It was like a "shock" to me when my partner openly told me that I should henceforth stop making love to her.I was highly upset when she poured out the statement but have to hold myself.For more than two years now I am always the one to First initiate sex, as if I am forcing her to make love with me unlike past years when any of us can do so.
When I later calmed down from the upset of her statement, I asked her why she said so, and she said that for long now that I don't used to cum(ejaculate) inside her but only do so when we want to plan for baby. But this is somebody that I do not only have regular love making with but also without condom and always withdrawal method to avoid unplanned pregnancy or taking of different contraceptive that may have after effect to her.
Please is this really a valid reason for her to say henceforth that she don't want to be making love with me anymore or is it a sign of cheating and to suspect her. I am not happy with such statement and have been thinking over it.
Please I need a mature advice and what should I do.

Tell her you'll love to bring in another woman as a second wife, her brain will reset and she'll come back to her right senses.

But, if she fails to feel touched with the idea, then know she's cheating on you.

An official second wife is better than cheating on your partner.

Hmmmmm! Maybe, she does not understand that it is for her own good and better for the two of you. Stil discuss it with her in a better way.

Bros it is called "See Finish". You disgust her. You should have ended the relationship yourself seeing as she's not interested in sex with you.

I would advise you to send her packing and get yourself another babe. You can literally just get a babe by going outside your house and picking from passers-by. It's that easy. Stop shortchanging yourself. Babes yapa for town.

ryut:
It was like a "shock" to me when my partner openly told me that I should henceforth stop making love to her.I was highly upset when she poured out the statement but have to hold myself.For more than two years now I am always the one to First initiate sex, as if I am forcing her to make love with me unlike past years when any of us can do so.
When I later calmed down from the upset of her statement, I asked her why she said so, and she said that for long now that I don't used to cum(ejaculate) inside her but only do so when we want to plan for baby. But this is somebody that I do not only have regular love making with but also without condom and always withdrawal method to avoid unplanned pregnancy or taking of different contraceptive that may have after effect to her.
Please is this really a valid reason for her to say henceforth that she don't want to be making love with me anymore or is it a sign of cheating and to suspect her. I am not happy with such statement and have been thinking over it.
Please I need a mature advice and what should I do.

She is angry you no longer release in her? Is she planning for more babies?

Why ask her how she expects you to cope sexually.

If there is no reasonable answer (as I am sure there will be none), continue to 'force' her. I just feel for you that till she comes back to her senses, you wouldn't have the joy of a willing woman.

Goodluck.

You need to dig deep in what's she is up to.Some women are dangerous and you may not know what she is doing behind your back. Even to force her, you won't enjoy the sex because what she told you is enough to lower your sexual appetite on her and may affect performance for good sexual performance goes with free relaxed happy mind.

bukatyne:


She is angry you no longer release in her? Is she planning for more babies?

Why ask her how she expects you to cope sexually.

If there is no reasonable answer (as I am sure there will be none), continue to 'force' her. I just feel for you that till she comes back to her senses, you wouldn't have the joy of a willing woman.

Goodluck.

Wrong advise.

A man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances.

We have only listened to his version, I am sure that his partner's explanation will provide more clarification on the matter.



@ op, don't be deceived thinking that the withdrawal method is effective.....

uboma:




Wrong advise.

A man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances.

We have only listened to his version, I am sure that his partner's explanation will provide more clarification on the matter.



@ op, don't be deceived thinking that the withdrawal method is effective.....

What I said here is exactly what happened whether she is here or not to tell her own side of the story.And I don't think that I can FORCE her to make love with me.Forcing is like raping someone. A woman I got married to open mouth and pronounce such a statement,thats an insult to me, no I can't force her.

bukatyne:


She is angry you no longer release in her? Is she planning for more babies?

Why ask her how she expects you to cope sexually.

If there is no reasonable answer (as I am sure there will be none), continue to 'force' her. I just feel for you that till she comes back to her senses, you wouldn't have the joy of a willing woman.

Goodluck.

Elaborate on 'continue to force' her.

uboma:




Wrong advise.

A man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances.

We have only listened to his version, I am sure that his partner's explanation will provide more clarification on the matter.



@ op, don't be deceived thinking that the withdrawal method is effective.....

Thank you.

ryut:

What I said here is exactly what happened whether she is here or not to tell her own side of the story.And I don't think that I can FORCE her to make love with me.Forcing is like raping someone. A woman I got married to open mouth and pronounce such a statement,thats an insult to me, no I can't force her.

