Bible scholars in the house, pls help us out.

The question really should be what is dating?
Its the definition of dating that will say whether it is right or wrong.
Dating:
Dating simply means an non exclusive "booking" of a date/dates with a person of the opposite sex for the purpose of getting to know each other before deciding whether to go into a romantic/courtship relationship.

In dating, no string is attached. No attachment as in "you're my girlfriend/boyfriend". A christian can legally have multiple dates (its not a sin as long as nothing sexual is part of the outings).

Dating could be to an eatery, movie, park, each others home etc.

There is also

"Going Steady" (Nigerian Term: Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationship)
This is when a man and a woman are in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other. Usually, it is different from Courtship because in this kind of relationship, they are still watching each other to decided whether they want to proceed to marriage or not.

This is usually confused with dating (and most Nigerians thinks this is dating) but it isn't.

No Christian has any basis for "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" relationship because bit is an exclusive directionless romantic /emotional relationship.

Courtship:
It is a period of time before marriage when a man and a woman who have decided to marry each other prepare for and begin to design the architectural master plan of their marriage.

For courtship to be said to be on, there must be the question:
"Will you Marry me?"
And the answer
"Yes!"

If this has not happened, your courtship has not started.

In this respect. A Christian will proceed from Dating to Courtship.

It is sadning that a lot of people do "Boyfriend-Girfriend" relationship for four years thinking they are courting. No!
There is a big difference.

Only foolish Christians practice exclusive dating and calling it courtship.

shadeyinka:
The question really should be what is dating?
Its the definition of dating that will say whether it is right or wrong.
Dating:
Dating simply means an non exclusive "booking" of a date/dates with a person of the opposite sex for the purpose of getting to know each other before deciding whether to go into a romantic/courtship relationship.

In dating, no string is attached. No attachment as in "you're my girlfriend/boyfriend". A christian can legally have multiple dates (its not a sin as long as nothing sexual is part of the outings).

Dating could be to an eatery, movie, park, each others home etc.

There is also

"Going Steady" (Nigerian Term: Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationship)
This is when a man and a woman are in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other. Usually, it is different from Courtship because in this kind of relationship, they are still watching each other to decided whether they want to proceed to marriage or not.

This is usually confused with dating (and most Nigerians thinks this is dating) but it isn't.

No Christian has any basis for "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" relationship because bit is an exclusive directionless romantic /emotional relationship.

Courtship:
It is a period of time before marriage when a man and a woman who have decided to marry each other prepare for and begin to design the architectural master plan of their marriage.

For courtship to be said to be on, there must be the question:
"Will you Marry me?"
And the answer
"Yes!"

If this has not happened, your courtship has not started.

In this respect. A Christian will proceed from Dating to Courtship.

It is sadning that a lot of people do "Boyfriend-Girfriend" relationship for four years thinking they are courting. No!
There is a big difference.

Only foolish Christians practice exclusive dating and calling it courtship.

You have answered it all

People mentioned in the Bible never used to date, but I dont think it's sinful as long as God is at the center

asuustrike2009:

You have answered it all

Thanks

KhadyM:
People mentioned in the Bible never used to date, but I dont think it's sinful as long as God is at the center

Do you mean dating or boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?

shadeyinka:

Do you mean dating or boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?

Arent those the same thing?

KhadyM:


Arent those the same thing?

No, they aren't.

Its a "Nigerian English" mistake!
Check out

shadeyinka:
The question really should be what is dating?
Its the definition of dating that will say whether it is right or wrong.
Dating:
Dating simply means an non exclusive "booking" of a date/dates with a person of the opposite sex for the purpose of getting to know each other before deciding whether to go into a romantic/courtship relationship.

In dating, no string is attached. No attachment as in "you're my girlfriend/boyfriend". A christian can legally have multiple dates (its not a sin as long as nothing sexual is part of the outings).

Dating could be to an eatery, movie, park, each others home etc.

There is also

"Going Steady" (Nigerian Term: Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationship)
This is when a man and a woman are in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other. Usually, it is different from Courtship because in this kind of relationship, they are still watching each other to decided whether they want to proceed to marriage or not.

This is usually confused with dating (and most Nigerians thinks this is dating) but it isn't.

No Christian has any basis for "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" relationship because bit is an exclusive directionless romantic /emotional relationship.

Courtship:
It is a period of time before marriage when a man and a woman who have decided to marry each other prepare for and begin to design the architectural master plan of their marriage.

For courtship to be said to be on, there must be the question:
"Will you Marry me?"
And the answer
"Yes!"

If this has not happened, your courtship has not started.

In this respect. A Christian will proceed from Dating to Courtship.

