if your husband should come across a woman that will treat him like a king there is no how you will not be added to the list of divorcees and single parents if you have kids, it is a very good thing for a wife to respect the husband, many homes are broken today because we refuse to give respect to whom it is due

PietraK:
God did not create women to be providers or bread winners.

Women were made to support men by cooking their foods and taking care of the home.

The man is responsible for feeding his wife and children and as well provide shelter. His wife in turn rewards him with her duty in keeping the home homely and sex.

If women can identify themselves and appreciate their strength, they will have it easier.

Women get mad when men objectify them as sex beings. They are supposed to embrace their uniqueness and follow nature's plan but they want to be the same with men.

They want to work and be independent. Who will breast feed your infants and cook for your children when you are out doing the man's work of providing for the family.

In fact, I will outlaw female employment in Nigeria if I get to rule the country. Men would work, be forced to be responsible and provide for their family. Enact a law that ensures 70% of men's salaries go to home management which the wife will oversee.

I will make a law that will ensure men get married before being employed to avoid men avoiding marriages and leaving women stranded.

This will make the world a better place.

Women want to work, no wahala... If you can combine the work with your responsibilities at home no wahala.

You refreshingly understand the OP's point.

Your post is a very good solution however, where do you leave the ambition of women?

Except you go further to discourage tertiary education for women. A women once opined general studies not as tedious and structured as tertiary education.

Your suggestion also means that men must learn to treat their wives right else we go full circle.

I am not seeking to marry a "rich" lady, just be self sufficient and comfortable, it's going to be really awkward if I marry you and become the burden bearer for every little thing.

Safiaaa:
To hat advantage is a rich woman to you, when you’re supposed to be the full provider of everything in the house?

pcguru1:


Some men are comfortable with that, some not to much, depends on the family structure and agreement. But economically speaking it's not realistic in Nigeria esp the average man but outside yeah.

Why is not realistic to take care of the family in all aspects? Then it shouldn’t be realistic for me to do all the house chores and take care of the kids. Marriage is not for everyone, if you can’t take on your job then don’t get married. Simple. It’s not by force.

Chari4:
This is the most archaic mentality. You want to outlaw female employment? Are you normal? After you ll come and be talking about racism when you cannot even treat your fellow human as equals. God created women as "help meet" get it right not your maid besides how many men can fully support their homes based on their salary, we work together to make the home work. If you need a slave master relationship get a maid.

While you sound so hip in theory, the person you quoted understand married life and the OP better and offers an average woman a better option.

Running the home + full time work is killing that's why most wives look stressed and miserable than their husbands.

Sterope:
When she is alone, she cooks whenever she likes or don't cook at all. I really don't know what your problem is, is not like the guy doesnt eat or clean either when was alone.

I really don't see the essence of marriage if my life is going to be unnecessarily harder than it was.

Its a two~way thing and couples are meant to compliment each other.
Life don't get harder for ladies it only becomes more of relaxing with less financial burden. But for the guys they have to hustle more and harder to make more money to care for his family and the demands. And you expect that same man going through such mental stress to still go through the stress of getting good food when he has a wife who doesnt go through that stress?

DonPiiko:
I am not seeking to marry a "rich" lady, just be self sufficient and comfortable, it's going to be really awkward if I marry you and become the burden bearer for every little thing.

And again, of what use is it to marry a ‘comfortable’ lady if you’re taking up all the financial responsibility in the house? That’s not what you as a man should look for in a woman. Her money shouldn’t be important to you, what is important is her wifely qualities and her ability to take care of your children and home. If she’s financial stable on her own, it’s just a bonus, not a necessity. Unless you’re looking for someone to help you with your job.

dominique:
Not all marriages, some men are very hands on with house chores and child care. Besides, some women bring this upon themselves. You will go to a man's personal and family homes and turn yourself into their glorified maid just to prove you're 200 yards of wife material. How won't they take you as a glorified maid in marriage?

Some women will go ahead to marry a man that unapologetically told her that chores are solely a woman's duty because they're desperate to marry. Once married, they will see how draining all that housework but they won't be able to complain too much because that's what they signed up for.

Marriage shouldn't be as hard as our people are making it. All it involves are partnership, effective communication, mutual respect and understanding.

the biggest problem with marriage is human selfishness. Do you know how difficult it can be to be truly selfless?

Safiaaa:
Why is not realistic to take care of the family in all aspects? Then it shouldn’t be realistic for me to do all the house chores and take care of the kids. Marriage is not for everyone, if you can’t take on your job then don’t get married. Simple. It’s not by force.

I said in Nigeria, and i also said economically speaking, and I also mentioned it's not a problem for some ( High Economic power ), Nigerians standard of living is lower than in advance countries and notice i also said it is very possible outside Nigeria. Also what happens when the husband loses his job, does that the mean the marriage is over ?

