Please nairalanders, help me out!

I'm in luv with this slay Queen that looks like a twin sister to Rihanna. We started dating in 2009 though there were couple of problems that kept us apart for almost a year or two cos i moved out of town. But our paths just kept crossing.

We hooked up about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and since then, she has been talking of we setting down. She even told me that next year won't end without her getting married.

But here are the problems i'm faced with though I've not told her about some of them.

1= I'm a student and in ND2 though I'm working but the paycheck is nothing to write home about. She is also a student though about to go for nysc


2= I had a very serious problem in school and chances are i will have to start all over again.


3= recently, she told me of how she is looking forward to becoming a career woman devoting all her time to work and nothing else. That really did hit me with a bang because that is not the type of wife i want. I need a wife that will really have time for the kids. I told her about it and her response really shocked me. In her words, " we will have to get a house girl then "

I mean WTF men!!



4= she also told me that she doesn't want to get pregnant the normal natural way because she doesn't want to start looking old quickly. If it isn't IVF, then we will have to adopt or nothing else.
Now i don't have a problem with adopting a kid, in fact i swore an oath to God that if i was able to get a stable or a bit stable life, I'm going to adopt a child and be a blessing to him or her because I'm an orphan though i grew up with my grandmother. The problem is i will need a good wife with a lot of time to help raise the kid and our kids.

... so with these problems, i clearly can't see a future with her so i want to let her go - the earlier the better. But i don't know how to go about it. To make matters worse, she keeps pressuring me about me or she coming over cos she is addicted to me!
The last time we had an issue, it really didn't go down well with her that she nearly harmed herself were it not for her sister that got to know about it and intervened on time.


So please is there anyone here that can suggest to me how i should handle this issue without anyone getting hurt?

Thanks.

ND2 ..almost in High School. Concentrate in your studies. I think should be your priority. Thinking about marriage at this stage is distraction.

# On the point of career only


Are you saying she will have to leave her job?

What if, God forbid, something happens to you and she has five kids with no job? That's just how life is nowadays. You can't compare this life with your grandparents who had a chance to spend all the time they had with their children and in the kitchen inventing new cuisines for their husbands. Now if you don't rise up early and look for money, you won't eat!

Just chop the punny but concentrate on your studies especially now that you are considering starting all over
She might get hook to another, problem may be whether you will let go

That's my opinion, let's sit here and wait for the Elders to come

Just face your studies.

Gofwane:
Please nairalanders, help me out!

I'm in luv with this slay Queen that looks like a twin sister to Rihanna. We started dating in 2009 though there were couple of problems that kept us apart for almost a year or two cos i moved out of town. But our paths just kept crossing.

We hooked up about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and since then, she has been talking of we setting down. She even told me that next year won't end without her getting married.

But here are the problems i'm faced with though I've not told her about some of them.

1= I'm a student and in ND2 though I'm working but the paycheck is nothing to write home about. She is also a student though about to go for nysc

OK u can marry so far u have a source of income. Don't just remain in one position
2= I had a very serious problem in school and chances are i will have to start all over again./quote] this doesn't stop u from getting married


3= recently, she told me of how she is looking forward to becoming a career woman devoting all her time to work and nothing else. That really did hit me with a bang because that is not the type of wife i want. I need a wife that will really have time for the kids. I told her about it and her response really shocked me. In her words, " we will have to get a house girl then "

I mean WTF men!!
[/quote]. Your last statement irks of illiteracy no wonder u are starting over.... But if her statement is also true. She is a girl and not a woman, drop her


4= she also told me that she doesn't want to get pregnant the normal natural way because she doesn't want to start looking old quickly. If it isn't IVF, then we will have to adopt or nothing else.
Now i don't have a problem with adopting a kid, in fact i swore an oath to God that if i was able to get a stable or a bit stable life, I'm going to adopt a child and be a blessing to him or her because I'm an orphan though i grew up with my grandmother. The problem is i will need a good wife with a lot of time to help raise the kid and our kids.
[/quote]

Let her go she won't be a blessing to you, your children and the adopted one, she is not ready to start with u

... so with these problems, i clearly can't see a future with her so i want to let her go - the earlier the better. But i don't know how to go about it. To make matters worse, she keeps pressuring me about me or she coming over cos she is addicted to me!
The last time we had an issue, it really didn't go down well with her that she nearly harmed herself were it not for her sister that got to know about it and intervened on time.


