I decided to join Nairaland after a lot of search on marriage and sex on google directed me here. I have been married for 5years and the only time i never had issues with my wife about sex was our dating period and the year we got married (Please take not that we don't have trust issues). Immediately our first child came, her drive for sex dropped. I have done everything possible to awaken her sexual drive to no avail. She always complain of being tired because of house chores and i even went as far as helping to bath the kids, take them to school and bring them back, wash dishes, do laundry and many more just to ease the stress for her yet she still denies me sex when i need it most. It's not as if i ask for it too sex frequently, most times it's usually on the average of 3 or 4 times in a week yet she sees it as a big deal. I have explained to her my real self, if i have my way i would had sex 2 times every single day of my life, but i had no choice but to adjust to 3 or 4 times in a week, sometimes 2 times or even none.

Maybe i didn't go for counseling prior our marriage, maybe i need to know how it should be done or how other women do it. I have heard women say that they have never said NO to their husband and i have heard men said their wife's have never said a NO to them before. I'm at the verge of looking for any good loyal girl who i can place on salary and who i can run to whenever my wife says no because i will never force a woman to have sex with her even though i paid a pride price on her.

This issue is worrisome to me and it hurts me deeply whenever i'm in the mood and she turns me down, it makes me feel a lesser man and couple with the fact that she never gets wet makes me think otherwise.........maybe she don't love me deeply hence her withdrawal from sexual activities, maybe it's because she was circumcised and it makes her lost interest in sex, i have asked myself a lot of questions and also asked her same questions but all she says is that i'm not grateful and that she can't kill herself because she wants to satisfy me sexually. To me it's a big deal that can tear the marriage apart in no distant time hence i came here to seek some advice before the worst happen

Please only constructive advice, thanks

Its obvious your 'wife' has not attained puberty yet.

Na dem

Smh

Dis one na strong thing oh. Go for marriage counseling. Or have her talk to someone she can open up to. There u can find out d root of the matter

CherryRivera:
Dis one nation strong thing oh. Go for marriage counseling. Or have her talk to someone she can open up to. There u can find out d root of the matter

Are you married? I wanted to find out if you're married and have kids and with all the stress from house chores and your job if you can still give in to sex like 5times in a week with your husband. I want to live a decent and responsible life by not going to sleep outside with other women and i also want to find a solution to the problem

Hmmmmm, sex sex sex. You guys should just work it out biko. You can't compare your wife with someone else's wife cos everybody is unique in his or her own way.

How you initiate it matters...sex does not need to be a slam,wham...bam, thank you ma'am kinda thing! You need to get her in the zone. Try this...when she's fresh in the morning give her a nice little smooch and something to think about in anticipation for your return... surprise her with little nice things...take her to a spa, get her hair done, shopping...take her out to dinner,rekindle the romance, work on her mind...start fore play with words, caresses... little kisses here and there...be patient,work on her body...lead her until she craves for you...try this somewhat; keep yourself buff and all,retain some air...anyways, what do I know? Hope this might be of help...HML!

BlaqCoffee109:
How you initiate it matters...sex does not need to be a slam,wham...bam, thank you ma'am kinda thing! You need to get her in the zone. Try this...when she's fresh in the morning give her a nice little smooch and something to think about in anticipation for your return... surprise her with little nice things...take her to a spa, get her hair done, shopping...take her out to dinner,rekindle the romance, work on her mind...start fore play with words, caresses... little kisses here and there...be patient,work on her body...lead her until she craves for you...try this somewhat; keep yourself buff and all,retain some air...anyways, what do I know? Hope this might be of help...HML!

You watch a lot of romantic stories.

BlaqCoffee109:
How you initiate it matters...sex does not need to be a slam,wham...bam, thank you ma'am kinda thing! You need to get her in the zone. Try this...when she's fresh in the morning give her a nice little smooch and something to think about in anticipation for your return... surprise her with little nice things...take her to a spa, get her hair done, shopping...take her out to dinner,rekindle the romance, work on her mind...start fore play with words, caresses... little kisses here and there...be patient,work on her body...lead her until she craves for you...try this somewhat; keep yourself buff and all,retain some air...anyways, what do I know? Hope this might be of help...HML!