It is sadning that a lot of people do "Boyfriend-Girfriend" relationship for four years thinking they are courting. No!
There is a big difference.

Only foolish Christians practice exclusive dating and calling it courtship.

Shalom
I can answer any other questions DV.

shadeyinka:

No, they aren't.

Its a "Nigerian English" mistake!
Check out




Shalom
I can answer any other questions DV.

Ohh then in that case I meant boyfriend/girlfriend relationship

KhadyM:


Ohh then in that case I meant boyfriend/girlfriend relationship

A Christian should have both male and female friends. Bit nothing exclusive just general friends.

Let me ask you a deep question.

What do you think are the advantages of having an exclusive boyfriend?

Then, I will explain why its all a waste of time

shadeyinka:

A Christian should have both male and female friends. Bit nothing exclusive just general friends.

Let me ask you a deep question.

What do you think are the advantages of having an exclusive boyfriend?

Then, I will explain why its all a waste of time

What's a waste of time? Being in a relationship?

KhadyM:


What's a waste of time? Being in a relationship?

You haven't answered my question!

But
Objective of Dating: getting to know each other better or enough to proceed into courtship relationship.
Objective of Courtship: Preparing for marriage life

What's the Objective of Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships?

Note:
Pls don't tell me getting to know each other better: that is covered in non exclusive dating

shadeyinka:

You haven't answered my question!

But
Objective of Dating: getting to know each other better or enough to proceed into courtship relationship.
Objective of Courtship: Preparing for marriage life

What's the Objective of Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships?

Note:
Pls don't tell me getting to know each other better: that is covered in non exclusive dating

Well, that is true..you can get to know each other better in non exclusive dating. But i think exclusive dating is different and better because it brings the label aspect. You want to be identified as someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, otherwise it will be just a situationship. And also, you get to build on faithfulness, which will be important if you guys get married. If I'm in an exlusive relationship with someone, I will feel the pressure to want to be faithful to them which wont be the case if we're not in a relationship.

KhadyM:


Well, that is true..you can get to know each other better in non exclusive dating. But i think exclusive dating is different and better because it brings the label aspect. You want to be identified as someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, otherwise it will be just a situationship. And also, you get to build on faithfulness, which will be important if you guys get married. If I'm in an exlusive relationship with someone, I will feel the pressure to want to be faithful to them which wont be the case if we're not in a relationship.

I understand you.
But the question is, to what end?
What do you gain from the relationship?
Or you are doing it because your friends are also in it.
What would you have lost if you had just ordinary friendship with this boy?

Faithfulness is not built. Faithfulness is a CHOICE you make. It doesn't take practice to build faithfulness.

In a non exclusive relationship, there is no pressure to be exclusive (faithful in a pure sense) to any one. For Gods sake, he is just an ordinary friend. He dosnt own you.

In my opinion more than 70% of relationships which eventually lead to marriage have courtships of less than 3 years.

When a couple go into a goalless exclusive relationship, what do they expect? A complete waste of time.


The probability of breakup in an exclusive relationship where marriage is not the focus is extremely high. That is not to say there aren't relationships that last more than four years (but ask them how many have succeeded in keeping themselves pure).

The Christian lady has more to loose in exclusive relationships because our bodies crave sexual release. Its just a matter of time before touching, pecking, kissing and finally sex become a routine. In this, the lady has all to loose to a man who has promised nothing permanent.

Does a man/lady learn to hold a relationship better because of experience? Certainly not. The fact that a lady had up to 10 different "boyfriends" does not in anyway improve her success in having a beautiful marriage life.

The only experience they get is how to effectively breakup with your partner (practicing divorce?). The other lesson learnt is How NOT to completely TRUST your partner because along the line, some of these BFs will break your heart.

Does love grow with time? Love is as strong as your choice. Its not time dependent.
Does Love grow with time? Not quite. In fact the opposite is almost true because in every relationship, familiarity comes in and those things which used to shack you become normal and ordinary.

Apart from that, even if you intend to keep your BF for life, you have just simply allowed the Girl you are Decide for the Woman you are going to become.

Now, 10 years down the lane, you work in an oil company and this your BF is a primary school teacher, will you dump him for this guy (also godly, handsome, responsible and also work in Mobil Oil) who has been toasting you?

Why not be ready for Marriage and then choose a husband material. I am sure any boyfriend you have now is not on the basis of how good a husband and father he would be. Your choice will be 70% good looks, 10% fyn to be with and the rest shared.

The question you should also ask is:
If you are not in a relationship, what are you loosing?
Enjoy your youth in freedom.

Except as a lady you are a leech (a parasite that sucks blood from its relationship).