So please is there anyone here that can suggest to me how i should handle this issue without anyone getting hurt?

Thanks.
[/quote]

Since you know all these, why are u telling us

Muafrika2:


# On the point of career only


Are you saying she will have to leave her job?

What if, God forbid, something happens to you and she has five kids with no job? That's just how life is nowadays. You can't compare this life with your grandparents who had a chance to spend all the time they had with their children and in the kitchen inventing new cuisines for their husbands. Now if you don't rise up early and look for money, you won't eat!

no! I don't want a full time house wife. One of my criteria for a wife is she must be a working class but not a woman that will put her work first over our family.

A normal 8am to 5pm job is OK by me if she can still have time to prepare the kids for school, pick them up from school at times and cook dinner for the family (I will gladly help out in doing all the these chores if need be)

we can get a nanny that will look after them when they close from school but she can go home when my wife is back from work. Or bring one of my wife's relatives or mine to be leaving with us. But their mum must have undivided attention for them. Can't have a lady that will stay out late at night because she is busy at the TV station broadcasting network news on nta or presenting a program on TV or radio (my girlfriend read mass communication at nta college)

Iseoluwani:
O

Since you know all these, why are u telling us

hey mr man, a word of advice please: you should just make your point without insulting me. Never you ever, i mean ever insult me again.

I believe that's fair enough

AnodaIT:
Just chop the punny but concentrate on your studies especially now that you are considering starting all over
She might get hook to another, problem may be whether you will let go

That's my opinion, let's sit here and wait for the Elders to come

thanks man

Lemme join you to sit down and wait for them

Your business bro

She might have found out that she won't be able to have children the natural way. If that's the case, men who are not madly in love with her won't want to marry her and if she won't be able to have children the either way, she won't be able to pressurize any man to stay except you that she is used to and whose weak point she knows.

Something tells me she just wants the "married" status and not commitment. She may not even cheat but she won't crave being with you most of the times after marriage.

If she threatens suicide by your plan to breakup, that may mean she has financial capability to make the marriage work. In that case, you guys can get married while you are still schooling.

As for insults from posters, this is nairaland. It's like most of these people are teenagers. We come online to have seek advice and relief only for the mor0ns to add to the problem. I opened a thread the other day, nobody believed the story because it's am extremely rare case. I was insulted by all 12 people that made comments. I didn't use this account. I have 4 accounts because of that nonsense.

Gofwane:
Please nairalanders, help me out!

I'm in luv with this[b] slay Queen that looks like a twin sister to Rihanna[/b]. We started dating in 2009 though there were couple of problems that kept us apart for almost a year or two cos i moved out of town. But our paths just kept crossing.

We hooked up about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and since then, she has been talking of we setting down. She even told me that next year won't end without her getting married.

But here are the problems i'm faced with though I've not told her about some of them.

1= I'm a student and in ND2 though I'm working but the paycheck is nothing to write home about. She is also a student though about to go for nysc


2= I had a very serious problem in school and chances are i will have to start all over again.


3= recently, she told me of how she is looking forward to becoming a career woman devoting all her time to work and nothing else. That really did hit me with a bang because that is not the type of wife i want. I need a wife that will really have time for the kids. I told her about it and her response really shocked me. In her words, " we will have to get a house girl then "

I mean WTF men!!



4= she also told me that she doesn't want to get pregnant the normal natural way because she doesn't want to start looking old quickly. If it isn't IVF, then we will have to adopt or nothing else.
Now i don't have a problem with adopting a kid, in fact i swore an oath to God that if i was able to get a stable or a bit stable life, I'm going to adopt a child and be a blessing to him or her because I'm an orphan though i grew up with my grandmother. The problem is i will need a good wife with a lot of time to help raise the kid and our kids.