Well we never kiss. It's not as if i don't like to kiss, she just don't like it and so i just have to forget about kiss for the now. She's the only woman that i dated and don't kiss. Talking about smooching and all of that, she doesn't get turned on by anything and she always claim she can stay without sex for as long as she can maybe because she was circumcised, but the truth is that she's always tired and never in the mood for sex

Thanks or the tips anyways. I'll sure give them all a try.

Continue helping wit the house chores...her been circumcised is part of the problem ...some women re not sex freaks and see sex as disturbance ..u can get a side chick or u go self-service inside ur bathroom

nnamdibig:






You watch a lot of romantic stories.

stacyadams:
Continue helping wit the house chores...her been circumcised is part of the problem ...some women re not sex freaks and see sex as disturbance ..u can get a side chick or u go self-service inside ur bathroom

yup

Hmmmm, bros, i really feel your pain. Regular Sex is what an average man craves.
Sir, the only thing i want to tell you is, please, don't go for the option of cheating.
A married man shouldn't cheat.
Remove your mind from getting a lady.
Continue the dialogue thing, if possible, tell someone she respects.
Wishing you success

OP this is really touching...

I think you could start by giving her some more attention you know women LOVE attention. Forplay is also very important, I'm sure you know this already but pre-intimacy starts way before you get in the bedroom. Try to complement her during the day when sex is not obviously on the horizon.

Also a woman needs a level of validation from her man even more so after kids etc. Try letting her know that she is valued and loved. Make her FEEL sexy, perhaps you could buy her lingerie. What do you do to maintain yourself? Do you try to look and smell nice?

It’s lovely that you have been helping her more with the children and around the house already.

Do you take your wife on dates? Do you go out together? Even getting her to watch a late night movie with you might help ease some of her stress and get her to loosen up a bit.

Last but not least, watch her closely their might be some things bothering her, when a woman is worried it might be hard for her to be sexually responsive. Have you ensured she does not have something on her mind. That might not be a good excuse but if you can get her to talk about it and listen to her with genuine empathy it might go a long way in pulling down these sexual barriers. Women hardly get aroused when they are bothered about certain things.


Take your time there is no rush.

robk:
I decided to join Nairaland after a lot of search on marriage and sex on google directed me here. I have been married for 5years and the only time i never had issues with my wife about sex was our dating period and the year we got married (Please take not that we don't have trust issues). Immediately our first child came, her drive for sex dropped. I have done everything possible to awaken her sexual drive to no avail. She always complain of being tired because of house chores and i even went as far as helping to bath the kids, take them to school and bring them back, wash dishes, do laundry and many more just to ease the stress for her yet she still denies me sex when i need it most. It's not as if i ask for it too sex frequently, most times it's usually on the average of 3 or 4 times in a week yet she sees it as a big deal. I have explained to her my real self, if i have my way i would had sex 2 times every single day of my life, but i had no choice but to adjust to 3 or 4 times in a week, sometimes 2 times or even none.

Maybe i didn't go for counseling prior our marriage, maybe i need to know how it should be done or how other women do it. I have heard women say that they have never said NO to their husband and i have heard men said their wife's have never said a NO to them before. I'm at the verge of looking for any good loyal girl who i can place on salary and who i can run to whenever my wife says no because i will never force a woman to have sex with her even though i paid a pride price on her.