I tell you, 3 years to when you want to finally settle down and marry, your criteria will be totally different.

shadeyinka:


I understand you.
But the question is, to what end?
What do you gain from the relationship?
Or you are doing it because your friends are also in it.
What would you have lost if you had just ordinary friendship with this boy?

Faithfulness is not built. Faithfulness is a CHOICE you make. It doesn't take practice to build faithfulness.

In a non exclusive relationship, there is no pressure to be exclusive (faithful in a pure sense) to any one. For Gods sake, he is just an ordinary friend. He dosnt own you.

In my opinion more than 70% of relationships which eventually lead to marriage have courtships of less than 3 years.

When a couple go into a goalless exclusive relationship, what do they expect? A complete waste of time.


The probability of breakup in an exclusive relationship where marriage is not the focus is extremely high. That is not to say there aren't relationships that last more than four years (but ask them how many have succeeded in keeping themselves pure).

The Christian lady has more to loose in exclusive relationships because our bodies crave sexual release. Its just a matter of time before touching, pecking, kissing and finally sex become a routine. In this, the lady has all to loose to a man who has promised nothing permanent.

Does a man/lady learn to hold a relationship better because of experience? Certainly not. The fact that a lady had up to 10 different "boyfriends" does not in anyway improve her success in having a beautiful marriage life.

The only experience they get is how to effectively breakup with your partner (practicing divorce?). The other lesson learnt is How NOT to completely TRUST your partner because along the line, some of these BFs will break your heart.

Does love grow with time? Love is as strong as your choice. Its not time dependent.
Does Love grow with time? Not quite. In fact the opposite is almost true because in every relationship, familiarity comes in and those things which used to shack you become normal and ordinary.

Apart from that, even if you intend to keep your BF for life, you have just simply allowed the Girl you are Decide for the Woman you are going to become.

Now, 10 years down the lane, you work in an oil company and this your BF is a primary school teacher, will you dump him for this guy (also godly, handsome, responsible and also work in Mobil Oil) who has been toasting you?

Why not be ready for Marriage and then choose a husband material. I am sure any boyfriend you have now is not on the basis of how good a husband and father he would be. Your choice will be 70% good looks, 10% fyn to be with and the rest shared.

The question you should also ask is:
If you are not in a relationship, what are you loosing?
Enjoy your youth in freedom.

Except as a lady you are a leech (a parasite that sucks blood from its relationship).

I tell you, 3 years to when you want to finally settle down and marry, your criteria will be totally different.

Haha dude, you've raised like 20 different points there, I got lost in the middle.

But anyway, I get what you're trying to say. Some relationships can really waste your time. I guess whats important in this area is PURPOSE. Whether or not it's exclusive or non-exclusive dating, both are bound to fail if there's no purpose in it.

KhadyM:


Haha dude, you've raised like 20 different points there, I got lost in the middle.

But anyway, I get what you're trying to say. Some relationships can really waste your time. I guess whats important in this area is PURPOSE. Whether or not it's exclusive or non-exclusive dating, both are bound to fail if there's no purpose in it.

My recommendation:
Like the Bible says: Do not wake up love until it pleases.

Do not be in a romantic relationship until you are ready (for marriage). If you are not ready, you will waste your time doing Boyfriend-Girlfriend instead of doing proper courtship.

The deeper your courtship, the more successful your marriage.

Unfortunately, one can be in a romantic relationship for 10 years and do only 2 weeks of courtship.

If the aim of going into a relationship is with a good marriage in view, why not wait until one is fully mature.

Say blessed Sis

Wao. let me read. i've been away

shadeyinka:

A Christian should have both male and female friends. Bit nothing exclusive just general friends.

Let me ask you a deep question.

What do you think are the advantages of having an exclusive boyfriend?

Then, I will explain why its all a waste of time

Waste of time?

Faithfulness is not built. Faithfulness is a CHOICE you make. It doesn't take practice to build faithfulness



I love this

The only experience they get is how to effectively breakup with your partner (practicing divorce?). The other lesson learnt is How NOT to completely TRUST your partner because along the line, some of these BFs will break your heart.


It sounds funny but true.

shadeyinka:


My recommendation:
Like the Bible says: Do not wake up love until it pleases.

Do not be in a romantic relationship until you are ready (for marriage). If you are not ready, you will waste your time doing Boyfriend-Girlfriend instead of doing proper courtship.

The deeper your courtship, the more successful your marriage.

Unfortunately, one can be in a romantic relationship for 10 years and do only 2 weeks of courtship.


If the aim of going into a relationship is with a good marriage in view, why not wait until one is fully mature.

