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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Transactional Vs. Validational Sex (10256 Views)
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Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by bukatyne(f): 9:20am On Apr 20, 2018 |
yettymuse: If the wife withdrew sex for reasons she couldn't share with her husband and refuses to change after several trys from the husband, what do you advise him to do if he cannot cope without sex and cheating is against his principles? Imagine your husband stops paying school fees because he doesn't feel like so stops meeting your emotional needs because he doesn't feel like? Sex is the only thing unique a couple have with each other. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by menxer: 10:26am On Apr 20, 2018 |
bukatyne:I think that the sense of security leads to complacency, their interest and urge for sex wanes, sex becomes a chore to be done once a month. Another thing I guess may contribute to this is, most ladies always link sex to something (love, money, assistance), and if none of these conditions are met then no sex. they don't seem to have sex as a need on its own. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:35am On Apr 20, 2018 |
bukatyne: "There is no spoon" - the matrix . I look at these things today and I laugh because I know the truth . My eyes are wide open . I don't despise women because we are all like apps ...I don't get mad at Facebook ( which is the first app I delete once I get a new phone ) I know it's not the apps fault but the programming ...the programming is what I have an issue with . Women can't help it ...it's just the way it it is . This isn't a treat the them good they will leave rant either and vice versa too . It's just an eye opener and a story to encourage young boys to be masculine to embrace it . Young boys are programmed at a young age that if you don't have money women won't stay with you . Thus the beta ensues : get money - get women . No money ...no happy wife . What does that sound like? transactional sex . Gbam . Truth be told I've always encouraged my lovers be themselves . Why keep a man hanging and go outside to hang yourself on the chandelier . Don't make no sense . But as for me my mind is open . The beta is long gone . 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:41am On Apr 20, 2018 |
filani: Nail on the head my brother . Nail on the head . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:46am On Apr 20, 2018 |
The truth is out there you just have to search for it ...but once you see it your programming will fight you every step of the way . But in the end you will win but only if you let the truth in . 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:54am On Apr 20, 2018 |
yettymuse: Only beta males go into marriage for sex primarily . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by WizAkzy: 12:28pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 1:59pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
WizAkzy: Depends on what club ? Went through your topics ...I'm not so sure . I'm not on the women are the enemy FC team . Though I see where you are coming from . Like I said before I'm not mad at the App I just don't like the programming ... The welcome is appreciated but belated . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by raumdeuter: 2:01pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
bukatyne: For many women beyond the age of youthful fantasies, Sexx is usually in exchange for something whether its in exchange money, exchange for commitment, exchange for affection, etc . Its common to hear phrases like Your husband doesn't have a job to provide, then why should he expect sex? Or in this section a lot of those funny illiterate divorce stories from Igando court will read like My husband is not "taking care of me"(giving me money) so I stopped having sex with him For men, sex is just sexx for the release. That's why 10 men can queue up in a brothel waiting to fucck just one girl and after that they move on not even wanting to know her name or what she looks like. So in your number 1 question, There is usually a need from the other guy, maybe better sexx, money, better placed socially or something For number 2, Since sexx is usually to bargain for something, the moment they don't see anything to gain from it, the incentive wanes unless they start feeling their husband might go out and probably divorce them then they step it up momentarily You wont know how many married guys have given up on it, and having a sidechic is sometime just very inconvenient. You want to have sexx at 11pm so you have to get up drive to your side chic and drive back 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 2:06pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
raumdeuter: Well it seems to be the norm these days . One thing is certain that things change in relationships and marriage . Just go to r/dead bedrooms on reddit.com and hear people's stories . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by WizAkzy: 2:20pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
tobianthony:Of course I'm also not on the women are the enemies team. Just like you are against the programming, i am too. I just can't be manipulated in any form by a woman. And as for the topics, i didn't compose them. Just copied and pasted it from the books i had read. |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 3:59pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
You people are derailing o.. Which of is *women are the enemies team* again |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 7:31pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
yettymuse: Think nothing of it ...did you get it ....if you know what I mean |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 9:16pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
tobianthony:yea |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 11:14pm On Apr 20, 2018 |
Just heard AVicii is dead . Wow rest in peace . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by armyofone(m): 1:49am On Apr 21, 2018 |
@ raumdeuter What I don't get is when men think they are stallions forever If you enjoy sex so much back in the days, I mean she gave it to you so good, why are you still desperate and itchy for it few or many years after ? Why can't companionship be the top goal rather than sex? Clothes, food, shelter and sex? Really? 1 Like |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by simiolu1(m): 4:17am On Apr 21, 2018 |
