bukatyne:


My dear, I am giving advise from the fear of God.

I previously mentioned that is she refuses 'without a constraint' bla bla.

I don't know the Nigeria you are talking about oh! Maybe before independence sha.

I schooled in my state, served in another and have since realised that most Nigerian women bla bla when it comes to sex is a myth same as city girls are worse than village girls.

The woman that will not sleep with her husband will dance alingo for another man.

The talk of dry vagina is wash. He can get lubricants to make her wet before hand.

You see, I am addressing the root cause of the issue; the attitude or mentality.

If the wife knows that it is her duty to satisfy her husband, she will discuss any constraint she has with him.

Like take the OP as a case study; the wife says she no longer wants him to sleep with her. What was she expecting him to do? Clap for her?

He pressed her on and she said he no longer released on her. Now this is a couple who do not want kids andthe husband frowns at artificial birth control. The only option is withdrawal or using condoms.

The husband considered their mutual satisfaction and opted for withdrawal method. Mind you, it is a sacrifice because he is stopping the act when it is the sweetest. (I digress).

If this wife thought her husband's satisfaction is paramount and it is her duty to ensure it, she would have researched birth control that are safe; studied her body to know her safe periods etc. to ensure that she can have sex the way she enjoys it (him releasing in her).

It is not the act; it is the motive behind it.

She doesn’t regard his sexual needs.

As it stands, there are two options:

Force her or divorce her.

Let her pick the one she is most comfortable with.

shaybebaby:

I can't believe it was suggested but this is the Internet, you read all sorts.

To your points, they are only possible if the spouse is willing to do so. If they refuse to acknowledge their stance is faulty in the first instance and seek to justify it, you can see how getting the situation to change would be nigh on impossible.

The saying "it takes two to tango" comes to mind. In such a situation, I'd advise the geezer to walk. A separation might just be the wake-up call the wife needs.

bukatyne:


I advised based on my stance of marital sex which are:

1. Sex is a duty which must be done except there is a constraint (and telling her husband that no more sex without a reason does not suffice.)

2. One of the major reasons of marriage is to have legal/moral sex and a woman who would not have sex with her husband for no reason is exposing his to adultery which is a sin.

3. If the woman is no longer interested in sex, she would ask for a divorce and let the man be free to marry someone else.

Christian marriage provides everlasting consent thertefore, there is nothing like rape in a Christian marriage. You can only have physical assault or battery if the husband or wife injures the other party unintentionally.

Mindfulness:


We have been on the same thread a few weeks ago where we were discussing methods of contraception. Even some well-educated folks there were saying things which left me pretty shocked that people in the 21st century could be so misinformed, so no I am not talking about Nigeria prior to independence.



So what? If they refuse to sleep with their husbands, force is not the solution. It will make matters worse, not better and I doubt a man will be satisfied after sleeping with a reluctant and disgusted woman.



It is getting more and more disgusting. And you have just told me that everyone in Nigeria is so well educated in bedmatics, yet you do not know that a dry v.agina could be a medical condition? And you want her penetrated? We get wet for a reason and if we don't, it is our body signaling to us that something is out of whack. It has to be tended to medically and not forcefully penetrated.



And you know that their attitude and mentality are the root cause how? Have you run some background checks?



If your husband suffers from erectile dysfunction and can no longer perform, what will you do? Force him? Or lament his attitude and mentality?




Unfortunately she is not here else I would ask her.



Like I said, I do not believe her. It does not sound plausible at all.



If she thought like you but not everyone does.



They have many more options before thinking of divorce but violence is not one of them.

Mindfulness:


Honestly, I respect the person too much so I do not want to be offensive but she also said a few weeks ago that it was ok for a husband to penetrate his wife while she was asleep (the wife complained about it). How on earth can a woman not understand that another woman would not enjoy it? I restrained myself to call her out because I like her so much but I still do not understand how an intelligent lady would not know that it can be painful for a woman to be penetrated without pre-intimacy.



If the spouse is so selfish, the other one can explore other options. If I were him, I would suggest an open marriage or polygamy. Competition is good for business.



