There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped or appreciated. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

Lol.. that's me actually. I help my fellow guys more than girls. I better trek than seeing my fellow guy say he is hungry. it has been paving way for me.

Continuum... it is well.

For asking it shows you don't do it wholeheartedly, mayhap you do it in exchange for affection, prestige, religion fulfilment.

I help too but I don't do tinz dat will affect me.

You are normal.

Ehya......sorry ooo...u dont do thing that will later affect u....there is budget for everything.....

Wiziman:
Lol.. that's me actually. I help my fellow guys more than girls. I better trek than seeing my fellow guy say he is hungry. it has been paving way for me.

[quote


author=Cadec007 post=66517868]same here OP.......worry not it is normal!![/quote]

Hmm

u are sowing there will be harvest time dat will be more than wat u sow. so ride on dont stop dont grudge

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

The single most important thing is simply this:

Understand that it is okay to say NO.

It is okay to have boundaries. It is okay to say no. Your mission in life is not to please every person you encounter, all the time.

It is okay to express your opinion even when it is not shared by the people around you. It is okay to decline requests for your time, attention, and labor. It is okay to set boundaries on what you have to offer other people.

People who suffer from Niceness Syndrome believe that in order to be a good person, you must always be inoffensive and non-confrontational. That makes others perceive them as dishonest and untrustworthy—dishonest because they hide their real opinions in order to avoid disagreement, untrustworthy because they say yes when they really mean no.

UDUJ:


The single most important thing is simply this:

Understand that it is okay to say NO.

It is okay to have boundaries. It is okay to say no. Your mission in life is not to please every person you encounter, all the time.

It is okay to express your opinion even when it is not shared by the people around you. It is okay to decline requests for your time, attention, and labor. It is okay to set boundaries on what you have to offer other people.

People who suffer from Niceness Syndrome believe that in order to be a good person, you must always be inoffensive and non-confrontational. That makes others perceive them as dishonest and untrustworthy—dishonest because they hide their real opinions in order to avoid disagreement, untrustworthy because they say yes when they really mean no.

hmmm.. insightful. it's like you were just talking about me.


saying NO is difficult

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

You're on the right track.

However, too much of anything is harmful. The Holy Book didnt say we should love ppl more than ourself.

So dont help people to hurt yourself. Do the goods you can afford.

bignoisemaker:
Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing

Nah, it's not your upbringing.

If you think more of your opposite partner than yourself, then you're a WUSSY..

You better put yourself first in every relationship with the opposite partner, so she wouldn't break your heart.

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

Papi, If you expect the world to be fair with you b’coz you are fair with them. It’s like expecting a lion not to eat you b’coz you don’t eat lion.

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

Helping is good, but you have to also be responsible and think of the future.

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

One day you will give your head and be left with no head!
When that happens, you must have been dead!
Given and helping people is good.
But you must be wise in given.
Don't give everything you have and be left with nothing! That's foolishness

What does the Bible said?
"Love your neighbour as you love yourself"

It didn't say you should love only your neighbour

Are you trying to alter the principle?

don't help ladies.

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

Please I need 20k that you not using right now

Keep doing what you're doing, your reward is on the way.

You may be scammed along the way just like I've been severally even here on NL but don't let it stop you from helping out.

Truth is, I've received from the world more than I've given to it.

Wiziman:
Lol.. that's me actually. I help my fellow guys more than girls. I better trek than seeing my fellow guy say he is hungry. it has been paving way for me.

ohh... mine is with both genders

Please I need help too. I see so many helpers here and I'm becoming hopeful that I might just get the help I need.
But someone has already said guys should not help ladies. And I wonder if I will still be able to get the help since guys have decided to help guys only.
You guys should please not look at my gender, help since you are helpers. God will bless you with more to continue helping.

oga OP, you better know how to say know. You can never be wealthy by helping every tom dick and harry that comes your way. Number 1 rule to be rich- always pay yourself first. Thaink yhu

bjayx:
Continuum... it is well.

ohh

bignoisemaker:
There's something i've noticed. I like putting smiles on people's faces to my own disadvantage. Once I'm paid my meagre sum, I find myself helping those in need and before I know it, the money is gone in a week. Even in a relationship, I think more of the opposite partner than myself. Is this based on my upbringing??


I also don't like being helped or appreciated. I feel more joy and comfort in helping others. My question is, is this normal? Does any one feel this way too? Do I have to be stern at times. There are times it tells on me and other times I'm appraised for it

It's not normal. You should 1st look after yourself then you can be of help to others. Right now, you are sharing your nothing with others.

Depends is the gratitude you get self serving? Maybe have the problem, your need to be validated and feel ab sense of purpose and worth.

You cannot help others to your own detriment that’s being a martyr and most times you are targeted because those you associate with know any sob story w becomes a pity party and you give in easily. Refusing to be helped is you trying not to appear vulnerable which as humans we have to display that part of our persona from time to time. Why do you feel the need to please everyone? It could be your upbringing it could be you. Or both.

[color=#990000][/color] what’s your relationship like with your parents?( if they are still with us) Especially your father? Did he acknowledge any efforts you did?
You can please some people sometimes but you cannot please all the people all the time ( Bob Marley)

falconey:
For asking it shows you don't do it wholeheartedly, mayhap you do it in exchange for affection, prestige, religion fulfilment.

and at time to save face. I feel uncomfortable when i let someone down. I feel the person will come for me

Try and reduce it bro. I used to be like this sometime ago, I found it difficult to say NO. But now even if I have capacity to do it I may say NO as the case may be. Give but wisely.

You have learn to say No because people will take advantage of you and you will realize that they have used your money to build house while you are still paying rent.

Maybe one day you would even give out your children's school fees out of compassion. Pls learn to say No. Everything has a balance and limit.