Safiaaa:
okay you didn’t answer my question. But okay

Well if you read n understood my response therr would have been ni need for them questions
But if you insist I will
Financial fulfilment is not just giving money to one's wife rather set her up .
Now as regards house chores .
You do not xpect a house with kids to be spotless .
Therr are certain things I do arround my house I call Man program and I enjoy doing them .
The major house chore is cooking and cleaning . .
Cleaning can be halved if one invest in washing machine and a generator . .
Now cooking. If one's wife cannot cook or complain that it's too stressful to cook ahhh wahala dey ohh .
In my book cooking is a responsibly rather than a daily chore

Safiaaa:
Really? What Nigerian guy in this generation wants to be responsible for all the bills and finances in the house?

most of those I know actually. They recognize and appreciate any support/assistance the wife provides but they consider financial provision (at least) to be their primary responsibility

pcguru1:


I said in Nigeria, and i also said economically speaking, and I also mentioned it's not a problem for some ( High Economic power ), Nigerians standard of living is lower than in advance countries and notice i also said it is very possible outside Nigeria. Also what happens when the husband loses his job, does that the mean the marriage is over ?

Tbh some aspect of living in Nigeria is on the high side compared to the west . If we where to have electricity 24/7
We will pay more .
Healthcare , security etc

Exactly I like this thought pattern

Safiaaa:
And again, of what use is it to marry a ‘comfortable’ lady if you’re taking up all the financial responsibility in the house? That’s not what you as a man should look for in a women. Her money shouldn’t be important to you, what is important is her wifely qualities and her ability to take care of your children and home. If she’s financial stable on her own, it’s just a bonus, not a necessity. Unless you’re looking for someone to help you with your job.

Safiaaa:
Really? What Nigerian guy in this generation wants to be responsible for all the bills and finances in the house?

Haba come on
In Nigeria the Man pays all primary bills .
The wife can support when it comes to secondary .
That's Nigeria .

jennyolive:
Really sò she will not give birth abi? it is 2 cups she will cook forever? u see that u don't have sense

Intellectuals don't solve problems from the complex part, we tackle it from the simple! If she can't cook for two then she can't cook for more.
And from the post, she didn't mention cooking for a family, she was too lazy to cook for her husband that they share the same bed.
Like i said, any lady that feels cooking for her husband is too burdensome for her is lazy and dirty and such doesn't deserve a husband.
Finally, i hope nobody come here to cry that her man is staying out late or he's seeing another mistress..
And for the latter part of your post, I chose to believe you are not referring to me

pcguru1:


I said in Nigeria, and i also said economically speaking, and I also mentioned it's not a problem for some ( High Economic power ), Nigerians standard of living is lower than in advance countries and notice i also said it is very possible outside Nigeria. Also what happens when the husband loses his job, does that the mean the marriage is over ?

I understand that economically Nigeria is not on the level it should be. Making it harder for men to provide fully. However if you want to adjust financially due to the economic strain, then you must adjust domestically due the physical strain it will cost your wife. Do you understand? You cannot do things that are only beneficial for yourself. That’s not how marriage works.

Now when a man loses his job, the roles may be reversed and the man has to work extra hard to reverse those roles back to normal, otherwise their will be problems. If the woman becomes the man in the household for too long, it will damage the relationship and it will possibly crash. Things happen and I understand that, but one should never be content with that.

monex:


most of those I know actually. They recognize and appreciate any support/assistance the wife provides but they consider financial provision (at least) to be their primary responsibility

fantastic.

erico2k2:

Tbh some aspect of living in Nigeria is on the high side compared to the west . If we where to have electricity 24/7
We will pay more .
Healthcare , security etc

Actually it's just Lagos, I went to Akure and you can actually live a good life there easily. we've lost it in this country, even 24/7 electricity will create a lot of jobs and reduces loads of expenses and prices of item in the market.

erico2k2:

Haba come on
In Nigeria the Man pays all primary bills .
The wife can support when it comes to secondary .
That's Nigeria .

There’s nothing like supporting you financially. Do your job, I do mine and they’ll be no complications. That’s how we support each other.

Marriage is a scam. But these religious and traditional fools won't listen!

the rule of thumb is to discuss your understanding and expectations about marriage.

As a lady, If you dont expect cooking to be your obligation in marriage, explain this before any committment. Don't refrain from discussing it due to some desperation. There are always going to be those who share similar marital values and expectations with you.

As a guy, if you expect cooking to be your wife's responsibility. Let her know before you guys make a commitment to each other so she has a choice. We have no right to take away anyone's choices or to coerce someone into something the person does not want.

