THERE is no Father, Mother or Granny in Eternity.....
stick to your Godliness.... it's GOD Dt gives Children....

obviously, you are not reading bible. You only listen to pastors preach. Go and read your bible well. Ok

Uyi168:
If i ever decide to get married,my wife to be must be pregnant first before doing the needful...e get y

I nor blame you sir. From my bad experience every guy should do same. Even if the girl is very young. Some have ruined their womb as young as 15 years old. Due to roadside/quack abortion. I have narrated my experience here in the past.

Although the pregnancy might not even be yours. Since around 35% of firstborn kids belong to another man. It is then your choice if you will do DNA test if the first child is not your spitting image.

A relative's three kids turned out not to his. Many stories out there.

olalat:
obviously, you are not reading bible. You only listen to pastors preach. Go and read your bible well. Ok

Lol. They just quote & misquote the Bible any how.

Ask him the only Commandment that promises an earthly reward, he will not know that it is about honouring your father and your mother.

LadySarah:
hmm,confused indeed.If you.are confused now,what then will happen with other complicated issues in marriage.


Are you marrying for fulfilling life's purpose together or to preocreate?I hope you understan that your parents shouldn dictate what goes on in your marriage?I hope you also know that she could get pregnant,could later lose it an never take in again ;but then she has passed your mother's fertility test.

I have seen ladies marry at 18 and ttc for life and i have also seen others marry at 40 and have 6 kids at 46(twins thrice).

You guys should behave wello,this is soemeone's daughter

Eme unu ka unu choro ime nwa agbogho ahu,okwa o ga adi unu nma?

.


Chukwu gozie gi.

Aquariann:
What an elder sees sitting...... Op let no one blackmail you or say shít about your mom because she's right.

Women are generally more fertile in their twenties and have more healthy children at that ages.

As a hard working young man, who intends to get married and possibly have children, you shouldn't even be seen with a 39 years old woman who misused her most fertile years chasing God knows what. Riding the carousel probably and finally hitting the wall, she looking for a soft landing.

Op, go and look for a young lady (18-25) that you can pair bond with and can pair bond with your future children. This has nothing to do with your religion but common sense.

People have lost hope in God..why r u sounding like this? U r blaming d lady for been 39 age wise without getting married.. Pls don't conclude on her matter..God allow something's to happen just for a purpose..Her situation might be a different case not d way you analyzed it..Pray for them n allow d will of God to prevailed.

Ogbeni listen to your mother and get her pregnant first...... don't give me the shit of you being a Christian.... it's not as if you have not been having sex with her. forcing your way with a woman in her prime is very risky........ love is not enough reason to get married.



some dude re talking about fulfilling life purpose together.... when the home is unhappy, there is no working together.

Gerrard59:


What is the probability vis-a-vis women in their twenties and thirties? The probability of a 29 year old lady procreating is higher than that of a 49 year old. Moreover, the chance of procreating a child with genetic abnormality is high for a 49 year old woman. What is the point procreating a child at 49 year old and s/he has Down Syndrome (in Nigeria where services for children with special needs are scarce and costly)?

I can understand OP'S mom, she's a Nigerian mom. What is needed is proper medical check-up and history telling to the doc. I'll also implore OP to save for IVF, should it take sometime. But honestly, the odds are against you and your partner. This is Nigeria where medical services to procreate at an advanced age is expensive and tedious - psychologically and physically.



Meanwhile @Aquariann: Let her go and marry the spirit then

Lol.. Abi na, boss mi. Being Spiritual and born again is the common excuse they use to shut down anyone who questions their past.

Same thing we see with younger ladies too, wasting their youthfulness because they're not ready to commit yet, believing their sex appeal/beauty which currently attracts men like bees to honey would last until their 30s.

Thanks for the medical angle, had wanted to state it but didn't have the strength to explain anything to anyone again sef.

raumdeuter:
What is your moms business with your fiancee getting pregnant?

Tell your mom you don't believe in pre-marital sex or does she want you to go into sin? Ask her if she is ready to say what she said in front of the church priest

Also if she has a daughter and her suitor gave her the pregnancy before marriage offer what will you mom advise as a mother

Why are you calling lalasticlala?

u've said d mind of all nairalanders including my humble self

dnt blame ur mum.Nowadays. girls ehn!Make i nor talk

Bro; no offence please but honestly it appears both you and your people are not true Christiand based on your submission-the last part where you said "the girls' faith doesn't allow pregnancy before marriage".

Honestly, sometimes I feel really blank on what to say anytime issues like this crop up. Are you trying to tell people that such acts are allowed in the Catholic faith afterall? Be informed that there is no such thing in the Catholic faith, in fact you are expected not to even have had a sexual relationship with your "would be wife" until after your wedding when the church must have blessed your union.