This issue is worrisome to me and it hurts me deeply whenever i'm in the mood and she turns me down, it makes me feel a lesser man and couple with the fact that she never gets wet makes me think otherwise.........maybe she don't love me deeply hence her withdrawal from sexual activities, maybe it's because she was circumcised and it makes her lost interest in sex, i have asked myself a lot of questions and also asked her same questions but all she says is that i'm not grateful and that she can't kill herself because she wants to satisfy me sexually. To me it's a big deal that can tear the marriage apart in no distant time hence i came here to seek some advice before the worst happen

Please only constructive advice, thanks

The FGM did to her, is part of the problem. It was meant to kill her sex drive at a much younger age, but has affected her post marriage too....

But Bro, sex 3/4 times a week? Nah food?

Lexusgs430:



The FGM did to her, is part of the problem. It was meant to kill her sex drive at a much younger age, but has affected her post marriage too....

But Bro, sex 3/4 times a week? Nah food?

Yes it’s food!!

Lexusgs430:

But Bro, sex 3/4 times a week? Nah food?

Do You imply here that it is too much to have sex 3 times a week?

LoJ:

Do You imply here that it is too much to have sex 3 times a week?

12/15 times a month.

Spend half of a month having sex? Is it only sex on his mind?

LotusFan:


Yes it’s food!!

Food for the spirits of the sex world?

Lexusgs430:


12/15 times a month.

Spend half of a month having sex? Is it only sex on his mind?

Are you not joking?

Do you confuse the number of times and the time actually spent in the act? A sexual act can last about 15 min. 4 times a week is about one hour every week. Now do the calculation again.

And please tell me, how old are you?

LoJ:

Are you not joking?

Do you confuse the number of times and the time actually spent in the act? A sexual act can last about 15 min. 4 times a week is about one hour every week. Now do the calculation again.

And please tell me, how old are you?

Yeah, I agree he should definitely do the calculation again but not using 15 minutes..Haba!

LoJ:

Are you not joking?

Do you confuse the number of times and the time actually spent in the act? A sexual act can last about 15 min. 4 times a week is about one hour every week. Now do the calculation again.

And please tell me, how old are you?

Why not have good quality sex, and have less of the act?

LotusFan:


Yeah, I agree he should definitely do the calculation again but not using 15 minutes..Haba!

Quality sex = lesser urge.....

Crappy 15 minutes sex act = increase urges to romp....

Lexusgs430:


Why not have good quality sex, and have less of the act?

The frequency and duration is all up to the individuals involved but the bottom line is that sexual intimacy helps to not only relive stress by allowing the body release dopamine and it increases the bond between a couple.

I never used to believe this but I have found this to be true.

LotusFan:


The frequency and duration is all up to the individuals involved but the bottom line is that sexual intimacy helps to not only receive stress by allowing the body release dopamine but it increases the bond between a couple.

I never used to believe this but I have found this to be true.

What works for Adam, might not necessarily work for Eve....

I have not stated that sex between couples is bad, Infact it's very important. Does not mean having sex half times of the week would increase this bond.....

If a marriage is about to hit the rocks, having sex 24/7 all days of the week, would not strengthen that marriage......

BlaqCoffee109:

Life is way more complicated than this and women too is even more complicated than life itself

What all this complain of married men and sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex all the time? Isn't there other things to ponder on in marriage than sex? Ur even calculating the number of times to bleep a week.who does that? Marriage is for mature minds and not for sex freaks.

Lexusgs430:


12/15 times a month.

Spend half of a month having sex? Is it only sex on his mind?

Lmaooo

Lexusgs430:



Quality sex = lesser urge.....

Crappy 15 minutes sex act = increase urges to romp....

Let me not derail the thread. You moat definitely dont know your oignons.

You guys need to go for counselling. That is your best bet. Your wife needs to hear it herself from a professional or Cleric that a woman should never say No to her husband.

Off course there are times when she is genuinely tired or ill.

There is nothing like not being in the mood. She should get in the mood

Op just love your wife and have sex outside. It's a common problem everywhere. Yours is not peculiar. And the way we solve it is to procure the services outside

LoJ:

Let me not derail the thread. You moat definitely dont know your oignons.

I think you don't know you oignons, but I know my onions......