... so with these problems, i clearly can't see a future with her so i want to let her go - the earlier the better. But i don't know how to go about it. To make matters worse, she keeps pressuring me about me or she coming over cos she is addicted to me!
The last time we had an issue, it really didn't go down well with her that she nearly harmed herself were it not for her sister that got to know about it and intervened on time.


So please is there anyone here that can suggest to me how i should handle this issue without anyone getting hurt?

Thanks.

There're your problem & solution right there (the part I tried to make bold ) . That line says it all. IMO, that part was unnecessary but I guess you HAD to put it out there to show that you've got yourself an eyecandy. Superficial & shallow on your part. 2nd point, in your own words you say she's a "slay queen", what reaction did you expect if not a shallow one concerned about looks etc? A leopard cannot change its spots. IDK why you even thought you could turn a girl like that into a traditional wife. Your expectations were unrealistic & not aligned with your reality. Delusional? You got yourself into this problem & it'll probably happen again because imo, you're shallow. IDK how you should handle it, I just wanted to point out YOUR contribution to this mess.

THOU SHALT NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH A SLAYQUEEN

XhosaNostra:


IDK how you should handle it, I just wanted to point out YOUR contribution to this mess.

yeah i guess you are right. But i want out cos I can't be attached to a girl like that for life! I'm just worried about how she might react to this considering how she reacted the first time we tried to break up.

We've been dating for about 9 years now so i'm pretty sure she will feel i used and dump her.

Gofwane:
yeah i guess you are right. But i want out cos I can't be attached to a girl like that for life! I'm just worried about how she might react to this considering how she reacted the first time we tried to break up.

We've been dating for about 9 years now so i'm pretty sure she will feel i used and dump her.

I don't wanna touch on that because personally I'm quite cold & unsentimental about people lol. Their emotions are not my problem as far as I'm concerned. But in your case it's a bit tricky because as you said, she's the "suicidal" type & likes you a lot. So I don't wanna say the wrong thing that could lead to tragic results.

If I was in your shoes, I'd cut her loose though. What she does afterwards is her problem

OP, don't let a lady blackmail you into marrying her with threats of committing suicide...

It's already clear that both of you are not on the same page therefore you need to end this relationship as soon as possible!

Gofwane:
Please nairalanders, help me out!

I'm in luv with this slay Queen that looks like a twin sister to Rihanna. We started dating in 2009 though there were couple of problems that kept us apart for almost a year or two cos i moved out of town. But our paths just kept crossing.

We hooked up about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and since then, she has been talking of we setting down. She even told me that next year won't end without her getting married.

But here are the problems i'm faced with though I've not told her about some of them.

1= I'm a student and in ND2 though I'm working but the paycheck is nothing to write home about. She is also a student though about to go for nysc


2= I had a very serious problem in school and chances are i will have to start all over again.


3= recently, she told me of how she is looking forward to becoming a career woman devoting all her time to work and nothing else. That really did hit me with a bang because that is not the type of wife i want. I need a wife that will really have time for the kids. I told her about it and her response really shocked me. In her words, " we will have to get a house girl then "

I mean WTF men!!



4= she also told me that she doesn't want to get pregnant the normal natural way because she doesn't want to start looking old quickly. If it isn't IVF, then we will have to adopt or nothing else.
Now i don't have a problem with adopting a kid, in fact i swore an oath to God that if i was able to get a stable or a bit stable life, I'm going to adopt a child and be a blessing to him or her because I'm an orphan though i grew up with my grandmother. The problem is i will need a good wife with a lot of time to help raise the kid and our kids.

... so with these problems, i clearly can't see a future with her so i want to let her go - the earlier the better. But i don't know how to go about it. To make matters worse, she keeps pressuring me about me or she coming over cos she is addicted to me!
The last time we had an issue, it really didn't go down well with her that she nearly harmed herself were it not for her sister that got to know about it and intervened on time.


So please is there anyone here that can suggest to me how i should handle this issue without anyone getting hurt?

Thanks.