For some devoted Christians violence is better than divorce. Dysfunctional families raising dysfunctional kids.

uboma:




Are you really a female?


I am shocked that this is coming from you.


Again, a man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances no matter the situation.

bukatyne:


Mindfulness,

This would be one of the issues we disagree on.

I have repeatedly mentioned that this applies for a wife without any issues. So if a wife is sick, has medical issues, has reduced libido after childbirth, has an infection, suddenly starts experiencing painful intercourse or plain old tiredness etc. we will approach from a different stance.

I am talking about a wife who repeatedly rejects her husband for no justifiable reason. It is not acceptable in Christianity. A sex less marriage is a parody of the real thing.

And truthfully, most wives who constantly reject their husbands feel he has no option or she has no competition. Can you imagine a jobless woman denying her polygamous rich husband sex? Or the wife of a randy man who still wants the marriage rejecting him?

A wife can't be sleeping with other men while still enjoying the provision or coverage of marriage. That is eating her cake and having it.

Adultery in all its variations is a sin so unfortunately, while it seems the easiest way out, I CANNOT prescribe it. Hence you say
Talk(counselling and other actions to get her to change) - open marriagr/adultery - divorce.

I say:

Talk - force her hand - divorce.

And I can force you to do whatever I want without being there with you talk less of been physical with you.

If she is not willing to change, let her free him.

P.S.: desire for sex doesn't equal knowledge about it.

Flip this coin and let the husband say he no longer want to provide for the home just because.

pcguru1:


hmmmm let me guess you read only the title, the reason was given there.

Timbuktuo:


Who told you I read only the title? Okay, I just read the title and some of the first paragraph.

thorpido:
Op,you and your wife have to get on a contraceptive.You cannot eat your cake and have it.Your wife wants to be creamed and at the same time you both do not want pregnancy.
There's no way that will work.
Get to a family planning clinic and you will be advised on what's best for you.It's not every form of contraceptive that has long-term side effects.

Look at some other areas that your wife may be having challenges too;is she stressed,is she having low libido,is your love making boring?

@Bukatyne,Christianity doesn't force a lady to submit to her husband's sexual demands if she doesn't want it.The bible says submit but encourages an agreement.
1 Corinthians 7:5 says,Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So no-one forces anyone,you still have to agree.

@Mindfulness, it's not a Christian thing.

bukatyne:


I was going to say ok, however I changed my mind.

Except I misread the OP, he and his wife did not decide to 'abstain' from sex; his wife actually looked at him and told him she mo longer wanted sex and after he pressed the matter, she said it was because he did not ejaculate inside of her.

I have also explained the 'force' I implied severally on this thread.

Interestingly, I am sure if I told the man to commit adultery, it would be fine with everyone.

The Bible passage you quoted actually indictes the woman.

And I have seen enough to know that a number of 'Christian' wives hold their husbands to ransome because he cannot or shouldn't cheat.

Whatever rocks the OP's boat.

God help him find a lasting solution to his problem.

thorpido:
I know it's the wife that said she doesn't want anymore but the husband didn't agree to that so they still did not reach an agreement.

@ bolded,that is very true.I've heard a lot of cases where wives use that as a bargaining too or some sort of punishment.

Mindfulness:


1. We can't rule it out in this instance because, as I said, maybe even the wife is not aware of it, and even if we could, using the word 'force' without clarification that you do not mean physical violence was negligent.

2. You do not have to be a Christian to accept the fact that s.ex is important in a marriage and that both parties should be willing to please the other. I do not disagree on that. We can find some common ground here, I am sure.

3. For me, a wife who rejects her husband without a valid reason has no business being married to this man or claim exclusivity.

4. Nobody said she does.

5. Exactly, in this particular order. A violent marriage is a dysfunctional marriage, it lacks respect, honor and love. The marriage vows have long been broken. I will never agree that an unhealthy marriage is better than divorce. And I will never agree that violence is a solution.

6. For better or for worse, not so?

7. Never said it does.

8. And you think you can force him to do so?

GHoJes:
Come o Op, do you think of or do anything aside sex. All your issues are centered on sex. It appears it bothers you more than getting your family out of the one room apartment.

