I may have saved her relationship this past January when I was in Ghana. A brilliant Ghanaian millennial. One of my graduate student mentees in Accra. She'll go places in academia.

I notice she is sad. In Africa, you can poke your nose and ask personal questions in ways that would get you into a load of cultural and legal trouble in Oyinbo land.

So I poke my nose into her business the African way. She breaks into tears.

Prof, can I talk to you?

I'm all ears.

Prof, it's my fiance.

What about him? He is misbehaving?

Sort of. He is in America. He lives in Los Angeles. He came home for Christmas and promised my parents that he would return later this month for our registry marriage. This is mid-January and he has been dodging my calls. We chat but he is not saying anything about when he is coming for the marriage.

How old is your fiance?

29.

I see. How long has he been in America?

About five years now. He went to study and stayed.

He works?

Yes, Prof, he werks.

What does he do?

He is a biological analyst.

Can I see photos?

She shows me photos of the biological analyst - a very handsome Ghanaian millennial male specimen.

Unfortunately, I haven't spent 21 years in Canada and the United States not to be able to smell a typical African odd jobs hustler from miles away. Looking at him on his fiancee's device in Accra, I see his struggles. I see his frustration with bills. I see his anxieties. I see a man combining maybe 3 odd jobs from McDonald's to UPS to Walmart just to make ends meet. I see a man who hardly sleeps all week as he juggles odd jobs. I see the gulf between his life in Los Angeles and how the people at home in Accra, especially his fiancee, think he is living.

My mouth does not contain the puncture of the biological analyst nonsense. I realize suddenly that whatever I say could drastically affect a young man's life in Los Angeles.

You love him?

I'm madly in love with him, Prof, and I am convinced he feels the same way about me. I don't know what has come over him. He treated me like a queen when he was home in December. See, he brought this phone as one of the numerous gifts he gave me. Maybe it is those white women.

I look at the phone. Samsung S8+. Brand new. Gleaming.

He brought this from America for you last month?

Yes.

Relax. There are no white women. He loves you. Go easy on him. Be patient and understanding. He is avoiding your calls because he is ashamed.

Ashamed of what, Prof?

You see this Samsung S8+ you are wielding? It's about one thousand dollars. Over there, we cannot afford the phones you guys use here. We sign three-year contracts for the phones you just buy like bread here. He paid off this phone to bring it home to you. It's on his credit card. He is still paying for it monthly in America. It will take him three years to pay it off.

Her eyes are getting wider.

And I explain the world of an advanced credit economy to her. The world of bills and debts and crazy personal income taxes that turn every paycheck to a source of misery and anguish. A world they can never picture or imagine easily in Africa.

You see, your fiance came home to see you just last month, bearing gifts for you and your family and also his family. Even his flight ticket is on his credit card. Then he spent Xmas and New Year's here spending on you people.

When last was he home before that trip in December?

Four years ago.

It means he barely settled for a year before coming to see you. Ok, the money he came to spend here in December, that is four years of his savings. It is money he scrapped together in conditions I better not describe to you. Then you and your family and possibly his family put pressure on him to return again in a month for another round of expenses. E fe pa ketekete ni, I mumble to myself.

But, Prof, I thought that life in America... but why didn't he just tell me?

There comes a time in our life abroad when we don't bother to explain things to you people at home anymore. We realize that you can never understand. I spent the first five years of my life in Vancouver trying to explain life abroad to expectant people in Nigeria. Then I stopped wasting my time. He probably feels you'll never understand till you join him in Los Angeles.

Ah, Prof, he always says that! He always says that I will never understand till I join him in America.

He is right. You will never understand. He is dodging you now because he is totally stressed and paying all the bills from his last trip home. You see this Samsung S6 I am using? I signed a three-year contract on it two years ago. I am still paying. Yet, here you are using Samsung S8+. By the time I am able to upgrade to Samsung S8 in Canada, you people in Africa will be using Samsung S12 and still expecting your people in the diaspora to fund that lifestyle. Your fiance is not cheating on you. He is just broke and stressed. Approach him with womanly wisdom.

One week later, she runs to me excitedly with news! She cannot believe how accurately I had read the situation with her fiance! She had carefully broached the subject of finances with the guy and he opened up. Now she plans to just go with whatever makes him financially comfortable, possibly join him on a fiance visa. They can go to registry quietly in Los Angeles. No more pressure so the guy is back phoning her yanfu yanfu again.

You just saved two lives, Biodun Ishola Ladepo, an insider to the story tells me over beer at the airport in Accra on my way out. However, what happens when she gets to America and discovers the biological analyst part?

Wo, Biodun, wahala won niyen o. The part that God sent me, I have done it o.

Emergency Relationship Counselor- by Pius Adesanmi



You read stories like this one shared by the prof and just stare gloomily ahead

Ishilove:


Emergency Relationship Counselor- by Pius Adesanmi



You read stories like this one shared by the prof and just stare gloomily ahead of you

Abeg post more episode

Another great article by Professor Pius Adesanmi

naptu2:
Another masterpiece from Professor Pius Adesanmi. He is so good that it's hard to choose which of his articles is my favourite, but here are nine fantastic articles that he wrote.