Respect! No mentally healthy male would want his partner to sleep with him by force. S.ex is to be enjoyed and not endured. It is not a duty (as our Bible warriors would want us to think) but the physical manifestation of love or at least attraction. Having said that, I do not believe your wife has told you the real reason for why she is no longer interested in the act. I understand you feel offended but I think she did not mean to insult you but rather lied to you in order not to hurt you or it could be that she herself does not know the reason. Maybe! I do not know her and I cannot know what is going on inside her head but the reason she has given is not plausible at all.

There are several reasons why she could experience a decline in her libido:
1. Stress
2. Menopause (some women hit the age very early)
3. Hormonal imbalance (consult a doctor, also check for thyroid dysfunction)
4. Weight gain (she feels unattractive and retreats)
5. No work out (endurance training --> positive effect on blood circulation --> higher supply with blood in the genitals --> increased libido)
6. Circumcision (sex is painful)
7. Atmosphere (women need the right environment to relax and get into the mood)
8. Your personal hygiene (I doubt there is a problem though 'cause you seem to have enjoyed very good home training )
9. Relationship issues (you know best)
10. Medications (Does she take any pills that could lead to a decrease in her libido? Look at the patient information leaflet.)

Discuss the possible reasons with her, in most cases it is a combination of factors. Where there is a problem, there is a solution. Violence is not one of them but you already know that sir! Once again, respect for refusing to follow some nonsensical advice.

Bros do you engage in cunnilingus? If not try it. One lick will reset your wife's brain.

YourCoffin:
Bros do you engage in cunnilingus? If not try it. One lick will reset your wife's brain.

True but it does not get every woman going though chances are high that it would.

YourCoffin:
Bros do you engage in cunnilingus? If not try it. One lick will reset your wife's brain.

not necessarily. naija women, especially the older generations can be sexually repressed/ conservative

Mindfulness:


Respect! No mentally healthy male would want his partner to sleep with him by force. S.ex is to be enjoyed and not endured. It is not a duty (as our Bible warriors would want us to think) but the physical manifestation of love or at least attraction. Having said that, I do not believe your wife has told you the real reason for why she is no longer interested in the act. I understand you feel offended but I think she did not mean to insult you but rather lied to you in order not to hurt you or it could be that she herself does not know the reason. Maybe! I do not know her and I cannot know what is going on inside her head but the reason she has given is not plausible at all.

There are several reasons why she could experience a decline in her libido:
1. Stress
2. Menopause (some women hit the age very early)
3. Hormonal imbalance (consult a doctor, also check for thyroid dysfunction)
4. Weight gain (she feels unattractive and retreats)
5. No work out (endurance training --> positive effect on blood circulation --> higher supply with blood in the genitals --> increased libido)
6. Circumcision (sex is painful)
7. Atmosphere (women need the right environment to relax and get into the mood)
8. Your personal hygiene (I doubt there is a problem though 'cause you seem to have enjoyed very good home training )
9. Relationship issues (you know best)
10. Medications (Does she take any pills that could lead to a decrease in her libido? Look at the patient information leaflet.)

Discuss the possible reasons with her, in most cases it is a combination of factors. Where there is a problem, there is a solution. Violence is not one of them but you already know that sir! Once again, respect for refusing to follow some nonsensical advice.

Sex is a duty in marriage. Lack of it can be used as legal grounds to grant annulment of marriages, hence it's a duty.

oyb:


not necessarily. naija women, especially the older generations can be sexually repressed/ conservative

I don't think his wife is from older generation and you will be amazed what Naija women are willing to partake in behind airtight closed doors. Most don't know if they want it until they experience it

YourCoffin:


Sex is a duty in marriage. Lack of it can be used as legal grounds to grant annulment of marriages, hence it's a duty.

You are entitled to your opinion. I disagree.

Timbuktuo:
Bros it is called "See Finish". You disgust her. You should have ended the relationship yourself seeing as she's not interested in sex with you.

I would advise you to send her packing and get yourself another babe. You can literally just get a babe by going outside your house and picking from passers-by. It's that easy. Stop shortchanging yourself. Babes yapa for town.

hmmmm let me guess you read only the title, the reason was given there.

Nobody is thinking that she might be fûcking another man, OP find another way of relieving yourself and ignore her, she will most likely come back to ask you what the problem is.

bukatyne:


She is angry you no longer release in her? Is she planning for more babies?

Why ask her how she expects you to cope sexually.

If there is no reasonable answer (as I am sure there will be none), continue to 'force' her. I just feel for you that till she comes back to her senses, you wouldn't have the joy of a willing woman.

Goodluck.

how ironic

uboma:




Wrong advise.

A man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances.

We have only listened to his version, I am sure that his partner's explanation will provide more clarification on the matter.

@ op, don't be deceived thinking that the withdrawal method is effective.....