I am disturbed that more often than not, people use religion to perpetrate and prove an invalid point. I stand to disagree with you and you guys-your family needs to rediscoverify yourselves in what you claim to believe.

Lastly, it will be difficult for me to advise you since you appear not to know what marriage is all about. Think about this......!

Good luck in your search for a better knowedge about marriage.

Cut off those apron strings, dude, you are an adult. Tell her you wont engage in premarital sex.

Stop wasting people time online with request for advice when you have already concluded you are not backing down....
So what else do you want us to advise you?

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

You are here screaming I love my woman. At your age! Your mum is smarter than you. What church doctrine!!! At 39, she is close to menopause and her chance of getting pregnant is reducing with age. In fact, carrying the pregnancy to term is another issue because of her age. She is almost out of the maternal age bracket.
Guy, love is not enough in a marriage. Having your own mirror (kids) is key in marriages especially African marriages.

ojlifa:
i no fit dey talk story.fact na fact .i tell every young man test every spirit in a woman before your marry am,test the belle if the thing dey work,then test the pikin when come out to be sure say na your own,women na devil them be .na only man dey fall in love woman them always get plan

You're so right on this one...many bastard children everywhere..even from our father's time ...women are scaring cause they keep secret till they die....I always tell my friend ....I'm testing every child I bear....I can't train someone else kid for real....I can't

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

idiotic and immature prick.

if I b the lady i go look for a better and matured man.

at 36 u are still been pushed around

Aquariann:


Let her go and marry the spirit then.



Those LTR didn't work out for a reason. Probably she turned them down when they were ready but she wasn't. Or felt someone better would come along you know, based on the hypergamous nature of women.



This is crap. So many people out there regret the sham called marriage today. Besides, if she can't be happy and find fulfilment outside marriage, she'll never find it within marriage. And at her age, she'll only be filled with regret s of the many suitors she turned down in the past because she had to settle with someone 3 years younger than her. Remember hypergamy I mentioned earlier? NO woman desires to marry down.


He's only seeing what she wants him to see i.e a born again Christian. Secondary virgin. I wonder at which point she decided to find her morals again.



You're saying crap again. Yes age matters when it comes to marriage. Any woman who desires to marry should do so in her most fertile years. And yes, the Op would do well to marry a nubile who would not only be able to pair bond with him while also looking up to him for direction, but would appreciate the little romantic gestures he makes every now and then. A 39 years old woman carries a whole lot of baggage with her having seen it all.

If she wants a good man, let her go back to her 20s and find all the men she turned down.

This man you're too harsh
What if she has never had sex before??
Why are you making a blind and senseless conclusion??

And even if she has been turning down suitors in the past, she's doomed for life and deserves no second chance??

If I were you, I will listen to my mom. She has her reasons. Until you get married, you won't understand what childlessness in marriage feels like. At 39 ladies starts to find it difficult to conceive . Trust me bro, you don't want that headache.

Once you get married, The whole world sets their eyes on you expecting your babies. Moreover ladies hides alot of things.

Please listen to your mummy oooo. Cos once you enter it, it's the poor woman that will be running around for breakthrough for to you in case it doesn't work out well.

giles14:
idiotic and immature prick.

if I b the lady i go look for a better and matured man.

at 36 u are still been pushed around

How old are you??

luxy44:



You are here screaming I love my woman. At your age! Your mum is smarter than you. What church doctrine!!! At 39, she is close to menopause and her chance of getting pregnant is reducing with age. In fact, carrying the pregnancy to term is another issue because of her age. She is almost out of the maternal age bracket.
Guy, love is not enough in a marriage. Having your own mirror (kids) is key in marriages especially African marriages.

hehe, getting pregnant is not even the problem, nurturing it and delivery at that age would be very stressful. God help u Op.

Aquariann:
What an elder sees sitting...... Op let no one blackmail you or say shít about your mom because she's right.

Women are generally more fertile in their twenties and have more healthy children at that ages.

As a hard working young man, who intends to get married and possibly have children, you shouldn't even be seen with a 39 years old woman who misused her most fertile years chasing God knows what. Riding the carousel probably and finally hitting the wall, she looking for a soft landing.

Op, go and look for a young lady (18-25) that you can pair bond with and can pair bond with your future children. This has nothing to do with your religion but common sense.

baddest advice

My brother is better you listen to your mom, she needs to get pregnant before any introduction. It is for your own good. Since 2014 you have been dating her you have not indulge her in any sexual activity. Please put born again aside and test her to know if she is fertile inorder to avoid had I know in the future. My friend is regretting why he didn't listen to my advice by not impregnating his wife when they were still Dating, now it is 3 years in the marriage no children.

mkoabiola:
That a gud mother jooo

Btw 39 years choi.I wish u d best ooo

E no eazy to find love at dat age oo

am sorry, a mother who goes against the law of God is nt a good one. He shd be concerned abt what God is saying becos He is the maker/giver of babies