How do you expect her to continue as before in that space with kids? I advice you chanel the energy into money making hustle, get your family on track, then see if she will not make all the moves. I think your wife is indirectly telling you to double your hustle, she is confident your pocket cant get her a competition.

Timbuktuo:


Lol. People who live in one room apartments should not have sex. I done hear anada one today. If my wife denied me sex because of our financial situation, she better pray I never become rich in this life because i would take another wife the minute I hammer. God punish and her stinking pûssy. She dey crase.

armyofone:
Op, why are you doing withdrawal ? Your withdrawal is making her not reach mount Everest! You don't need a shaman to tell you that. The act is not pleasurable to her.

oyb:


See this woman, I thought your area of expertise was food, not knacking

armyofone:
Op, why are you doing withdrawal ? Your withdrawal is making her not reach mount Everest! You don't need a shaman to tell you that. The act is not pleasurable to her.

armyofone:
Op, why are you doing withdrawal ? Your withdrawal is making her not reach mount Everest! You don't need a shaman to tell you that. The act is not pleasurable to her.

bukatyne:


1. It is in the attitude. If you were willing to do some for someone and you couldn't due to a genuine constraint, your refusal will be different. I am sure I am sounding like a broken record. I even said while there is no martial rape, there can be physical assault i.e. I do not encourage the use of violence.

2. I agree with you. However, the Christian approach/stance is different. While another wife can say she is no longer interested in her husband sexually with no justification and might be free to do so, a Christian wife cannot because it will negate one of the major reasons for marriage. I am harping on the Christian angle because of the solution I am proferring.

3. So for me, she has the right to claim exclusivity as the husband can't/ shouldn't cheat on her. Except he divorces her, he is really in a fix.

4. Ok

5. Well, I can't proffer adultery. Even masturbation would not solve his problems

6. If the wife developed a medical issue that made her unable to have sex with her husband, that is for worse. If a wife just decides not to, then that is insolence.

7. Ok

8. If he still wants the marriage, it will make him sit up. If he doesn't, then we discuss separation.

Timbuktuo:


Lol. People who live in one room apartments should not have sex. I done hear anada one today. If my wife denied me sex because of our financial situation, she better pray I never become rich in this life because i would take another wife the minute I hammer. God punish and her stinking pûssy. She dey crase.

thorpido:
Op,you and your wife have to get on a contraceptive.You cannot eat your cake and have it.Your wife wants to be creamed and at the same time you both do not want pregnancy.
There's no way that will work.
Get to a family planning clinic and you will be advised on what's best for you.It's not every form of contraceptive that has long-term side effects.

Look at some other areas that your wife may be having challenges too;is she stressed,is she having low libido,is your love making boring?

@Bukatyne,Christianity doesn't force a lady to submit to her husband's sexual demands if she doesn't want it.The bible says submit but encourages an agreement.
1 Corinthians 7:5 says,Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So no-one forces anyone,you still have to agree.

@Mindfulness, it's not a Christian thing.

Mindfulness:


Thank you dear. Your advice is very practical, simple but good.
And I am delighted men here said no to any kind of violence but the thread has perfectly shown how the Bible can be used to commit atrocities.

IamD18:
Tell her you'll love to bring in another woman as a second wife, her brain will reset and she'll come back to her right senses.

But, if she fails to feel touched with the idea, then know she's cheating on you.

An official second wife is better than cheating on your partner.

raumdeuter:


Hauwa na wa for you o

Mindfulness:


In your mind you were thinking that the woman is not sleeping with him because he doesn't have money. How can a mother f*ck her husband when her children are sleeping in the same room? I couldn't. And since you have a preference for young women and you want a pretty one too, why are you upset some women want men with money? It's their preference.

oweniwe:


I think you're right. Thumbs up...

But.... If the man agrees to be pounding till he pours inside, how will the wife relieve his fear of pregnancy?

A man can't shag a woman thoroughly it he has the fear of pregnancy in the back of his mind.

So it's obvious the husband has not been "doing it thoroughly"... But the fear of pregnancy.... I don't advocate pills and I'm sure the wife won't enjoy condom so the man is in dilemma.