I advised based on my stance of marital sex which are:

1. Sex is a duty which must be done except there is a constraint (and telling her husband that no more sex without a reason does not suffice.)

2. One of the major reasons of marriage is to have legal/moral sex and a woman who would not have sex with her husband for no reason is exposing his to adultery which is a sin.

3. If the woman is no longer interested in sex, she would ask for a divorce and let the man be free to marry someone else.

Christian marriage provides everlasting consent thertefore, there is nothing like rape in a Christian marriage. You can only have physical assault or battery if the husband or wife injures the other party unintentionally.

Mindfulness:


Respect! No mentally healthy male would want his partner to sleep with him by force. S.ex is to be enjoyed and not endured. It is not a duty (as our Bible warriors would want us to think) but the physical manifestation of love or at least attraction. Having said that, I do not believe your wife has told you the real reason for why she is no longer interested in the act. I understand you feel offended but I think she did not mean to insult you but rather lied to you in order not to hurt you or it could be that she herself does not know the reason. Maybe! I do not know her and I cannot know what is going on inside her head but the reason she has given is not plausible at all.

There are several reasons why she could experience a decline in her libido:
1. Stress
2. Menopause (some women hit the age very early)
3. Hormonal imbalance (consult a doctor, also check for thyroid dysfunction)
4. Weight gain (she feels unattractive and retreats)
5. No work out (endurance training --> positive effect on blood circulation --> higher supply with blood in the genitals --> increased libido)
6. Circumcision (sex is painful)
7. Atmosphere (women need the right environment to relax and get into the mood)
8. Your personal hygiene (I doubt there is a problem though 'cause you seem to have enjoyed very good home training )
9. Relationship issues (you know best)
10. Medications (Does she take any pills that could lead to a decrease in her libido? Look at the patient information leaflet.)

Discuss the possible reasons with her, in most cases it is a combination of factors. Where there is a problem, there is a solution. Violence is not one of them but you already know that sir! Once again, respect for refusing to follow some nonsensical advice.

You can't understand my position because you disagree with the basis: that sex is a duty in marriage.

If he implements your advise & the wife does not change, what do you advise him to do?

Remember the OP's wife has given her reason which does not even jell.

And yes, I have heard of wives who refuse to sleep with their Christian husbands because they know he will be constrained to commit adultery.

Mindfulness:


Elaborate on 'continue to force' her.

I quoted the 'continue to force' her because the force doesn't have to be physical.

He can withdraw some privileges she enjoys; he can move out of theur matrimonial room etc. He know his wife and what will best get to her.

The night he is really Hot, he can keep insisting until she gives in.

bukatyne:


You can't understand my position because you disagree with the basis: that sex is a duty in marriage.

If he implements your advise & the wife does not change, what do you advise him to do?

I will answer your question when you tell me what you mean by 'continue to force' her. Care to elaborate?

And yes, I have heard of wives who refuse to sleep with their Christian husbands because they know he will be constrained to commit adultery.

So? What does your Bible recommend then? Force? Violence?

Jesus wept.

Mindfulness:


I will answer your question when you tell me what you mean by 'continue to force' her. Care to elaborate?



So? What does your Bible recommend then? Force? Violence?

Jesus wept.

I have elaborated in another post.

Force and violence are not same thing. Well, they can try divorce.

bukatyne:


I quoted the 'continue to force' her because the force doesn't have to be physical.

He can withdraw some privileges she enjoys; he can move out of theur matrimonial room etc. He know his wife and what will best get to her.

The night he is really Hot, he can keep insisting until she gives in.

And you think a man who respects himself will enjoy sleeping with a wife who reluctantly gives in to his demands after begging, insisting and blackmail to lie down for him like a log of wood not willing to please him?

Have you ever considered that some of these women may have some medical condition they are unaware of? That many women, especially in the Nigerian setting, have not been educated properly about s.ex and their bodies and have nobody to turn to and often feel ashamed and helpless. And you are telling men here to penetrate their dry va.ginas? Fear God Buka, fear God. I am sure Jesus would never give the same advice you have given here. SMH

Complaint no1: your wife loves herself some cre@mpie but ain't getting any cos of the fear of unwanted pregnancy.

Seems like you guys are going to have to discuss what other method of contraception apart from withdrawal and the abstinence she is recommending. If she wants some cream, she is old and mature enough to explore what method of contraception she is comfy with. Ask her to suggest another solution which does not involve abstinence but will prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Problem 2: she doesn't initiate sex and is not enthusiastic during the act. Time to discuss why this is the case and ask if anything has changed for her. Could it be stress, she is overworked or plain bored?