Say blessed Sis

Thank you Sir, well understood.

it prepares U for divorce and it is filled with sexual immortality

missdivineprove:

Waste of time?

Yes because when the guy toasts, he only asks for your hand in friendship. Real Friendship does not require toasting. Real friendship happens became you enjoy each others company.

You have some close female friends: did you have to toast any one of them?

missdivineprove:

Thank you Sir, well understood.

You are welcome

profolaolu:
it prepares U for divorce and it is filled with sexual immortality

Enough practical experience of heart breaks and like you said preparation for divorce.

When a BF-GF relationship is not working, the solution is separation.

However, when a marriage relationship is not working the solution isn't divorce. The solution is to make it work

KhadyM:
People mentioned in the Bible never used to date, but I dont think it's sinful as long as God is at the center

Gbam. This is what matters. God at the centre and the foundation

KhadyM:


Well, that is true..you can get to know each other better in non exclusive dating. But i think exclusive dating is different and better because it brings the label aspect. You want to be identified as someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, otherwise it will be just a situationship. And also, you get to build on faithfulness, which will be important if you guys get married. If I'm in an exlusive relationship with someone, I will feel the pressure to want to be faithful to them which wont be the case if we're not in a relationship.

Don't be confused about your standards. You're 100% on track.

I like this :


Well, that is true..you can get to know each other better in non exclusive dating. But i think exclusive dating is different and better because it brings the label aspect. You want to be identified as someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, otherwise it will be just a situationship. And also, you get to build on faithfulness, which will be important if you guys get married. If I'm in an exlusive relationship with someone, I will feel the pressure to want to be faithful to them which wont be the case if we're not in a relationship.

pantherblack:


Don't be confused about your standards. You're 100% on track.

I like this :


Well, that is true..you can get to know each other better in non exclusive dating. But i think exclusive dating is different and better because it brings the label aspect. You want to be identified as someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, otherwise it will be just a situationship. And also, you get to build on faithfulness, which will be important if you guys get married. If I'm in an exlusive relationship with someone, I will feel the pressure to want to be faithful to them which wont be the case if we're not in a relationship.

This is wrong!

I subscribe to a christian having Both Male and Female Friends.

You don't toast a friend to be. The chemistry of what you enjoy sharing together brings you together.

When you are in an exclusive romantic relationship with a person, to what end? Except one is a leech it has no advantage.

shadeyinka:

This is wrong!

I subscribe to a christian having Both Male and Female Friends.

You don't toast a friend to be. The chemistry of what you enjoy sharing together brings you together.

When you are in an exclusive romantic relationship with a person, to what end? Except one is a leech it has no advantage.

True @ The chemistry of what you enjoy sharing together brings you together. 100% true, but not everyone is in service, or will find their soul mates in active service even though that's where to get the best partners. A lot of Christians will marry by getting to know the other partner who they are, build a friendship and then exclusivity, all these can be achieved without " lust"

pantherblack:



True @ The chemistry of what you enjoy sharing together brings you together. 100% true, but not everyone is in service, or will find their soul mates in active service even though that's where to get the best partners. A lot of Christians will marry by getting to know the other partner who they are, build a friendship and then exclusivity, all these can be achieved without " lust"

My advocacy is this:
If a Christian is interested in a Romantic relationship that will lead to marriage, let him initiate courtship.

If he is not interested in courtship ,let him have non exclusive friends and dating. But not BF-GF relationship!

shadeyinka:

My advocacy is this:
If a Christian is interested in a Romantic relationship that will lead to marriage, let him initiate courtship.

If he is not interested in courtship ,let him have non exclusive friends and dating. But not BF-GF relationship!

This is where the wedge lies " My advocacy "


This isn't a one-route approach, hence can hardly be uplifted as a sole standard for getting things done.You're both correct. We Christians shuld always embrace the other person's perspectives, cause in the end,we see in parts. And yes, courtship should be the objective of dating, otherwise reckless use of opportunity becomes the order of the day.

pantherblack:



This is where the wedge lies " My advocacy "


This isn't a one-route approach, hence can hardly be uplifted as a sole standard for getting things done.You're both correct. We Christians shuld always embrace the other person's perspectives, cause in the end,we see in parts. And yes, courtship should be the objective of dating, otherwise reckless use of opportunity becomes the order of the day.

Of course you are correct.

However, I have seen too many hands get burnt in BF-GF relationships.

I think it's a matter of maturity.

A 28 year old sister will not opt for a BF-GF relationship. Age has made her mature to know what she wants.

It is even an educational distraction for those still in school. I knew a girls whose BF broke up with her towards her second semester exam. The experience broke her grades...and over what!? A goalless friendship?

Let's not wake up love until it pleases.