Letter Of Gratitude To Senator Iyiola Omisore (2010)
https://www.nairaland.com/562153/letter-gratitude-senator-iyiola-omisore


And It Came To Pass (2009)
http://saharareporters.com/2009/07/08/and-it-came-pass


And It Came To Pass II (King Jona's Miracles). (2013)
https://www.nairaland.com/1272098/king-jonas-miracle-pius-adesanmi

General Buhari: A Whole Former Head Of State! (2014)
https://www.nairaland.com/1923568/general-buhari-whole-former-head


Was God Angry the Day He Created The Nigerian? (2015)
http://saharareporters.com/2015/09/30/was-god-angry-day-he-created-nigerian-pius-adesanmi

I May Renounce My Canadian Citizenship By Pius Adesanmi (2015)
https://www.nairaland.com/2800523/may-renounce-canadian-citizenship-pius#40990338

Professor Pius Adesanmi On 2face's Planned Protest. (2017)
https://www.nairaland.com/3606883/professor-pius-adesanmi-2faces-planned#53352613

El Rufai, Tambuwal & The Retraining Of Fish. (2017)
https://www.nairaland.com/4168907/el-rufai-tambuwal-retraining-fish


"The Tragedy Of Lagos" By Professor Pius Adesanmi". (2018)
https://www.nairaland.com/4403812/tragedy-lagos-professor-pius-adesanmi

beautiful piece,


i initially thought you were the author and was like prof ishilove

anyway the grass is always greener on the otherside.

armadeo:
beautiful piece,


i initially thought you were the author and was like prof ishilove

I wish

anyway the grass is NOT always greener on the otherside.

Berra

Ishilove:

I wish


Berra

But it's usually greener sha, with only few exceptions. Most people based in Western countries don't want to return to Nigeria permanently, despite the claim made by a few of them that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Nobody wants to suffer in this hellhole of a country.

gensteejay:

But it's usually greener sha, with only few exceptions. Most people based in Western countries don't want to return to Nigeria permanently, despite the claim made by a few of them that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Nobody wants to suffer in this hellhole shithole of a country.

Berra

Ishilove:

Berra

Lol

They are suffering, they are suffering, but if you tell them to return home, they will act like you wished death upon them

I cannot take them seriously until they start craving to come home. Because bad as e be in the abroad, it cannot be worse than how it is here

not easy to have 900 like I wish it can turn to dollars

I can categorically say that life in Europe saddled with debt is way better than we have here.

Most of us fail to appreciate what these guys that do legal jobs abroad go through.My heart bleed the day I saw a young Nigerian in one of the Asian countries selling Akara (bean cake) from a travelling bag slung over his shoulder.He let me into the amount of pressure and expection from those back home.Time we get to appreciate the fact that the grass is not greener on the other side.

The problem with African pple is that we're too shallow and mediocre in our thinking. Most 9ja pple residing abroad (Western world / developed nations) come back home to live a premium lifestyle they can hardly afford.

You see them devour a 12-mth saving within a matter of a 2-week vacation in 9ja. Just imagine! They live beyond their means in other to
live/measure-up to the "just-arrived" hype. No be by force. They come to 9ja and can no longer take danfo or BRT as a means of transport... like the innocent 9ja folks using it are 2nd-class citizens. They can no longer go to bed without 24/7 A/C.

They come back home to 9ja and can't go back to that wretched 'face-me-I-face-you' abode they once lived in (where their parents and families still live). They move around with an entourage... a personal driver, 'vampire' friends/relatives et al... they can't deal with the shame of seeing their fellow friends that never left 9ja doing great... so they feel the need to at least match-up.

They give the folks back home in 9ja a delusional impression of an imaginary luxury life they live abroad... who now in turn, expect so much from them. Of course, they got to live up to the hype.

Above all.... majority of the culprits are those doing menial/odd jobs living on meager incomes. They're usually like that.. the poorer they are, the dumber they behave. It's called "Poverty Mentality" !

After all is said and done, they go back with huge debt and bills awaiting them... ( I trust 'dem dem' for there)

Ok

how can I read such long story, without a single photo.

Nice piece

I still prefer to go there , even if the grass is brown

This are the kind of tales this abroad people tell to persuade us to remain in this shithole but tell them to relocate to Nigeria and they will cuss you out.

You'll see some of them that has lived in America for 30 years without stepping foot in Nigeria. Who are you guys deceiving?

shogotermies:
how can I read such long story, without a single photo.

Na wetin u deserve na, as u no put urs too

nobody want comeback.. but they always say its not easy..then come back and live..but nah lie oooo...obodo oyinbo is Eldorado.....
make our politician no dey talk that again say we should develop naija while there children dey largess for USA or Canada... olori gbigbe gbogbo...

Not very true. There are bills, in fact lots of bills but you are able to pay if you are not lazy.
Opportunities are there if you are ready to work hard.
However if you put the same effort in whatever you are doing in Nigeria, you will still make it.

Their kaya

I know that everything that glitters ain't gold
I know the sh!t ain't always good as it seems
But tell me till you get it how could you know?

True talk. Traveling out is not always the solution

All these tales ain't true


You can't compare life abroad to Nigeria
For example, something as little as steady and free internet in America or Europe is enough to change your life for good if you know how to harness the opportunity internet offers.


When they said there is money in the streets of America, they actually meant it.

But it comes as opportunities which you have to harness.

---

As for these ones quoting me and spewing trash high up in the air.

I have nothing to tell y'all

Just travel and see