Who told you she is being serious? People just blab and fantasize ykno, just like you clearly are; living inside a small box of delusions inside your head and playing nay to reality. Wake up man, you've not even made a tangible headstart in life yet save helping others. It is not a bad thing to date now though as you got to relieve sexual tensions sometimes while fulfilling your need for association and company at the same time. Anything else others do in a relationship (like talking about the future, buying gifts you cant afford and the likes) should not be your business. Take my advice, I don't need it

You want to turn a slay queen that look like rihanna into a housewife. The babe is not ready to sacrifice her rihanna face and body for you.

Opentokwowledge:
Who told you she is being serious? People just blab and fantasize ykno, just like you clearly are; living inside a small box of delusions inside your head and playing nay to reality. Wake up man, you've not even made a tangible headstart in life yet save helping others. It is not a bad thing to date now though as you got to relieve sexual tensions sometimes while fulfilling your need for association and company at the same time. Anything else others do in a relationship (like talking about the future, buying gifts you cant afford and the likes) should not be your business. Take my advice, I don't need it

I read in one of your posts that you never want to get married, why? Does that mean you also don't wanna live with a woman or you wouldn't mind a life time partner type of arrangement? Lastly, do you tell the people you date upfront about your intentions not to marry? Just curious.

XhosaNostra:



I don't wanna touch on that because personally I'm quite cold & unsentimental about people lol. Their emotions are not my problem as far as I'm concerned. But in your case it's a bit tricky because as you said, she's the "suicidal" type & likes you a lot. So I don't wanna say the wrong thing that could lead to tragic results.

If I was in your shoes, I'd cut her loose though. What she does afterwards is her problem

thanks. But may i ask about the strategy you will likely use to cut her lose?

Gofwane:
thanks. But may i ask about the strategy you will likely use to cut her lose?

Can I ask something 1st. If she decides to compromise, would you give the relationship a chance or perhaps there're other things you're unhappy about in the relationship?

Well, for me, my happiness is important. I can't remain in an unhappy situation for obligation or anything. If I see something has no chance of working out, I'll state my reasons & exit. I really don't negotiate or care how they feel about my decision to leave. It's selfish but I don't know how to do it any other way because all I keep thinking about is my own wellbeing.

Opentokwowledge:
Who told you she is being serious? People just blab and fantasize ykno, just like you clearly are; living inside a small box of delusions inside your head and playing nay to reality. Wake up man, you've not even made a tangible headstart in life yet save helping others. It is not a bad thing to date now though as you got to relieve sexual tensions sometimes while fulfilling your need for association and company at the same time. Anything else others do in a relationship (like talking about the future, buying gifts you cant afford and the likes) should not be your business. Take my advice, I don't need it

may be i should have added my age and her's so that you can have a bit more vivid picture of things. I'm 28 while she is 25 which i think is good enough to start thinking and start making plans for the future.

emmie14:
ND2 ..almost in High School. Concentrate in your studies. I think should be your priority. Thinking about marriage at this stage is distraction.

Not every student is still a kid to be told to concentrate on studies alone. If a matured student concentrates only on books, by the time he graduates and starts dating, he may end up marrying very late.
Some are matured enough to handle both relationship and studies perfectly well. Are you aware that some students are married and are still doing well academically

@Op, If you know the girl isn't your type you better man up and end the relationship. Start by avoiding her calls and not going close to her at all. Do that for sometimes to get her mind prepared for the break up. Afterwards, send her a break up text. She'll be fine.

Face your studies please. You still have a long way to go.. Don't come and suffer the unborn child except you are raking in billions

Plzz can yall stop quoting the whole post

Go and finish your studies and get a job. Leave trouble that you cannot afford

Gofwane:
Please nairalanders, help me out!

I'm in luv with this slay Queen that looks like a twin sister to Rihanna. We started dating in 2009 though there were couple of problems that kept us apart for almost a year or two cos i moved out of town. But our paths just kept crossing.

We hooked up about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and since then, she has been talking of we setting down. She even told me that next year won't end without her getting married.

But here are the problems i'm faced with though I've not told her about some of them.