Most of us where raised in a culture and the effect of this culture still affects our understanding of marriages. Religion (Orthodox Christianity and Islam especially) further support this idea of Husband (Lead, Protect, Provide) and Wife (Home Management and Nurturing) responsibilities.

A lady will probably know about my position on marital responsibilities in our first month of dating.

Safiaaa:
I understand that economically Nigeria is not on the level it should be. Making it harder for men to provide fully. However if you want to adjust financially due to the economic strain, then you must adjust domestically due the physical strain it will cost your wife. Do you understand? You cannot do things that are only beneficial for yourself. That’s not how marriage works.

Now when a man loses his job, the roles may be reversed and the man has to work extra hard to reverse those roles back to normal, otherwise their will be problems. If the woman becomes the man in the household for too long, it will damage the relationship and it will possibly crash. Things happen and I understand that, but one should never be content with that.

then you must adjust domestically due the physical strain it will cost your wife. Do you understand? You cannot do things that are only beneficial for yourself. That’s not how marriage works.

Ah i now see where the issue comes from, to be frank i've always been of the opinion that both parties should share domestic stuffs, i don't feel comfortable when someone is doing stuff and i know i'm capable to reduce the load, seems reasonable to me. However not everyone shares that but alot of guys did domestic works while growing up and have no issues. but i cannot iron clothes sha i hate that sh.it

dominique:


Who is fighting with you now? That a wife is submissive doesn't mean you should not give her some form of respect. Submission to men like you means subservience and subjugation, in other worlds slavery. If I have to choose between being married to a boy-man like you and packing out, I will gladly pick the pack out option. Unlike the desperados that will prefer to suffer in the name of marriage, marriage will never be a do or die affair for me. I will gladly leave your house for you to eat it. A man that cannot accord his wife some level of respect and see her as a partner is not fit to be a man.

is it a lack of respect to want one's wife to be responsible for taking care of the home?

deesad2002:
I cannot agree less. Her points are valid if we think about it honestly.

And u dint ask ursef y her family collected bride-price

PietraK:


Archaic?

Open your mind to the future. There will be a future where population grows and there won't be jobs for 90% of the population.

God did not create men after women equal. Nature did not make men and women equal. We were built to work and provide for the home both physically and emotionally.

Women were built physically and emotionally to take care of the children and home.

If you can't live with it, kill yourself. Archaic or not, you can't cheat nature or rebuilt women.

The ego, the strength and everything masculine makes men providers. Women should learn their place and joy in it.

Consider the solution in my post (employment and salary percentage going to wives)

In fact, what is the difference between "help meet" and house maid? Only sex.

Whatever you want to call it... Women were created to help with taking care of the home and raising children. Simple.

Lol! @ bold.

I would say men and women are different not 'unequal'

erico2k2:

In Nigeria women pay 50/50 ? ?
4 real ? ?
Man pays
Rent
Electric bill
Gas bill
School fees .
Provide feeding money
.the vast majority of Nigerian homes function like this.

Dreams come true.

Safiaaa:
that’s why you don’t contribute financially at all. Problem solved, happily ever after Your money is our money, my money is mine

That's exactly what Islam states. I understood that from my Muslim friend. I would advise you marry a Muslim then if you are single and want to get married.

dominique:


My husband does chores, my father does chores as well. Both MEN work and provide for the family and that didn't stop them from assisting in the running of the home. Assisting your wife with the chores doesn't make you less of a man, it only shows that you're caring and considerate. You work in a fully air-conditioned office yet you think you work harder than the one bursting her limbs to keep the home in order, seriously?

My son turns seven this month and he has been doing housework since last year. I'm raising him that way so he doesn't turn someone else's daughter into his glorified maid. I'm raising my daughter to know her worth and not settle for less in a relationship or marriage. She will never settle for an overgrown boy that thinks he's doing her a favour by marrying her hence she must be their ass locker and ego massager.

the bolded shows that you consider it HER responsibility

Safiaaa:
But upon providing this you still complain and ask the women to assist you and help you to doyour job. You slightly manage to cover the needs financially but are you covering her wants? Do you make life comfortable for your wife financially without complaints? But in return you expect the house to be spotless,food always ready kids taken care of and still want her to contribute money to house. It’s too much pressure for wife, whilst you’re not even performing your job as the provider to your full capacity. I don’t believe in “ we’ll help each other out in everything” nonsense, because in the end, the woman always takes up more. Understand your role, everybody will be happy

Insightful.

monex:


That's exactly what Islam states. I understood that from my Muslim friend. I would advise you marry a Muslim then if you are single and want to get married.

No thanks. But my dad is a Muslim.

Safiaaa:
that’s why you don’t contribute financially at all. Problem solved, happily ever after Your money is our money, my money is mine

Correct !!!