When I first saw this topic some days ago, I dismissed it with a wave of my hand; another nairalander has come to post an excerpt of a post that would be long enough to get me interested but so short I would have to follow a link (probably to his or her blog) to read the full gist. But yesterday out of boredom, I viewed the topic and I'm so glad I did. Even though I have never heard or read about most of the terminologies here, I can totally relate to them through my life's experiences. Truth is, most societies since time immemorial (Africa inclusive) have taught women to be conservative in regards to their sexuality while allowing the men have a jamboree expressing theirs. Their excuse for this is that it prevents a woman from being a slut as a woman is the "homemaker" that should be submissive and massage the ego of their philandering husbands. What these societies forget is that the day the lioness finally finds her freedom and experiences the satisfaction of expressing and fulfilling her sexual desires, there is no turning back. This experience also opens her eyes to the power of her body; she now begins to see it as the most powerful bargaining chip she can ever have and begins to use it to get what she wants. She wants an alpha male; she hunts him. She wants material possessions; she gets them. And if she happens to be blessed with a body that ages gracefully, she can do this for a very looooooong time. Personally, I have learnt to deal with my relationships on a case by case basis; not judging the person based on my past experiences and hurt. This is quite hard as our experiences greatly shape who we are. However, I am not fooled into thinking that love is only what women see in a guy. A female friend once told me she finds guys who are "clean and neat" very attractive and sexy; this was pure desire and lust. And from a young age, I have learnt never to allow a woman use her body as a bargaining chip on me; or use it to control me even though I learnt this the hard way. The lady that taught me this only gave up the coochie whenever she felt like it and because of my naivety, I was always happy to oblige. After trying to initiate the act a few times with rejection, I realized I was just a pawn in her game. The day she pounced on me and I said no, even when Mr Johnny was already at attention, she was shocked. And yes, my no included not doing anything to quench the burning flames between her legs. I saw disappointment written all over her and was happy deep down; game on! Since then, all the ladies I have dated have always been surprised at my level of self-control. You say no; I stop even when we're both butt nak.ed. I say no too; just to let you know that no gender has the exclusive right to refuse s.ex. The moment I sense you only give up the goods when you want or need something, I'll practically show you pepper. What I have also learnt is allowing a lady unravel herself to me. Every woman can become a lioness in bed; most are already. What makes them hide this part of themselves is the stereotype men have that her body count must be high for her to achieve this expertise! I once met a lady back in the days of africhat. We became quite close and during one of our conversations, she told me she was a virgin. As a rule, I never ask a woman about this; she told me willingly. 1 year later, our relationship moved from just friends to toaster - toastee levels. She now told me she was no longer a virgin. She was not a virgin even at the time she told me she was. I shrugged it off because genuinely, I couldn't care less. After this, our relationship kicked off. One night while in bed, I teased her that her previous boyfriends were rookies who never allowed her take control in the other room. That weekend, she showed me her true colour. Some weeks after that, she told me she had had an abortion for her immediate ex. I remember looking at her while she slept and imagining how much she was yet to tell me. And this is a lady that is the true definition of a "sister" in church. Who would have thought!!! In summary, we should quit being naive that a change in relationship status automatically makes our partner saints who can do no wrong. We should be conscious of the dynamics at work in our relationships and look for ways to either level the playing field or make happen to our advantage. This sounds selfish but deep down aren't we all selfish? 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by bukatyne(f): 8:02am On Apr 21, 2018 |
armyofone: If you ate well back in the days, can you do without food now or manage bland ones or just be satisfied with the aroma? At least, a couple should be at it till 70. @Companionship: what do you expect a husband & wife to do as companions that they can't do with someone else. An average woman enjoys attention; her man learns to enjoy giving her the attention and woman is happy. An average man enjoys sex; his woman learns to enjoy banging him and the man is happy. Isn't funny that the average man would not use attention as a bargaining chip? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by bukatyne(f): 8:14am On Apr 21, 2018 |
raumdeuter: Well any woman who exchanges sex for anything is a prostitute. Whether married or not. @Number 2: one of the reasons of this thread. If a woman knows to step it up when danger looms, then she has the ability to step it up to the taste of the man. I'm sure most men with side chics already program themselves; if the wife at home is not useful sexually, get it outside and move on at home. A husband having to give it when he doesn't have a rapsheet of cheating/wife is not sick is very wrong and the husbands should also withhold a privilege till the wife comes around or spike her drink or jump on her or something. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 9:49am On Apr 21, 2018 |
armyofone: Well my dude ...whatever you start any relationship with you must be ready to do till the end . I'm a very sexual person ...I only have 1 or so platonic female friends . If we cannot connect sexually or some through some other art form it will be hard to get me . Yes sexual urges wane between people as time goes by but this why I urge couples to go after their kind . You will often see good girls trying to keep beard gang guys with long dick and high SMV while they themselves have a low freak level but they themselves want the guy to be faithful and fair to them meanwhile good guy next door is chasing cardi B for marriage . Bad seems to often never marry bad . Bad will often marry good ...because bad knows what's up . In my high school days there were a couple of girls who always seem to fall for any new student . Once you are a new guy ...panties will jell . Why do you think that is ? The fire burns the brightest ...the sex is the hottest at the beginning . Which leaves many couples chasing the high ...seeking new thrills to preserve their sex drives . Whether that works or not is subjective . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 9:54am On Apr 21, 2018 |