1= I'm a student and in ND2 though I'm working but the paycheck is nothing to write home about. She is also a student though about to go for nysc


2= I had a very serious problem in school and chances are i will have to start all over again.


3= recently, she told me of how she is looking forward to becoming a career woman devoting all her time to work and nothing else. That really did hit me with a bang because that is not the type of wife i want. I need a wife that will really have time for the kids. I told her about it and her response really shocked me. In her words, " we will have to get a house girl then "

I mean WTF men!!



4= she also told me that she doesn't want to get pregnant the normal natural way because she doesn't want to start looking old quickly. If it isn't IVF, then we will have to adopt or nothing else.
Now i don't have a problem with adopting a kid, in fact i swore an oath to God that if i was able to get a stable or a bit stable life, I'm going to adopt a child and be a blessing to him or her because I'm an orphan though i grew up with my grandmother. The problem is i will need a good wife with a lot of time to help raise the kid and our kids.

... so with these problems, i clearly can't see a future with her so i want to let her go - the earlier the better. But i don't know how to go about it. To make matters worse, she keeps pressuring me about me or she coming over cos she is addicted to me!
The last time we had an issue, it really didn't go down well with her that she nearly harmed herself were it not for her sister that got to know about it and intervened on time.


So please is there anyone here that can suggest to me how i should handle this issue without anyone getting hurt?

Thanks.

fatymore:
Face your studies please. You still have a long way to go.. Don't come and suffer the unborn child except you are raking in billions

Did you read were he said he is 28? You still expect a 28YRS old man to focus only on studies?

It is only in Nigeria that fools think that anybody that is bearing the student tag is poor and immature!
You guys don't reason at all and that is the problem with Nigeria.

Sorry for the inconvenience bro, will suggest you reduce communication and final send her text or meet with her and give her reasons while it won't work.

Also if you can manage relationship and studies/work i suggest you get started no time

Jman06:
It is only in Nigeria that fools think that anybody that is bearing the student tag is poor and immature!
You guys don't reason at all and that is the problem with Nigeria.

No be small saw a 21YRS old bride in uni

Gofwane:

may be i should have added my age and her's so that you can have a bit more vivid picture of things. I'm 28 while she is 25 which i think is good enough to start thinking and start making plans for the future.

It's never too early or too late to start planning. IMHO anyways, your age doesn't necessarily have to mean you're qualified for marriage. Does it?
It's a subjective ish though, as there is no precision tool/gauge to measure the range of psychological or material fitness one must reach before being qualified for admission into the marriage institution.
I've never been married myself so, I might not be in the best position to tell you what to expect when you get there. However, judging by the standards your purported love is craving and your attitude towards it, It is no brainer that you're not lorry enough to carry her luggage and some other ones that might come with anybody else e.g getting an housekeeper while she's making money. This was why I came charging you to set your priorities right and close off your mind to commitment for the time being, enjoying life as they come . If you feel you're game enough for marriage though, by all means, carry on!

It's a very delicate case, this one. I sense a precarious breakup but I think it can be managed.

You can't have tons of reservations like you've stated and still go on to marry her, that's a no-brainer for sure.

Gofwane,

I think we should put things in perspective.

Option 1

You both get married and she lends plausibility to all the things you've observed and felt about her. I think that may make you miserable unless of course you love her to the extent of overlooking most of the issues you raised. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and your longterm happiness should always be prioritised, but then love is something most of us can never fully fathom.


Option 2

I've always told my self that relationships are not a do or die affair. Relationships are for learning. My first and I quit on the grounds of incompatible genotype. It was difficult, but it happened. Things were easy because we had mutual understanding of the situation. Your intended spouse should be snug on you like a cashmere sweater, you won't be forcing it. If you need to break up, you may need to involve her folks and/or a therapist. Don't let anyone decide your happiness.

Here's a link to a Wikihow article to help you if you're going with option 2:

www.google.com.ng/amp/s/m.wikihow.com/Break-Up-With-Someone-Who-Is-Threatening-Suicide%3famp=1

Cheers mate.