After being together for a while, sex can be a bit monotonous, might be time to spice that ish up and dig deep for your inner freaks.

You have needs (sexual and emotional) and it is reasonable to expect your partner to meet them however they cannot be forced. Also just because they are not in the mood or have given up isn't fair to expect their partner to put up with it. I believe no one signs up for a sexless marriage.

So if she doesn't want to have sex anymore and cannot come up with a plan with that will mitigate the circumstance, ask her what she expects to you to do when you desire your wife and she is not putting out.
Would she consider an open marriage where you get needs met elsewhere? This isn't ideal but it should get her to think about what she is suggesting.

If it turns out she simply doesn't want you/sex anymore and is unwilling to work with you to surmount this, then the ball is in your court.

Respect her wishes if you can stay without sex and want to remain married to her. Otherwise, time to call it a day and find someone who wants to be with you physically, sexually and emotionally.

Mindfulness:


And you think a man who respects himself will enjoy sleeping with a wife who reluctantly gives in to his demands after begging, insisting and blackmail to lie down for him like a log of wood not willing to please him?

Have you ever considered that some of these women may have some medical condition they are unaware of? That many women, especially in the Nigerian setting, have not been educated properly about s.ex and their bodies and have nobody to turn to and often feel ashamed and helpless. And you are telling men here to penetrate their dry va.ginas? Fear God Buka, fear God. I am sure Jesus would never give the same advice you have given here. SMH

I am just weak at the advise.

That said, what do you do with a spouse who is even unwilling to explore reasons why their libido has changed?

Mindfulness:


And you think a man who respects himself will enjoy sleeping with a wife who reluctantly gives in to his demands after begging, insisting and blackmail to lie down for him like a log of wood not willing to please him?

Have you ever considered that some of these women may have some medical condition they are unaware of? That many women, especially in the Nigerian setting, have not been educated properly about s.ex and their bodies and have nobody to turn to and often feel ashamed and helpless. And you are telling men here to penetrate their dry va.ginas? Fear God Buka, fear God. I am sure Jesus would never give the same advice you have given here. SMH

My dear, I am giving advise from the fear of God.

I previously mentioned that is she refuses 'without a constraint' bla bla.

I don't know the Nigeria you are talking about oh! Maybe before independence sha.

I schooled in my state, served in another and have since realised that most Nigerian women bla bla when it comes to sex is a myth same as city girls are worse than village girls.

The woman that will not sleep with her husband will dance alingo for another man.

The talk of dry vagina is wash. He can get lubricants to make her wet before hand.

You see, I am addressing the root cause of the issue; the attitude or mentality.

If the wife knows that it is her duty to satisfy her husband, she will discuss any constraint she has with him.

Like take the OP as a case study; the wife says she no longer wants him to sleep with her. What was she expecting him to do? Clap for her?

He pressed her on and she said he no longer released on her. Now this is a couple who do not want kids andthe husband frowns at artificial birth control. The only option is withdrawal or using condoms.

The husband considered their mutual satisfaction and opted for withdrawal method. Mind you, it is a sacrifice because he is stopping the act when it is the sweetest. (I digress).

If this wife thought her husband's satisfaction is paramount and it is her duty to ensure it, she would have researched birth control that are safe; studied her body to know her safe periods etc. to ensure that she can have sex the way she enjoys it (him releasing in her).

It is not the act; it is the motive behind it.

She doesn’t regard his sexual needs.

As it stands, there are two options:

Force her or divorce her.

Let her pick the one she is most comfortable with.

shaybebaby:


I am just weak at the advise.

That said, what do you do with a spouse who is even unwilling to explore reasons why their libido has changed?

Good question.

There are many possibilities to approach the issue. The first one is to talk about it, which the OP has done. If needed, more than once, which the OP can still do. Consult a doctor or maybe even two would be another option. Another solution is to find ways to spice up the marriage, which you have mentioned. Open marriage is another option and divorce the last resort.

Forcing someone is never an option. This is sick.

Mindfulness:


Good question.

There are many possibilities to approach the issue. The first one is to talk about it, which the OP has done. If needed, more than once, which the OP can still do. Consult a doctor or maybe even two would be another option. Another solution is to find ways to spice up the marriage, which you have mentioned. Open marriage is another option and divorce the last resort.

Forcing someone is never an option. This is sick.

I can't believe it was suggested but this is the Internet, you read all sorts.

To your points, they are only possible if the spouse is willing to do so. If they refuse to acknowledge their stance is faulty in the first instance and seek to justify it, you can see how getting the situation to change would be nigh on impossible.

The saying "it takes two to tango" comes to mind. In such a situation, I'd advise the geezer to walk. A separation might just be the wake-up call the wife needs.