simiolu1: Lol this brought back memories from nysc . Very true at your last paragraph the signs are often there but the beta mind dismisses it . Rollo teaches that women have long term and short term sexual goals . You woukd do well to recognize which category she places you in and act accordingly . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:02am On Apr 21, 2018 |
bukatyne: We are all prostitutes then if in that context . |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by bukatyne(f): 10:05am On Apr 21, 2018 |
tobianthony: Well I don't exchange sex for anything. I do it because I want to with my husband , my husband wants to with me and it is my/our martial duty. |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 10:06am On Apr 21, 2018 |
bukatyne: Chill it's just a popular saying I have that I always use . There was the one time I needed money and a girl I was seeing offered ...but said she was horrny. We were in my office and she was being a dick ...like a real asshole . I walked out and left her there . Felt like a prostitute that night . The worst mistake you will make it your FBs is too get. Money involved just keep it physical ... strictly physical . Edit ...Hot changes to hot so I spelt it wrong ohh . .@ yettymuse good morning |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by tensazangetsu20(m): 11:04am On Apr 21, 2018 |
tobianthony:I didn't know the yoruba tribe produced beta males though. Most of the yoruba guys I have met were alphas . It's good you have accepted the red pill. |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 1:34pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
tensazangetsu20: That your statement alone is ignorant on two fronts . One your assumption that by name Tobi that I am yoruba. Secondly , that most of the yoruba people you know are alphas or beta's or whatever . It's a mind set not a characteristic of one's tribe. Even most of the famous champions of TRP will rather define what a BP is than tell you what Alpha is ... I'm always wary of people who openly profess that they are alpha males perhaps as some sort of peacock strut to attract females in the environment while the alpha male is just that he doesn't need to say it ...it s just that way with him and real recognizes real . Your statement is somewhat offensive Sir . Even Rollo tomassi will tell you that betas will sometimes display alpha traits and vice versa but will revert to their original mindset in normal conditions . I did not tell my story for red pillers to to tell me welcome I said it to enlighten others like myself who have issues with the game . 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by raumdeuter: 2:40pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
armyofone: So what will be the mans gain in the relationship at that point |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Nobody: 2:48pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
armyofone:Something different from the usual.. Thank you! |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Timbuktuo: 6:12pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
bukatyne: I think the problem is getting the offending partner to see they have crossed a line when they do, especially when they see nothing wrong in their actions. Some people are just selfish. Some have no concept of reciprocity or equilibrium. How does one get across to such a person? This, I believe is the beginning of the end of most marriages, where resentment begins to build. Some people just check out emotionally to stem the hurt because divorce is not an option or divorce would be tantamount to decapitation to cure a headache, but the headache is still there and Panadol is useless against it. I think compatibility is a major factor when considering a life partner. It's a word that has become a cliché but whose value isn't really appreciated till you realise it's absent in a union. For this reason, short courtships rub me the wrong way. Yes, they work, but usually between honest partners (whose mutual honesty is already a sign of their shared values). 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Timbuktuo: 6:30pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
bukatyne: 1. I know exactly what you mean by the appreciation. It's a very complex thing that encompasses memories and bonding through time, which is why the long-term partner is the one who sees it as the most beautiful thing ever. I also think early marriage is good for both genders. Saves everybody a lot of headache in the long run. I woukd argue that men of every ethnicity in the world value taking care of their women, the thing is firstly, the do so to the best if their warning abilities, secondly, they consider how independent the wife is, wants to be and is working to be. 2. Well, you're married now so external pressure should have waned considerably, if we factor in that you're almost 70 wearing a mask won't be so necessary at this time. 3. May she find her heart's desires in this world or the next. 4. Serious relationships? I really doubt that. The grandma thing na just hyperbole jor. 5. Yes, you're right about it being the ones who don't have it together financially. The ones who do wouldn't really mind closing their eyes and picking from a basket or just going it solo. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Timbuktuo: 6:41pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
bukatyne: Lol, we do. I knew the constant agreeing was going to look corny, but I really do agree with those comments. You guys had/have the dream scenario. I pray it lasts till death parts you both, in about a hundred years? 2. I'd say any other scenarios are outliers and would be exceptions to the norm. 3. Fair enough. 5. Really don't remember, but let's move on. 6. We might have to agree to disagree on that. I guess I would be speaking from anecdotal evidence which isn't ideal to make a generalisation. 7. She would know. She has to earn her inheritance. If she's worthy of the only 5k in my account and my certificates she'll definitely get them without interference from anybody else. 8. The difference is substantially less stress. Keeping more than one active wife is a form of madness. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Transactional Vs. Validational Sex by Timbuktuo: 7:05pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
I read a Rollo article where he takes about women giving sex for long term relationships, read marriage. He opines that women are the gate keepers to sex, men are the gate keepers to relationship. A woman will Bleep a beta to extract a relationship commitment out of him and once her aim is achieved the man can kiss a wet dick bye bye. That's why so many betas complain of no bedroom action, the sex they had was always only a means to an end. Meanwhile, she will eagerly part her thighs for an alpha just because. 1 Like 1 Share |
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